Friends who don't follow through...

[Krishna]

I've been noticing an alarming trend lately. Friends of mine repeatedly say "oh, we should get together and do something" or "oh, I'll definately call you this weekend" and then never follow through. Now, I've called some of these people 2, 3, 4 times, left messages for them via phone, AIM and facebook...nada. I can understand occasionally forgetting to return a call, or taking a couple days to respond, but this is getting out of control...:0

[PenforPrez]

Oh God, I have ALWAYS had that problem. Almost the exact same words even. It just seems like the whole world is too busy to take a few minutes out for somebody who they know would be a blast to hang out with.

I have done the same thing with repeated contact so many times. I don't know what to tell you; just wanted to let you know I'm the same. :)

Paul

[aggiegrad05]

I must admit, I'm guilty of this sometimes, but only the phone part. I'll pretty much always reply to a facebook or IM. That's pretty crappy if they can't even send you a quick message or email to say hi and explain that they're swamped or exhausted or whatever.

[asm198]

I am that person who won't call you back. I either forget or am concerned that I'm going to be calling too late when I do remember. I'm much easier to get ahold of online and respond MUCH faster.

[mishl982]

Once in awhile I'm guilty of not being responsive, but I definitely have been on the side where you try and try and try to get together with friends who do the whole "ooh we should do this" or "let's get together sometime" only to find they are not as eager to come out or flake out.

[WorkInProgress]

Once in awhile I'm guilty of not being responsive, but I definitely have been on the side where you try and try and try to get together with friends who do the whole "ooh we should do this" or "let's get together sometime" only to find they are not as eager to come out or flake out.

This is basically my experience.

[Ciderhillnh]

I typically try to be really good about calling back since I hate it when others do this.

I have some friends who forget to call back or respond to an invitation, but Ive become used to it and continue to invite them on the off chance they respond and actually want to go out.

As for friends not calling back......if you have called back and left messages...what are you saying in your messages?

If they suggest that they want to get together, are you leaving a simple voice mail of hey its me call me back when you get the chance....or do you call with a specific purpuse such as:
Hey I know you said you wanted to get together soon, I saw that _________ was going on and wanted to know if you would like to go.

Ive found if you call with a stated purpose and question, people are typically more likely to respond than to a hey its me call me message.

Dont rely on your friends who suggest getting together to find and make the plans, sometimes you have to seek it out on your own.

Personally Ive found that having activities and ideas helps to get people together.

[mishl982]

I think no matter what you say in your message, it's very rude for anyone to not call you back.

And it works both ways. You can suggest things to your friends but it means nothing if they don't put effort in as well.

[Syracuse]

Yeah sometimes I just want to hang out with someone, and don't have a specific thing in mind to do so I just say hey what's up, but that is something I shouldn't do. I just never have anything to do and wish other people would invite me to stuff. Everyone I know is always doing fun stuff themselves.

[Ciderhillnh]

THats pretty much the point of my post.
If you hear of other people doing fun stuff themselves its probably because they planned it or saw something about it somewhere and wanted to go.

If you see something fun you want to do, call your friends and invite them to it.

As for hanging out.....I hang out with my friends all the time, but when I call I dont say hey want to hang out?
Usually its something like hey...what are you up to today? If they say not much my next sentance is well I was thinking about ________ come with me?

That blank could be come over and have lunch, watch a movie, whatever, and when the person gets there it might not happen, but its a possible idea other than uh what do you want to do...I dunno what do you want to do scenario.

If you're always waiting for someone else to call you with an idea, you will miss out.
Carpe Diem!

[nikorock28]

THats pretty much the point of my post.
If you hear of other people doing fun stuff themselves its probably because they planned it or saw something about it somewhere and wanted to go.

If you see something fun you want to do, call your friends and invite them to it.

As for hanging out.....I hang out with my friends all the time, but when I call I dont say hey want to hang out?
Usually its something like hey...what are you up to today? If they say not much my next sentance is well I was thinking about ________ come with me?

That blank could be come over and have lunch, watch a movie, whatever, and when the person gets there it might not happen, but its a possible idea other than uh what do you want to do...I dunno what do you want to do scenario.

If you're always waiting for someone else to call you with an idea, you will miss out.
Carpe Diem!

Ummm, the point is they don't answer when you call them. And when you leave a message, they do not call back. This post is irrelevant.

[Syracuse]

Ummm, the point is they don't answer when you call them. And when you leave a message, they do not call back. This post is irrelevant.
Damn cider just got PWNED

[Ciderhillnh]

I dont know about you but sometimes I cant answer my phone immediately or even return a call the same night or for a few consecutive nights.

Sometimes its because Im at the movies and get home late, or because Im out to dinner with friends, or because my hands are wet from washing dishes and by the time Im done its too late or I dont want to talk that night.

Life happens. You have to take that into consideration. People get caught up with their own things....work, school, friends, family whatever....all are important.

The point Im trying to make in my experiences, if I call and leave a whats up message, people are less likely to return it than if I leave a hey are you interested in doing this message.

My response directed at Syracuse is that sometimes if you see people doing fun things and you want to do that as well, you have to take charge to make it happen for yourself rather than waiting for others to contact you about fun and exciting things to do.

[BadKitty]

Well, if the effort to maintain the relationship is unilateral (for a long period of time – obviously people get busy, etc.) it wasn’t much of a friendship to begin with. The people who are worth keeping will stick by you. Life has a way of weeding out the "superficial" (for the lack of a better term) friendships.

[nikorock28]

I dont know about you but sometimes I cant answer my phone immediately or even return a call the same night or for a few consecutive nights.

Sometimes its because Im at the movies and get home late, or because Im out to dinner with friends, or because my hands are wet from washing dishes and by the time Im done its too late or I dont want to talk that night.

Life happens. You have to take that into consideration. People get caught up with their own things....work, school, friends, family whatever....all are important.

The point Im trying to make in my experiences, if I call and leave a whats up message, people are less likely to return it than if I leave a hey are you interested in doing this message.

My response directed at Syracuse is that sometimes if you see people doing fun things and you want to do that as well, you have to take charge to make it happen for yourself rather than waiting for others to contact you about fun and exciting things to do.

I thought you were responding to the OP, so I apologize.

[Syracuse]

Well, if the effort to maintain the relationship is unilateral (for a long period of time – obviously people get busy, etc.) it wasn’t much of a friendship to begin with. The people who are worth keeping will stick by you. Life has a way of weeding out the "superficial" (for the lack of a better term) friendships.
I have an opinion that you probably disagree with, though that everyone is essentially out for themselves, and if they are already having fun that is good enough for them and likely won't seek out someone who is not creating fun for themselves, actually whole nother topic but I agree with cider not you.

[Ciderhillnh]

Syracuse, there are people out there who look to include people in their plans and try to get them out to have a good time.

Im sorry you havent encountered this. I used to be just like you and got really upset by it and finally took the bull by the horns and figured well if I try and put it together maybe things will change.

It has, and while Im happy with my friends, they do tend to rely on me to make the plans and have the ideas and organize everything. It gets tedious at times, but Ill take it over longing to do something fun.

[BadKitty]

I have an opinion that you probably disagree with, though that everyone is essentially out for themselves, and if they are already having fun that is good enough for them and likely won't seek out someone who is not creating fun for themselves, actually whole nother topic but I agree with cider not you.

okay. I haven't read her posts, I was responding to the OP. Again, you know the saying about opinions and assholes. :) It's no fun otherwise. there are different sort/levels of friendships and relationships. also, I don't maintain that someone else is responsible for someone else's fun or problems. Having healthy, interesting relationships has a lot to do with being healthy and interesting yourself. Not expecting your friends to provide these things for yourself.

[Syracuse]

okay. I haven't read her posts, I was responding to the OP. Again, you know the saying about opinions and assholes. :) It's no fun otherwise. there are different sort/levels of friendships and relationships. also, I don't maintain that someone else is responsible for someone else's fun or problems. Having healthy, interesting relationships has a lot to do with being healthy and interesting yourself. Not expecting your friends to provide these things for yourself.
Yeah no doubt. That's basically what I said, though I guess in your example I'm someone who is not healthy and interesting, and hence my life sucks.

[asm198]

Honestly, I rarely listen to my voicemail. I check it about once every couple of weeks, so at that point, whatever messages people have left are pretty pointless. My best friend is into the habit of just calling and hanging up when it goes to voicemail because he knows I'm more likely to call him back rather than listen to my messages.

[WorkInProgress]

Honestly, I rarely listen to my voicemail. I check it about once every couple of weeks, so at that point, whatever messages people have left are pretty pointless. My best friend is into the habit of just calling and hanging up when it goes to voicemail because he knows I'm more likely to call him back rather than listen to my messages.

I haven't checked my VM in months. Partly (now) due to inertia (I don't want to listen to a bunch of old messages), and partly because my phone tells me when I have missed a call, so I look it up on the call list and then call the person back.

Anyone know if you can call the cell phone company and have them delete all your VMs? Or how to do a bulk deletion?

[wordsmith]

I am not always good about getting back to people in a timely manner, because I am swamped with work-related stuff most of the time.

But I fully acknowledge that somebody has every right to treat me like I'm an inconsiderate ass if I don't get back to them.

[BadKitty]

I am not always good about getting back to people in a timely manner, because I am swamped with work-related stuff most of the time.

But I fully acknowledge that somebody has every right to treat me like I'm an inconsiderate ass if I don't get back to them.

well, people are busy. I understand that. I usually take a while to return emails/calls. But if a long, long-ass time passes and there is no response, or the person is generally not interested in keeping in touch; well, I don't think I'll be calling again.


But then again, there are different types of friendships. Some of my closest friends are ppl with whom I don't communicate regularly, but when we do get in touch, it doesn't matter how much times has passed. If that makes sense.

[WorkInProgress]

But I fully acknowledge that somebody has every right to treat me like I'm an inconsiderate ass if I don't get back to them.

Same here. I generally apologize profusely, though, and everything's better, since I'm far from the only one of my friends who does this.

[fuzmiq]

i do this too and i feel terrible (but not bad enough to stop...)
I am just not a phone person and less so with folks that it is hard to have a convo with.

[BadKitty]

i do this too and i feel terrible (but not bad enough to stop...)
.

That's how I was, until I realized that many of my friends consider it rude (I am a little dense at times, so that took a while). I still take time, but not as long.

[Ciderhillnh]

Also another solution if you HATE talking on the phone or dislike talking on the phone to certain people.....

Email them the next day and say hey I saw you called whats up?

I do that all the time if I cant return a call, it acknowledges that they called, it seeks to find out what was going on and it is contact so people dont feel jilted.

[PenforPrez]

Also another solution if you HATE talking on the phone or dislike talking on the phone to certain people.....

Email them the next day and say hey I saw you called whats up?

I do that all the time if I cant return a call, it acknowledges that they called, it seeks to find out what was going on and it is contact so people dont feel jilted.

What do you do when NOBODY gets back with you?

[GoogleGirl]

One of my really good friends, in a total ironic twist since she complained to me for the longest time that all her friends flaked on her all the time, is starting to really flake out on me since she met this guy online. Seriously...she's never met him and has only seen one picture of him but sincerely considers herself completely in love after 5 months of talking to him. And I swear....her entire life is wrapped up in this internet guy. She used to email/call me to hang out all the time. Now...never. Luckily I have a friend here who works with me whom I am almost inseperable from. So my other friend can have her stupid internet bf. I'm really angry about that.