Dating and living with parents vs. living with a roommate

[Mark A.]

It seems most women are turned off by guys who still live with their parents. But what about guys who live in crappy apartments or with roommates? Is that situation really much better than living with your parents? Don't most women want a guy who has a nice place and doesn't live with other people?

[LaFille]

depends on the guy and why he's living at home. i don't think it's generally the first thing a guy will get judged on, and i doubt it's a dealbreaker in most cases.

[sierra]

Yeah, it depends on the situation, if financially they have to live with someone else, then I don't see a problem. I don't know what exactly you mean by crappy apartments, but I have to say that a dirty one is a turn off.

[Winter Storm]

I gotta say, I'd rather a guy live with roommates or have a crappy apartment than live with his parents. Not that there is anything wrong with living with the rents but I really like having the privacy to do what you want and living under your own rules.

My ex lived with his parents for years. I wasn't allowed in any room but the living room, couldn't take of my shoes and well, his mom hated me. By the time he moved into his crap apartment, it was heaven in comparison.

[Mark A.]

I gotta say, I'd rather a guy live with roommates or have a crappy apartment than live with his parents. Not that there is anything wrong with living with the rents but I really like having the privacy to do what you want and living under your own rules.
How are you going to get more privacy when a guy lives with roommates as opposed to his parents? Plus, what if his roommates don't like you or "your rules"?

[Chameleon]

How are you going to get more privacy when a guy lives with roommates as opposed to his parents? Plus, what if his roommates don't like you or "your rules"?
Meeting the parents early in a relationship is a lot more awkward than meeting the roommates, wouldn't you say? Usually, you can ask your roommates to give you a little privacy, chances are your parents are less likely leave THEIR house to give you some room to get laid. Having his roommates walk in on you is probably less embarrassing/humiliating than having his parents walk in on you or doing the walk of shame past his mother the next morning.

Knowing that his parents explicitly know that you are sleeping with their son also tends to make things awkward, assuming they are the type that would condone premarital sex in their house and be able to look you in the eye at dinner. You hear more about the over protective mother-in-law than the territorial roommate. I think I'm too old to be sneaking in and out of people's houses.

I would also think that parents would have a lot more potential to be a pain in the ass if they don't like you than if his roommates don't like you. It's also easier to tell a roommate to stop being a pain in the ass. Even if you were able to get privacy at your place, I have visions of the guy coming home to inquisitions about how much time he's not spending with his family and how that Jezebel is taking him away. That's drama you shouldn't have to deal with until you get married :) There's 20+ years of pull that the roommates don't have and he's not going to sever ties with his family if things get really ugly, chances are you will lose. If he has roommates, there's only till the end of the lease, if you are lucky.

I would prefer a guy that lived on his own (I live on my own) over a guy with roommates (dealing with one person's quirks is more than enough entertainment for me), and a guy with (sane) roommates over a guy that lived with his parents. In theory, I would date a guy who was living with his parents if he was there because of their health and/or wasn't mooching, showed some signs of independence, had a healthy non-co-dependent relationship with his parents and healthy boundaries with them. I know of very few people that are originally from the city I live in so I rarely meet anyone who lives with their parents here, so it's not much of an issue.

[wordsmith]

Parents come with an authoritarian dynamic and an approval dynamic that roommates typically don't.

[Ciderhillnh]

You get privacy when living with roommates by going into your room and closing the door....or if you have something special that you want to do in the living room just let them know that you need the room.

As far as living with parents, unless the guy got screwed and cant afford to financially (say like my friend who got divorced and is paying lawyers) or he is at home to take care of sick parents......I see no other reason to live at home, and pretty much wont date a guy who cant live on his own.

And even if the guy has a good reason for being at home, Im not going to be spending the night there or much time at his parents house.....

[wordsmith]

I dated a guy when I was in my midtwenties who lived at his parents' house for the first seven or eight months we dated (he was a couple of years younger than I am, and had just gotten out of school and was starting out in his job). Overnights were at my house, no biggie. But his parents were very much of the "You're an adult, do what you want" persuasion, as well. And, I knew it was temporary.

[EmberMae]

I personally would rather the guy live with roommates than parents, due to more privacy, but I'd rather live with my parents than roommates, given my bad experiences. I can live with my parents without always having to walk on tiptoes wondering if i'm not being friendly enough, or did something i do piss them off.

[wordsmith]

Do you think it's different, stigma-wise, for a guy of a certain age to be living with parents rather than roommates, versus a girl of a certain age?

[Ciderhillnh]

You just have to live in the apartment and not tip toe around wondering if you did something to piss them off. People control their own happiness and you just have to live your life as they live theirs.

As for stigma for girls or guys living at home. I think society finds it more acceptable for a girl to live at home.

Personally, I think if you have a job, and your parents dont need you at home to take care of them, you should be out on your own, yes even if it means struggling for awhile. I dont understand where the whole live at home until in your mid to late 20s became acceptable by parents, society or our generation.

[wordsmith]

You just have to live in the apartment and not tip toe around wondering if you did something to piss them off. People control their own happiness and you just have to live your life as they live theirs.

As for stigma for girls or guys living at home. I think society finds it more acceptable for a girl to live at home.

Personally, I think if you have a job, and your parents dont need you at home to take care of them, you should be out on your own, yes even if it means struggling for awhile. I dont understand where the whole live at home until in your mid to late 20s became acceptable by parents, society or our generation.

In generations and eras past, people tended to live at home until they were married off. It's not really a new trend. Although previously, the reasons were societal as well as financial, now, they're predominantly financial. I personally decided that for me, it was better to go it on my own and struggle than live at home, but that's for individual people (and their families, if that's who they're living with) to choose, and I can't fault anybody for deciding it's financially smarter to stay living at home when starting out, if they have an amenable setup with their parents.

[AshleyJordan]

It also depends a lot on culture-- I know that in my mom's culture, for a woman to move out before she's married is pretty scandalous. . . it's also the norm in a lot of European countries (Italy, Spain, and Greece) for everyone-- men and women alike-- to stay at home until they're married.

[Ciderhillnh]

Yes but look from the 40s and 50s on.....our parents generation, they lived on their own etc, same in the 80s and most of the 90s, its been a recent trend that people go to college and move home...for MANY years before moving out (of course a generalization not everyone does this).

We have been nicknamed the boomerang generation for a reason.

I look at it that even if you have a good set up with your parents, not moving out on your own equates to not being very indepdenent and not cutting the cord from your parents and going out and taking care of yourself.

Which is why its my choice to not date people who live at home (UNLESS its because they are taking care of their parents or fell on hard times from say being divorced----not due to poor financial decisions like major CC debt)

[wordsmith]

It also depends a lot on culture-- I know that in my mom's culture, for a woman to move out before she's married is pretty scandalous. . . it's also the norm in a lot of European countries (Italy, Spain, and Greece) for everyone-- men and women alike-- to stay at home until they're married.

As well as past generations in the US, too, depending on regional culture.

[wordsmith]

We have been nicknamed the boomerang generation for a reason.

Yes...and one very large reason is that wages in many industries don't even come close to keeping up with the cost of living, which wasn't the case for most of our parents. My mother and father could support themselves as newlyweds with entry level jobs and buy a home, and afford to have three children when they were both thirty/under. Not possible now, in the exact same geographic region, town, even.

[Mark A.]

I just don't see how living with a roommate can be considered being independent. You aren't really indepedent in that situation. You're dependent on your roommate paying his share of the rent. I also don't see how I would gain any more privacy by living with a roommate as opposed to living with my parents.

[AshleyJordan]

Don't know. I haven't really had roommates (except for my 1st yr of undergrad,) for that very reason. . . I've also compromised a lot on location to be able to afford to live alone.

[wordsmith]

I just don't see how living with a roommate can be considered being independent. You aren't really indepedent in that situation. You're dependent on your roommate paying his share of the rent. I also don't see how I would gain any more privacy by living with a roommate as opposed to living with my parents.

Depends on what you consider independence...

Is paying all your own bills, not splitting them with anybody an indicator of independence? Is being free of parental restrictions and/or commentary an indicator of independence? Is living on your own, but charging all the things you can't afford to credit card companies an indicator of independence? I think diff. people have diff. personal yardsticks for what makes a person "independent."

[weary]

i know several ppl who can afford to live on their own but choose to have roommates for the $ savings...nothing wrong with that, IMO.

i'm split on the living w/ the rents thing b/c in some ways, yes, it is annoying, lack of privacy/authority, etc....but i too come from a culture where it's not unusual for adult children to live in w/ their rents...sometimes even AFTER they marry and have their own family.

meh, to each his/her own. i think more than anything, i want someone who is capable of being independent, financially and otherwise. they don't have to "prove" it by living alone.

[EmberMae]

Do you think it's different, stigma-wise, for a guy of a certain age to be living with parents rather than roommates, versus a girl of a certain age?
I think so because for men there is still more emphasis on financial achievement and independence. It's becoming more important for women too, but I still don't think it's quite at the same level.

Anyway, thinking about this more, before we moved in together my fiance lived with two roommates in a house. But we really spent more time at my parents' house unless we were wanting to have sex or something. Why?

1. His roommates smoked pot in the house. Every day.
2. They had a drumset in the living room. I'm not kidding.
3. They often left food sitting out, and the bathroom didn't look great either.

[Ciderhillnh]

Living with roommates = independent because you are buying your own groceries, responsible to pay the house bills on your own, you make or buy your own meals, keep your entire home and personal space clean, do your own laundry, wake up on your own without a parent to possibly help wake you up, and you are your own safety net.

When living with your parents you can do all these things too, but if you dont the parents can help.....such as making meals or paying the bills and letting you pay them back later if at all, or cleaning up a mess that you left in the living room.

Parents do these things, if you rely on roommates to pick up after you or make all the meals, eventually they are going to get irritated with it......you have to find a happy medium to make it work. Parents are parents and typically are willing to take more 'abuse' and put up with more from their kids.

Mark A.....when you live with roommates yes you share expenses, but you dont have someone to take care of and pick up after you as most people do when living with their parents.

I guess my mainstay is that if Im going to date a guy, I want him to be on the same level as me and since I live on my own, I expect that he does as well. Also, if I were to live with a BF, I dont want his first experience out of his parents house to be with me, Ive had that experience numerous times over, and thus know how to live with someone that isnt family, I need him to have that same experience coming into it as well.

[wordsmith]

i think more than anything, i want someone who is capable of being independent, financially and otherwise. they don't have to "prove" it by living alone.

Excellent point.

[cache]

I just don't see how living with a roommate can be considered being independent. You aren't really indepedent in that situation. You're dependent on your roommate paying his share of the rent. I also don't see how I would gain any more privacy by living with a roommate as opposed to living with my parents.

Mark,
I am 28, and have never lived alone...I enjoy having roommates, and as far as I know, it has never been an issue with GFs, even though I can afford to live alone. Right now, I live in a big house, and occupy the master suite. I have more square footage in my room than some people have in their entire apartments...seriously...including a seperate living area in my room. I have plenty of privacy, too. It is definitely nothing like living with parents.

2 points here:
1. To me, if a woman has an issue with me living with roommates, why would I want to date her anyways? It is part of my life that I enjoy, just like anything else.
2. To me, there is absolutely nothing wrong with someone living with parents. NOt everyone is ready to move out at the same time, so I think it is unfair to judge someone who does not, and also, if you have a good relationship with the folks, what is so wrong with living with them for a while? When my dad got really sick, I had to move back with the folks, and it was a great for my mom and I - our relationship turned into a mature, adult relationship - somethinhg I may still not have had I not lived with her as an adult.

[and1grad]

Meeting the parents early in a relationship is a lot more awkward than meeting the roommates, wouldn't you say? Usually, you can ask your roommates to give you a little privacy, chances are your parents are less likely leave THEIR house to give you some room to get laid. Having his roommates walk in on you is probably less embarrassing/humiliating than having his parents walk in on you or doing the walk of shame past his mother the next morning.

Knowing that his parents explicitly know that you are sleeping with their son also tends to make things awkward, assuming they are the type that would condone premarital sex in their house and be able to look you in the eye at dinner. You hear more about the over protective mother-in-law than the territorial roommate. I think I'm too old to be sneaking in and out of people's houses.

I would also think that parents would have a lot more potential to be a pain in the ass if they don't like you than if his roommates don't like you. It's also easier to tell a roommate to stop being a pain in the ass. Even if you were able to get privacy at your place, I have visions of the guy coming home to inquisitions about how much time he's not spending with his family and how that Jezebel is taking him away. That's drama you shouldn't have to deal with until you get married :) There's 20+ years of pull that the roommates don't have and he's not going to sever ties with his family if things get really ugly, chances are you will lose. If he has roommates, there's only till the end of the lease, if you are lucky.

I would prefer a guy that lived on his own (I live on my own) over a guy with roommates (dealing with one person's quirks is more than enough entertainment for me), and a guy with (sane) roommates over a guy that lived with his parents. In theory, I would date a guy who was living with his parents if he was there because of their health and/or wasn't mooching, showed some signs of independence, had a healthy non-co-dependent relationship with his parents and healthy boundaries with them. I know of very few people that are originally from the city I live in so I rarely meet anyone who lives with their parents here, so it's not much of an issue.
I agree with all of this.

[Skyblade]

My brother is 30 years old and still lives with my mom. He's never had a steady girlfriend in his life.

[and1grad]

Mark,
I am 28, and have never lived alone...I enjoy having roommates, and as far as I know, it has never been an issue with GFs, even though I can afford to live alone. Right now, I live in a big house, and occupy the master suite. I have more square footage in my room than some people have in their entire apartments...seriously...including a seperate living area in my room. I have plenty of privacy, too. It is definitely nothing like living with parents.

2 points here:
1. To me, if a woman has an issue with me living with roommates, why would I want to date her anyways? It is part of my life that I enjoy, just like anything else.
2. To me, there is absolutely nothing wrong with someone living with parents. NOt everyone is ready to move out at the same time, so I think it is unfair to judge someone who does not, and also, if you have a good relationship with the folks, what is so wrong with living with them for a while? When my dad got really sick, I had to move back with the folks, and it was a great for my mom and I - our relationship turned into a mature, adult relationship - somethinhg I may still not have had I not lived with her as an adult.
I agree that it isnt fair to judge but, not that you dont know this, the reality is that you WILL be judged on these kind of things and if you dont have a decent qualifier as to why you live at home, its gonna be viewed as negative.

[cache]

I agree that it isnt fair to judge but, not that you dont know this, the reality is that you WILL be judged on these kind of things and if you dont have a decent qualifier as to why you live at home, its gonna be viewed as negative.

Sure...just not by me.

I saw a clip online, I think it was from 60 minutes, where they were interviewing this Indian actress, Ashwarya Rai, or something like that. (She is absolutely gorgeous, BTW), and the interviewer asked her about living with her parents at age 33, and how uncommon that is in the US. She couldn't understand why people in the US are so quick to escape the strongest bonds that they have in life. It was an interesting perspective...

[cheshrcarol]

There's almost no way I'd go out with a guy who lived at home. There would have to be some VERY good reasons (i.e. taking care of an ailing parent). I think that adults who have full time jobs have an obligation to support themselves and not live off their parents. And I'd rather go out with someone who think similarly. As for roommates, I don't really care. That's 1000 times better than living with their parents in my book.

[and1grad]

Sure...just not by me.

I saw a clip online, I think it was from 60 minutes, where they were interviewing this Indian actress, Ashwarya Rai, or something like that. (She is absolutely gorgeous, BTW), and the interviewer asked her about living with her parents at age 33, and how uncommon that is in the US. She couldn't understand why people in the US are so quick to escape the strongest bonds that they have in life. It was an interesting perspective...
Yes she is. I think her perspective is the same as pretty much every old world perspective. I dont think people are looking to escape family bonds as much as they're looking to find themselves. I think living at home for too long stunts your growth, personally.

[cache]

Yes she is. I think her perspective is the same as pretty much every old world perspective. I dont think people are looking to escape family bonds as much as they're looking to find themselves. I think living at home for too long stunts your growth, personally.

Yeah, I can understand that. I think people hurry through the stages of life too fast, and miss a lot of things, though.

[and1grad]

Yeah, I can understand that. I think people hurry through the stages of life too fast, and miss a lot of things, though.
Definitely. Not to mention...spend too much time concentrating on the negative.

[wordsmith]

I honestly think I'm absolutely as close to my family living apart from them as I would be/was living with them (I don't go very long without spending time with them, and anybody I date, even casually, will figure this out within probably a week). I'd imagine that guys who think that if you prioritize a lot of family time, you're not very independent or self-realized or are in some way stunted in terms of personal growth, they're going to think that regardless of the fact that I maintain my own apartment.

[and1grad]

I honestly think I'm absolutely as close to my family living apart from them as I would be/was living with them (I don't go very long without spending time with them, and anybody I date, even casually, will figure this out within probably a week). I'd imagine that guys who think that if you prioritize a lot of family time, you're not very independent or self-realized or are in some way stunted in terms of personal growth, they're going to think that regardless of the fact that I maintain my own apartment.
I think there's a huge difference b/w spending time with parents and living at home.

[wordsmith]

I think there's a huge difference b/w spending time with parents and living at home.

The truth is, I spend MUCH more time WITH my parents than any of my siblings did while they were living at home post college, so it really depends. I make a point to spend a lot of time at their house, regardless of not living there, whereas each of my siblings who lived at home as adults treated it mainly as a motel.

It also depends on your setup...the aforementioned boyfriend, when he lived at his parents, came and went and operated as he pleased, too, as you would with a roommate situation...just rent-free. He had his own portion of the house, sep. entrance, etc. He did use their kitchen, though.

[and1grad]

The rent free thing bothers me. Also, having mom stock the fridge for you also bothers me. To me, those are earmarks of being able to take care of yourself.

[weary]

i think how much time you spend with or at your parents house whether you live there or not really depends on how/why. i have a guy friend who actually treats HIS apt like a motel, and spends a lot more time @ his parent's home (they live in the same town). why? b/c he goes over there to eat (he can barely boil water...when he cooks it's always something out of a can or the freezer), to do his laundry, etc.

he sleeps, shits, and shaves at home. (and i guess maybe gets the occasional piece of ass, though i'd wonder about any chick who'd stay overnight in his pigsty. :rolleyes: )

his situation, to me, is far more of a turn-off than a guy who lives at home but can take care of himself.

[Kitty]

I would date a guy living at home if it was a temporary thing - like living at home to save up for a house or living at home for a year to pay off debt, etc. I would not even consider dating a guy who was just living at home because they wanted to and didn't have any plans of moving out. That is just too weird for me.

And yes, dating a guy in a shitty apartment or with roommates is better than dating a guy that lives at home, IMO.

[wordsmith]

The rent free thing bothers me. Also, having mom stock the fridge for you also bothers me. To me, those are earmarks of being able to take care of yourself.

I agree, but that's some people's financial situation.

Also, I eat at my parents' all the time, and I don't live with them. I wouldn't need to stock my fridge at all. It really helps when money is tight. If that make me an undatable person who can't take care of myself, I can live with that. A lot of people "take care of themselves," outwardly looking independent since they live alone, but really live beyond their means to do so, they can't actually afford it.

You have to know what you can afford. For some, living alone on a low-paying job is beyond their means.

[SmilesSoSweet]

As long as the guy has a steady job, has some goals in life and is a good person overall, then it wouldn't matter to me if he lived with his parents or with roommates.

My brother moved back home after grad school until he found a job and he was able save up money and pay off debts as well. I wouldn't say he was a loser, or not a good enough guy because he lived at home though. He did have a gf at the time (now wife) and she didn't care. They'd always be at her place anyway.

[wordsmith]

I would not even consider dating a guy who was just living at home because they wanted to and didn't have any plans of moving out.

Does anybody really know a lot of people who are like that, though? Every single person I've ever known, with the exception of one, lives at home either to stockpile money to eventually move out, or to help with family situations. I haven't ever known a single person who does so with no plans to move out. I wonder if that's very common.

[wordsmith]

My brother moved back home after grad school until he found a job and he was able save up money and pay off debts as well. I wouldn't say he was a loser, or not a good enough guy because he lived at home though. He did have a gf at the time (now wife) and she didn't care. They'd always be at her place anyway.

Basically identical situation with my brother.

[AshleyJordan]

Does anybody really know a lot of people who are like that, though? Every single person I've ever known, with the exception of one, lives at home either to stockpile money to eventually move out, or to help with family situations. I haven't ever known a single person who does so with no plans to move out. I wonder if that's very common.

I've known women from traditional immigrant (Chinese, Indian, and Arabic) families who have/had no intention of moving out until they're married. Of course, their dating situations were very different from the American norm.

[Kitty]

Does anybody really know a lot of people who are like that, though? Every single person I've ever known, with the exception of one, lives at home either to stockpile money to eventually move out, or to help with family situations. I haven't ever known a single person who does so with no plans to move out. I wonder if that's very common.

Yup. I know one. My first boyfriend ever. Still living at home in his parents basement with no plans of moving out. Sad.

[wordsmith]

I've known women from traditional immigrant (Chinese, Indian, and Arabic) families who have/had no intention of moving out until they're married. Of course, their dating situations were very different from the American norm.

Right, the "with the exception of one," where I referenced it, it was due to a cultural issue. But that notwithstanding, I don't know that that's the norm.

[weary]

Yup. I know one. My first boyfriend ever. Still living at home in his parents basement with no plans of moving out. Sad.
why is it sad if it works for him and them?

i can see if it's an issue for either, or there's an attitude of "i'll just loaf here rather than go out on my own"...but if it's what works for the family, i don't see the big deal.

[Kitty]

It may not be normal/common, but I still wouldn't date a dude like that if I came across one.

[wordsmith]

Yup. I know one. My first boyfriend ever. Still living at home in his parents basement with no plans of moving out. Sad.

Right, like I said, I know one person, too...but that doesn't make it all that widespread a phenomenon. I really do think that most people living with parents really are doing so temporarily, and overwhelmingly to get on their feet financially. Not just because, and not with the intent of that becoming status quo. For most, it really seems to be a means to an end.

[Kitty]

why is it sad if it works for him and them?

i can see if it's an issue for either, or there's an attitude of "i'll just loaf here rather than go out on my own"...but if it's what works for the family, i don't see the big deal.

Mostly because he is a loser..lol. He doesn't work, or do anything around the house...he seriously just plays video games all day and has his mom do his laundry and pay for everything. So yeah, it is a very "I'll just loaf here rather than work" type of situation.

[weary]

Mostly because he is a loser..lol. He doesn't work, or do anything around the house...he seriously just plays video games all day and has his mom do his laundry and pay for everything. So yeah, it is a very "I'll just loaf here rather than work" type of situation.
oh! well in that scenario, it IS sad! :rolleyes:

[Kitty]

Right, like I said, I know one person, too...but that doesn't make it all that widespread a phenomenon. I really do think that most people living with parents really are doing so temporarily, and overwhelmingly to get on their feet financially. Not just because, and not with the intent of that becoming status quo. For most, it really seems to be a means to an end.

Yeah, I never really said it was common or widespread..I just said I wouldn't date a dude like that.

I get living at home for a while as a way to save up or pay down debts.

[Kitty]

oh! well in that scenario, it IS sad! :rolleyes:

YUP! He never even graduated from HS. He dropped out senior year because he couldn't pry himself from video games and anime long enough to go to class.

[Ciderhillnh]

I know quite a few people that are living at home with their parents for no reason other than its convenient. THey arent saving to move out, they arent paying off debt etc.

one is 32 almost 33, and went in on a summer cottage with his brothers. He lives at home and his parents do everything for him, and he moves out in the summer to be at his cottage but shares it with his brothers so its not even his totally. Plus with 4 people paying for it, its not that expensive.

Another is 27 almost 28. Lives at home just because he does. He doenst strive to work at a better job to make more money or do anything with himself. His parents give him things and money all the time, but he doesnt save or even desire to move out on his own.

Yet another doesnt even work. He just hangs out at home, his mom hands him breakfast and he just loafs. They pay all his bills and he contributes nothing to the house.

Whats funny is they are all male. I dont know any girls living at home for any reason, they all have their own places, and most live on their own with no roommates.

[Bocheezu]

Whats funny is they are all male. I dont know any girls living at home for any reason, they all have their own places, and most live on their own with no roommates.

I'd venture to say it's probably because of their mothers. It's an Oedipus thing. My mom always pampered the hell out of me when I was growing up. "My baby boy is hungry!" when I'm in college already. My sister didn't get the same treatment because it's assumed she can cook for herself because she's a woman, and all women are apperantly hard-wired to cook, while men aren't.

Even now, after having moved out 4 years ago, I still do laundry at my mom's every once in a while. My dad died a couple years ago and mom really feels lost sometimes. She loves to do my laundry and she loves to cook for me, because it gives her purpose in life. I didn't even really think about it too much until we stayed at relatives in another state, and everybody got on my case because mom made me a sandwich. I would honestly have to physically pull her away from the bread and sandwich meat to prevent her from making a sandwich for me.

I can see how a less-motivated guy could just let the mom pamper him to hell and not really worry too much about moving out.

[Ciderhillnh]

Funny since none of these guys have GFs.....and their moms arent happy about doing stuff for them, the moms complain and the fathers tell the boys to stop being lazy and get a move on...they just dont. And since there is no consequence, the guys just dont move out, they dont have to.

BUt in most cases I agree, that the moms just doddle on the kids etc. Or like in your moms case, it gives her purpose, and in that I can accept that its sweet....and you also dont live there so going to have a meal or get laundry done, its cute.

[hoodie]

Interesting thread. My boyfriend lives at his mother's house. She is basically a live-in caretaker for a man who has had a stroke and needs someone to squat on her property that she owns and take care of things. That's where my boyfriend comes in. He has free rent and she pays utilities like heat and water, while he pays phone and internet. He buys all the food, cooks, cleans, fixes anything around the house that needs fixing, etc. Not exactly financial independence at all, but he's getting his bachelor's while working full time in retail and I can definitely understand this choice. His mom only comes around on Wednesdays for maybe 10 minutes and Sundays she's in and out because that house is closer to her church. Honestly, I am not one to judge. If I had a set up like this, I'd live in it too and save money for as long as I could.

That said, most live-at-home situations are much shorter, and I would prefer the classic-case roommate scenario to the classic-case parent scenario for already mentioned reasons. The one which resonates most with me is the one about sex. My parents know I sleep with my boyfriend and that I spend the night with him a few times a week. Nonetheless, "under our roof", we are not allowed to sleep in the same bed. Many parents just aren't comfortable with their kid getting laid in their house, and on some levels I don't blame them. It's a lot easier to do that with a roommate; they are mostly peers of your age group who equally understand the need to get some and will stay out of your face.

[KCboy]

Do you think it's different, stigma-wise, for a guy of a certain age to be living with parents rather than roommates, versus a girl of a certain age?

yes. men are expected to be a provider of sorts. so one that lives at home is seen as someone who can't even manage his own life, much less a family life.

[wordsmith]

yes. men are expected to be a provider of sorts. so one that lives at home is seen as someone who can't even manage his own life, much less a family life.

This doesn't really matter, though, if I'm not married to somebody. I'm not thinking "family life" when I meet somebody. I'm really not there, and I support myself.

[Krishna]

yes. men are expected to be a provider of sorts. so one that lives at home is seen as someone who can't even manage his own life, much less a family life.

For me, I'd rather date a guy who was living at home to save money than a guy who was living in a crappy apartment. Crappy apartments gross me out bigtime. :eek:

[wordsmith]

I bet we're meaning all kinds of diff. things by "crappy."