Lack of meaning, potential cause of QLC

[SaltedSparks]

I've been thinking about the nature of a "quarter life crisis." It seems to strike single 20 something college grads at least that's the common notion. Why is that? Is it because these people were promised the world but came out with less than an apple?

I think the main cause is a lack of meaning within their lives. Those of who have read Victor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning" have some idea of what I'm talking about. That having a meaning in one's life is more important than happiness. A person may live through a lifetime of suffering but still find peace and most importantly meaning in their lives at the end. That in itself justifies their existance and place in the world, something that QLCers seem to lack.

This is the reason why most if not all QLCers are either single or don't have children or family. If they did then it wouldn't matter if you had a shitty job or you don't feel "special" today because their family is placed above them. They will suffer through hardships on the outside world for the sake of their families. Maybe even some of your parents went through this, supporting you and your family while suffering through ordeals they did not enjoy for the sake of the family. But that's okay at the end of the for them because it is justified and that places them somewhere in the world.

"Meaning through suffering." Does that mean that even a QLC can be seen as something that brings meaning to people's lives? Perhaps, but only if you can believe that this stage is an integral part of a greater meaning within your life.

This is a short and first draft post but what's your take on it regardless?

[NewMrs.]

This is the reason why most if not all QLCers are either single or don't have children or family. If they did then it wouldn't matter if you had a shitty job or you don't feel "special" today because their family is placed above them. They will suffer through hardships on the outside world for the sake of their families.


I'm kinda torn on this. I have a husband whom I love dearly, but I would still be miserable if I had a shitty job. I had a shitty job when I met my husband, and even though our relationship helped me through some rough patches at this job, I was still miserable. I would call him up crying on a regular basis. (Of course, he was still only my boyfriend at the time and we lived two hours apart and saw each other only on weekends.)


The job I have now is better, but its still extremely stressful and sometimes I spend our Sundays together dreading the fact that I have to go to work Monday morning. I also worry about our debt. I spend time on this website because I do have this stress to deal with in my life. I don't think my stress level would decrease by any means if we had any children at this point. In fact, I know that it will escalate. That's why I'm not yet excited about the thought of getting pregnant.

On a side note, we got several Barnes & Noble gift cards for Christmas, so today I went out and bought one Dave Ramsey's "The Total Money Makeover." I think I'll start to feel better once we start working on following his plan.

[cache]

I've been thinking about the nature of a "quarter life crisis." It seems to strike single 20 something college grads at least that's the common notion. Why is that? Is it because these people were promised the world but came out with less than an apple?

I think the main cause is a lack of meaning within their lives. Those of who have read Victor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning" have some idea of what I'm talking about. That having a meaning in one's life is more important than happiness. A person may live through a lifetime of suffering but still find peace and most importantly meaning in their lives at the end. That in itself justifies their existance and place in the world, something that QLCers seem to lack.

This is the reason why most if not all QLCers are either single or don't have children or family. If they did then it wouldn't matter if you had a shitty job or you don't feel "special" today because their family is placed above them. They will suffer through hardships on the outside world for the sake of their families. Maybe even some of your parents went through this, supporting you and your family while suffering through ordeals they did not enjoy for the sake of the family. But that's okay at the end of the for them because it is justified and that places them somewhere in the world.

"Meaning through suffering." Does that mean that even a QLC can be seen as something that brings meaning to people's lives? Perhaps, but only if you can believe that this stage is an integral part of a greater meaning within your life.

This is a short and first draft post but what's your take on it regardless?

No, I kind of disagree. I don't feel that I suffer from a lack of meaning. Actually, I have never looked for meaning. I am here, for what reason ,who knows and who cares. While I am here, I will enjoy my time no matter what good bad big or small thing comes along. Sure, if I have kids it might make my life more structured, but to say that I will have a meaningless life unless I get married and have kids sounds like some 19th century social expectation, not a realistic 21st century norm.

And there are plenty of people on here who are married, have kids etc., so a QLC is certainly not limited to those who lack those things.

[wordsmith]

I've never not found life to have meaning, so I've never been on a quest for it (never felt it was absent). I still have struggles and trials and tribulations, am still adjusting to things and having trial and error, and learning to make my way, same as anybody else in QLC mode. But I don't find it to have anything to do with a quest for meaning. Doesn't mean that's not at the root of things for some, but it's really not the issue, for me.

[tallsea]

Before I knew about QLC I noticed the QLC in myself and my friends. I've also recently finished Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning" which is esoteric and spiritually minded. It is my general belief that there is a sensitivity to our generation, an intuitiveness towards truth and meaning, so much so that the path laid by our society is questioned; whose truth is it that I should work till my dying day vying for wealth, fame, success (society's 'meaning')? I want meaning in my life, in my work, in my spirit, according to my values, not America's. I want all parts to function so that they are in accordance with my purpose (which Frankl states we all unequivocably have). I see clearly that this is a yearning for many our age and it is hard for us to turn our backs on our personal value and try to find it in society's traditional means. But this is the dichotomy that we have to overcome in my humble opinion. But it does seem that we all wish to not have to suffer for it, which is the running theme of human existence, we will suffer for the greater good, it's the meaning that gives us direction through the suffering.

[wordsmith]

Before I knew about QLC I noticed the QLC in myself and my friends. I've also recently finished Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning" which is esoteric and spiritually minded. It is my general belief that there is a sensitivity to our generation, an intuitiveness towards truth and meaning, so much so that the path laid by our society is questioned; whose truth is it that I should work till my dying day vying for wealth, fame, success (society's 'meaning')? I want meaning in my life, in my work, in my spirit, according to my values, not America's. I want all parts to function so that they are in accordance with my purpose (which Frankl states we all unequivocably have). I see clearly that this is a yearning for many our age and it is hard for us to turn our backs on our personal value and try to find it in society's traditional means. But this is the dichotomy that we have to overcome in my humble opinion. But it does seem that we all wish to not have to suffer for it, which is the running theme of human existence, we will suffer for the greater good, it's the meaning that gives us direction through the suffering.

This is interesting. I personally believe that among a great many of us, there's a real tug of war going on between defining our own values and pursuing our goals based on that, and pursuing goals that are based of societal values that conflict with what's more important to us.

But, the part of me that tries not to be all angsty for my generation tends to think this is something that kind of goes with the territory for young people, and all generations probably experienced it. I think it's part of growing up...finding the balance between your values and society's values, if they don't always line up.

[spiritedaway]

Speaking of societal values, I thought this was an interesting poll:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/EDUCATION/01/22/materialistic.youth.ap/index.html

[wordsmith]

It is interesting, and I can't say I'm suprised, although it further emphasizes how I feel I have not that much in common, values-wise, with many of my immediate peers and those just slightly younger than I am. Wealth is not a priority for me. Being financially stable is, being wealthy, no. Big void in between the two, there.

But clearly it is for many of those polled. HOWEVER, it would be interesting had the writers also interviewed inner city youth on their thoughts on this, and rural youth as well. It would be more interesting to me to hear what kids from working class/poor environments have to say about values and aspirations in addition to the perception the article gives as told by a suburban teen from an affluent community.

The quote from Oprah alludes to it somewhat, noting that even kids dwelling in more poverty in America are more likely to aspire to luxuries than even lacking necessities. They say in the article, "Indeed, researchers say materialism is an obsession that cuts across socio-economic lines for American youth," and it would have been nice to see quotes and sources that corroborate that (not that I don't believe it; I work in a community that has over half the school children eligible for free lunches, and when they write their "letters to santa" every year for the special holiday newspaper supplement I put out, they still overwhelmingly write requesting extremely costly electronics).

I think this is extremely on-target:

...he believes parents have played an integral role in encouraging their children's materialism. His research found that, when adjusted for inflation, parents are spending 500 percent more money on kids today than just one generation earlier.

"A lot of parents have developed an allergic reaction to their kids being unhappy," he says.

Ann Fishman, a generational marketing consultant in New Orleans, also has found that baby boomer and Gen X parents are much more likely to spend money on their children than parents who lived through the Great Depression and World War II.

I don't doubt it at all. I know when I worked with extremely low income children and families, it wasn't unheard of for a single moms living in poverty to forego basic necessities to pull off luxury items. I had kids who lived in hovels and slept on pallets on the floor, rather than proper beds, whose parents still found money for GameBoys and the like. Living in squalor, but wow, your kid has the latest big ticket video game thing. What does that teach kids about priorities?

What's also interesting to me is that they chalk the quarterlife crisis up to basically the harsh letdown in the face of overly inflated expectations. I don't necessarily think that the QLC is presently so easily distilled to just that factor alone, at least not for everyone...but I do wonder if, in the upcoming wave of those to next hit that age, it won't be exactly that.

[Trillian42]

I think one of the largest contributors to my QLC is finding meaning in my life. I also think that part of bringing more meaning to my life involves becoming a wife and mother. I have also been on these boards long enough to know that it is not this way for everyone. I don't think that my life is completely meaningless now, just that I will not meet my personal full potential until I become a wife and mother (more emphasis on the mother role).

I think though that having a shitty job would still be dragging my life down even when I am married, although I would hope my husband would be able to support me and help me through it to find a new job. And again I know not everybody feels this way. For some people their job is just that - their job - and they are perfectly happy that way because they put much more weight on the other aspects of their lives.

[SaltedSparks]

Materialism is terribly rampant in the western world and I thought myself differen than the rest until I visited Mongolia (my home country) a couple of years back. What a shock it was to see how people were seeminlgy happy with much less possessions. My uncle's family has lived in a one bedroom house in the slums with no indoor plumbing or running water his entire life but to them it's acceptable and their kids (my cousins) were very settled in their lives. One was finishing college another was about to enter. Their mentality was not maturity but a lot more common sense and what is important. Of course they want to get a good job and live a decent life but it was more family and mongolian culture oriented.

America is degrading it feels like. More focus on entertainment and pleasure less on quality relationships and basic needs that increase happiness.

[NewMrs.]

They say in the article, "Indeed, researchers say materialism is an obsession that cuts across socio-economic lines for American youth," and it would have been nice to see quotes and sources that corroborate that (not that I don't believe it; I work in a community that has over half the school children eligible for free lunches, and when they write their "letters to santa" every year for the special holiday newspaper supplement I put out, they still overwhelmingly write requesting extremely costly electronics).

I think this is extremely on-target:

I don't doubt it at all. I know when I worked with extremely low income children and families, it wasn't unheard of for a single moms living in poverty to forego basic necessities to pull off luxury items. I had kids who lived in hovels and slept on pallets on the floor, rather than proper beds, whose parents still found money for GameBoys and the like. Living in squalor, but wow, your kid has the latest big ticket video game thing. What does that teach kids about priorities?

That's interesting.

My sister used to work as a TSS. (She basically had to follow around this kid with behavorial problems so that he wouldn't interrrupt his preschool class. She also had to spend time with him at his home.) The kid to which she was assigned lived in a low-income family in a rural area. She told me that the family had an expensive digital cable or Direct TV package. However, there wasn't enough money in the family budget to buy milk for the parents' three kids.

[wordsmith]

That's interesting.

My sister used to work as a TSS. (She basically had to follow around this kid with behavorial problems so that he wouldn't interrrupt his preschool class. She also had to spend time with him at his home.) The kid to which she was assigned lived in a low-income family in a rural area. She told me that the family had an expensive digital cable or Direct TV package. However, there wasn't enough money in the family budget to buy milk for the parents' three kids.

It's EXTREMELY TELLING about the priorities of a given culture when you break down what necessities they'll do without, if it comes down to it, in order to fund luxuries.

[Sanman111]

well, I personally think that a lot of the drive for success and even material posession has to do with the change in education in this country. Even fifty years ago, the mentality of working at the factory or getting a good stable job was a forgone conclusion for many people. People in a given town who were average got a job at one of the corporations nearby and settled down. With more and more people graduating college, you have a highly educated pop with less direction. This leads many to believe that they will be the successful one and while that might be true for some, many will not. Along with everything else competition and education level in this country is rising rapidly and what many thought of as good is not. Today, even the Ivy League grads have job problems. Many seem shocked that coming out of a good college leads them to only a mediocre job or even not being able to find one. With increased opportunity comes increased competition and increased disappointment. Welcome to educational inflation.

[SaltedSparks]

I'm wondering what the best course of action there is to do about education inflation because I am still impelled to go to a "good school" and that will help me secure a "good job."

[Syracuse]

No, I kind of disagree. I don't feel that I suffer from a lack of meaning. Actually, I have never looked for meaning. I am here, for what reason ,who knows and who cares. While I am here, I will enjoy my time no matter what good bad big or small thing comes along. Sure, if I have kids it might make my life more structured, but to say that I will have a meaningless life unless I get married and have kids sounds like some 19th century social expectation, not a realistic 21st century norm.

And there are plenty of people on here who are married, have kids etc., so a QLC is certainly not limited to those who lack those things.
It is something from the 19th century, it's also something from 3000 BC, it's something that never changes and I don't think this day and age is so different socially as 100 years ago, technologically yeah but not socially. Slaves are free in this country but we just found new robots to take their place.