move home to pay for a wedding?!?

[envirogal922]

God. This is so ridiculous. So, I am 25 and obviously living on my own. I work at an environmental non-profit and so don't make much money. I finished a one year fellowship last year and I made no money and managed to accumulate $1,300 in credit card debt. It's still not paid off.

Recently, I bought a $800 ticket to Japan to visit a friend who is working there. I don't feel bad about the purchase because the trip will be totally worth it. BUT, my car broke down over the weekend (stupid Dodge Stratus) and God knows how much that will cost to fix.

AND I got engaged in October and am getting married next January.

I am debating moving home with my parents when my lease is up in August to hopefully pay down my credit card debt and get my financial situation under control. My finance knows about my credit card debt which now is sitting at about $2,400. He probably has just as much debt, but makes more money than I do and so its not so much of an issue.

Do I move home with my parents for 5-6 months to pay off my debt and be able to pay for all of the costs associated with a wedding?

I seriously love my parents, but can't imagine living with them after being on my own for so long. Not to mention it would add a huge chunck on to my commute.

Just wondering if anyone has any advice. I am seriously so sick of worrying about this debt.

[asm198]

Have you set a wedding budget? If not, do that ASAP. And stick to it. Easier said that done, but if you're paying for the wedding yourself, then you have final say on how the money is spent and you have to be firm with people. And yourself, of course.

It's easy to get out of hand with it, but this is what I do. I get paid hourly, so I take the price of whatever I want to do and figure out how many hours I'd have to work to get it. If it's worth it, I'll do it. If it's not, it gets cut. I've found that helps put things in perspective.

I wouldn't move back home because of credit card debt, especially that small of an amount. Do you think they'd let you move back in rent free? Do you want to deal with planning a wedding, as well as taking on the added stress of a longer commute and living with your parents at the same time?

[SmilesSoSweet]

What kind of wedding are you thinking about having? That's another important thing to know. Will it be a large wedding? A small, destination one? I'm only asking this because both my brother and sister are now married. My brother had the huge wedding and I know it cost them thousands of dollars. Both sets of parents did help out with some of the wedding costs. I believe there were 275 guests.

My sister had a small wedding - just 18 people. In total it cost them about $2k. It was nicely done too and it was the wedding she wanted.

I'm all for smaller weddings or at least affordable weddings. It's all about the marriage, not the actual wedding. Think about that and what matters.

Once you have your budget set, you should then know what you need to do to save up for your wedding. You have until August before your lease is up. You can probably still try and pay down your debts ($2400 isn't TOO bad) and just try and cut down on other things until August comes around.

What about moving in with your fianacee to save up money? I'm not sure if that's something you want to do or not (living together before marriage) but that's another option.

[NewMrs.]

God. This is so ridiculous. So, I am 25 and obviously living on my own. I work at an environmental non-profit and so don't make much money. I finished a one year fellowship last year and I made no money and managed to accumulate $1,300 in credit card debt. It's still not paid off.

Recently, I bought a $800 ticket to Japan to visit a friend who is working there. I don't feel bad about the purchase because the trip will be totally worth it. BUT, my car broke down over the weekend (stupid Dodge Stratus) and God knows how much that will cost to fix.

AND I got engaged in October and am getting married next January.

I am debating moving home with my parents when my lease is up in August to hopefully pay down my credit card debt and get my financial situation under control. My finance knows about my credit card debt which now is sitting at about $2,400. He probably has just as much debt, but makes more money than I do and so its not so much of an issue.

Do I move home with my parents for 5-6 months to pay off my debt and be able to pay for all of the costs associated with a wedding?

I seriously love my parents, but can't imagine living with them after being on my own for so long. Not to mention it would add a huge chunck on to my commute.

Just wondering if anyone has any advice. I am seriously so sick of worrying about this debt.


This is a tough one, but I personally would move home for a few months in order to save money.

Several years ago, I did move back home with my parents for about six months after having lived on my own. I did this so that I could bring my own financial situation under control. It was tough. My commute to work was an hour each way, and it was hard having to live with my parents again. However, it was nice to be able to save about 6 months worth of rent.

I do realize that gas was much cheaper back when I did this.

[asm198]

I guess part of the reason that I'm against the moving back home is because my dad is already gone. When my mom goes, I won't have a fall back household if I get in trouble. I mean, the in laws won't let us starve or anything and we're always welcome, but I had to cut my own cord at 24. My mom made it way too easy to rely on her way after college was over and I'm suffering for it now, so to speak.

I decided not to let her bail me out of my own issues anymore, at age 24, which was harder for her than me. I had a two year rough period where I racked up all my debt because I was stupid and too proud to ask for help. I realized my mistake and asked for help for current issues, but have refused her assistance for my past mistakes.

From age 22-24, my mom paid my rent. I only made $600 a month, working full time and couldn't afford the apartment that we both liked (the only way I could get an apartment was with a co-signer and this was the one I liked and she deemed safe).

Anyway, I cut the cord and we've both been happier. Cut the cord while you still can and if things get seriously messed up, they are still there for backup.


And budget like there's not tomorrow. I'm doing a wedding for 192 people for $8k or less and I'm coming in well under the original budget. Open bar, buffet menu, dj, pro photographer, etc. My fiance called in a few favors, I've talked to some friends in related industries, and we just found some awesome deals by shopping around. I am honestly thrilled by every single aspect of the wedding and don't feel like we've had to cut anything at all. We've been engaged since Jan. 06 and I spent 11 months researching stuff and it's paid off.

I'm sure you can do something similar and if you need any cost saving suggestions, we could probably help. Some of mine might be a bit wacky, but not completely insane. I'm doing my own flowers, for instance. I found a site ages ago that sells roses in bulk, so I'm hoping to do my own flowers. I'll let you know tomorrow when I get the test bunch, but I got one from them several years ago and they were more than perfect. 400 long stemmed purple roses for around $500. I checked with a florist in my area and they were willing to do handtied purple roses for the bridesmaids, plus the extra attendant flowers, but I was quoted $1200. Uh, no thank you.

[cheshrcarol]

Why not move in with your fiance? IMO, there just comes a point where you need to be an adult and support yourself no matter what. Either wait to get married, or have a cheaper wedding, or find other ways to cut expenses. You can't always move back in with your parents to solve a problem.

[MetFanL]

You can't always move back in with your parents to solve a problem.
True, but why not take advantage of it while you can? I have accumulated debt and am paying it down, but if I want to do it faster, I would absolutely consider moving home for 6 months to get rid of it really aggressively.

I say do it, as long as you have the opportunity. Pay off your debt, save for the wedding, save for a house, whatever. That's what parents are for -- to help you.

[wordsmith]

I don't know. It's been a tremendous comfort to me, in shakier times, to know that my parents' door is always open to me should I need it. I haven't moved back, and I'm not sure that I would in a situation similar to the one described, but I know that if it came to it, I could, and that it would be a smarter move in dire circumstances than letting my pride make the circumstances even MORE dire. I don't think it makes you less of an adult if you accept help from people who care about you when you absolutely need it.

[weary]

Why not move in with your fiance? IMO, there just comes a point where you need to be an adult and support yourself no matter what. Either wait to get married, or have a cheaper wedding, or find other ways to cut expenses. You can't always move back in with your parents to solve a problem.
i agree with carol, esp as a parent.

[envirogal922]

The thing is, I know my parents would not mind me being home for a short period of time. I lived at home for about a month after I graduated to save money and it was fine. I have a great relationship with my parents and feel as though living at home and being able to budget right along with my parents for the wedding might actually be good.

My parents and my fiance's parents are pretty much paying for the whole thing. My fiance is an only child and I am the oldest. They want the ridiculous showcase. We managed to pick a venue with a max capacity of 250, so our wedding will not be out of control in terms of the number of people.

I guess I am less concerned about the whole paying for the wedding part, and more concerned about carrying the debt long term. I've never been a person who carries credit card debt up until the last year or so. I worked in a fellowship position making about $8.00 an hour. I had car problems last year ($900.00 of repairs) that I had to put on a credit card. Plus the Japan trip. Not to make excuses for living beyond my means, but this are circumstances that hopefully would not repeat themselves again. I want to erase the debt. Bottom line.

I think I have pretty much decided that I will chip away as much of the debt as I can until June (when I have to give notice) and then decide. I am just freaking out because I have no idea how much this new car issue is going to cost.

And I don't want my fiance and I to start out our marriage totally buried in debt. And I refuse to move in before I get married. In my mind, WTF is the point of getting married if you already live together??? Not to be rude, but this is a lifestyle choice I will not make before I am married. I want the start of the marriage to truly be the start of our lives together. If we alread live together its just like going through the motions of a wedding for show.

[cheshrcarol]

And I refuse to move in before I get married. In my mind, WTF is the point of getting married if you already live together??? Not to be rude, but this is a lifestyle choice I will not make before I am married. I want the start of the marriage to truly be the start of our lives together. If we alread live together its just like going through the motions of a wedding for show.
Well, the point is to create a life together, not the ceremony. IMO, you are going to have problems after you're married if this is your view. Living together is a BIG adjustment and a lot of work. Just ask anyone here who lives with an SO. There's certainly no way I would wait until after a wedding to live with someone, but hey it's your life.

[nikorock28]

Well, the point is to create a life together, not the ceremony. IMO, you are going to have problems after you're married if this is your view. Living together is a BIG adjustment and a lot of work. Just ask anyone here who lives with an SO. There's certainly no way I would wait until after a wedding to live with someone, but hey it's your life.

I agree with envirogal. My parents were both virgins and didn't live together before they got married. They didn't have big problems after they lived together. They have been married over 30 years now and are clearly still in love. IMO, if you are living with a significant other and are not committed to a marriage, of course you are going to have problems because the ultimate sacrifice and commitment is not there.

[wordsmith]

My brothers are twins...one lived with his now-wife for several years prior to getting engaged, the other didn't live with his wife until after they were married...They're relative newlyweds in both cases, following long-term relationships, and I wouldn't say that the two who didn't live together beforehand are having a particularly hard time adjusting. Of the two pairs, the one that's lived together longer bickers WAY more...but I think it's just accounted for in different dynamics of personality.

In any case, I def. see the merit in living together first, but I also don't think you're doomed if you don't.

[SmilesSoSweet]

My sister just got married and didn't live with her husband until the day after they married.

Both of them wouldn't have minded living together before marriage, but her husband has two kids from his first marriage and wanted to set an example. The last time he lived with a gf, his daughter questioned him on it, the whole "Dad, why are you living with her if you're not married?" So he told his daughter that he wouldn't live with anyone until after they marry.

My brother and his wife lived together for about 10 months before they got married. They were engaged about about a couple weeks after they moved in together.

I would prefer not to live with someone before I get married, but that's what I say now. I just don't like living with anyone. LOL I like my space and my privacy.

But of course I'd still be open to living with an SO before marriage if it just happens to work out better that way.

[weary]

The thing is, I know my parents would not mind me being home for a short period of time. I lived at home for about a month after I graduated to save money and it was fine. I have a great relationship with my parents and feel as though living at home and being able to budget right along with my parents for the wedding might actually be good.

My parents and my fiance's parents are pretty much paying for the whole thing. My fiance is an only child and I am the oldest. They want the ridiculous showcase. We managed to pick a venue with a max capacity of 250, so our wedding will not be out of control in terms of the number of people.

I guess I am less concerned about the whole paying for the wedding part, and more concerned about carrying the debt long term. I've never been a person who carries credit card debt up until the last year or so. I worked in a fellowship position making about $8.00 an hour. I had car problems last year ($900.00 of repairs) that I had to put on a credit card. Plus the Japan trip. Not to make excuses for living beyond my means, but this are circumstances that hopefully would not repeat themselves again. I want to erase the debt. Bottom line.

I think I have pretty much decided that I will chip away as much of the debt as I can until June (when I have to give notice) and then decide. I am just freaking out because I have no idea how much this new car issue is going to cost.

And I don't want my fiance and I to start out our marriage totally buried in debt. And I refuse to move in before I get married. In my mind, WTF is the point of getting married if you already live together??? Not to be rude, but this is a lifestyle choice I will not make before I am married. I want the start of the marriage to truly be the start of our lives together. If we alread live together its just like going through the motions of a wedding for show.
i don't think it matters if you want to live w/ your fiance before or after being married. to each his/her own...BFD. i think what seems more of a glaring issue is that being in debt for such a relatively low amount "freaks you out" to the point of thinking you need to move home to make everything perfect before the wedding. newsflash: nothing's ever perfect, mommy & daddy can't always save you, and sh*t happens.

your car trouble is a perfect example. what are you going to do if your or your hubby gets sick or injured or whatever unexpectedly and cannot work? the both of you move in w/ your or his parents?

sh*t happens. plans B, C & D are good to have. so are savings. being prepared for and able to deal with changing circumstances - financial & otherwise - can make life a lot easier. being idealistic can make it harder [to deal].

[pisces2473]

i don't think it matters if you want to live w/ your fiance before or after being married. to each his/her own...BFD. i think what seems more of a glaring issue is that being in debt for such a relatively low amount "freaks you out" to the point of thinking you need to move home to make everything perfect before the wedding. newsflash: nothing's ever perfect, mommy & daddy can't always save you, and sh*t happens.

your car trouble is a perfect example. what are you going to do if your or your hubby gets sick or injured or whatever unexpectedly and cannot work? the both of you move in w/ your or his parents?

sh*t happens. plans B, C & D are good to have. so are savings. being prepared for and able to deal with changing circumstances - financial & otherwise - can make life a lot easier. being idealistic can make it harder [to deal].
Thank you. Well put.

[wordsmith]

i don't think it matters if you want to live w/ your fiance before or after being married. to each his/her own...BFD. i think what seems more of a glaring issue is that being in debt for such a relatively low amount "freaks you out" to the point of thinking you need to move home to make everything perfect before the wedding. newsflash: nothing's ever perfect, mommy & daddy can't always save you, and sh*t happens.

your car trouble is a perfect example. what are you going to do if your or your hubby gets sick or injured or whatever unexpectedly and cannot work? the both of you move in w/ your or his parents?

sh*t happens. plans B, C & D are good to have. so are savings. being prepared for and able to deal with changing circumstances - financial & otherwise - can make life a lot easier. being idealistic can make it harder [to deal].

True story...but there's another side to the coin, too, that freaks me out a little. It takes a LOT of work and effort to "be prepared" for whatever comes down the pike...and are we ever? I think some people (especially perennial worriers, like me, and even more so, if, like me, they aren't very high earners) feel like they can't really do much TO prepare for those unknown misfortunes, and then you're just a wreck all the time. I know I have a very small-to-nonexistent safety cushion, but that's just how it goes, making what I make. I'm uneasy about it now, and I'd be even moreso if it were going to affect a spouse as well as just me. I often feel like it's a fulltiime job to worry about just GETTING to the point where you're prepared, financially, to deal with major curveballs...it can be overwhelming. And definitely not the best way to feel when you're trying to manage a relationship.

[pisces2473]

The thing is, I know my parents would not mind me being home for a short period of time. I lived at home for about a month after I graduated to save money and it was fine. I have a great relationship with my parents and feel as though living at home and being able to budget right along with my parents for the wedding might actually be good.

My parents and my fiance's parents are pretty much paying for the whole thing. My fiance is an only child and I am the oldest. They want the ridiculous showcase. We managed to pick a venue with a max capacity of 250, so our wedding will not be out of control in terms of the number of people.

I guess I am less concerned about the whole paying for the wedding part, and more concerned about carrying the debt long term. I've never been a person who carries credit card debt up until the last year or so. I worked in a fellowship position making about $8.00 an hour. I had car problems last year ($900.00 of repairs) that I had to put on a credit card. Plus the Japan trip. Not to make excuses for living beyond my means, but this are circumstances that hopefully would not repeat themselves again. I want to erase the debt. Bottom line.

I think I have pretty much decided that I will chip away as much of the debt as I can until June (when I have to give notice) and then decide. I am just freaking out because I have no idea how much this new car issue is going to cost.

And I don't want my fiance and I to start out our marriage totally buried in debt. And I refuse to move in before I get married. In my mind, WTF is the point of getting married if you already live together??? Not to be rude, but this is a lifestyle choice I will not make before I am married. I want the start of the marriage to truly be the start of our lives together. If we alread live together its just like going through the motions of a wedding for show.
Why are you so worried about saving up money for wedding expenses, as you said in your first post, and you're now saying that the family is paying for everything.

Life is not predictable, FYI. You can't just do these things and then everything will be right. Things pop up randomly and you can't just have a contingency plan for every what if scenario.

FWIW, I moved in with my fiance in November, after getting engaged in June. We're getting married in September. We felt like we were married long before we even lived together, so I think you have to have the commitment/lifestyle change long before you say I do.

[weary]

True story...but there's another side to the coin, too, that freaks me out a little. It takes a LOT of work and effort to "be prepared" for whatever comes down the pike...and are we ever? I think some people (especially perennial worriers, like me, and even more so, if, like me, they aren't very high earners) feel like they can't really do much TO prepare for those unknown misfortunes, and then you're just a wreck all the time. I know I have a very small-to-nonexistent safety cushion, but that's just how it goes, making what I make. I'm uneasy about it now, and I'd be even moreso if it were going to affect a spouse as well as just me. I often feel like it's a fulltiime job to worry about just GETTING to the point where you're prepared, financially, to deal with major curveballs...it can be overwhelming. And definitely not the best way to feel when you're trying to manage a relationship.
totally agree. and i understand where you're coming from w/ your situation. i've been there, and had another mouth to feed to boot! it sucks and the constant worrying just DOES NOT go away until when/if the $ situation improves. but even when it does [improve/get paid off/whatever], life is not perfect, sh*t still happens, and it's somewhat easier (although note, i'm NOT saying it's easy) to deal with if not being looked at like, "okay, everything's fine and will be fine now". that's all i'm getting at.

[wordsmith]

I'm actually probably the opposite...in all honestly, if I were extremely stressed about my personal finances, I would probably put off a wedding. It's a pretty big undertaking to approach with serious anxiety about your financial situation...it's kind of like stacking the deck unfavorably, since money stress is such a common big problem in marriages. You never have "enough" money, true, but I can't say I'd be comfortable starting out feeling extremely in the hole. And of course, we all have different perceptions and thresholds for what constitutes being extremely in the hole.

[weary]

I'm actually probably the opposite...in all honestly, if I were extremely stressed about my personal finances, I would probably put off a wedding. It's a pretty big undertaking to approach with serious anxiety about your financial situation...it's kind of like stacking the deck unfavorably, since money stress is such a common big problem in marriages. You never have "enough" money, true, but I can't say I'd be comfortable starting out feeling extremely in the hole. And of course, we all have different perceptions and thresholds for what constitutes being extremely in the hole.
yup, or have a very very small one. no sense going into a life-altering, possibly stress-adding situation (not that it will be bad, but marriage and married life can be a big adjustment for some - and that's stressful, the change) when you've already got $ stress.

[wordsmith]

I would sit down with my fiance, though, and make a game plan for how best to get those issues under control so that we COULD get to the business of seeing about a wedding, eventually, though.

[pisces2473]

yup, or have a very very small one. no sense going into a life-altering, possibly stress-adding situation (not that it will be bad, but marriage and married life can be a big adjustment for some - and that's stressful, the change) when you've already got $ stress.
But isn't this NOT applicable for OP? Her family is paying for it...so I don't see the need to postpone.

[weary]

But isn't this NOT applicable for OP? Her family is paying for it...so I don't see the need to postpone.
ha...true. i don't see the need to move back home for less than $2k debt either. who knows, like words said, we all have diff thresholds. maybe the OP's is just lower when it comes to this kind of stuff....:?:

[pisces2473]

Yeah, seriously. Whatever floats your boat, OP.

[wordsmith]

I can understand it.

While I doubt I'd move back home (would probably just postpone things until I whittled it down on my own), I would NOT be comfortable bringing debt other than my student loan into a marriage. But I am just that way about money issues, I'm very sensitive about being perceived as taking advantage, and I've already had some instances that have made me very leery of being judged harshly. I have no doubt that I'd dig in my heels and and postpone things over an amount of debt most would not consider large.

[pisces2473]

Yeah, but I think the OP might want to re-word her question, because the story seems to be changing a bit, and I just want to know what the deal is. Does she want to pay down her debt for MARRIAGE? Or for her WEDDING?

[wordsmith]

I'm not sure, because it seems to indicate both...she said she's uneasy with having her parents fund the wedding, and wants to chisel down debt so she can do that....but also that she doesn't "want my fiance and I to start out our marriage totally buried in debt."

So, both? Just getting on firmer financial footing all around?

[J-girl]

True, but why not take advantage of it while you can? I have accumulated debt and am paying it down, but if I want to do it faster, I would absolutely consider moving home for 6 months to get rid of it really aggressively.

I say do it, as long as you have the opportunity. Pay off your debt, save for the wedding, save for a house, whatever. That's what parents are for -- to help you.
Agreed. Why the heck not?

[pisces2473]

Agreed. Why the heck not?
While my parents would do what Met said, and I'm sure a lot of parents would as well...you have to realize, there are parents out there that CANNOT do it or WILL NOT do it. That's what Weary and Carol, and others, were getting at. There does have to be a point where you need to transition to be an adult, especially if you plan on getting married and starting a life with another adult.

[envirogal922]

Okay.

The whole point of me chosing to move home (which I haven't actually chosen yet), to pay off my debt would be to achieve the following outcomes:

1) Be able to pay for some of the wedding expenses (dress, gifts for wedding party, flowers, alcohol at reception, etc). My family is generously paying for a lot of the wedding, but as wonderful as this is, I do not want the burden to be placed solely on their shoulders.

2) Be able to continue to save for our honeymoon. My fiance and I have started to do this already, but because I make less money I am not contributing as much. Call me a crazy feminist freak, but I want to pay my share for OUR trip. We are equals and partners. Paying for the honeymoon should not come just from his pocketbook

3) Be in a better financial situation to start a marriage. My fiance and I have already had some discussions about money. I know how much debt he has (student loan and otherwise) and he knows how much I have. I am uncomfortable (horribly so) carrying credit card debt. Between the two of us we are in pretty deep. Nothing we couldn't get out of eventually, but it still sucks in my mind to start a life together buried in credit card debt...a recipe for more stress and disaster.

Some people might not think $2,000 isn't a lot of money, or a lot of debt to carry. Sorry, I do. And I usually do not live this far beyond my means, which is why I am so uncomfortable with it and want to get rid of it as soon as possible. I feel like living with credit card debt is irresponsible if you can't pay it off relatively quickly. This is just my philosophy, I know others that carry much more debt than I do and it doesn't bother them. I wish I felt that way to be honest...

With my little nonprofit salary, it will take me months to get out of this hole, maybe longer depending on my stupid car situation. Moving home is an option for me and I don't see it as my parents bailing me out, or me being to immature to get married, or it being some sort of quick fix. In my mind, if I did move home it wouldn't make my marriage any worse, if anything it would make things a little easier as the two of us start out together.

[nikorock28]

True, but why not take advantage of it while you can? I have accumulated debt and am paying it down, but if I want to do it faster, I would absolutely consider moving home for 6 months to get rid of it really aggressively.

I say do it, as long as you have the opportunity. Pay off your debt, save for the wedding, save for a house, whatever. That's what parents are for -- to help you.

I agree.

[wordsmith]

My brother lived at home in between college and his wedding, while working, so that he could save, first for the ring, then for general purposes, and to help start his marriage off with as little debt as possible. If it works for you, it works for you.

[J-girl]

While my parents would do what Met said, and I'm sure a lot of parents would as well...you have to realize, there are parents out there that CANNOT do it or WILL NOT do it. That's what Weary and Carol, and others, were getting at. There does have to be a point where you need to transition to be an adult, especially if you plan on getting married and starting a life with another adult.
I understand that but if you are parents are able and willing to help you then why not. Most parents even chip in for the wedding but many parents cant. I am not going to refuse my parents if they can help me.

[pisces2473]

I understand that but if you are parents are able and willing to help you then why not. Most parents even chip in for the wedding but many parents cant. I am not going to refuse my parents if they can help me.
Because often times "gifts" come with strings...especially when it comes to weddings.

[J-girl]

Because often times "gifts" come with strings...especially when it comes to weddings.
yeah but that depends upon the family. IF the family CAN help and its not even a big help, just relief on rent then why not. If both parties are consenting, I dont see the problem.

[pisces2473]

yeah but that depends upon the family. IF the family CAN help and its not even a big help, just relief on rent then why not. If both parties are consenting, I dont see the problem.
Obviously you haven't been in this situation. No offense to anyone, but until things are "dangled" in front of you, no one knows what anyone will do, or what their families will do.

[Valentine]

I personally would move in with my fiance. my XH and I lived together while we were engaged to save for the wedding, and it wasn't a big deal.

[NewMrs.]

I don't understand why the OP is being flamed for being hesitant about moving in with the fiance. This is a highly personal decision.

The fact remains that many people were in fact raised with the impression that a couple should not live together before marriage. I personally was raised this way. A few years ago I would have never dreamed of moving in with a man before our wedding. My attitude certainly changed; I wanted to move in with my husband before our wedding last spring, but didn't for a variety of reasons. However, that was a personal decision between the two of us. My sister does live with HER fiance. However, my sister-in-law has been very open about the fact that she wouldn't dream of moving in with her almost-fiance until she gets a wedding ring. Each of these women made personal decisions.

I don't like the implication that the OP is immature or not ready to get married because she is hesitant about moving in with her future husband. She didn't ask any of us whether she should move in with her fiance to save money. That wasn't her original question, and this isn't anybody else's business.

BTW, I too think $2,000 is a lot of credit card debt. If I were in a similar situation, I too would consider moving in with my parents for a few months to pay it off. I had no credit card debt when I got married. My husband does have some, we are trying to pay it off as soon as possible, and I don't plan on intentionally getting pregnant until it is completely paid.

[asm198]

I don't understand why the OP is being flamed for being hesitant about moving in with the fiance. This is a highly personal decision.

The fact remains that many people were in fact raised with the impression that a couple should not live together before marriage. I personally was raised this way. A few years ago I would have never dreamed of moving in with a man before our wedding. My attitude certainly changed; I wanted to move in with my husband before our wedding last spring, but didn't for a variety of reasons. However, that was a personal decision between the two of us. My sister does live with HER fiance. However, my sister-in-law has been very open about the fact that she wouldn't dream of moving in with her almost-fiance until she gets a wedding ring. Each of these women made personal decisions.

I don't like the implication that the OP is immature or not ready to get married because she is hesitant about moving in with her future husband. She didn't ask any of us whether she should move in with her fiance to save money. That wasn't her original question, and this isn't anybody else's business.

BTW, I too think $2,000 is a lot of credit card debt. If I were in a similar situation, I too would consider moving in with my parents for a few months to pay it off. I had no credit card debt when I got married. My husband does have some, we are trying to pay it off as soon as possible, and I don't plan on intentionally getting pregnant until it is completely paid.

My issue is that he/she seems to think that moving back home is an easy solution. Parents aren't always going to be there to bail you out of situations. When my engagement ended, I was lucky enough to be able to stay with my mom for a few months. My dad had died two years prior. I didn't have the debt that I have now, because I refused to ask for my mom's help. The way I saw it, I was 22 years old and was an adult. I accepted her help after she found out and insisted, but I felt it wasn't my place to go begging for assistance. It was my mess and I did it as an adult, so I'd figure it out as an adult.

In my opinion, $2000 is nothing. The OP has a job and a viable means to take care of the debt. If it takes longer to pay off than when the wedding day hits, so be it.

Parents and their homes and their money aren't going to be there forever. This is how I see things. Your parents are a safety net for you while you are in college. They can bail you out of college debt if they want, or other debt if they choose. Once you hit age 22, you are on your own. Unless they offer assistance because they know of your issue, you are well beyond being an adult and are on your own.

You got into your debt. They are under no obligation to help you with that debt. When you hit age 18, you are considered an adult. Despite the fact that I think that 2k is a laughable amount to be upset about when you have a job, get over it. Your parents owe you nothing.

What are you going to do when you try to buy a home? Or a new car? Are you going to pay for that outright or are you going to deal with the debt? Are you going to have a meltdown when your parents die and you have no fail safe?

I'm not trying to be a bitch, really. But I've been there with parents who try to help their kids so much that it hurts them later in life. I had parents that were willing to help me with every whim and want I had. Then my dad died and the money ran out and I got prideful and stubborn.

That's how I got to the position I'm in. I'm 15k in debt (student loans included), getting married in June, and not a clue how I'm going to pay for it. Mom said she'd pay for half and suddenly, 4 months prior, that's not going to happen.

So, why don't you figure out a way to pay for all of this without running to your parents for help? You'll feel better about coming up with a plan that doesn't revolve running to your parents for help.

[sondra_finchley]

I think maybe if she didnt make $8 an hour the story would be a little different- sounds more like parents are giving her some shelter so she doesnt have to pay exorbitant rent for no reason. Thats cool, my parents are harboring me at the moment while Im relocating, and thats ALL they are doing (and it works since my mom is on her own out here for the first time this winter so I help out with snow shoveling and other manual things). In light of the circumstances the moving back would maybe make sense. Is it necessary to have 250 people though for this wedding? Why not have a simple, elegant wedding for 50 or so and then have a commitment ceremony or whatever once you are on more stable financial footing, and use the surplus funds now to pay off debt or start your new life together without feeling ripped off?

[pisces2473]

Totally agree with ASM. Even if it makes me look like a bitch. I don't care. You can't be all wavering about your new life with your soon to be husband if you're an adult. Learning to make your own way will help you get a firm grip on the real world.

But I do agree with Sondra--if all they are helping the OP with is rent, then it's fine to live with the parents, if you have NO other choice. I agree with the smaller ceremony idea...OR just elope!

[nikorock28]

Why is it such a big deal for someone in their 20's to live with their parents? I am 24 and live with my parents and it doesn't make me any less of an adult. In my case, it is a wise financial decision. Also, you know, I really don't mind living with my brother and the two people that gave birth to me. Wow! Shocking! They are only my family :rolleyes: I really don't understand the stigma attached with living your parents and I don't care what you think of me if I live with my parents... you should really be more concerned about whether you can pay that credit card bill than being "independent" and prideful.

[pisces2473]

Niko, do you pay rent? Chip in with expenses? That's the only issue I ever have with people who are out of college, working good jobs, yet still living at home. Being a kid, having mommy and daddy pay for everything, should end when one gets a job.

[nikorock28]

Niko, do you pay rent? Chip in with expenses? That's the only issue I ever have with people who are out of college, working good jobs, yet still living at home. Being a kid, having mommy and daddy pay for everything, should end when one gets a job.

I agree. I pay $400 for the month. That includes food and utilities. My mom does all the grocery shopping, though when I was working I mostly ate Subway, etc. for lunch. I eat out on occasion. I chip in $20 for cleaning services (my parents do most of the cleaning) and pay half the internet bill, which I split with my brother. I, of course, pay all my car stuff, cell, student loans and whatever else. We live in a new home, so I have free use of the new furniture and washer/dryer. My parents actually owe me $7600, but do not have the funds to pay me back at this time.

[nikorock28]

I just think that if the OP can get help and put her in a better financial situation, why not? Do you refuse a refund when you get it from the IRS? Do you purposely leave out deductions and credits on your income taxes? It's the same idea.

[weary]

I just think that if the OP can get help and put her in a better financial situation, why not? Do you refuse a refund when you get it from the IRS? Do you purposely leave out deductions and credits on your income taxes? It's the same idea.
this was funny. you do know that an IRS 'refund' is them giving you YOUR own $ that the've had all year, right?

agree w/ a lot of the other stuff both you & pisces said though.

[sparky88]

OP-

i don't see a problem living at home before the wedding if your parents have offered their help. I can only see benefit to paying down your CC, and contributing more to the wedding. I think 2K on a CC feels different to every person, and if it makes you and your fiance uncomfortable then by all means use the options available to you to pay it off.

[nikorock28]

this was funny. you do know that an IRS 'refund' is them giving you YOUR own $ that the've had all year, right?

agree w/ a lot of the other stuff both you & pisces said though.

Right, but that refund is achieved through applicable deductions and credits. Of course, you can refuse the "help" of the newly instated Earned Income Tax Credit if you like. I mean, isn't mommy and daddy EITC just "bailing you out" then?

I do understand the value of getting out and living on your own, but I just think if you can get help, you should. Of course, your parents should no longer support you, but I think a little help is acceptable. I mean, does anyone refuse to accept inheritances?

[arrow]

this was funny. you do know that an IRS 'refund' is them giving you YOUR own $ that the've had all year, right?

agree w/ a lot of the other stuff both you & pisces said though.

Don't mean to threadjack but... the IRS should totally pay us interest on that money.

Although, on the other hand, I don't want to pay the IRS interest if I have to pay out. Hm.

[SmilesSoSweet]

My parents told me that if I ever had to move back home for whatever reason, I can, as long as I'm not married and/or have any kids.

Now I'm sure I'd pay rent or something, but that's just how my parents/family are. They never stopped offering to help out just because I graduated from college, BUT I don't let them help me out.

It's good to know that I do have them for any extreme emergency but I also know that I don't want to have to depend on them either.

[nikorock28]

My parents told me that if I ever had to move back home for whatever reason, I can, as long as I'm not married and/or have any kids.

Now I'm sure I'd pay rent or something, but that's just how my parents/family are. They never stopped offering to help out just because I graduated from college, BUT I don't let them help me out.

It's good to know that I do have them for any extreme emergency but I also know that I don't want to have to depend on them either.

Smiles, didn't you say that they were going to put up the 20% down payment for you when you were looking to purchase a home?

[wordsmith]

My parents also have said many times that if any of their children ever find themselves in dire straits, they're always welcome to come home and straighten it out. Which, to me, would make more sense than digging one's self further into a hole.

[pisces2473]

My parents also have said many times that if any of their children ever find themselves in dire straits, they're always welcome to come home and straighten it out. Which, to me, would make more sense than digging one's self further into a hole.
So have mine. But I think they'd laugh if I said I had 2K in CC debt and wanted to move home.

Inheritances are hopefully received when someone is an adult who's learned how to take care of his/herself without help. A handout when you're just learning and growing is completely different. How will you learn to take care of yourself if someone's always bailing you out.

[wordsmith]

Inheritances are hopefully received when someone is an adult who's learned how to take care of his/herself without help. A handout when you're just learning and growing is completely different. How will you learn to take care of yourself if someone's always bailing you out.

I don't know about that, Jen. There's a difference between knowing that it's there should you need it, and taking a handout. Just because you know you could be "bailed out" doesn't mean you won't take care of yourself. I've known my whole life that my parents would lend a helping hand if needed, and I've never moved back in with them, I've taken care of things on my own, I think I learned that well enough. But it's still comforting to know that if for whatever reason I couldn't, I'd still be okay.

Also bear in mind that and inheritance isn't something everyone has coming his or her way.

My parents and my aunts and uncles won't inherit anything from my grandmother, because all her money is going toward her nursing home/Alzheimer's care costs. There won't be anything, really, TO inherit. My parents certainly won't have anything to leave to me. I've never imagined they would.

[pisces2473]

I agree. I pay $400 for the month. That includes food and utilities. My mom does all the grocery shopping, though when I was working I mostly ate Subway, etc. for lunch. I eat out on occasion. I chip in $20 for cleaning services (my parents do most of the cleaning) and pay half the internet bill, which I split with my brother. I, of course, pay all my car stuff, cell, student loans and whatever else. We live in a new home, so I have free use of the new furniture and washer/dryer. My parents actually owe me $7600, but do not have the funds to pay me back at this time.
Yeah, that's cool. My FI lived w/ his dad until very recently, and also paid $400/month. He was responsible for all car stuff, cell, anything personal he wanted, like clothes, computer stuff, fishing stuff, etc. His "rent" went towards food and use of utilities. If he wanted anything special to eat, he bought it out of his money, not from his dad. But this helped him to move out so he could get married...not the reverse. You shouldn't really need to regress, esp. with a huge step in life like that.

[wordsmith]

Yeah, that's cool. My FI lived w/ his dad until very recently, and also paid $400/month. He was responsible for all car stuff, cell, anything personal he wanted, like clothes, computer stuff, fishing stuff, etc. His "rent" went towards food and use of utilities. If he wanted anything special to eat, he bought it out of his money, not from his dad. But this helped him to move out so he could get married...not the reverse. You shouldn't really need to regress, esp. with a huge step in life like that.

Anything can happen, though.

My uncle moved back in with his parents in his midfifties, and lived with them for a few years to get his finances back on track, which I'm sure was never in his plan. He'd had to file bankruptcy when he retired from the military, due to massive credit card debt accrued by his then-wife when he was off on deployments, and also due to the cost of divorcing her. It actually coincided with a time when my grandma needed help and companionship caring for my dying grandfather, though, so there was at least some good to come out of it.

My uncle has his own apt. now, but for a stretch, it was imperative to getting his finances back on some kind of track that he be cutting every expense possible.

[nikorock28]

Inheritances are hopefully received when someone is an adult who's learned how to take care of his/herself without help. A handout when you're just learning and growing is completely different. How will you learn to take care of yourself if someone's always bailing you out.

Is taking care of yourself foreclosing on houses, running up credit charges, claiming bankruptcies, not contributing to retirement, taking out home equity lines of credit? I'm talking for people who have money, but don't manage it wisely. Of course, it is different if you just earn crap. It is not just young people who don't know how to take care of their finances. I do understand your point though.

We must remember, though, that people who claim bankruptcy are bailed out because they are liquidated from all of their debt, except student loans. I never really understood this. So, in effect, our system doesn't teach us to take care of ourselves.

[pisces2473]

I don't know about that, Jen. There's a difference between knowing that it's there should you need it, and taking a handout. Just because you know you could be "bailed out" doesn't mean you won't take care of yourself. I've known my whole life that my parents would lend a helping hand if needed, and I've never moved back in with them, I've taken care of things on my own, I think I learned that well enough. But it's still comforting to know that if for whatever reason I couldn't, I'd still be okay.

Also bear in mind that and inheritance isn't something everyone has coming his or her way.

My parents and my aunts and uncles won't inherit anything from my grandmother, because all her money is going toward her nursing home/Alzheimer's care costs. There won't be anything, really, TO inherit. My parents certainly won't have anything to leave to me. I've never imagined they would.
I didn't write that as saying that everyone would get an inheritance. I was replying to the poster who said something about rejecting an inheritance.

My parents would totally bail me out if need be. But I try to live so that I won't need their help. IF the situation were to arise, then I would turn to them. I just feel that as one is preparing to start their own family (marrying), it's time to grow up and take responsibility.

Again, my parents aren't terrible people. And I'm not a mean person. But I think that there's only so much you can prepare for in life. That's all I'm trying to say in my posts.

[pisces2473]

Anything can happen, though.

My uncle moved back in with his parents in his midfifties, and lived with them for a few years to get his finances back on track, which I'm sure was never in his plan. He'd had to file bankruptcy when he retired from the military, due to massive credit card debt accrued by his then-wife when he was off on deployments, and also due to the cost of divorcing her. It actually coincided with a time when my grandma needed help and companionship caring for my dying grandfather, though, so there was at least some good to come out of it.

My uncle has his own apt. now, but for a stretch, it was imperative to getting his finances back on some kind of track that he be cutting every expense possible.
To me, that's different. Your uncle was an adult, out in the world, etc. Circumstances beyond his control forced him back to the parents' home.

OP hasn't really lived. By running back home so soon, it doesn't seem like she's trying to make it.

[wordsmith]

We must remember, though, that people who claim bankruptcy are bailed out because they are liquidated from all of their debt, except student loans. I never really understood this. So, in effect, our system doesn't teach us to take care of ourselves.


What's the alternative, though, Victorian-era debtor's prisons?

[nikorock28]

Yeah, that's cool. My FI lived w/ his dad until very recently, and also paid $400/month. He was responsible for all car stuff, cell, anything personal he wanted, like clothes, computer stuff, fishing stuff, etc. His "rent" went towards food and use of utilities. If he wanted anything special to eat, he bought it out of his money, not from his dad. But this helped him to move out so he could get married...not the reverse. You shouldn't really need to regress, esp. with a huge step in life like that.

Yes, that is my arrangement exactly. I pay for my protein powder, vitamins and the special $5 dolmas (stuffed grape leaves) I greatly enjoy.

I agree that you shouldn't regress, but in the case of the OP I don't think it is a big deal. It will help her pay down the CC debt and maybe chip in more for the wedding.

[pisces2473]

Is taking care of yourself foreclosing on houses, running up credit charges, claiming bankruptcies, not contributing to retirement, taking out home equity lines of credit? I'm talking for people who have money, but don't manage it wisely. Of course, it is different if you just earn crap. It is not just young people who don't know how to take care of their finances. I do understand your point though.

We must remember, though, that people who claim bankruptcy are bailed out because they are liquidated from all of their debt, except student loans. I never really understood this. So, in effect, our system doesn't teach us to take care of ourselves.
Well this is a completely different topic, but people need to live within their means. I don't make a lot, and I have about the same amount of CC debt as the OP, but I'm not about to move back in with my parents just to pay it off. I will pay it off, in time. And I'm getting married too. I'm not comparing myself to her, I'm just saying that I can manage to live within my means to pay it off, and not be like the people you (Niko) are talking about.

[nikorock28]

What's the alternative, though, Victorian-era debtor's prisons?

Haha, I don't have a solution =) I guess there is no alternative, though it seems like when you owe, you should at least pay something towards it for the rest of your life. I really don't know. I think if the consequences for bankruptcy were more harsh, there would absolutely be people thinking twice before making decisions that have a financial impact. But, then again, things do happen sometimes without your control and consent, as you illustrated in your post about your uncle.

[pisces2473]

I agree that you shouldn't regress, but in the case of the OP I don't think it is a big deal. It will help her pay down the CC debt and maybe chip in more for the wedding.
Yeah, I know. I just think it is strange, when one is growing towards a new life with someone, to be going back home. You cannot prepare for life. Things happen, people get hit by cars, people lose jobs, etc. I think this is what bothers me so much about OP. She's trying to plan things so perfectly, when in all reality, you can't do that. All the planning in the world can happen, and something else can still go down.

[nikorock28]

To me, that's different. Your uncle was an adult, out in the world, etc. Circumstances beyond his control forced him back to the parents' home.

OP hasn't really lived. By running back home so soon, it doesn't seem like she's trying to make it.

I don't think she is running back home. By living at home for a short time period, it will make her feel better about her finances starting off the marriage. She will not be concerned about the CC debt and this will help in creating a solid financial future. Better to get help before it spirals out of control than being forced to get help once it spirals out of control.

[wordsmith]

Haha, I don't have a solution =) I guess there is no alternative, though it seems like when you owe, you should at least pay something towards it for the rest of your life. I really don't know. I think if the consequences for bankruptcy were more harsh, there would absolutely be people thinking twice before making decisions that have a financial impact. But, then again, things do happen sometimes without your control and consent, as you illustrated in your post about your uncle.

I still think the consequences of bankruptcy are pretty damned harsh, and you'd have to kind of be an idiot to take them lightly. Most people who file for it do so out of pure desperation, not simply because it looks like a really great way of getting out of paying their bills. The problem with paying on something the rest of your life if you have to is that creditors, lenders, and even collections people won't really let you do that, it's "come up with it now," whether that's possible or not.

[embrassezla]

I dunno...living on $1K/mo in grad school, eating ramen for dinner and seriously scrimping to get by was a great learning experience for me, and shaped the way I keep my house and finances to this day. It was a very valuable experience, and one that my sister isn't getting living at home and just pitching in x amt for food, utilities, etc.

[pisces2473]

I don't think she is running back home. By living at home for a short time period, it will make her feel better about her finances starting off the marriage. She will not be concerned about the CC debt and this will help in creating a solid financial future. Better to get help before it spirals out of control than being forced to get help once it spirals out of control.
Yes, but you cannot always just DO SOMETHING and then everything will be magically fixed. That's my point. You gotta roll with it baby... *cue Steve Winwood*

[pisces2473]

I dunno...living on $1K/mo in grad school, eating ramen for dinner and seriously scrimping to get by was a great learning experience for me, and shaped the way I keep my house and finances to this day. It was a very valuable experience, and one that my sister isn't getting living at home and just pitching in x amt for food, utilities, etc.
THANK YOU.

[nikorock28]

Yeah, I know. I just think it is strange, when one is growing towards a new life with someone, to be going back home. You cannot prepare for life. Things happen, people get hit by cars, people lose jobs, etc. I think this is what bothers me so much about OP. She's trying to plan things so perfectly, when in all reality, you can't do that. All the planning in the world can happen, and something else can still go down.

Yeah, I can understand what you are saying. In reality, the OP needs to figure out how much she would save by moving home. Moving is a complete hassle and she said that it would add a ton to her commute. If her commute is THAT much longer, and she has to make it for 5-6 months, it probably does not justify moving home. I think this is a key point. Even if it is just 10 miles more one way, that will be like 3,000 more miles in 6 months. Obviously, if it is 20 or more miles each way, there is no question that it is not worth $2k. Remember, it is not only the actual cost of the gas, but car maintenance/replacement.

[pisces2473]

Yeah, I can understand what you are saying. In reality, the OP needs to figure out how much she would save by moving home. Moving is a complete hassle and she said that it would add a ton to her commute. If her commute is THAT much longer, and she has to make it for 5-6 months, it probably does not justify moving home. I think this is a key point. Even if it is just 10 miles more one way, that will be like 3,000 more miles in 6 months. Obviously, if it is 20 or more miles each way, there is no question that it is not worth $2k. Remember, it is not only the actual cost of the gas, but car maintenance/replacement.
Yeah, that's all very true. I agree. I just moved in November, 5 miles away, and it was a HUGE pain.

[nikorock28]

THANK YOU.

Haha, I do agree with both of you guys.

[pisces2473]

That's b/c me and Embra are truly truly truly outrageous! :D

[Syracuse]

If you have a good relationship with your parents living with them can be a good idea, you'll save tons of money of course. Unfortunately many of us in our 20s can't stand our parents anymore, at least not living with them. Try to ignore societies stereotypes about it being uncool though.

[nikorock28]

I still think the consequences of bankruptcy are pretty damned harsh, and you'd have to kind of be an idiot to take them lightly. Most people who file for it do so out of pure desperation, not simply because it looks like a really great way of getting out of paying their bills. The problem with paying on something the rest of your life if you have to is that creditors, lenders, and even collections people won't really let you do that, it's "come up with it now," whether that's possible or not.

Good points.

[nikorock28]

If you have a good relationship with your parents living with them can be a good idea, you'll save tons of money of course. Unfortunately many of us in our 20s can't stand our parents anymore, at least not living with them. Try to ignore societies stereotypes about it being uncool though.

I think this might be an issue with the OP. It sounded like she dreaded moving back home. If this is the case, she should probably just stay put. Only she knows how much she can't stand her parents.

[wordsmith]

I wouldn't ever consider moving back in with my parents if we didn't have a healthy relationship.

[asm198]

OP hasn't really lived. By running back home so soon, it doesn't seem like she's trying to make it.

Completely agree. It's as if the OP is giving much too early. It's one thing to try and take care of things out yourself by coming up with a plan and that not working out and THEN asking for help. But realizing that you might be in a less than ideal situation, freaking out about, and running home isn't really going to solve anything.

Yeah, I know. I just think it is strange, when one is growing towards a new life with someone, to be going back home. You cannot prepare for life. Things happen, people get hit by cars, people lose jobs, etc. I think this is what bothers me so much about OP. She's trying to plan things so perfectly, when in all reality, you can't do that. All the planning in the world can happen, and something else can still go down.

Exactly. Things happen and all the planning in the world isn't going to change that. Most people in the world have some sort of debt, whether that's credit cards, mortgages, car loans, or student loans. Living at home until you are completely debt free, with 6 months of extra savings in the bank will mean you are going to be living at home for a very long time. Not everything in life is going to go to plan and things happen and you've got to get used to that. It might as well be sooner rather than later.

[TinyDancer]

OP,

I don't think this is a big deal at all. I guess I don't look at it as many of the posters here do. Maybe that's because I know many people that have done this. If you have a healthy relationship with your parents and you know how to save and budget to not get into trouble again. . . this seems like a good alternative.

If I was in your situation, I'd totally do it.

My parents help me out a lot. . . not financially anymore, but in every other way possible. I consider myself to be very independent. . . but I'm not going to tough it out on my own to prove a point if I get into a rough spot. Both sets of grandparents helped my parents when they were starting out. . . and my parents still turned out quite well financially and emotionally.

Yeah, there are loser people out there that completely drain their parents and take advantage, but if that's not you. . . what's the big deal?

[zen_mistress]

And, dont feel bad about having the parents help pay for the wedding. They will enjoy it as much as you do. I know if I ever get married my mother would have a field day... :) she has already had a dream about what my dress is going to look like... and im single. I guess its because im her only daughter, and her wedding was in a regisrty office... I think she would want to vicariously have a white wedding through me...

[wordsmith]

My parents help me out a lot. . . not financially anymore, but in every other way possible. I consider myself to be very independent. . . but I'm not going to tough it out on my own to prove a point if I get into a rough spot. Both sets of grandparents helped my parents when they were starting out. . . and my parents still turned out quite well financially and emotionally.


100% agree, personally. I feel that I'm more independent than most people I know, and my parents help me out in absolutely every way but financially (and they'd do that if I needed/would accept it, too, as much as they could). That's just what good family does, as far as I'm concerned...is there for one another.

[J-girl]

100% agree, personally. I feel that I'm more independent than most people I know, and my parents help me out in absolutely every way but financially (and they'd do that if I needed/would accept it, too, as much as they could). That's just what good family does, as far as I'm concerned...is there for one another.

I agree and on the contrary, I would do the same for my kids and I would help my parents when they are old and retired and even offer them to move in with me if the need ever arises.

But I do agree with Jen as well, there are some kids where the umbilical chords are never cut off and that is not healthy.