No Accountability-- RANT

[AshleyJordan]

I'm not able to go into the details, but I have a former lifelong friend who owes me big time ($) . . . and has been criminally negligent on holding up her end of our bargain, even though I have gone soooo far out of my way to help this girl out our entire lives. It's unbelievable. There's some "unfinished business" that she has to take care of with me, and she has flaked again and again and again, with no apologies, nothing! Just like, "yes, I'll do this," "Oh, right, I was supposed to do x five weeks ago, but I didn't. I'll probably do it in a couple weeks. . . " :evil:
WTF? No sense of accountability or responsibility or anything!!! Just the expectation that, basically, she shouldn't really be held to *any* standards, and shouldn't apologize! I'm sorry, but I am not at all surprised that she's a major burnout now. . . she's fucking pathetic and infuriating.

[arrow]

I'm so sorry to hear about your negligent friend.

You are not alone. One of my friends (lets call him J) lost his grade school best friend b/c this "friend" decided to move in with J and then never pay the rent or bills or anything. J covered all the bills and was almost unable to attend a semester of school because of it. J's "friend" refused to pay him back for all the rent and bills, and eventually J had to sue him. It was pretty crappy, but people are actually capable of this kind of sh**t. Just shows you what kind of a friend they really are.

[coll214]

I've had a few of those 'former' friends myself. People who just assume that the world revolves around them and the rest of us just live in theirs...

[AshleyJordan]

Oh yeah, it's been former for a while. . . as I said, we've just got to finish up this last business. I told her that since she's being so negligent I have no choice but to charge her interest (we're talking about over five years to pay back some money,) and she didn't argue. . . who knows if I'll see the interest, but at least I'm trying. Also, once this is all done with, I'm going to have to write her a letter or something expressing how I feel/have felt. . . this was my closest friend for ~12 years, and I'm not so much hurt by her behavior at this point as disgusted by the type of person she's become. Just totally like, "how the hell did this happen?"

[Ciderhillnh]

If you have a paper trail with all your asking for her to pay you back and her responses and if she didnt come through you can take her to small claims if you have to.

You still would have to send a certified letter explaining what she owed, how she owed it and when she was supposed to pay (but you also have to have the back up for this)

Its a last resort but if the money is substantial enough, it might have to be done.

If not, see if you can get her on a payment plan, bring a bank into it if need be to put together the terms and the pay back, then she will be held accountable by the bank and it will affect her more than just having to pay you back and it might make her actually make the payments.

Good luck its never easy when it involves a friend..best advice, dont loan out more than $50 to friends.

[AshleyJordan]

That's a good idea, Cider, and one I've considered many times. When I threatened to do so, she started repaying. . . if this doesn't get resolved (read: totally paid off,) soon, I will do just that!
I was very dumb and naive and young to have lent her so much $ at such a young age. . .since then, I'll only "lend" money that I don't expect to see back.

[wordsmith]

It's too late for this, but my thought is that I won't ever loan money to friends of family. Any money I would give would have to be a gift, no anticipation of repayment. I've heard that you should never loan more than you would be comfortable never getting back, and I think that's true. Being beholden to a friend or relative isn't comfortable in the best possible circumstances, and in the worst (like this person flaking on a debt), it's downright awful.

[AshleyJordan]

It's too late for this, but my thought is that I won't ever loan money to friends of family. Any money I would give would have to be a gift, no anticipation of repayment. I've heard that you should never loan more than you would be comfortable never getting back, and I think that's true. Being beholden to a friend or relative isn't comfortable in the best possible circumstances, and in the worst (like this person flaking on a debt), it's downright awful.


Hell yeah, and like I said, we had started to make some progress on this. . . to be totally honest she is at least repaying some of it.
What totally amazes me is that she's acting so horribly inconvenienced by the very thought of paying me back. That's what's fucking infuriating, like she'll just take care of this whenever she gets around to it, and meanwhile I'm the heavy for trying to get her to act like a grown up.
It's true though, I learned a very important lesson.

[redav]

If you lend someone money and never see or hear from them again, it is often money well spent. :p

[AshleyJordan]

If you lend someone money and never see or hear from them again, it is often money well spent. :p

Eh, like I said, she's slowly paying me back. . . just at her leisure and with absolutely no apologies, acting like she's being horribly inconvenienced. I've decided that her theme song is Sinatra's My Way.

[Ciderhillnh]

Good for you having taken the steps to tell her you would take her to small claims. Thats never easy to tell a friend or anyone for that matter, but when its a good amount of money, its hard to feel bad when the other person isnt being responsible and is getting upset that you're taking steps to protect yourself.

I hope it doesnt come down to small claim and she pays you back. It sounds like she is at least trying, and thats a start, just hope she keeps up with it since it seems she has been flaky at best in the past with you on this matter.

[AshleyJordan]

yeah i'm most annoyed by her attitude. she's one of those people who just doesn't get phased by anything. . . her house could be burning down around her and she'd be like, "oh well, i felt like putting a lit cigarette in the trash can today." :rolleyes: