How Much to Spend?

[RyanRi]

So I've been in a relationship for a while (almost 2 years). And I'm thinking of popping "the question" a few months from now (this summer probably). I've got a decent amount of cash socked away since I've lived with my parents and friends for the last two years after college. But I don't want to drain my savings to buy a big rock. I don't think she'd be happy expensive ring.

I've heard the "2-month salary" rule. But is that pre-tax/401(k) or post tax/401(k)? Tax and my 401(k) strips out about 40% of my income. So the amount could very by a lot (pre vs. post). I've got more then 3 months gross salary in the bank right now. Although, like I said before, I don't want to drain my savings. But at the same time I don't really want seem cheap.

Heck I don't know, is the 2 month rule just a gimmick the jewelers came up with to increase sales?

[wordsmith]

Of course it's a gimmick.

I have a hard time thinking of an instance where buying somebody a precious gemstone could ever in any way make a person come off as cheap, myself.

[asm198]

I think it depends on the girl, her tastes, and how much you can afford to spend on a ring. My first ring was a very nice 1/3 ct, marquise cut stone in a simple gold band. It was pretty, I liked it, and it looked big on my finger. It cost roughly what two months of his take home salary would be now, but it wasn't back then.

When we got engaged again, I would have been happy with the first ring, but he had some sort of phobia about giving it to me again. Something about it being bad luck or cursed or something. So, I figured that I should look around for ring styles that I might like. I prefer silver over gold now and I liked the look of square stones, but I didn't want something that every other female my age seemed to have.

I ended up with an antique ring. It's from the 30s, has an asscher cut center stone with three smaller stones on either side and it's set in platinum. I don't know what he paid for it, but I know what it appraised for and he assures me he didn't pay near that much for it.

The way I see it, he could have chosen a less expensive ring and I would have said yes. Do I like the ring I have? Absolutely and even after wearing it for over a year, I still like to stare at it and it makes me giggle (how lame am I?). But the most important thing to me was to have a high quality stone. I'd rank the color most important to me, followed by clarity, cut, then carat. I'd try to find out what she might like first. I pointed out rings in stores or that I saw people wearing and made comments to give him an idea of what I'd like without him having to ask.

You do have options besides brick and mortar stores. Blue nile seems to be fairly popular on some jewelry boards I lurk on. Or you could buy the stone separate and have it set in something.

[winneythepooh7]

I agree that the quality of the stone is very important. My fiance went to a store that came very highly recommended that he knew several other people purchased from--privately owned, not a chain. It's hard to say that it cost a certain month's salary for him, because I know his salary flucatuates. I would say that it cost between 2 & 3 months of what MY monthly salary is however. He also had a pretty good idea going into it exactly what my tastes were in an engagement ring.

[Starsailor]

If you've been dating this girl long enough, and know her well enough, to want to ask her to marry you, I'd hope you'd know that she's not the type to think less (or more) of you according to the size of the diamond you buy her. I'm all for blowing as little on rings as possible and saving the rest for actually spending your life together.

[RyanRi]

If you've been dating this girl long enough, and know her well enough, to want to ask her to marry you, I'd hope you'd know that she's not the type to think less (or more) of you according to the size of the diamond you buy her. I'm all for blowing as little on rings as possible and saving the rest for actually spending your life together.

Well I know she's not the type to say no if I got her a "cheap" ring.

I'm just sort of curious as to percent of salary other people (real people, not people in a DeBeers ad) are spending. I don't mind spending a decent amount of cash because I love her and want to get her something nice. On the other hand I don't want to appear foolish for spending more then I should have.

[winneythepooh7]

I also want to add that I personally probably would be none the wiser if he spent very little on me, either. I am not one of those people who is going to run right out and appraise the ring and demand something bigger and better. It's all about the thought that counted.

[winneythepooh7]

Well I know she's not the type to say no if I got her a "cheap" ring.

I'm just sort of curious as to percent of salary other people (real people, not people in a DeBeers ad) are spending. I don't mind spending a decent amount of cash because I love her and want to get her something nice. On the other hand I don't want to appear foolish for spending more then I should have.


Also you can pay it off in monthly installments in some places. This is what my SO did. It's not a "credit card" but he does have an understanding with the lady who owns the store.

[old_school_soul]

If you really love her, you'll spend at least $5,000 on a nice diamond.

[Spinney]

Or you could get one of those fabricated diamonds that is utterly perfect in every way. In fact the lack of impurities is the only way they can be identified as fabricated.

Plus nobody dies to make a diamond, rather than dig it out of the ground.

[Chameleon]

If you really love her, you'll spend at least $5,000 on a nice diamond.
LOL! But if you really, really love her, you'll cut off one of your big toes and offer it to her in a burgundy box. :rolleyes:

My older brother spent ~$1500 on the engagement ring, probably less than a month's salary, his wife loved the ring. A co-worker of mine supposedly spent 7K (because that's what his fiance wanted, I'm guessing about 2 months post-tax), ended up losing the rings on a boating trip about a month after their wedding and had to buy a new set because clumsiness wasn't covered in their insurance plan. Ended up 14K in the hole over symbolism.

I've heard the ring is supposed to be expensive so that the guy won't take getting out of the engagement lightly. Sounds more like a ransom than an expression of true love, if you ask me.

I'm not sure if it matters what everyone else is doing - what makes financial sense for your future? Do you and your girlfriend plan on getting a place together? Buying a house? Who will be paying for the wedding? How much debt are you willing to be in?

[ebruening]

I've never been in the position to seriously think about engagement rings. However, here's my $.02: My last boyfriend bought me a very simple, very pretty $100 ring at Shopko. To this day, it's still my very favorite piece of jewelry, not because it has small diamond chips in it, but because he took the time to choose something he knew I'd like, and yes, it also has sentimental value for me. That being said, to me, cost doesn't matter; thought and sentimental value do matter.

[redav]

I'm not sure if it matters what everyone else is doing - what makes financial sense for your future? Do you and your girlfriend plan on getting a place together? Buying a house? Who will be paying for the wedding? How much debt are you willing to be in?
I think this hits it on the head. Spend what you can afford and try to get what she will really want (spending more doesn't necessarily mean she'll like it more). But if you spend so much that you put your security in a bind, or it prevents you from providing something more important, then I don't think it's worth it.

Personally, I find the 2 month rule (actually, I thought I heard 3 mo in a DeBeers commercial) astronomically expensive, regardless whether it's gross or net.

[Krishna]

I browsed at some different jewelry stores this winter, just so that I'd have an idea of what I like, and roughly what you can get for X amount of money. Preemptive shopping, in my case. ;) You can spend as much or as little as you want on a ring- I for one have found that I don't want a huge ring, but three smaller, good quality diamonds. Prince range ~$1500-3500 depending on size. However, I have a hunch that one of my boyfriend's friends dropped closer to 6-7k on the ring he bought. It's out of control. Hopefully my boyfriend understands that that's not my taste (if he ever proposes).:p

[RyanRi]

Update:

I found a stone and setting. I asked. She said yes. She loves the ring. And I don't feel like I spent too much or too little on it.

Thanks for the advice,
Ryan

[gysberger4]

Personally, I think that is is absurd (for me at least) to spend 2-3 months salary on a ring. My boyfriend and I don't make a ton of money, but 2-3 months salary is a lot of money! Plus, if we are going to be planning a wedding and our life together after he gives me the ring, I would rather see that extra $2000+ go towards our wedding or future home, but that's just me.

We actually went ring shopping a week ago, just to see what I like (I had no idea) and to give him ideas before he buys one, and I was very surprised to see that there were several nice and beautiful rings that were in the 1500-3000 range. I actually preferred a 1 carat ring to a 2 carat ring, which my boyfriend liked. The salespeople at the stores we went to also said that many people buy engagement rings that are 2 carats or less, to give you an idea of how big of a ring you should spend (unless your girlfriend just wants a huge rock). Hope this helps.

[tabufx50]

yeah i agree that is a gimmick and you need to spend as much as you can really afford, you can always finance the bigger rock too..