Anyone here an oops baby?

[Valentine]

I learned awhile back, that I was, indeed, an oops baby, and that my conception cost my mom a job, and forced her to get married to my dad (who she never really wanted to marry, they've subsequently divorced).

I'm having a really hard time not feeling down on myself. Please help!

[AshleyJordan]

I learned awhile back, that I was, indeed, an oops baby, and that my conception cost my mom a job, and forced her to get married to my dad (who she never really wanted to marry, they've subsequently divorced).

I'm having a really hard time not feeling down on myself. Please help!


(((((((((((((valentine)))))))))))))))) obviously your conception was not your decision, and I'm sure that, even if you can't be sure that you were conceived out of love, your parents don't love you any less because of it!!

[internut33]

I'm not sure i was planned, maybe I was. I dont really care :) I was and am loved by my parents. Good 'nough :)

be happy.

[weary]

i was [an ooops baby] and did [cost my mother a job], but i'm okay with it b/c my mom loved/s being a mom and said it made her realize that when previously she wasn't even sure she wanted kids. (i'm the oldest). she didn't marry my dad either, and that was one of the best decisions she ever made.

valentine, what exactly bothers you about being and oops? do you have relationship issues w/ your parents that you think are related to that? do you feel responsible for the forced and subsequent dissolving of your parents relationship? they were consenting adults and made their choices...don't burden yourself with their choices. if they love you and treat/ed you well, it doesn't matter that you were an oops...it matters that you became their joy. ;)

[Winter Storm]

...that I was, indeed, an oops baby...


I'm so sorry to see this phrase catching on. :rolleyes:

I personally don't believe in such a thing. We are all sexual creatures; we are meant to reproduce. To me, no babies are here by accident.

[sparky88]

I learned awhile back, that I was, indeed, an oops baby, and that my conception cost my mom a job, and forced her to get married to my dad (who she never really wanted to marry, they've subsequently divorced).

I'm having a really hard time not feeling down on myself. Please help!


Hey I'm not an oops baby but I can tell you that your parents decisions are just that, their decisions. You should not feel guilty over your mom's job loss, or the divorce. I think it's up to your mom and dad to figure everything out and take responsibility.

[weary]

I'm so sorry to see this phrase catching on. :rolleyes:

I personally don't believe in such a thing. We are all sexual creatures; we are meant to reproduce. To me, no babies are here by accident.

wild kingdom. :D

[SmilesSoSweet]

I wasn't supposed to be here either. My parents only wanted two kids - one girl and one boy. I have an older sister and older brother.

But I never felt like I was an opps baby. I have joked around and told people that I was my parents' most expensive child (which is true). So who knows how things would have been if I wasn't here.

I'm just happy that I am here.

I do know a handful of people that had unplanned babies. Not necessarily oops babies, but just babies that happen to come along a lot earlier than planned.

[weary]

I do know a handful of people that had unplanned babies. Not necessarily oops babies, but just babies that happen to come along a lot earlier than planned.

*raises hand*

he knows it. he's fine w/ it. he is loved and cared for as much as any child i may have had 10, 20 years later. :)

[cache]

I asked my mom a few months ago how many of the 4 children were planned. Without hesitation she said none. One type or another of BC failed each time.

Stuff happens. It certainly does not mean that no one was wanted, or that there are any regrets.

[Bluffmaster25]

I find the discussion of your own conception to be off putting particularly when you know that you were born exactly nine months and two days after your parents wedding..eww.

As for the oops baby part, I suspect that there are more of them than parents would like to admit. The key difference is the parental behavior after the pregnancy.

[beeblebrox]

I was kinda of a surprise to my parents because they didn't think that they could get pregnant again. I wasn't a "Ross Miracle" baby, but I did surprise them a bit.

[Ciderhillnh]

My parents never wanted to have kids (well I think my Dad did but my mother certainly didnt) and whoops along came me, and only me.......which is why they only had one.

Ive known from a young age that I wasnt desired and was told over and over that they never wanted kids and they treated me as such and still do, more of a business transaction and costly person in their lives than an actual part of the family etc.

[weary]

My parents never wanted to have kids (well I think my Dad did but my mother certainly didnt) and whoops along came me, and only me.......which is why they only had one.

Ive known from a young age that I wasnt desired and was told over and over that they never wanted kids and they treated me as such and still do, more of a business transaction and costly person in their lives than an actual part of the family etc.

this explains a lot.

and while you may not believe me, i am sorry you went through that. no child should be treated that way.

[Ciderhillnh]

Interesting how you can go from bashing to then feeling sorry. Interesting when you hear something about someone that things click into place huh.

I dont know that I agree that no child should be treated that way. I learned from it, I know I wont have kids as to not treat them as I was treated (yes some people go on to be wonderful parents and not treat their kids like their parents did but honestly I think Ill just damage them)-----and because of how they treated me, sure I can operate differently and treat many things as business rather than with feelings, but it made me a strong person. So there is a benefit in all this, and thats whats kept me going...there is always a lesson or something to make you stronger.

[weary]

Interesting how you can go from bashing to then feeling sorry. Interesting when you hear something about someone that things click into place huh.

I dont know that I agree that no child should be treated that way. I learned from it, I know I wont have kids as to not treat them as I was treated (yes some people go on to be wonderful parents and not treat their kids like their parents did but honestly I think Ill just damage them)-----and because of how they treated me, sure I can operate differently and treat many things as business rather than with feelings, but it made me a strong person. So there is a benefit in all this, and thats whats kept me going...there is always a lesson or something to make you stronger.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaannd, we're back. :googly:

yeah, i'm am sorry you had to go through that...i'm sorry for anyone who had to go through that whether they're a raging lunatic or completely sane or somewhere in the middle. it sucks and it's just wrong for a child to be treated that way, IMO.

glad you found some sort of 'silver lining' and think you learned from it. hope you're right, eventually. :rolleyes:

[wordsmith]

I was planned, pretty much down to the letter...my mom went off the pill when she and my dad had been married four years and decided to try for kids, and a month later, she was pregnant with me. I showed up two months early, though, so that was an unplanned factor.

One of my brothers was planned...my parents wanted a second child when I was a year and half old, but a week before the birth, they found out it was twins. Whoot.

My sister was born four years later, and she was not planned. My mom alway says, "What would we do without B," though, so it's not like she's ever under the impression she's not wanted.

[wordsmith]

Interesting how you can go from bashing to then feeling sorry. Interesting when you hear something about someone that things click into place huh.

I dont know that I agree that no child should be treated that way. I learned from it, I know I wont have kids as to not treat them as I was treated (yes some people go on to be wonderful parents and not treat their kids like their parents did but honestly I think Ill just damage them)-----and because of how they treated me, sure I can operate differently and treat many things as business rather than with feelings, but it made me a strong person. So there is a benefit in all this, and thats whats kept me going...there is always a lesson or something to make you stronger.

You seriously don't agree that no child should be treated that way?

I guess it can be argued thats you "learn" from pretty much any abuse. That doesn't make it not abusive. I guess I'd learn a lesson from sticking my hand in an open flame, too, that does mean that I think it's a good thing. Your parents suck, and no, no child should ever be treated that way.

[AshleyJordan]

You seriously don't agree that no child should be treated that way?

I guess it can be argued thats you "learn" from pretty much any abuse. That doesn't make it not abusive. I guess I'd learn a lesson from sticking my hand in an open flame, too, that does mean that I think it's a good thing. Your parents suck, and no, no child should ever be treated that way.


I'd argue that thinking that way is itself a result of the abuse.

[wordsmith]

Of course it is, abused people often defend their abusers as doing it for their own good.

But I really draw the line at the assertion that it's really not that bad for kids to be treated in such a manner.

[AshleyJordan]

Of course it is, abused people often defend their abusers as doing it for their own good.

But I really draw the line at the assertion that it's really not that bad for kids to be treated in such a manner.

Oh, of course. I know my parents did a lot of effed up stuff, but I think that my greatest victory over that will be when I raise my own children with all of the love and support I didn't get.

[weary]

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind,
There was something so pleasant about that place...
Even your emotions had an echo in so much space.

And when you're out there, without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch.
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough:
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Probably

And I hope that you are having the time of your life,
But think twice, that's my only advice.

Come on now who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you
Think you are?
Ha ha ha; bless your soul,
You really think you're in control!

[Winter Storm]

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind,
There was something so pleasant about that place...
Even your emotions had an echo in so much space.

And when you're out there, without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch.
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough:
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Probably

And I hope that you are having the time of your life,
But think twice, that's my only advice.

Come on now who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you
Think you are?
Ha ha ha; bless your soul,
You really think you're in control!

Ok, you are going for it today. :p

[SmilesSoSweet]

I find the discussion of your own conception to be off putting particularly when you know that you were born exactly nine months and two days after your parents wedding..eww.

LOL! No kidding. Nine months and one day after Valentines Day, I was born. No wonder I was an oops baby. LOL

[weary]

Ok, you are going for it today. :p

ooops i did it again...


do i get a prize? :p

[MetFanL]

My parents were virgins when they got married, and catholic ones at that. We were all "oops" babies. :)

[Kitty]

I was planned.

[AshleyJordan]

I was very planned. Whenever we get in a big fight, my mother goes on and on about how she kept trying and trying for a year to get pregnant. I'm always like, "Oh, wow, that must've really sucked, just having extra sex all the time."
:rolleyes:

[meatwad]

I was planned.

I was dropped. :D

[Kitty]

I was dropped. :D

That explains a lot! :D

[Valentine]

Y'know, I have a little confession to make.

I was actually a test tube baby. Not so oops. I just planted this thread for my own amusement; I guessed - correctly - that it would be Ciderjacked.

To Ashley, Weary, and those of you who had kind words - thank you ladies all the same. :)

[PenforPrez]

I asked my mom a few months ago how many of the 4 children were planned. Without hesitation she said none. One type or another of BC failed each time.

That happened to my sister when she had her twins, one of whom died shortly after birth. :torn: They were using several BC methods at once. :rolleyes:

I was sort of an oops baby. My parents wanted to have a child together, just not quite when I came along. I feel like they'd have split up years ago had I not come along. They've never married, despite living together for 30 years.

Paul

[PenforPrez]

The hospitals don't make it a pain in the ass for them to visit each other/make decisions for each other, etc?

It's never been a problem. Mom usually lies and says they're married. :p Now, it's to their financial advantage not to marry. But yeah, 2007 will be 30 years they've lived together.

Paul

[AshleyJordan]

Y'know, I have a little confession to make.

I was actually a test tube baby. Not so oops. I just planted this thread for my own amusement; I guessed - correctly - that it would be Ciderjacked.

To Ashley, Weary, and those of you who had kind words - thank you ladies all the same. :)

Ouch! We've been punked! :p But it did prove your theory, which is rather amusing!

[weary]

Ouch! We've been punked! :p But it did prove your theory, which is rather amusing!

tee hee hee hee...i think it's funny too.

[wordsmith]

I didn't realize that your parents weren't married.

The hospitals don't make it a pain in the ass for them to visit each other/make decisions for each other, etc? When my grandmother was in the hospital recovering from heart surgery, the doctors allowed "family only," and they only allowed her live-in/partner/her husband-in-all-but-name to visit her because my mom and her siblings lied and told the hospital that he was their father. (And his kids would NEVER do the same, if the situation were reversed.) She's been with him nearly as long as I've been alive, and much longer than she was married to my biological grandfather.

(Sorry if that's prying. It was just a logistical question I had.)

What's common law in Missouri?

[wordsmith]

I was actually a test tube baby. Not so oops. I just planted this thread for my own amusement; I guessed - correctly - that it would be Ciderjacked.


"Ciderjacked..." didn't Syracuse invent that word? :p

[PenforPrez]

What's common law in Missouri?

I have no idea. :question:

[weary]

What's common law in Missouri?
I have no idea.

i actually had to look this up for something else a while ago...

Only thirteen states recognize common law marriages:
Alabama
Colorado
District of Columbia
Iowa
Kansas
Montana
New Hampshire
Oklahoma
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Texas
Utah

[PenforPrez]

I didn't think Missouri did.

[weary]

I didn't think Missouri did.
nope. althought i am very surprised california doesn't.

[SmilesSoSweet]

nope. althought i am very surprised california doesn't.

Nope CA doesn't recognize common-law marriages. They do however believe that once you divorce you have the right to 50% of EVERYTHING from both parties in the marriage, unless pre-nups were signed.

[meatwad]

I was born around 9 months after the blizzard of '78. You tell me.

[Winter Storm]

I was born around 9 months after the blizzard of '78. You tell me.
Sounds like a damn good way to pass the time during a blizzard.;):

[meatwad]

Sounds like a damn good way to pass the time during a blizzard.;):

Especially when the snow is up over the doors and windows and you can't make a rubber run to the CVS.

[Winter Storm]

Especially when the snow is up over the doors and windows and you can't make a rubber run to the CVS.
Hence, the birth of the era of Meatwad. :)

[PenforPrez]

Nope CA doesn't recognize common-law marriages. They do however believe that once you divorce you have the right to 50% of EVERYTHING from both parties in the marriage, unless pre-nups were signed.

Yep, community property.

[meatwad]

Hence, the birth of the era of Meatwad. :)

Just in time for Christmas 78, a cute, greasy bundle of joy.

[hoodie]

Greasy?? Interesting. :p

I was planned in the sense that my parents decided to have a baby at that time, and that I was then concieved and born, but I have an inkling that I was "supposed" to be a boy. I know for a fact that my dad really, really wanted a son, badly. This is why he really makes no bones about the fact that my younger brother is the favored child. The majority of my parents' friends had two kids and stopped, regardless to their genders, and I really do think that if I'd been a boy if they would have as well. I'm pretty sure my dad was just going to hold out until he got a son (however my mom claims she would have put her foot down regardless to the gender of the third child). The point is slightly moot as I love my younger brother very much, and despite my dad's favoritism for him, consider myself well-loved by both my parents. However, I do have some quirks that I think stem from knowing that I would have had that "edge" with my dad's love and favor had I been male.

Wow, sorry to totally twist the subject. I hope hoodiejack is not a vocab word and never will be. heehee...

[PenforPrez]

I was planned in the sense that my parents decided to have a baby at that time, and that I was then concieved and born, but I have an inkling that I was "supposed" to be a boy. I know for a fact that my dad really, really wanted a son, badly.

The ultrasound of me in utero said I was going to be a girl. So my parents expected that and bought lots of pink girl clothes and all kinds of baby girl stuff. Then I popped out with a different set of tools. :rolleyes:

I wish I would have had the presence of mind in the womb to point that out. :p

Paul

[Caffeine Addict]

Okay putting in my oppinion here. I have no idea if I was planned or an oops. However my son was an "oops". A big one. I was engaged but not married, about to call the whole thing off in fact. But we had to move up the wedding. Now I cannot imagine a day without him. I also have a little girl, who was planned.... and I cannot imagine a day without her either. However I do not plan to tell either one wether they are an "oops" or not.... It is just not something they need to know.

[hoodie]

LOL. Paul, a similar thing happened with both my siblings! My sister was 10 lbs. 8 oz, and when her head and shoulders were out, the doctor was quoted to say, "He's gonna be a football player....oh...wait."

I'm the only one where they didn't ask to find out the gender.

And my brother? Exactly what happened to you. No sister named Robyn for me, just a brother named Tim. Lucky Dad. :rolleyes:

[cache]

The ultrasound of me in utero said I was going to be a girl. So my parents expected that and bought lots of pink girl clothes and all kinds of baby girl stuff. Then I popped out with a different set of tools. :rolleyes:

I wish I would have had the presence of mind in the womb to point that out. :p

Paul

Ha!

I was the forth born - I have 2 older brothers and an older sister. By the time I came around, my mom already knew whether it was a boy or girl, because of how different it felt inside her, and how she felt during the pregnancy. So she knew I was a boy, and made a deal with my oblivious dad: if I was a girl, he could pick the name, and if I was a boy, my mom would pick the name.


...my mom won that one even before it began.

P.S. My dad had the name Suzanne picked out for me.

[wordsmith]

I was going to be Jessie/Jesse either way.

However, nobody had an gender preferences that I'm aware of.

When my mom got pregnant after having my brothers, I think I probably would have raised hell had I gotten another brother, though, and not a sister. For all the good it would have done me.

[asm198]

I was supposed to be two weeks late, breech, and a boy. Imagine everyone's surprise when I was exactly on time, not breech, and a girl.

I've never been told that I was an oops baby, but I doubt I was planned. I always found it hard to believe that my parents planned to have their children 12 years apart. I never felt unwanted, though.

[meatwad]

I was going to be Jessie/Jesse either way.

However, nobody had an gender preferences that I'm aware of.

When my mom got pregnant after having my brothers, I think I probably would have raised hell had I gotten another brother, though, and not a sister. For all the good it would have done me.

My name was going to be Danielle if I was a girl.

[tina1979]

I was planned as far as....."if it happens it happens, if not oh well". Both my sister and I were like that. My mom wanted to try one more time for a boy, but dad said "hell no. twos enough." :)

[PenforPrez]

P.S. My dad had the name Suzanne picked out for me.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling mean, I want to name one of my children Suleiman. Suleiman I, the Magnificent was the ruler of the Ottoman Empire at the time of its zenith in the 17th century. I always thought that name sounded cool. :p

Paul

[meatwad]

Sometimes, when I'm feeling mean, I want to name one of my children Suleiman. Suleiman I, the Magnificent was the ruler of the Ottoman Empire at the time of its zenith in the 17th century. I always thought that name sounded cool. :p

Paul

Isn't that what Dave Chappelle named his kid?

[PenforPrez]

I always loved the name too. But it would always be mispronounced "Solomon." You know, aside from getting the kid beat up in a schoolyard.

OK, so it becomes a middle name! :p

[Bocheezu]

It really depends what you consider "oops." I mean, my parents didn't do some crazy scheduling and coordination with menstrual cycles to do a "SEX: THIS WEEK, IT COUNTS!" Mom says she "just stopped" using birth control and it "happened." She's a big believer in fate and "everything happens for a reason."

[wordsmith]

It really depends what you consider "oops." I mean, my parents didn't do some crazy scheduling and coordination with menstrual cycles to do a "SEX: THIS WEEK, IT COUNTS!" Mom says she "just stopped" using birth control and it "happened." She's a big believer in fate and "everything happens for a reason."

The assumption is that conceiving was the intended goal, though, right?

I consider "oops" to mean that that wasn't the intended goal.

[dacrunkest]

I once did the math: I was born in early August and my parents had gotten married in mid January (previous). I think I was conceived while my parents were still in college in Columbus.

But I don't think they told my grandparents about it...and if they did my grandparents were probably pretty cool with it anyway...

I don't think anybody is born a mistake, you have to put some years in before you can be considered an "oops" offspring.

edit: rumour has it that during the time of conception "Hold the Line" by Toto was playing in the background...

[caddymac]

Rather than consider myself an "oops baby", I like to think I'm more of a wedding expediter baby.

[PenforPrez]

Rather than consider myself an "oops baby", I like to think I'm more of a wedding expediter baby.

That's like a joke I saw an older comedian telling on a TV bit from many years ago.

He said: "Since I saw you last, I got married, I got married. I, uh, had a military wedding.

"Well, there were guns there -- lets put it that way!"

:D

Paul

[Krishna]

Sometimes, when I'm feeling mean, I want to name one of my children Suleiman. Suleiman I, the Magnificent was the ruler of the Ottoman Empire at the time of its zenith in the 17th century. I always thought that name sounded cool. :p

Paul

I always thought that given my history background, that it would be funny to name my kids after the "Greats"..you know...Peter the Great, Catherine the Great, Frederick the Great.

I also have a nagging desire (when I get pregnant) to leave a baby book w/ a sheet of paper sticking out of it containing some truly random names...you know, like Bernadette Esther Matilda So-and-so or something like that, and allow my parents to "find" the name and think I'm planning to use it. I think that would be fun.

[PenforPrez]

I always thought that given my history background, that it would be funny to name my kids after the "Greats"..you know...Peter the Great, Catherine the Great, Frederick the Great.

What about Alfred the Great, king of England? :D I'm wanting to say one of the King Sigismund's of Poland had some fancy title. I'd want a fancy title if I had to be King of Poland! :rolleyes:

I also have a nagging desire (when I get pregnant) to leave a baby book w/ a sheet of paper sticking out of it containing some truly random names...you know, like Bernadette Esther Matilda So-and-so or something like that, and allow my parents to "find" the name and think I'm planning to use it. I think that would be fun.

You should do some really exotic names with that.

*Jose Juan Carlos Roberto Pablo (Krishna's last name here), Jr.*

:p

Paul

[caddymac]

If I'm ever having kids, they're getting named after 80's pop stars. Little Tiffany, Debbie, or Paula. Or <insert random NKOTB name here>.

[Krishna]

You should do some really exotic names with that.

*Jose Juan Carlos Roberto Pablo (Krishna's last name here), Jr.*

:p

Paul


Ooooh, I like that too. I mentioned the concept to my boyfriend this weekend and he laughed his tail off. I could have a ton of fun turning his last name into comedic baby names. I have a great boy's name (first and middle) that would make his parents (and mine) die if paired with his last name. :p

[PenforPrez]

Ooooh, I like that too. I mentioned the concept to my boyfriend this weekend and he laughed his tail off. I could have a ton of fun turning his last name into comedic baby names. I have a great boy's name (first and middle) that would make his parents (and mine) die if paired with his last name. :p

*Watches Krishna the sorceress work her magic* :D

[yankeeyosh]

I was born around 9 months after the blizzard of '78. You tell me.

I wonder if there was a baby boomlet in N. Y. C. in APR 78, nine months after the 77 blackout. There was one after the 65 blackout, but the 77 blackout was much more violent and tense. There were nearly 10% more kindergarteners in the fall of 83, when that cohort entered school, but most of it had to do with full day kindergarten implemented in the City that year.

I was conceived a month before the blackout, so I wasn't a product of it.

[Krishna]

*Watches Krishna the sorceress work her magic* :D

We need smilies with halos. In the absence of those, just imagine that there's a little halo atop these horns here: :evil:

[veniqe]

I was, in a way. My dad didn't want any more kids cause he was already advancing in years and it was his 2nd and then 3rd marriage. My parents got divorced, and then married again. He had 5 other kids from marriage numero uno. It took my mom 5 years to get me!