Talking to strangers

[ArmVera]

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to start talking to random people you cross during the day? I'm tired of going to bars, staring at the TV.. or walking through the grocery aisle passing some attractive girl but not know how to say hi. I always feel like I'll come across like some creep just trying to strike up conversation. I hate that feeling like I should have said something.

[CTGirl]

Hmm, random people talk to me all the time, and I talk to random people all the time, but it's not usually anything of substance. Like I'll chat with the person next to me in line about how long some lady is taking at the register, or I'll do something totally stupid and someone nearby notices and we joke about that, or someone will overhear a conversation I'm having (I talk pretty loud) and have something relevant to contribute or correct me on something.

I think it just comes down to getting over any fear you might have of talking to random people. It's not like most people have brilliant, witty things to say, sometimes they have really dumb things to say, sometimes I have really dumb things to say, but we just say them anyhow.

[KCboy]

The toughest part is finding something significant to say. Observe.

If it's in the grocery store, bring up something they have in their cart.
"Have you ever had that whole wheat pasta before?"

Bars are easy because people talk loud and you can overhear something in their conversation and join in. People in bars are generally open to meeting new people.

Clothes, if they have a certain school sweatshirt or something. Just yesterday I got into a random conversation about the Jayhawks with someone wearing a KU shirt.

[CTGirl]

The toughest part is finding something significant to say.


Thats the thing about what I'm saying though, does it really have to be something "significant" ???

[pepsi91307]

Sounds like a difficult thing to do for me.

Good job to whoever has it in them to strike up conversation like that. Very cool.

[KCboy]

does it really have to be something "significant" ???

I guess, when I said 'significant', I meant 'not stupid'

something with context

[wordsmith]

Having lived in both small town-rural environments and urban ones, I really think that being chatty with strangers is far more accepted in the former than the latter. In the years I lived in the inner city, chatting up strangers garnered you less than favorable reactions, but it's nearly expected in places with a more small town vibe.

[beeblebrox]

Having lived in both small town-rural environments and urban ones, I really think that being chatty with strangers is far more accepted in the former than the latter. In the years I lived in the inner city, chatting up strangers garnered you less than favorable reactions, but it's nearly expected in places with a more small town vibe.

I live in a big city and still randomly talk to people. I'm more selective about it and have a pretty strong bs meter, so I know when to talk up people or not. My mom and my aunt said that they influenced me in being able to chat up with strangers. My bf was a stranger when I met him at a bar, but that was through mutual friends though.

[wordsmith]

I do know that when I randomly talked to people I came across as a part of my day when I lived in Chicago in the manner that I do in my hometown of 7,000, I got looked at as if I was a. a tourist, b. one of Rogers Park's mentally ill street people population, although better groomed, or c. simply sprouted two additional heads. Not that I didn't do it... for two solid years, I had a one-sided polite morning conversation with the Indian dude in the 7-11 next to my house every morning when I bought my coffee, regardless of the fact that he never warmed up to the concept. But it definitely wasn't seen as the thing to do.

[inmediasres]

I talk to people on the train here in Boston all the time. Half the time I get disapproving looks from the uptight New Englanders with their snobbish Yankee airs, but often I have good conversations with people (especially if they moved here from another area, as I did).

I encourage talking to strangers, all the way!

[veniqe]

It's a sad day when I didn't stop a random lady and compliment her on her outfit in a totally random way. My mom's responsible for me being like this. She'll talk to anyone. It used to embarrass me but now I'm like that too so... I do know it's not easy talking to strangers. But you need to overcome that fear of the unknown. Just jump right in! The more you just chat to random people about random things, the easier it'll be. Try to target people who look happy, they might be more receptive. Well, mostly.:)

[and1grad]

I'm not a big initiator but one thing I keep in mind should I feel like initiating a convo with a stranger is "Who's gonna look like the ass? The person being friendly or the person who just cant be bothered?"

[Jedi of Zen]

ArmVera,

I kind of agree with CTGirl, in that (for me at least) it helps to be prepared to say something that is probably going to sound completely stupid, pointless - and yet hopefully might be a tiny fraction of something resembling humor at the same time. In fact, the irony for me is that the less I actually feel any expectation of the conversation actually going anywhere, the easier it is for me to talk to random girls and strangers. Of course, too - that's kinda like the elephant in the living room - the less you try to think about it, the harder it is not to think about. lol. But this is why this usually only happens on days when I'm in a really good mood. Most of the time I'm pretty shy and reserved.

[CTGirl]

ArmVera,

I kind of agree with CTGirl, in that (for me at least) it helps to be prepared to say something that is probably going to sound completely stupid, pointless - and yet hopefully might be a tiny fraction of something resembling humor at the same time. In fact, the irony for me is that the less I actually feel any expectation of the conversation actually going anywhere, the easier it is for me to talk to random girls and strangers.

Yeah, exactly. I think it's really the pressure and forethought of it all that gets people hung up in social situations. I act like a fool a good portion of the time, and so I no longer worry much about what random people will think of me - which makes it much easier to strike up meaningless conversations with random people.

[eastcoaster782]

I talk to people on the train here in Boston all the time. Half the time I get disapproving looks from the uptight New Englanders with their snobbish Yankee airs, but often I have good conversations with people (especially if they moved here from another area, as I did).

I encourage talking to strangers, all the way!


Nah, New Englanders aren't all like that. I'm a transplant too, but people up here in VT are pretty chatty. But the best conversations I've had are from Southerns (i.e. the Carolinas, Georgia).

[Bman120]

I guess i'm an exception to the rule, but i'm a native New England'er and I enjoy talking to random people now and then. :)

If i'm in a situation that I feel like talking about, and there is someone nearby who seems like they would talk back, i'll talk to them. And if someone does the same to me, I always respond. Depending on the mood i'm in, the conversation could be a good one or something fast but I always make it a point to answer.

[WorkInProgress]

I'm not a big initiator but one thing I keep in mind should I feel like initiating a convo with a stranger is "Who's gonna look like the ass? The person being friendly or the person who just cant be bothered?"

This pretty much sums up my feelings on the topic.

[wordsmith]

I pretty much always feel like the person who can't be bothered looks like the ass.

[shadeofgreen]

I talk to people on the train here in Boston all the time. Half the time I get disapproving looks from the uptight New Englanders with their snobbish Yankee airs, but often I have good conversations with people (especially if they moved here from another area, as I did).

Oh, stop. We're not uptight and snobby, we just don't feel like talking. Or maybe those people on the train can feel your judgemental vibes and don't want to deal with that.

I'm joking. Okay, half-joking. Yeah, people in the south are definitely more talkative and friendly, at least superficially. But just because a person is quiet doesn't mean he or she is an uptight snob. I don't know...I'm pretty quiet most of the time but it's not because I'm looking down my nose at the people around me, it's because I have nothing to say and I'm not uncomfortable with silence.

[cache]

When I am out hiking, it is standard practice to talk to anyone else on trail. Everyone does. I think that's part of the reason I will talk to people anywhere, you get used to acknowledging, saying hi, and making small talk with everyone you see.

It's funny though when I am out hiking for a long time - I get in that "trail mode" and then when I get back in the real world, it takes some adjustment that everyone isn't going to talk and be friendly.

[KCboy]

my father's and sister-in-law's families are from the south.

after spending a little time down there, it seems a lot more normal to srike up a random conversation because it's so common.

everyone is so open and friendly. shy, reserved people are more the exception than the norm.

[aggiegrad05]

I'm all for the random conversations in most places, except on planes. I'm sorry, but I don't want to see pictures of your grandkids and your poodle and hear about your daughter's job or your boyfriend's commitment problems. I guess it's because I can't get away from them when I've had enough, but in general, I think it's cute when a guy goes out of his way to make random small talk with me. I encourage all of the guys to do it more often, unless you're way older than your "target", because then, chances are you will come across as creepy.

[wordsmith]

I prefer small talk on a plane (as opposed to snakes on a plane), because that's a hella long time to be sitting smooshed next to somebody, and pretending they're not there. If I'm obviously not feeling chatty, I convey this by putting on earphones, napping, etc.

[aggiegrad05]

I prefer small talk on a plane (as opposed to snakes on a plane), because that's a hella long time to be sitting smooshed next to somebody, and pretending they're not there. If I'm obviously not feeling chatty, I convey this by putting on earphones, napping, etc.
Yeah, my noise reducing headphones are a lifesaver. I guess I used to be more open to social time on planes, but because I travel a lot for work, I'm just kind of over it. However, I'm usually not opposed to small talk with nice young single guys :)

[wordsmith]

Yeah, I fly very sparingly. I'd probably feel differently if it was more old hat.

[cache]

I think it's cute when a guy goes out of his way to make random small talk with me. I encourage all of the guys to do it more often, unless you're way older than your "target", because then, chances are you will come across as creepy.

I am not going to limit the people I talk to to those in my romantic interest bracket. I am going to talk to anyone, regardless of age or gender.

Most of the time when talking to strangers I am not thinking "wow, I'd love to take her out," I am more likely thinking "well, talking to this person was better than standing here twiddling my thumbs."

[aggiegrad05]

I am not going to limit the people I talk to to those in my romantic interest bracket. I am going to talk to anyone, regardless of age or gender.

Most of the time when talking to strangers I am not thinking "wow, I'd love to take her out," I am more likely thinking "well, talking to this person was better than standing here twiddling my thumbs."
Well yeah, I agree. I didn't articulate myself well there. It's creepy when an older guy is talking to you and obviously trying to hit on you. There's a fine line there I guess, so guys should be cognisant of that.

[LakeJay]

I love talking to people on a plane. I figure you're going to be sitting on a plane with a person over a decent amount of time. Why be a stranger? My one flight out to KC I had a great conversation with this very very pretty lady, probably in her 40s. She initiated everything and she even bought me a couple of beers. I might have even had the nerve to see what she was doing if she hadn't mentioned her husband several times. :p

I find learning/hearing about other people's lives pretty interesting especially when they are from another area. Flying on a plane gives one enough time to speak about all that stuff.

On day to day situations, it really depends on my mood. Sometimes I don't want to do deal. And sometimes I'll be total ham. For most part I'll chat it up a little bit if an opening allows it.

[wordsmith]

It's a crapshoot...you don't know when you initiate conversation with some random whether it will be something super interesting or not. But, still.

[cache]

Well yeah, I agree. I didn't articulate myself well there. It's creepy when an older guy is talking to you and obviously trying to hit on you. There's a fine line there I guess, so guys should be cognisant of that.

No, I did mean that I like being the creepy old guy.....OK, JK:p

[and1grad]

I love talking to people on a plane. I figure you're going to be sitting on a plane with a person over a decent amount of time. Why be a stranger? My one flight out to KC I had a great conversation with this very very pretty lady, probably in her 40s. She initiated everything and she even bought me a couple of beers. I might have even had the nerve to see what she was doing if she hadn't mentioned her husband several times. :p
You got "picked up" at an airport!?!? Ballin! :D

[wordsmith]

I've totally gotten picked up in an airport.

[AshleyJordan]

I always meet people on Amtrak, I think because it's so much more comfortable than flying. I'm also a pro at sleeping on planes.

[and1grad]

I've totally gotten "picked up" in an airport.
But we're talking about a guy here. Diff ballgame.

[aggiegrad05]

I've totally gotten picked up in an airport.
Me too. So many guys in airports act like they've never seen a female before. It's so weird.

But we're talking about a guy here. Diff ballgame.
Why?

[fuzmiq]

Airports are the best for being friendly/meeting new people. i meet someone pretty much each time that i fly somewhere.
I feel as though my small talk is the best there. I feel like an improved me. There are no inhibitions at the airport. I don't care what people think cause I likely wont see them again.

Last time, I met this guy in line at the airport while getting out bags scanned. We ended up having breakfast together and he paid. Ended up finding out that he lives in my town and we exhanged info. I find that people are more open...he completely spilled his guts to me and we totally bonded off the bat. It was pretty cool.

[and1grad]

Why?
Guys dont get picked up with anywhere near the frequency of girls.

[wordsmith]

I tend to be astounded whenever it does happen, so it's not really a common occurrence or anything.

[aggiegrad05]

I tend to be astounded whenever it does happen, so it's not really a common occurrence or anything.
Yeah, it always catches me off guard too. I guess girls do get picked up more often than guys, but it never seems to be the case with me or most of my friends. We usually have to be pretty assertive to get things to happen, moreso now than in college.

[Skyblade]

I think I give off an unapproachable vibe so rarely do strangers talk to me. And when they do...they usually say one of several things "Cheer up, it can be that bad!", "Are you ok?", "Smile!"

[fuzmiq]

i have had the "smile"

Kinda annoying.

[CTGirl]

i have had the "smile"

Kinda annoying.

Agreed. It's not like I walk around with a horrible frown on or anything, but skeevy old men are always telling me I should smile more - as though they want me to go around with a constant smile on my face, lol.

[Skyblade]

Seriously, does anyone go around smiling if they are just walking down the street, in the grocery store, or doing average daily things? I think its a bit weird for someone to be just walking down the street smiling (for no apparent reason).

[KCboy]

Seriously, does anyone go around smiling if they are just walking down the street, in the grocery store, or doing average daily things? I think its a bit weird for someone to be just walking down the street smiling (for no apparent reason).

I agree, but I generally try to do something so that I don't look miserable, like keep the eyebrows up, or whistle, or something (sounds kinda weird, i guess)

some people just seem to have un-friendly faces when they lack an expression. I've heard I'm in that group, but I'm smiling so much I hardly ever get those comments anymore.

[wordsmith]

There's a difference between a neutral, relaxed expression and one that makes you look upset or pissed off, though.

I tend to walk quickly, with a wide, driven stride (I have long legs and am often running late). When I was in college, I guy I knew peripherally from the dorms said that I always looked pissed off and intimidating when he'd see me walking across campus, because of my so-called "purposeful stride." Evidently, I looked like a woman on a mission and not to be reckoned with. So I made a point to at least keep my facial expression open and friendly, lest people think I was a woman on the warpath.

[Skyblade]

Yeah, I don't really have a pissed off look on my face, its more of a worried/shy/self-concious look. Usually its because I am worried/shy/self-concious but I don't want people to know! hehe.

[PenforPrez]

Me too. So many guys in airports act like they've never seen a female before. It's so weird.

That's where I'm going wrong! I'm not going to the airport to hit on anybody! :p

[nikorock28]

There's a difference between a neutral, relaxed expression and one that makes you look upset or pissed off, though.

I tend to walk quickly, with a wide, driven stride (I have long legs and am often running late). When I was in college, I guy I knew peripherally from the dorms said that I always looked pissed off and intimidating when he'd see me walking across campus, because of my so-called "purposeful stride." Evidently, I looked like a woman on a mission and not to be reckoned with. So I made a point to at least keep my facial expression open and friendly, lest people think I was a woman on the warpath.

Yeah, that is me. I am a fast walker, take wide strides (except I have short legs) and am usually concentrating on making good time. My roomie saw me one time on campus and I was just zipping along. He said that I looked very intent, like I was on a mission. I guess that's just how I am. When I am concentrating on walking, I am walking.

[aggiegrad05]

That's where I'm going wrong! I'm not going to the airport to hit on anybody! :p
Ha, noooo don't do it! :haha:

[fuzmiq]

I have had the same comments made. I am also tall, with long legs and walk with purpose. I guess that is intimidating or something. The fact that people take the time to scan your face enough to make comments like that is...whatever.

i haven't gotten it in a while. sometimes i think it is just a way for people to talk to you.

[cache]

When I am concentrating on walking, I am walking.

Hmmm. Not sure I've ever "concentrated on walking." :p :D

[wordsmith]

Hah. I think he means "concentrating on getting where I need to be," versus looking open and approachable while doing so.

[PenforPrez]

I took a chance and struck up a conversation with a stranger today. I was waiting to get on the light rail train, and I saw a woman, looked like she had study material that she was reading.

So I asked: "What are you reading?" She was reading excerpts from the Civil Right movement, and that sparked an intermittent conversation on the train until my stop. I didn't get the vibe from her I wanted, so I left it there, but it was a positive. I took the initiative and made conversation with somebody else. I felt more confident. :)

Paul

[KCboy]

I didn't get the vibe from her I wanted, so I left it there, but it was a positive.


"you let the seed grow into a plant, then you f*ck the plant"

good job, paul. it gets easier the more you practice.

[CTGirl]

The boy who works at the Starbucks I stop at on my way to work a couple times a week started a totally random conversation with me today: Asked me if I had big plans for St Patrick's day. He totally caught be off guard, and as it was 7am and I was waiting on my dose of caffeine, I'm afraid I was a little dismissive with him, but I'll make it up to him next time :p

[KCboy]

The boy who works at the Starbucks I stop at on my way to work a couple times a week started a totally random conversation with me today: Asked me if I had big plans for St Patrick's day. He totally caught be off guard, and as it was 7am and I was waiting on my dose of caffeine, I'm afraid I was a little dismissive with him,

people who talk to me in the morning are pretty SOL if they want any semblance of a conversation.

I don't wake up until around 11am, no matter what time I get up or how much sleep I get.

But people always find their way into my office before I've even turned my computer on.:rolleyes:

but I'll make it up to him next time :p

I'm sure he'll enjoy it :D

[Bman120]

I took a chance and struck up a conversation with a stranger today. I was waiting to get on the light rail train, and I saw a woman, looked like she had study material that she was reading.

So I asked: "What are you reading?" She was reading excerpts from the Civil Right movement, and that sparked an intermittent conversation on the train until my stop. I didn't get the vibe from her I wanted, so I left it there, but it was a positive. I took the initiative and made conversation with somebody else. I felt more confident. :)

Paul


There ya go man. Small steps. Thats how you learn. Talking to people gets much easier with practice.

[PenforPrez]

people who talk to me in the morning are pretty SOL if they want any semblance of a conversation.

I don't wake up until around 11am, no matter what time I get up or how much sleep I get.

I never wake up at all. Doesn't stop me. :p

[The Stranger]

I've been told that I come off as aloof/unapproachable. I can't seem to control it...granted, my social skills suck, anyway. I never approach anyone, and I'm never approached.

This airport thing explains a lot, however. I haven't been on a plane since the mid-'90s or so; I must be missing out...

[ebruening]

I've been told that I come off as aloof/unapproachable. I can't seem to control it...granted, my social skills suck, anyway. I never approach anyone, and I'm never approached.


I rarely strike up conversations with female strangers. However, most male strangers I meet - and am nearby for extended periods of time - are rather willing to have informal conversations. I'm usually reading something in those situations - the last book I had in a public situation was The Search for Islamic Feminism. I had a nice discussion about it with a male business traveler on the last airplane flight I took.

[veniqe]

Now this is the weirdest thing.. I always get told I look unapproachable yet people always talk to me!

They'll just start a totally random conversation with me.

Mind you, my SO jokes that I look confused. He's not the only one. Sometimes, people (mostly men) will walk past me in the street, reverse and ask me if I'm feeling ok.

It happens to my friends as well. I might think that I'm having a lovely time thinking about the book I'm reading or thinking about something positive but my facial expression tells the world I'm pissed off about something..

[veniqe]

Funny thing (not really) is that I was howling like mad the day I found out my grandpa passed away.

I did this while walking back home from a small mall about 10 blocks (if not less) from where I stay.

No one stopped to comfort me. Everyone avoided me. They even avoided looking at me.

And these could be the same type of people who'd complain that I look worried slash confused slash angry slash border line whatever.

But, I suppose crying on the street is a different ball game. Perhaps I should've called for a taxi?