Friends and Money

[Four Seasons]

I have been noticing a lot recently that my friends (including my boyfriend) seem to have a negative view of money. I met most of my group of friends at university. Out of our group, I am the only one that went to a private school.

If we drive past a private school, they make a comment. They see a private school, I just see a school. They comment about how expensive things are in shops. Two of them in particular are notorious for asking how much things cost, such as a car or appartment, this is something that makes me very uncomfortable.

Recently, my boyfriend commented on my next-door neighbour's car. It had a dealer sticker on the back that said "Brighton Mazda". He jokingly said "Brighton Mazda? People in Brighton don't drive Mazdas, they drive Mercedes and BMWs". I found this kind of annoying, and made me uncomfortable. Not only was what he said a sweeping generalisation, but it did seem a little unfair. I don't think he would have apprecitated someone from Brighton commenting on what sort of car he should drive based on the suburb he lives in.

I don't know what point I'm trying to make here, but I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? What are your thoughts?

[Kitty]

Don't most people have to take money into account when they're thinking about things like cars and rent?

Do you come from a privileged background where money is of no concern? Because I can tell you that for the majority of the population money is a concern.

[wordsmith]

Is it is possible you're experiencing a discrepancy in backgrounds with the people you're hanging out with?

Everything is expensive to me, b/c I make very little and do have to think about the pennies as well as the dollars. It might seem odd to somebody hanging out with me who doesn't have to do that, I guess. I always have to take into account how expensive things are.

Here in the states, people def. make generalizations about what you can or can't afford based on where you live, accurate or not, it's pretty common, I think. In the midnineties, when there was a satirical website about the people who live in Lincoln Park, a wealthy, young, trendy area in Chicago, one of the hallmarks was that this stereotype supposedly drove a certain type of car. I'm sure that most people would assume that pickup trucks are the norm where I live.

[Four Seasons]

Don't most people have to take money into account when they're thinking about things like cars and rent?

Do you come from a privileged background where money is of no concern? Because I can tell you that for the majority of the population money is a concern.


No, I don't come from a background where money is of no concern. I guess I just come from a background where people don't comment on it.

What I mean is, when I bought a car, one of my friends asked how much I paid for it. When I bought an appartment, one of my friends asked how much it cost. When I got a new job, one of my friends asked me how much I get paid. This is what makes me uncomfortable. I don't think it's their business.

[nikorock28]

No, I don't come from a background where money is of no concern. I guess I just come from a background where people don't comment on it.

What I mean is, when I bought a car, one of my friends asked how much I paid for it. When I bought an appartment, one of my friends asked how much it cost. When I got a new job, one of my friends asked me how much I get paid. This is what makes me uncomfortable. I don't think it's their business.

That seems normal for me. I talk in-depth finances with my friends just so that we can educate ourselves better with regards to tax planning, saving, etc. I also talk even more in depth with my family so we can make the best possible financial decision.

Also, I just like to know how much a position pays based on the field, location, experience, etc. I like to compare the prices of different apartment complexes and see where, perhaps, the best deal is. It may be important to know what kind of financing one was able to get on a car based on the particular dealer, etc. It is all very educational and just increases my financial knowledge. Not that financial knowledge is everything, but lets face it, you need money to live.

[nikorock28]

No, I don't come from a background where money is of no concern. I guess I just come from a background where people don't comment on it.

What I mean is, when I bought a car, one of my friends asked how much I paid for it. When I bought an appartment, one of my friends asked how much it cost. When I got a new job, one of my friends asked me how much I get paid. This is what makes me uncomfortable. I don't think it's their business.

If they are your friends shouldn't they know this stuff makes you uncomfortable? Have you verbalized this to them? If you haven't verbalized it, you just have to let it go and realize that's how they are.

[EmberMae]

No, I don't come from a background where money is of no concern. I guess I just come from a background where people don't comment on it.

What I mean is, when I bought a car, one of my friends asked how much I paid for it. When I bought an appartment, one of my friends asked how much it cost. When I got a new job, one of my friends asked me how much I get paid. This is what makes me uncomfortable. I don't think it's their business.
There are many people like yourself who are closed off about money. My parents act like that sometimes when I question them on how much their mortgage is or whatever, when I'm really just trying to figure out how much house I can afford. I freely offer this information to others because I think it's helpful to know how much other people are paying so you know if you are getting a good deal or not. I don't see any reason to keep it a secret.

[winneythepooh7]

I am uncomfortable with stuff like this too. However, I feel good that even though I don't make a lot, I am more frugal and in less debt than my friends who "appear" rich on the outside. Last night I was hanging with my friend who is a doctor. She is in serious debt with her student loans and her parents are paying for all of her plane tickets so she can go on interviews, because she can't afford to, but she told me she just went out and bought the new Mercedes SUV:eek: :eek: :eek: . I think it's all about priorities.

[redsail]

What I mean is, when I bought a car, one of my friends asked how much I paid for it. When I bought an appartment, one of my friends asked how much it cost. When I got a new job, one of my friends asked me how much I get paid. This is what makes me uncomfortable. I don't think it's their business.

The car and apartment questions wouldn't be any issue with me since I'd assume they are looking for a frame of reference on the product, or just wondering if I managed to get a smoking deal they weren't aware of. Asking how much you make is a bit more personal so if you don't feel comfortable just tell them.

[capella]

I freely offer this information to others because I think it's helpful to know how much other people are paying so you know if you are getting a good deal or not. I don't see any reason to keep it a secret.
I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. I can't really do anything other than what I'm doing with my money situation so it's pointless to feel bad or uncomfortable about it (not that I don't sometimes, but I try to stay rational about it). I like to know what other people make, spend and save for informational purposes. I think if more people were open to discussing money then more people would have the knowledge to make good financial decisons, especially when they are young. I sure do wish I had known some things when I was younger. I would like to see money demystified. It's just paper and coins afterall.

But if it makes you uncomfortable then tell them that. You have a right to not want to discuss it. But I would think about why exactly it's making you uncomfortable.

[WorkInProgress]

If you're not comfortable talking about money with your friends, I don't think there's a single reason in the world why you shouldn't--nicely--express that to them. I don't mind talking about a lot of things having to do with money (just check out money threads!) with lots of people, but I don't like to talk about how much I make per year.

Different people have different buttons. Some don't like to talk about sex or politics and all friends don't need to know all about all aspects of your life.

[and1grad]

What I mean is, when I bought a car, one of my friends asked how much I paid for it. When I bought an appartment, one of my friends asked how much it cost. When I got a new job, one of my friends asked me how much I get paid. This is what makes me uncomfortable. I don't think it's their business.
I'm the same way. People like to judge you by what you spend money on and how much you spent...a lot of times for no other reason than to make themselves feel better by coming up with a reason why you've overspent or whatever. I'm over it. What I spent on whatever I bought isnt anyone's business but my own. The best I'll do is ballpark it.

[AshleyJordan]

I feel comfortable discussing my salary, debt, and expenditures with my closest friends because, amongst us, it's useful to share this information, for example to see if, since many of us work in the same industry, our salaries are competitive, or to share resources on home-buying/retirement.

[winneythepooh7]

I feel comfortable discussing my salary, debt, and expenditures with my closest friends because, amongst us, it's useful to share this information, for example to see if, since many of us work in the same industry, our salaries are competitive, or to share resources on home-buying/retirement.


I also don't mind sharing with people in the same industry. In fact, by sharing what I make now with my old boss, I found out that I was low-balled because although he didn't say what his salary was when he had my position, he was making more than I am. I also have a Master's degree, he has a BA in Phys Ed! I also like the resource sharing. I think I've helped ease several soon-to-be social workers' minds about being able to pay back their school loans on a modest salary.

[wordsmith]

People also judge you by what you don't/can't spend.

[Xander]

Usually, I try to consider what the intent of the question is. Like others have said, if they intend to judge you, that's grounds for me to not answer. If they intend to use it as mere information, I'm more than happy to offer up whatever they need... it's all based on intent for me.

But for you, it seems like you're not comfortable with it, and they should respect that. Money is one of the main reasons married couples divorce... I just wanted to point that out.

Personally, I love information, so the more the better. I'm curious about price as that allows me to gauge value.

[spiritedaway]

Personally, I don't mind sharing with my friends how much I paid for my car and the like (rents, deals, whatever) so they could make a good deal if they decide they want to do the same.

But I do not and would not feel comfortable telling my friends, whether we're really close or not, more personal information such as my salary. That's no one else's business but my own, and my knowing their salary or vice versa isn't going to help either side too much (most of my friends are not in the same field as me). I don't ask people how much they make and I don't tell either, except that it's good enough to pay my bills).

[sparky88]

I can understand your discomfort and think that you should bring it to the attention of your friends.

I do not discuss any financials with my friends that I would not be comfortable having our entire group of friends/community find out about.

Thus, I always give very vague and useless answers to inquiries surrounding salary, big purchases, husbands salary, cost of cars, loans, interest rates, etc. And still, people will talk about me w/ little or no information on those topics.:rolleyes:

[teeny]

I don't mind telling people how much i paid when they truly want to know as a frame of reference. Most of my friends don't really comment on expensive prices- when we do, its usually in agreeance (like an ugly designer purse being $1000+, or chain restaurants charging $18 for their burgers in manhattan:evil::evil: :evil: ). I think commenting on a school being private is reverse-snobbery, there are reasons why people are willing to pay for private school and those are personal ones (i went to public, so it makes no difference to me).
I do have one childhood friend that is obsessed with money. She has always been kind of tacky though. She'll straight up ask me how much the jeans i'm wearing cost, how i'm going to afford something like a vacation, turn to me and be like DAMN THAT WAS EXPENSIVE ..realllyyy loudly at the coffee checkout. She is embarassing about a lot of things though, and i think because money is tight for her (she had a kid right out of high school ), she pays attention more. I was also raised to not really discuss finances since everyone's situation is so different. It really is about priorities- without an indepth analysis of someones personal finances, you never really can tell who can afford certain things and who can't.

[vxmike]

People in my circle are pretty open about money, wages, expenses and finances in general. In I fact do a lot of my friends tax returnseach year.

Not sure what the big deal is about being uptight about the subject.

[MrNCG23]

To OP: I can understand if they're asking about apt ... I was always asking my friends during college what they were paying in case I could find a better deal. I could understand the same issue with a car. To a much lesser extent, a job's salary, although I don't personally care about it. It really depends on the tone and context of the questions posed though. If you feel they are just asking to make comparisons and judgments, I could see how that might be strange.

At the end of it all, if you feel uncomfortable discussing money matters, it's none of their business. You're not obligated to discuss it with them.

[winneythepooh7]

I've noticed around here people are very curious about amount of rent we pay. I am always honest because I see it more as a "frame of reference". I also find it interesting that as soon as I got engaged, people were all over "How much was your ring? How much per head for your reception? How much was your dress? etc. etc. etc."