Best Friends

[Trillian42]

Let's talk about best friends. Do you have a best friend? Do you have only one best friend? Does someone consider you their best friend, but you consider someone else your best friend?

I have one BEST friend, who I have known since 7th grade. She will always be my BEST friend (I hope). I have two other girls that along with the first girl I consider my "circle of friends"/"best gal pals". One of the other two sometimes mentions that I am her best friend, a role I'm happy to fill, but I always feel kind of awkward when I can't return the compliment or simply respond to her that she's one of my best girl friends.

Any thoughts on this?

[wordsmith]

I don't have a best friend in the same sense as I did growing up, where you saw somebody every day at school and were inseparable. I have a handful of friends who occupy pretty important spaces in my heart, and are each extremely close to me and important to me, though not all in the same ways. No one "wins out" over the other, though.

So there are a few people in my life I refer to as "one of my best friends," because there's no real heirarchy. Just a group of people who are very important to me in different ways and contexts.

I am still close to two women I've known since I was in the third grade. But there are other people who have come into my life in the years that have unfolded since who have become incredibly important to me as well. Just different friends, diff. roles, diff. contexts. But all important. I can't say any one is best, though.

[SmilesSoSweet]

I have one best friend that I've known since the 7th grade. We have had our falling outs as we got older though, but we still continue to remain friends.

I still refer to her as my best friend even though we live in different states now. Her son is also my godson.

[embrassezla]

I sooooooooo miss my best friend from high school/college. I google her all the time but haven't ever found her.

I have a girlfriend I consider my best friend. She lives about an hour away, and we try to get together about once a month. So, not that much communication between us but we've known each other for almost a decade.

[WorkInProgress]

I have one best friend and several close friends ("some of my best friends"). And then a bunch of acquaintances.

I didn't even meet my best friend until college, but I hope that we remain best friends. To that end, we both work on the "friendship maintenance" required to nurture our friendship, since we don't live anywhere near each other, and are unlikely to in the foreseeable future.

I have had more than one "best friend" in the past, but I don't now.

And I've allowed some friendships to lapse and even "broken up" with a few friends.

It is definitely awkward to be someone's "best friend" when that person is not yours. I'm not sure if this kind of thing is left over from the childhood friendship paradigm, or just because some people have no idea how to be close friends with more than on person at a time, or somethingelse altogether.

[asm198]

I have two. One lives in the same city as I do and is male. We've known each other since college. The other is female and we met on a message board several years ago. She doesn't live anywhere near me and we've only met in person one time. Both are in my wedding.

[embrassezla]

Haha, I was out to dinner with some friends of friends, and one girl (my age, ~27) said "My best friend <blank> and I went <here>, but then my other best friend <blank> and I went again." I think everyone she is friends with is her "best friend".

[meatwad]

I have a few, but I only really see one of them on a regular basis.

[wordsmith]

I sooooooooo miss my best friend from high school/college. I google her all the time but haven't ever found her.

I have a girlfriend I consider my best friend. She lives about an hour away, and we try to get together about once a month. So, not that much communication between us but we've known each other for almost a decade.

My best friend from my college years (also one of those friends, like childhood friends, where we spent all our time we weren't in class or whatever together) is seriously one of the best people I've ever known. We live about 8 hours apart now, and still keep in touch, but life would be seriously so good if we were close enough geographically to hang out on a semi-regular basis again. Seriously one of those same-sex soulmates. I'm blessed to know her.

[WorkInProgress]

That's how it is with my best friend and me. I so wish we lived closer.

[mishl982]

So there are a few people in my life I refer to as "one of my best friends," because there's no real heirarchy. Just a group of people who are very important to me in different ways and contexts.
This is what I have. I have a few best friends and it's kind of hard to rank them because they all influence my life in different ways.

[Ciderhillnh]

I have several best friends.The girls are:
C Ive known since I was 12
MA Ive known for 4 years
B Ive known for 3 years

The male best friends are (these are the guys I sometimes curl up with and sleep next to for a nap or overnight):
B my BF
B Ive known almost a year
J Ive known for almost a decade

Then I have another sub group of close friends. Thats another maybe 10 or 15 people.

I never really had a best friend growing up etc. And in college I had one and Im trying to get back in touch with her, and Im getting close. ;)

[KCboy]

I had 3 best friends in college, not an inseparable group or anything, but they all knew eachother.

then 2 moved away, and one became a hermit and we barley talk anymore.


but I've spent a lot of time with another friend from high school. I don't think I like him enough to consider him a "best friend", but since graduating, I don't have that many friends left.

[cache]

I have a group of really good friends, any of which I could consider a best friend, but no single person that is above all the rest.

[pisces2473]

The male best friends are (these are the guys I sometimes curl up with and sleep next to for a nap or overnight):
B my BF
Well, I would HOPE that you would sleep with your boyfriend overnight, and take naps with him.

[TinyDancer]

My sister is my very best friend. . . but I never refer to her that way. She's just my sister. . .

But I do have a best friend that I was fortunate enough to meet towards the end of college. We are so opposite in many ways. . . but have enough in common that we talk on the phone no less than 2-3 hours/week and we meet up with each other several times a year. We also happen to work for the same company so we always have plenty to talk about.

The best friend dynamic is interesting with people that you don't consider your "best" friends. . . like people that ask you to be in their wedding (and even MOH). . . but you really don't feel close enough to them that if you were to get married that they'd be in your wedding.

It's really not a bad problem to have though. . . being everyone's best friend. :)

[Trillian42]

My BEST friend (from 7th grade) and I were inseperable up until we graduated High School. Then we both went to Purdue (35,000+ students) and were in very different majors and campus organizations. We saw each other maybe once or twice a year because we were so busy with our own lives. Then, in our last year, we ran into each on campus and went out to lunch together, then spent more and more time together and kind of renewed our friendship. Since we graduated college, we live about an 1 and a half drive and get together every couple of months. I consider her my BEST friend because whenever something major (or minor) happens in my life, she is always the first I want to tell about it! :)

[summer rose]

I have 2 best friends: 1 I've known since high school but we never hung out or anything then met up again in college, started working out together, and just ended up extremely good friends and traveling lots of places together. Now we live sooo far apart from each other its sad but we talk on the phone AT LEAST 4 times a week if not more, so its kinda like we are never apart.

The 2nd one I met at my first job out of college and we just really bonded b/c we were the only ones so close in age and we had a lot in common. She's a really kewl person and is having her first baby and I'm sooo SUPER EXCITED! She's due in March and I am going to go visit her on my spring break (I live 10 hours from her). I cant freakin' wait! Sometimes I think Im more excited than she is, lol. :D

But, I really miss my bf's b/c I am in a new city and I've never been one to make friends very easy. If anyone has suggestions on how to meet new people PLEASE let me know! I never knew it would be this hard. I live in SA, TX if it helps.

[mahlerssecond]

I know that this is an old thread, but something that has I have been at kind of a crossroad over the past year.

As of right now, I don't seem to have any close friends, just acquaitances that I have met through church, work, and political volunteering. Even the close friendships that I had at one time have kind of loosened due to people going there own direction. I still do have people that hold a special place in my heart and mind.

Danny, Chad and Mike...more childhood playmates than best friends. I took piano lessons with one of this kids, and have reconnected with recently over Facebook. The other talk I talk to every once in a while over Facebook. They both moved out of the neighborhood when I was in 5th grade.

Jeff and his sister, Andrea...what I would call "secondary" best friends. They weren't as close as some other people, but these two kids were probably the most consistant friends in my childhood (I associated with them from elementary school through HS, they also lived in the neighborhood) . She was a year older than me, he was a year younger than me (but two grades behind). They played into each other fairly well. They had a fun and stimulating household and intellectual and stimulating parents. I would sometimes get taken to symphony concerts, theater, or involved in some volunteer activity by this family. They have often filled the gap when there were no other "close" friends around. Andrea now lives in Alabama, Jeff now lives in a small town about 10 miles outside of Cedar Rapids where he is the mayor. I still talk to Andrea from time to time, my recent friendship issues with Jeff doesn't need to be recanted since I have spoke enough of it on these forums.

Jed...a kid that I knew in 5th-7th grade. He came from a disadvantaged home situation. Due to his problems, I think that friendship was difficult for him. My parents assisted him with his situation and he ended up moving in with his grandparents, went to college and is now a small town rec director outside of Madison, WI. Jed has made it clear to me that he no longer wants me in his life. It is hard to stomach, but as I get older, it gets easier to understand and respect his wishes.

Gene...my best friend in high school. A feel good kid to be around, the friendship brought very little to my life looking back. We would often do things together. After high school, I dropped the friendship with Gene at the encouragement of his parents, due to his running with the wrong crowd and his engagement in criminal acts. I have little or nothing to do with this friend today.

Jason...met through work my first year of college. Jason and I both had Asperger's Syndrome. I am still friends with this person, but we had kind of a rift a couple of years ago after his brother passed away due to drug related issues. We often go out to eat, take small trips together, kid each other on Facebook, etc.

Steve...met through my security job. Due to his mental illness and the fact that he works nights, he can be a hard person to get together with. We have taken some trips together, go out on occasion, etc. Due to the fact that he is 10 years older than me, he has given me advice (sometimes critically constructive) about how to live my life.

I have numerous other acquaitances, but don't want to bore people.

[freem]

I feel I'm too old for the "best-friend" status. As a poster above said, since university, I've had lots of really close friends and none is really above the rest. I don't have one single person I go to for everything but rather, different close friends for different purposes.

I had a best friend in kindergarten. We grew distant during elementary school because I moved. She found me on facebook and we shoot messages back and forth on occasion but we're totally different people now.

I had a best friend in elementary school. We went to different high schools and we no longer as close but we would hang out every now and then. We were further separated during university but remained in touch and reconnected again. She's probably one of my oldest friends but probably not my "best" one, though one I'd have in my wedding.

It is definitely awkward to be someone's "best friend" when that person is not yours. I'm not sure if this kind of thing is left over from the childhood friendship paradigm, or just because some people have no idea how to be close friends with more than one person at a time, or something else altogether.
I have a couple friends like this. I don't have too many close friends in my current city but my closest female friend here would be my "best friend" though I don't know how it's reciprocated since she's fairly close with another good friend of mine. My male "best friend" is one I previously had a thing for but has since turned out to be a very valuable friend. Again, I don't think I get the "best friend" status with him but we're certainly very close.

[hoodie]

My sister is my very best friend. . . but I never refer to her that way. She's just my sister. . .

Me too. And if I had to go into non-related people, my boyfriend is my best friend.

As far as non-related, non-s.o. best friends go, were I forced to put some sort of "best, next best" hierarchy, I'd kind of go in order of how long I've been close with them, so my next best friend is my friend J I've been close to since 1st grade, next would be S whom I got close to in high school, then JB who I met after graduating college, and A, someone I got really close to a year after graduating.

I tend to think of the aforementioned hierarchy very, very rarely though. To me, they're just my friends and favorite people in the world and I don't really differentiate them much in my head.

[Schecter_Guy]

I would say I have a best friend. My buddy back where I used to live I have been close friends with since junior high. The type of friend that we will hang out with each other just running errands for the sake of just hanging out.

I kind of diffferentiate friends in that I have friends that I can just hang out with (just chill on their couch and play video games or talk shit) and friends I need a reason to hang out with (go to bars or something that needs to be scheduled). I tend to value the hang out just because friends because I feel more of a bond with them than with the other type of friends. Those relationships seem somewhat superficial. Although I am kind of the can be lonely in a crowd types so I maybe different than others.

[wordsmith]

It's hard to really have a heirarchy, because different friends play different roles, not necessarily more or less important roles. But I would say that I probably place ultimately more value on the friends that I may see rarely due to distance/circumstance, but who I know would drive overnight to come help me if I were in trouble and vice versa than friends I see regularly but have a more superficial and/or purely social bond with. With the aforementioned friends, the bond is more like family - it runs deeper than just somebody to socialize with.

[mahlerssecond]

It's hard to really have a heirarchy, because different friends play different roles, not necessarily more or less important roles. But I would say that I probably place ultimately more value on the friends that I may see rarely due to distance/circumstance, but who I know would drive overnight to come help me if I were in trouble and vice versa than friends I see regularly but have a more superficial and/or purely social bond with. With the aforementioned friends, the bond is more like family - it runs deeper than just somebody to socialize with.

Words, I try to be the first type of friend that you mentioned. I am a person that would drive across the country to help a friend in trouble. Sometimes I have learned that people do not take to well to that type of friendship though. There are friends that want to have a friendship on a more superficial basis.

[kmv2005]

Growing up I had two best friends. The three of us were inseparable until I moved across the country when I was 16. That pretty much devasted me and ever since I didn't have a best friend, but I always missed that connection (even though I still keep in touch with one of the two, we still live across the country from each other). Then I started dating and became attached to whomever I was with at the time, which was a little unhealthy. After taking a dating hiatus, I met a few people who I became close with and I would consider one of them my "best friend", although that feels sort of juevenile to say that. Consequently, my relationship with my current SO is the best and healthiest I've ever had, partly because I have a couple of really good friends that I can talk to and keep balanced.

[wordsmith]

Words, I try to be the first type of friend that you mentioned. I am a person that would drive across the country to help a friend in trouble. Sometimes I have learned that people do not take to well to that type of friendship though. There are friends that want to have a friendship on a more superficial basis.

Sure, and those casual acquaintance type friends are fine and have their place, too. They're, although perfectly nice people, just not the ones I rank as highly in my "people who are super meaningful in my life" list.

[hoodie]

I call those "friendly acquaintances" rather than friends...pretty darn close!

[Schecter_Guy]

I have known many people that could not handle having anything more than that socializing/friendly aquaintance friend. A lot of people need more than that.

Sometimes it is a void that not even an SO can fill.