How do you define a "real woman?"

[PenforPrez]

This is a question for everybody. Bear with me; this is not a thought I've totally worked out yet.

I always take a running assessment of what it is I'm looking for in a romantic partner. Lately, I've been saying to myself: "I want a real woman, not some girl trying to fake it." But what is a "real woman?" Can there be an accurate definition of that?

It made me think of whom I see as a "real woman." There's this woman who co-hosts a morning news show in St. Louis that I like to watch. She's very pretty, has a husky voice that's deep, yet feminine. She's redheaded and chubby and exudes the dominant female type. She's very much a tomboy; she likes sports and she's married to a former baseball player. It helps my definition that she has ginormous breasts. :redface:

I've always viewed "real women" as more assertive types who will state what they want and then go for it, whether in life or a relationship or the bedroom. That's what I'm looking for. But is that just an individual opinion? Could the idea change from person to person?

Thoughts? :)

Paul

[Kitty]

I think that term has something to do with embracing the "flaws" that all women have - instead of trying to be some perfect barbie or fit into the mold of what's supposed to be beautiful. Just going with your natural beauty and being confident. Dove commercials!!

[eastcoaster782]

Not to be a smarty pants, but an individual with the XX chromosome is a "real woman." :D

[dengeist]

Uh-Oh.....

*grabs popcorn*

[wordsmith]

Somebody who's comfortable, confident, and knows she can always improve, but isn't miserable with herself as she is, either...appearancewise, soulwise, whatever. Somebody who feels at home in her own skin, and isn't always comparing herself and coming up lacking.

[PeakDream]

To me, it's very simple:
1. A real woman is someone who can deal with my shit on a daily basis and vice versa.
2. A real woman is someone who makes me want to do better and make her proud, and vice versa.
3. A real woman is someone who gets my stupid jokes and vice versa.

Lastly I don't want a trophy, that's for show, not for real.

[NewMrs.]

This is a question for everybody. Bear with me; this is not a thought I've totally worked out yet.

I always take a running assessment of what it is I'm looking for in a romantic partner. Lately, I've been saying to myself: "I want a real woman, not some girl trying to fake it." But what is a "real woman?" Can there be an accurate definition of that?

It made me think of whom I see as a "real woman." There's this woman who co-hosts a morning news show in St. Louis that I like to watch. She's very pretty, has a husky voice that's deep, yet feminine. She's redheaded and chubby and exudes the dominant female type. She's very much a tomboy; she likes sports and she's married to a former baseball player. It helps my definition that she has ginormous breasts. :redface:

I've always viewed "real women" as more assertive types who will state what they want and then go for it, whether in life or a relationship or the bedroom. That's what I'm looking for. But is that just an individual opinion? Could the idea change from person to person?

Thoughts? :)

Paul


I'm sorry, but this question is weird and difficult to answer. You're asking us to give you the criteria for the type of woman that attracts you.

I think that the whole thing IS individual. My opinion of a real woman has nothing to do with physical appearance. Others would disagree.

What, exactly, turns you on about "real women?" Why are you drawn to them. Therein lies YOUR definition.

[and1grad]

"Sisters get respect, bitches get what they deserve
Sisters work hard, bitches work your nerves
Sisters hold you down, bitches hold you up
Sisters help you progress, bitches will slow you up

Sisters cook up a meal, play their role with the kids
Bitches is in street with their nose in your biz
Sisters tell the truth, bitches tell lies
Sisters drive cars, bitches wanna ride
Sisters give-up the ass, bitches give-up the ass
Sisters do it slow, bitches do it fast
Sisters do their dirt outside of where they live
Bitches have n#@$s all up in your crib

Sisters tell you quick "you better check your homie"
Bitches don't give a fuck, they wanna check for your homie
Sisters love Jay cuz they know how 'Hov is
I love my sisters, I don't love no bitch"
-- Jay Z

[PenforPrez]

I think that term has something to do with embracing the "flaws" that all women have - instead of trying to be some perfect barbie or fit into the mold of what's supposed to be beautiful. Just going with your natural beauty and being confident. Dove commercials!!

Knew I'd missed a thought.

I'd like to apologize for being a breathing, heterosexual male.

Paul

[and1grad]

I'd like to apologize for being a breathing, heterosexual male.
What? Why?

[Kitty]

What? Why?

Yeah, i'm confused.

[wordsmith]

Same.

[PenforPrez]

I felt like I'd accidentally made a sexist male remark. :redface: Those of you who know me know I'm just not that way. Problem is, I'm still a guy.

Paul

[PenforPrez]

I think that the whole thing IS individual. My opinion of a real woman has nothing to do with physical appearance. Others would disagree.

To me, it is a lot more than appearance. I didn't make that clear enough, I think. I thought it would be individual.

What, exactly, turns you on about "real women?" Why are you drawn to them. Therein lies YOUR definition.

I think that was the question I was trying to ask, but I couldn't come up with it.

Paul

[wordsmith]

Still lost,here.

I chose to read, and respond, to the question on the thread as asking about our personal definitions of attributes of womanliness, femininity. I responded based on that.

[Kitty]

Still lost,here.

I chose to read, and respond, to the question on the thread as asking about our personal definitions of attributes of womanliness, femininity. I responded based on that.

Yeah, I'm confused to. I don't think the question was sexist.

[BadKitty]

Sorry to post another song lyrics, but this nails it for me (of course, the physical aspects of that are up to you, Pen. By thw way I didn't find anything sexist in your question):

Your mind and your experience call to me
You have lived and your intelligence is sexy
I want to know what you got to say (x3)
I can tell you taste like the sky cause you look like rain
You look like rain (x8)
You think like a whip on a horse's back
Stretched out to the limit you make it crack
Send that horse round and round the track
I want to know what you got to say (x3)
I can tell you taste like the sky cause you look like rain
You look like rain (x16)
Yea you look like rain
You look like rain

[wordsmith]

Cultural reference #2...my college roommate used to have this Maya Angelou poem posted in our room, which for me grasps a lot about femininity:

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees.
I say
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It's in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

[BadKitty]

Cultural reference #2...my college roommate used to have this Maya Angelou poem posted in our room, which for me grasps a lot about femininity:

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees.
I say
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It's in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.


Oh, someone showed this to me long time ago. It's awsome. Thanks for posting this.

[wordsmith]

My favorite parts are the parts about "the stride of my steps" (confidence), "the joy in my feet" (attitude), "my inner mystery" (the ungraspable mystique), and "the need for my care" (the nurturing aspect).

[BadKitty]

My favorite parts are the parts about "the stride of my steps" (confidence), "the joy in my feet" (attitude), "my inner mystery" (the ungraspable mystique), and "the need for my care" (the nurturing aspect).

Yeah. Beautiful, beautiful poem.

[and1grad]

If you need to define a real man, look to Burger King commercials.

"I am man, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I'm way too hungry
To settle for chiiiiiicckk foo-ood..."

[Kitty]

If you need to define a real man, look to Burger King commercials.

"I am man, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I'm way too hungry
To settle for chiiiiiicckk foo-ood..."

Now, those commercials are sexist.

[and1grad]

Now, those commercials are sexist.
Sexist? LOL!!

[redav]

I'm surprised no one has mentioned this (http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24933) yet

[asm198]

I'd define a real woman as a woman who isn't afraid to be herself. Someone opinionated, who isn't afraid of standing up for herself or her beliefs. Also, someone who won't sell herself short or conform to another person's ideals of what they think a perfect 'whatever' is.

I think you can be girly or very feminine and still be a real woman, as long as that's true to who you really are. I am not a girly woman, myself. I generally feel more comfortable in the stereotypical 'male' arenas, prefer wearing pants to skirts, and I can't have a decent discussion about stereotypical 'female' things like hair, makeup, etc. I consider myself to be a real woman, because that's who I am. If a woman is more comfortable being more feminine, as long as she's not putting on a show, then she is also a real woman. In my opinion, anyway.

[arrow]

Sorry to post another song lyrics, but this nails it for me (of course, the physical aspects of that are up to you, Pen. By thw way I didn't find anything sexist in your question):

Your mind and your experience call to me
You have lived and your intelligence is sexy
I want to know what you got to say (x3)
I can tell you taste like the sky cause you look like rain
You look like rain (x8)
You think like a whip on a horse's back
Stretched out to the limit you make it crack
Send that horse round and round the track
I want to know what you got to say (x3)
I can tell you taste like the sky cause you look like rain
You look like rain (x16)
Yea you look like rain
You look like rain

Morphine!!

[PenforPrez]

I'd define a real woman as a woman who isn't afraid to be herself. Someone opinionated, who isn't afraid of standing up for herself or her beliefs. Also, someone who won't sell herself short or conform to another person's ideals of what they think a perfect 'whatever' is.

See, I think the same thing. I find myself constantly hesitating and being apprehensive, and I admire decisive people, especially decisive women.

I think you can be girly or very feminine and still be a real woman, as long as that's true to who you really are. If a woman is more comfortable being more feminine, as long as she's not putting on a show, then she is also a real woman. In my opinion, anyway.

See, what bothered me was my visualizations of "real women" were women who exhibited a lot of male traits. That seemed wrong to me.

I guess part of it is what I'm wanting right now. I want to be dominated by a woman. I want a woman to give me a hunted look. The look that says, "You're MINE, big boy, and you're not getting away." I'm looking for something similar to Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. Sans ice pick and mindless head games, of course.

Am I making any sense?

Paul

[Bman120]

To me, a real woman is one who is comfortable with herself, both inside and out. She doesn't pretend to be someone she isnt and doesnt try to make me be someone I am not.


She can be girly, tomboyish, or somewhere in between or something totally different. She doesnt need to be strong or powerful, just content with herself, whomever that may be.

[EmberMae]

Not to be a smarty pants, but an individual with the XX chromosome is a "real woman." :D
LOL that's what I was going to say.

See, what bothered me was my visualizations of "real women" were women who exhibited a lot of male traits. That seemed wrong to me.
Stop thinking of them as "male" or "female" traits, and just think of them as traits that you happen to find attractive. The thing that kind of skeeves me about defining a "real woman" is it implies that someone who does not fit your preferred traits is not a "real woman."

[SereneMayhem]

This is a nice poem and this thread reminded me of it.

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek the good in people.
For a slim figure, share you food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run their hands through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw anyone out.
Remember if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find them at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries or the way she comes her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in the facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.

[CTGirl]

Now, those commercials are sexist.

I disagree. I think those commercials are friggin awesome.

[sondra_finchley]

Here is a question- do some men feel intimidated by "real" women? Im very WYSIWYG- know who I am, what I like, and what I know and feel comfortable more in a male arena. Sometimes I almost get a vibe off of guys that its a little too much for them to handle professionally or personally or whatever. Do some guys prefer the mincing little piece of fake instead of a "real woman"?

[redav]

Here is a question- do some men feel intimidated by "real" women? Im very WYSIWYG- know who I am, what I like, and what I know and feel comfortable more in a male arena. Sometimes I almost get a vibe off of guys that its a little too much for them to handle professionally or personally or whatever. Do some guys prefer the mincing little piece of fake instead of a "real woman"?
There was a thread not long ago about whether guys are intimidated by smart or successful women. Most guys are not.

I would say that it is much more likely that they find something the don't like and that's it. I believe that the interpretation of this is often "He doesn't like me because I'm ______ (fill in with smart, successful, "real," etc)" It makes us feel better about ourselves, but is generally not the case. Almost always, men (& women) are turned off by negative behavior patterns, not positive ones (e.g. intelligence, success, confidence, knowing what you want).

[cache]

Here is a question- do some men feel intimidated by "real" women? Im very WYSIWYG- know who I am, what I like, and what I know and feel comfortable more in a male arena. Sometimes I almost get a vibe off of guys that its a little too much for them to handle professionally or personally or whatever. Do some guys prefer the mincing little piece of fake instead of a "real woman"?

I think you have to have the confidence in yourself not to be intimidated by any woman. If there is a "fake" woman, you can be just as fake or shallow. With a real woman, you have to be yourself, and I think a lot of people are afraid of their true selves, at least in the sense of being afraid of what they would project to the world.

[wordsmith]

I think "real" women are no diff. from "real" men. In order to be a "real" person, you have to be comfortable being straightforward about who you are, whoever that is, dropping any fronting and artifice.

[and1grad]

I would say that it is much more likely that they find something the don't like and that's it. I believe that the interpretation of this is often "He doesn't like me because I'm ______ (fill in with smart, successful, "real," etc)" It makes us feel better about ourselves, but is generally not the case. Almost always, men (& women) are turned off by negative behavior patterns, not positive ones (e.g. intelligence, success, confidence, knowing what you want).
Cosign. Cosign. Cosign.

[wordsmith]

Cosign. Cosign. Cosign.

Although you can turn that on its ear, because it DOES happen quite frequently that one person's positive attribute is another's negative. That's where the disconnect comes in...so a woman who gets rejected for having an aggressive, upfront, pulls no punches attitude may say, "I got rejected because he doesn't like strong, confident, tell it like it is women," and the guy who did the rejecting may say, "I rejected her because I don't like abrasive, domineering, bossy women." When they're both talking about the same thing, just interpreting it very differently. It's a matter of taste. I don't think people are candy-coating anything when they say that they've been shot down over an attribute they view as positive, it's more a matter of the other person finding what they've deemed a positive to be a negative, in their opinion.

[BadKitty]

Morphine!!


Yeah! They are pretty great, aren't they?

[entrophize]

Not to be a smarty pants, but an individual with the XX chromosome is a "real woman." :D

This was funny.

----------

A real woman to me understands human nature and is compassionate.
A real woman doesn't use her sexual pull to get what she wants.
A real woman isn't afraid to get wet/muddy/embarassed.
A real woman respects herself and accepts the true equality of men and women.
A real woman laughs often.
A real woman exemplifies grace under fire and a love for her place in the world.

[MiuMiu]

A real woman - in my understanding - is
effortlessly feminine;
kind;
respected and respectful, to self and others;
has integrity;
does not have the need to prove anything to anyone.