Should I mind my own business with this girl or throw myself under the bus again?

[Syracuse]

Earlier I told a girl how I felt about her on valentines and got SHOT DOWN IN FLAMES (http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25402)

But then I saw her again at a bar with some other people friday and we hung out a bit, she felt bad for me and bought me a beer, I'm like yeah cool let's be friends. Then tonight we were just hanging out and we are all about to leave this ymca place where we do open mic, and as we leave she says she lost her ring, I'm like what ring, she says the only present her ex ever gave her, a ring, she lost it in the snow, maybe it's a sign. Maybe THAT was a sign that she's not convinced of being with him, and I have a chance again? Or maybe I should just mind my own business in terms of this girl. I am so lame, I also wrote a poem about her. Should I just kill myself now. Ahhh I am overtired and wired on coffee. Good night qlcers.:eek:

[wordsmith]

If you don't mind getting jerked around by somebody who's gonna flipflop hot and cold, by all means, pursue.

[mishl982]

I voted for the second. She already told you she's not interested. Does she need to tell you again?

I don't get what kind of sign losing her ring is. I think you're kind of reading too much into this.

[Krishna]

This girl sounds like a recipe for disaster. High-tail it towards the door.

[tina1979]

Don't get strung along. Even if she decided to give it a shot with you now because of her "sign" it wouldn't last long. You would be the "transition" guy, the rebound. Nobody likes being that guy/girl.

[CTGirl]

Please, do yourself a favor, and quit looking for and putting any faith in "signs"

[allie1105]

I accidently voted for the first option, and didn't realize what she did to you. Don't bother with her! You can find someone MUCH better...she is one of those girls that thrives on attention and she is probably worried that you aren't pining over her anymore since she shot you down. I know it sucks...but you are so much better than her.

[Winter Storm]

Maybe THAT was a sign that she's not convinced of being with him, and I have a chance again?

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

She's still wearing the ring her ex gave her? The day I broke up with mine, I put all his crap away, haven't pulled it out since. Take it as a sign she is still not over him him and bad news for you.

[cache]

She said no once. Under no circumstances that you will run into in this situation is it OK to go for it again.

Plus, she feels bad for you? So are you looking for a sympathy date? those always lead somewhere...:rolleyes:

[meatwad]

Move along Syr, nothing to see here. Move along.

[meatwad]

This wasn't embarrassing enough or hard on your ego the first time? Why would you do it to yourself again?

We don't always make the smartest decisions in these situations. If we're lucky, we catch ourselves before we do something stupid. Here's your chance Syracuse.

[and1grad]

The fact that she was so bothered by losing the ring is the bigger sign. People dont KNOWINGLY throw themselves under a bus. Smarten up. This one's a loser.

[hajime]

If you don't mind getting jerked around by somebody who's gonna flipflop hot and cold, by all means, pursue.

2nd!

Be very very careful :exclaim:

[Syracuse]

Ok I can see what the verdict is. But I should mention that I don't think she has gotten to know me that well yet, I think I may have gone about this one all wrong. I should have taken it slowly, played it cool, rather than springing the truth on her forcing her to make a decision. BTW this guy is a "bad boy". Of course.

[Chameleon]

Ok I can see what the verdict is. But I should mention that I don't think she has gotten to know me that well yet, I think I may have gone about this one all wrong. I should have taken it slowly, played it cool, rather than springing the truth on her forcing her to make a decision. BTW this guy is a "bad boy". Of course.
You really aren't helping your case. It doesn't sound like she was scared off by your intensity otherwise she would have run away from you at the bar. She's still hung up on her ex and probably sees you as an ego boost that would enable her to get him back. Until she gets past the "liking bad boys" phase, I don't think you stand much of a chance as anything other than filler.

[Bugsey34]

Might be hard to back away if you're too far into it, but there's still hope for you! Don't do it! Don't look for signs, take what she said the first time as the end of the story until she specifically says "ignore what I said the first time".

[tina1979]

She's still hung up on her ex and probably sees you as an ego boost that would enable her to get him back. .
or the next best thing....maybe I can make the ex jealous and get him back.

[Syracuse]

or the next best thing....maybe I can make the ex jealous and get him back.
Yeah the more I think of it I am sure that is the case. But I can't wrap my head around why she would prefer that guy to me, especially since he broke up with her once 2 months ago and hurt her in doing so, he seems like he's crazy too.

[and1grad]

Yeah the more I think of it I am sure that is the case. But I can't wrap my head around why she would prefer that guy to me, especially since he broke up with her once 2 months ago and hurt her in doing so, he seems like he's crazy too.
You're better off NOT trying to figure it out.

[tina1979]

Yeah the more I think of it I am sure that is the case. But I can't wrap my head around why she would prefer that guy to me, especially since he broke up with her once 2 months ago and hurt her in doing so, he seems like he's crazy too.
you would be amazed at the stupid shit we do. I've gone back to a guy that if I told you half the crap he did to me, you would want to put me in a mental home. The sad part was, I never really like, liked him. Didn't love him. Nothing like that. It was just the fact that he was showing me attention and I craved that. I knew he was someone pretty temporary and thats what I wanted, but the way he treated me...someone should have slapped me.

[Syracuse]

you would be amazed at the stupid shit we do. I've gone back to a guy that if I told you half the crap he did to me, you would want to put me in a mental home. The sad part was, I never really like, liked him. Didn't love him. Nothing like that. It was just the fact that he was showing me attention and I craved that. I knew he was someone pretty temporary and thats what I wanted, but the way he treated me...someone should have slapped me.
True but what if there was another guy who suddenly appeared in the picture, nice guy, funny, stable job and all that, made his feelings to you clear not just looking for action, would you at least let him take you on a date, before going back to that ex? Actually don't answer I am just glad I got to vent, thanks qlcers.

[wordsmith]

Would you be happy with her letting you take her on a date, only to go back to the ex? And if so, why?

[SpaceMonkey]

Dude, I think you might have a better shot at dating her ex. :P

Sorry, not trying to be overly snarky.

[Syracuse]

Would you be happy with her letting you take her on a date, only to go back to the ex? And if so, why?
No, either way it is a rejection. Now my problem is I'm sitting here wondering why I was rejected. Not the first time it's happened to me by a long shot, just the latest "crisis".

Course me being Mr. Confident I feel like if she'd only allow me to take her a few dates so she could get to know me better she would forget all about this other guy.

[Syracuse]

Dude, I think you might have a better shot at dating her ex. :P

Sorry, not trying to be overly snarky.
Just trying to be a tad snarky? :D

[nikorock28]

No, either way it is a rejection. Now my problem is I'm sitting here wondering why I was rejected. Not the first time it's happened to me by a long shot, just the latest "crisis".

Course me being Mr. Confident I feel like if she'd only allow me to take her a few dates so she could get to know me better she would forget all about this other guy.

Dude, she's just not into you... you can't convince someone to like you.

[CTGirl]

Dude, she's just not into you... you can't convince someone to like you.

EXACTLY

Men often seem to have a problem with this concept.

[tina1979]

True but what if there was another guy who suddenly appeared in the picture, nice guy, funny, stable job and all that, made his feelings to you clear not just looking for action, would you at least let him take you on a date, before going back to that ex? Actually don't answer I am just glad I got to vent, thanks qlcers.
Actually I will answer tht. There were a couple different guys that entered the picture and I shot them down. Not that they weren't the greatest guys. I just wasn't ready for an honest relationship. I wasn't ready for a guy to really LIKE me. I told myself I was ready, but if I had been I wouldn't have been with the dumbass I was with. Not even with, because as far as that goes we were FwB that was never acknowledged when we were out in public, but everyone knew about. Now I find out he has even denied that it ever happened. :googly: Its my stupid ass fault for not ditching the situation I was in and getting with one of those great guys.

[and1grad]

EXACTLY

Men often seem to have a problem with this concept.
Thats b/c its not necessarily true. I've heard PLENTY of women tell me about how they werent attracted to someone and somehow they just grew on them in some way.

[Syracuse]

Thats b/c its not necessarily true. I've heard PLENTY of women tell me about how they werent attracted to someone and somehow they just grew on them in some way.
Same here, and I know of other guys who just won't give up when it comes to persuing a woman. That's why I was asking if I should just give up so easily, maybe this girl is trying to play hard to get. In any event I don't think she treated me badly in all this and I don't mind being her friend, even if I disagree with her decision. :D

[tina1979]

Thats b/c its not necessarily true. I've heard PLENTY of women tell me about how they werent attracted to someone and somehow they just grew on them in some way.
Thats true. Personality has alot to do with attractiveness. to me anyway.

I've been around guys who girls drool over, but because of thier personality I don't see the attractivness anymore at all. or the other way around.

[coll214]

Same here, and I know of other guys who just won't give up when it comes to persuing a woman. That's why I was asking if I should just give up so easily, maybe this girl is trying to play hard to get. In any event I don't think she treated me badly in all this and I don't mind being her friend, even if I disagree with her decision. :D
yes, but that can backfire on you too... there's a line between 'hard to get' and borderline stalking you don't want to cross. If you persistently get flip/floppy vibes from her stay far far away.

[mishl982]

Thats b/c its not necessarily true. I've heard PLENTY of women tell me about how they werent attracted to someone and somehow they just grew on them in some way.
Yes, he can grown on her, but he can't stick around in hopes that he will grow on her. It just happens.

[SpaceMonkey]

Thats b/c its not necessarily true. I've heard PLENTY of women tell me about how they werent attracted to someone and somehow they just grew on them in some way.

"Co-stanza!"

-Seinfeld

[mishl982]

Same here, and I know of other guys who just won't give up when it comes to persuing a woman. That's why I was asking if I should just give up so easily, maybe this girl is trying to play hard to get. In any event I don't think she treated me badly in all this and I don't mind being her friend, even if I disagree with her decision. :D
You can hang around and be her friend, just don't keep asking her out. If she becomes interested eventually, she'll let you know.

And for the record, I can't stand it when girls (or guys) try to play hard to get. I'm anti playing games.

[and1grad]

If she becomes interested eventually, she'll let you know.
I'd put that down as a MAYBE she'll let you know.

[wordsmith]

I personally think that hanging around and keeping your hat in the ring on the off-chance that somebody who's professed to be uninterested changes his or her mind is one of the most potentially damaging things a person can do to him or herself. It's like holding your breath indefinitely. I think if you do honestly and genuinely want to remain friends with a person, you do yourself a great disservice if somewhere at the heart of it, the impetus for remaining friends is built on some vain hope that they'll eventually "come around" if you wait long enough and stay in the wings. If you can't put that to rest with somebody who's already let you know they're in interested, you don't really have a friendship...you have one person who's already laid it out on the line that they're not interested and assumes it's a friendship, and another person who is in actuality pining for the person and hoping for change, but concealing that with the masquerade of a friendship.

[Bocheezu]

For me personally, if I ever hear the magic words that I'm "weird" or "complicated," it's a dead giveaway that I have no chance in hell and any further pursuit will be deemed "stalker-esque." Of all the myriad of traits you can exhibit, being weird is the worst one because, obviously, all weird guys are automatically creepy stalkers.

[mishl982]

I'd put that down as a MAYBE she'll let you know.
Fine. Maybe. It varies person to person.

[and1grad]

I personally think that hanging around and keeping your hat in the ring on the off-chance that somebody who's professed to be uninterested changes his or her mind is one of the most potentially damaging things a person can do to him or herself. It's like holding your breath indefinitely. I think if you do honestly and genuinely want to remain friends with a person, you do yourself a great disservice if somewhere at the heart of it, the impetus for remaining friends is built on some vain hope that they'll eventually "come around" if you wait long enough and stay in the wings. If you can't put that to rest with somebody who's already let you know they're in interested, you don't really have a friendship...you have one person who's already laid it out on the line that they're not interested and assumes it's a friendship, and another person who is in actuality pining for the person and hoping for change, but concealing that with the masquerade of a friendship.
This is true. Only be friends if you can legitimately be friends. If not, dont bother.

[wordsmith]

Which kinda flies in the face of the "Hang around, because, sometimes, they change their mind" thing. Don't EVER hang around with the hopes that somebody will change his or her mind.

[meatwad]

Which kinda flies in the face of the "Hang around, because, sometimes, they change their mind" thing. Don't EVER hang around with the hopes that somebody will change his or her mind.

Yep. I'll co-sign that loan. Sometimes it's tricky to accept, but you'll be better for it if you do.

[and1grad]

YSometimes it's tricky to accept, but you'll be better for it if you do.
Definitely true.

[meatwad]

Definitely true.

Well, it helps that I just had to deal with that myself. :D Luckily I didn't waste a lot of time with that decision. If things work out later, they work out. If not then they don't. But why set yourself up to get felted by going all in on a gutshot straight draw when you can wait for a made hand and clean some George out for his whole stack?

[and1grad]

But why set yourself up to get felted by going all in on a gutshot straight draw when you can wait for a made hand and clean some George out for his whole stack?
That sounds like a riddle. Or something the winner of a Nascar race would say in a post-race interview.

[meatwad]

That sounds like a riddle. Or something the winner of a Nascar race would say in a post-race interview.

If you played poker a lot you'd probably get it immediately. :D

[wordsmith]

Well, it helps that I just had to deal with that myself. :D Luckily I didn't waste a lot of time with that decision. If things work out later, they work out. If not then they don't.

Yeah, but the things is, you still have to stick around for the "If things work out later," bit to even be a possibility. If you do make the choice that the healthier thing to do is move on with your life sans the other person in it, though, there's really no way for thingsto work out later, because, well, the person isn't in your life anymore... unless you randomly run into them years later or something and the stars magically align, and how likely is any of that?

I guess I just feel like if you're to the point where you really do feel you have to cut your losses and move on, it's a real moving on, not moving on with an eye to a "maybe in the future, who knows." It's closing the door.

[and1grad]

I understood it. I just dont think somebody would SAY it unless they had just competed in Nascar. What I dont get is why the winner drinks milk...and its a whole lot of milk at that.

[meatwad]

Yeah, but the things is, you still have to stick around for the "If things work out later," bit to even be a possibility. If you do make the choice that the healthier thing to do is move on with your life sans the other person in it, though, there's really no way for thingsto work out later, because, well, the person isn't in your life anymore... unless you randomly run into them years later or something and the stars magically align, and how likely is any of that?

I guess I just feel like if you're to the point where you really do feel you have to cut your losses and move on, it's a real moving on, not moving on with an eye to a "maybe in the future, who knows." It's closing the door.

Well in my case it's someone I'll run into a few times a year because of the circle of friends I hang out with. But I didn't exactly fall in love with her either, so I'm hoping it won't be an issue later.

[wordsmith]

But I didn't exactly fall in love with her either

Right, which changes the equation immensely. You wouldn't necessarily need to completely extract this person from your life to get on with things, because the emotional stakes weren't as high as they'd be if you did love her, if she had been somebody you'd had a relationship with, etc. But somebody where that is the case may in fact need to go cold turkey in order to healthily move on.

[meatwad]

Right, which changes the equation immensely. You wouldn't necessarily need to completely extract this person from your life to get on with things, because the emotional stakes weren't as high as they'd be if you did love her, if she had been somebody you'd had a relationship with, etc. But somebody where that is the case may in fact need to go cold turkey in order to healthily move on.

I would agree with that.

[nikorock28]

Well, it helps that I just had to deal with that myself. :D Luckily I didn't waste a lot of time with that decision. If things work out later, they work out. If not then they don't. But why set yourself up to get felted by going all in on a gutshot straight draw when you can wait for a made hand and clean some George out for his whole stack?

Sometimes pushing on a gutshot is positive expected value. Just saying :)

[meatwad]

Sometimes pushing on a gutshot is positive expected value. Just saying :)

Maybe if you're playing limit and you get 8 limpers into the pot. :p

[nikorock28]

Maybe if you're playing limit and you get 8 limpers into the pot. :p

Lol, that is very true, but it best be the nut draw with no 2-flush out there. I was thinking more of in a tournament when you have chips and put a guy on a draw or weak pair and you overbet the pot to push him out. Of course, I am probably not capable of making such reads. :0

[meatwad]

Lol, that is very true, but it best be the nut draw with no 2-flush out there. I was thinking more of in a tournament when you have chips and put a guy on a draw or weak pair and you overbet the pot to push him out. Of course, I am probably not capable of making such reads. :0

Well yeah, you could use it for a semi-bluff. But if I'm going to semi-bluff someone, I want more than 4 outs. I better have a backdoor flush draw or two overs.

[nikorock28]

Well yeah, you could use it for a semi-bluff. But if I'm going to semi-bluff someone, I want more than 4 outs. I better have a backdoor flush draw or two overs.

Agreed. I personally like the OESFD w/ two overs. :)

[meatwad]

Agreed. I personally like the OESFD w/ two overs. :)

Telly Sevales had one of those in the WSOP one year and lost! The other guy had him beat on the flop and he was still a 68% favorite!

[nikorock28]

Telly Sevales had one of those in the WSOP one year and lost! The other guy had him beat on the flop and he was still a 68% favorite!

Yes yes, 68% would be top pair with no heart. It is 64% with a heart. Gotta love the poker odds calculator =) The only real worry with a OESFD is a set or higher flush cards. Poker is a harsh game. On the WPT broadcast last night, it was down to heads up and Patrik Antonius pushed in on the button for about 8 million with blinds 300/600K and 50K ante. The other guy picked up A-4, thought about it, and was like "Ok, lets go." Of course, he sucked out to a straight. The one million dollar suckout. Antonius was left with 100K in chips.
EDIT: Antonius had A-K.

[meatwad]

Yes yes, 68% would be top pair with no heart. It is 64% with a heart. Gotta love the poker odds calculator =) The only real worry with a OESFD is a set or higher flush cards. Poker is a harsh game. On the WPT broadcast last night, it was down to heads up and Patrik Antonius pushed in on the button for about 8 million with blinds 300/600K and 50K ante. The other guy picked up A-4, thought about it, and was like "Ok, lets go." Of course, he sucked out to a straight. The one million dollar suckout. Antonius was left with 100K in chips.
EDIT: Antonius had A-K.

WPT tournies are bullshit. I would never play in one unless I got in for free or super cheap.

[nikorock28]

WPT tournies are bullshit. I would never play in one unless I got in for free or super cheap.

Yeah, that is what pros say also. Once you get down to the final table, it is pretty much a crapshoot because the blinds escalate so quickly. Daniel Negreanu says they have a good structure up to the final table. At that point, however, you are pretty much coin flipping for the bulk of the prize money. Shoot, 6th place paid 160K and first over 2 million.