I miss my life

[Jersey_Steve]

Here I am, at work, supposed to be working, but I haven't done anything but be depressed for the last hour.

The other day I found an old CD that my friend who had a band made. So I burned the MP3s and put them on my work computer to listen to. And it just made me remember so much about college.

I remember I used to always go see them when I was in college, they did all the local clubs. All my friends went to see them play. It was one of the many things I used to do in college, back when I had a life.

Now it feels like I have no life. I never see my college friends anymore, I'm in bed at 11:30pm, I've got dark circles under my eyes, I look so much older in just a year (and not in any good way), I hardly go out anywhere exciting, I can't remember the last time I had more than like 2 beers at a bar or stayed up to 3 in the morning, I've gained like 20 pounds... God, I could go on and on.

Isn't this supposed to get easier the longer you're out of college? I've been working here for over a year... and here I am, miserable and missing my life.

God, I want my life back.

[Ciderhillnh]

Man have I been there!!

Life in college was great, and my first year out was tough. I moved home away from everyone I knew in college and the only way I could get to see them was by driving over an hour and finding a place to crash.

But then too tired and pretty much broke we didnt go out much.....we'd bitch about our jobs or how we didnt go out anymore.

Now, Ive been out of college for 5 years (how on EARTH has it been that long?!) and things are vastly different.
We go out to bars and clubs (dont have to drive to see my college friends to do this have a great crew where I live) and we go dancing and out to the bar and put some back.
We stay up till 4 or 5 after getting home talking or eating food, drinking water etc...

It does change, you just have to make it happen for yourself.
Find people who want to go out, and push yourself to do so. Work is routine, and yes you can be tired when you get home...but sometimes its worth it togo out and be a bit tired the next day to break routine.....

[Winter Storm]

Is there any reason why you can't get a life, so to speak?

What's keeping you from, say, going ot local clubs, hearing live music again, staying out late, drinking more than 2 beers and hanging out like you used to?

Is it just a lack of friends or lack of motivation/interest?

[Jersey_Steve]

Is there any reason why you can't get a life, so to speak?

What's keeping you from, say, going ot local clubs, hearing live music again, staying out late, drinking more than 2 beers and hanging out like you used to?

Is it just a lack of friends or lack of motivation/interest?

It's not a lack of motivation or interest. I think it's more a lack of time outside of work.

Life used to be easy, one class from like 11:30-1 and then I was free to be with my friends. Now it's up at 6:30, work 8:30 to 5, maybe go to the gym (then it's home at 7), and then dinner, maybe I can relax at 8pm. When I've been up since 6:30am. :cry:

Pretty much, I rarely ever see my college friends. If I do, it's usually something planned, which isn't too often these days. So I'm down to my girlfriend and a few other people who live nearby (old HS friends, girlfriend). And I don't "mesh" with them (other than my girlfriend!) nearly as well as my old college crew.

I think a lot of what is keeping me from this is that I'm up at like 6:30 for work. And I need more than 4 hours sleep. Bars and other stuff don't get interesting until about 11pm, which is near when I go to sleep.

I do try to see music, but it's not really the same anymore. I'm going with the g/f to Hartford to see Evanescence play, but I don't hit up the local shows like I used to.

[Ciderhillnh]

All I can suggest is that even though 4 hours of sleep seems like little, do it once in awhile to change things up.

Can you pass up the gym on an evening where you have plans to go to a bar?

Also why do you need to be up at 630 if you dont start work until 830?

[Jersey_Steve]

All I can suggest is that even though 4 hours of sleep seems like little, do it once in awhile to change things up.

Can you pass up the gym on an evening where you have plans to go to a bar?

Also why do you need to be up at 630 if you dont start work until 830?

Yea, I only go to the gym 3-4 times a week. So I can pass it up, I'm not exactly a big fan of it, I go pretty much because it's exercise.

I wake up 630 because for a while I tried waking up at 7, and I was always late to work. I don't know how much a half-hour will give, but I'll try it again.

[WorkInProgress]

Also why do you need to be up at 630 if you dont start work until 830?

I have to be up at 6 if I'm going to be at work at 8. This seems fairly normal to me. But I have dogs to feed, breakfast to eat, and a 40 minute commute on top of getting ready for work.

[Ciderhillnh]

I have to be at work for 8am as well......

To make sure I get to sleep in more....I bring my breakfast with me to work.
I have a 20 minute commute if I stay at my place, if I crash at my BFs I have a 40-55 minute commute....and when I stay at his place I still only get up 15 minutes earlier.

So at my house Im up at 710 - 719
At his place Im up at 650 - 705

In the morning I have to shower (10 min), get dressed (5 min), put on makeup (5 min) make my breakfast to take with me (pour juice and get oatmeal packet and grab snack) (5 min).....

Maybe I just take less time to get ready than others?

[nikorock28]

All I can suggest is that even though 4 hours of sleep seems like little, do it once in awhile to change things up.

Can you pass up the gym on an evening where you have plans to go to a bar?

Also why do you need to be up at 630 if you dont start work until 830?

I could never work on 4 hours sleep.

[nikorock28]

I have to be at work for 8am as well......

To make sure I get to sleep in more....I bring my breakfast with me to work.
I have a 20 minute commute if I stay at my place, if I crash at my BFs I have a 40-55 minute commute....and when I stay at his place I still only get up 15 minutes earlier.

So at my house Im up at 710 - 719
At his place Im up at 650 - 705

In the morning I have to shower (10 min), get dressed (5 min), put on makeup (5 min) make my breakfast to take with me (pour juice and get oatmeal packet and grab snack) (5 min).....

Maybe I just take less time to get ready than others?

Yeah, you do. When I shave, that takes me 15 mins and I take like 20-25 mins showers. Because I like to take my time doing said things, I will try doing this stuff at night when I become employed again.

Also, keep in mind that most people can't be making/eating oatmeal when they are arrive at work.

[pisces2473]

I'm definitely one of those people who just can't roll out of bed and go. I need time to wake up, and then I like to take my time just doing whatever before I have to leave.

[Kitty]

Maybe just try to make it more of a priority to go out on the weekends?

[Ciderhillnh]

I just put the oatmeal in a paper cup and add hot water from the bubbler....same as going to get a cup of coffee...and most people I know grab a cup when they get to work.

So 4 hours of sleep say once every other month just wont work? Not even with coffee?

[arrow]

I could never work on 4 hours sleep.


Me neither, not anymore. I used to do it all the time back in college, but I was younger then! :p Now 4 hours would kill me.

[Ciderhillnh]

All I can say is when was the last time any of you tried to work on 4 hours of sleep and gave it a chance?

Do you guys not go to events just because they will have you out late so that you will have enough sleep? Or sometimes do you opt to go to the event and skip sleep and pay for it a bit the next day?

Most of the people I know go to bed between midnight and 3am and they work starting at 8 or 9am....and those arent nights where they are going out, thats just going home and doing whatever.

I know most of us plan for the nights we'll be out late...like if we know a concert is coming up we'll make sure to get tons of sleep the few days before, and then red bull it the day after..... then go to bed early the night after the event.

Or we make sure its on a Thursday night so we only have to contend with Friday and being tired not the rest of the week.

Like 2 weeks from tonight, Im going with my friend to see a band that doesnt even come on stage until about 10, they will be off by midnight and we'll be in bed by 2am....so THursday will be tough, but its worth it to go to the concert.

[LakeJay]

I think it's a case of figuring out your priorities and how much time you want to dedicate to them. Getting to balance time and effort into different aspects of your life is difficult but something that you'll probably figure out over time.

I've been in the workforce for over almost 9 years now and early on it was all about having fun and spending money. So going out midweek and staying up late was what I was about. I was getting into work on time for the most part and I was getting my work done but I definitely wasn't getting any gold stars from the higher ups. I was just skating by but I didn't mind because I was doing what I wanted.

As time and situations have changed, I've learned that what I dedicate my time too has to change as well. Midweek outings happen every now and then but not at the rate that I used to but at the same time my work responsibility has increased exponentially. Now could I go back to the way things were? Sure...but I know that I've got to sacrifice something. And that something would probably be work.

Long story short...you've got choices. Things aren't as dire as you think. If you are missing your friends, make the effort to see them. As far as I'm concerned you basically get what you give. Playing around with your schedule will become easier with practice and you'll get to a point where you'll get to a comfortable work/life balance. You can miss the old life but it's up to you to make the new one worth missing.

[WorkInProgress]

This is not worth arguing over. Some people just need more sleep to function well, and that prohibits some/many/most/whatever "out" things.

[embrassezla]

All I can say is when was the last time any of you tried to work on 4 hours of sleep and gave it a chance?
Why would anyone want to attempt that? Sure, for a small portion of the population that works, but for most people it doesn't. There's no point in trying - it's unhealthy not to get a full night's sleep (whatever a "full night" means to the individual), and I STRONGLY disagree that anyone should try working on 4hrs of sleep with the help of coffee. Caffeine should not be abused like that.

Do you guys not go to events just because they will have you out late so that you will have enough sleep? Or sometimes do you opt to go to the event and skip sleep and pay for it a bit the next day?
95% of the time, I skip the event. Then again, I don't have many events coming up during the week. I get my sleep during the week & go out on the weekends.

[winneythepooh7]

Is there anyway you can go into work a little earlier, maybe not take lunch, or leave a little earlier to hang with friend(s)?. I did this the other night. I left work at 4:30 and we were at an event around 5PM. Had several drinks, then a yummy Indian food dinner. Was on the 8:30 train home and in bed by 10PM.

[nikorock28]

I just put the oatmeal in a paper cup and add hot water from the bubbler....same as going to get a cup of coffee...and most people I know grab a cup when they get to work.

So 4 hours of sleep say once every other month just wont work? Not even with coffee?

Ahh, I see. Well, when I was working, I used to eat breakfast bars, waffles, toast etc. when I arrived at work, but I don't think my superiors looked too kindly on it.

Well, if I HAVE to, I could go on 4 hrs sleep, but it would be a miserable, miserable, unproductive day and my work performance would be atrocious. I know this because when I get 5-6 hrs, I feel miserable. I truly need 8-9 hours to feel fully rested. I think I've maybe had 2 coffees and 2 energy drinks in my life.

[nikorock28]

All I can say is when was the last time any of you tried to work on 4 hours of sleep and gave it a chance?

Do you guys not go to events just because they will have you out late so that you will have enough sleep? Or sometimes do you opt to go to the event and skip sleep and pay for it a bit the next day?

Most of the people I know go to bed between midnight and 3am and they work starting at 8 or 9am....and those arent nights where they are going out, thats just going home and doing whatever.

I know most of us plan for the nights we'll be out late...like if we know a concert is coming up we'll make sure to get tons of sleep the few days before, and then red bull it the day after..... then go to bed early the night after the event.

Or we make sure its on a Thursday night so we only have to contend with Friday and being tired not the rest of the week.

Like 2 weeks from tonight, Im going with my friend to see a band that doesnt even come on stage until about 10, they will be off by midnight and we'll be in bed by 2am....so THursday will be tough, but its worth it to go to the concert.

Well, I am pretty much a hermit and do not go out to events and such. I usually stay up late at night as well, but it isn't because I am out doing stuff (other than the gym). I really need to change my sleeping schedule so I can sleep at 10PM. When I get employed again, I can't be going to bed at 1 or 2 like I was. It was totally affecting my job performance. Or, maybe, I should just take up coffee and energy drinks? :p

[asm198]

I spent two years of my life basically getting a total of 14 hours of sleep between Thursday afternoon and early Monday morning. Sometime between Monday morning and Thursday afternoon, I'd crash for a day, get up, and do it all over again.

I'd wake up Thursday afternoon, do whatever, go out that night, close down the bar, have breakfast with the regulars, then go home for an hour or two nap before I had to be at work at 7 am. I'd get off work at 3 pm on Friday, come home and relax, but couldn't fall asleep until at least 2-3 am. I'd be at work at 7 am on Saturday, work until 3 pm, and do whatever in the afternoon, then head to another bar. Close it down, go out to breakfast, take an hour nap, and be at work at 7 am on Sunday. I'd fall asleep around 3 am Monday morning and sleep until 2 pm, so I could be at work at 3 pm. I'd get off work at 11 pm and hang out with some people until 1 am or so. Or, I'd get off work, run home, change, grab my dog and a bag, then drive 3 hours to see my boyfriend. I'd be at his house from Monday night to Thursday night. I'd leave his house around 3 am and drive the three hours back to my place, getting there just in time to drop off my dog, shower, and leave to be at work at 7 am on Friday.

Clearly, I was insane. Even though I still have very strange sleeping habits, I'm surprised that I was energetic and functional without coffee. If I had to, I could do that now, but I don't think I'd want to. It gets very tiring to have to be "on" when you've had no sleep at all.

So, I don't think you need to do that, nor do I recommend it, unless you're used to it. Could you shake up your routine in other ways? Maybe go to a new place or make plans in advance to check out a show or event in your city that you normally wouldn't do?

[Winter Storm]

As Kitty mentioned earlier, what about weekends? There's always Friday and Saturday nights.

I definitely CANNOT function on 4 hours sleep any day but if I'm going out during the week I'm usually fine if I get in bed by 12:30 -1am. I'll be tired but functional.

[dolphingirl]

I definitely cannot function on 4 hours of sleep either. I need at least 6 and that is really pushing it, for one night maybe but the next day I will crash. 7-8 seems to be best.

I get up at 5 am though to workout first before work so imagine what my nighttime schedule is like... I feel almost like an old granny going to bed around 10. Even on weekends I'm usually just about ready for bed then so it's hard. All I can say is I love coffee. :p

[EmberMae]

I was never much into bars or staying out all night, but I can understand how you feel with work consuming your life. I can't function on less than 7 hours sleep and I feel as though I'm barely alive on weekdays...I eat, I sleep, I work, I have a couple hours between finishing dinner and going to bed. That's it. Well, there's always weekends.

[PenforPrez]

I definitely CANNOT function on 4 hours sleep any day but if I'm going out during the week I'm usually fine if I get in bed by 12:30 -1am. I'll be tired but functional.

It never matters how much sleep I get; I'm always tired. I've gone out and stayed out till 3 and slept two hours and gotten up to go to work, and I functioned. Not as well as if I'd gotten 8 hours, but in the end, it doesn't matter much.

I think it's a case of figuring out your priorities and how much time you want to dedicate to them. Getting to balance time and effort into different aspects of your life is difficult but something that you'll probably figure out over time.

I totally agree with this. I never had a life until six months ago, and I have to drive more than an hour to do ANYTHING, but I've got the time and I make it work. We ALL have the time. A legendary comedian once said: "We all say we don't have time to do this or that; we have time, the trick is to apply it." :idea:

Sometimes you have to force yourself to make it happen. Use the right motivation. I may come home from work at 4:30 and be very exhausted and worn out and want to drive an hour to be at something at 7. I mean REALLY want to. But then the proverbial light bulb goes off and I think: "I can either drive all the way up there and do something or stay here with my parents and listen to them nag." :rolleyes: Works every time. ;)

Paul

[Samwell]

Why would anyone want to attempt that? Sure, for a small portion of the population that works, but for most people it doesn't.

How are you going to know unless you try? :) I can easily get 4 hours of sleep and be reasonably functional when I get to work the next morning (at 7:30). It's only a problem if there's immoderate alcohol consumption involved or I get 5 hours or less for a couple nights in a row.

I STRONGLY disagree that anyone should try working on 4hrs of sleep with the help of coffee. Caffeine should not be abused like that.

I don't see why this is automatically "abusing" caffeine... I gave up habitual coffee drinking a year ago (after a long, long love affair) and now only drink it when i'm running on 4-5 hours of sleep. When i'm well rested a cup of strong coffee makes me feel horribly cracked-out and scattered, but when I am sleep deprived it generally makes me feel less tired and better able to focus. Isn't that "using" caffeine rather than "abusing" it?

S

[aggiegrad05]

Pretty much, I rarely ever see my college friends. If I do, it's usually something planned, which isn't too often these days. So I'm down to my girlfriend and a few other people who live nearby (old HS friends, girlfriend). And I don't "mesh" with them (other than my girlfriend!) nearly as well as my old college crew.
This part stood out to me. I think we all struggle with this at some point. I know I did. After college, my group of friends scattered all over the state (it's a big one!) and a few moved across the country. Even when we did plan something and get together, it wasn't the same because there was always someone missing. A couple of my college friends have since moved to Houston, but it's still not the same dynamic.

I was miserable until I just made myself suck it up and come to terms with the fact that life is never going to be the same as it was in college. I couldn't let myself mope around, reminiscing about the good old days and missing out on what I had right in front of me. Once I came to terms with that, it got better. I tried to focus more on the people that were here in Houston with me and how I could make those relationships stronger. Even something as simple as going to dinner with someone helped to break up the monotony. I started inviting people over to watch Thursday night TV or go shopping with me -- stuff that I was going to do anyway.

Just don't live in the past. College was great, yes, but it's over now. "Having a life" doesn't necessarily mean going out every night, partying, hanging out with friends constantly and sleeping in. It's okay to redefine what that means as we get to new places in our lives. Really make an effort to make the best of life now and I know you'll start to feel better about things.

[Ciderhillnh]

While I understand people need their sleep......one night a month or every other month doesnt seem like a HUGE sacrifice if you plan on it.

Plus changing routine CAN be enviggorating and helpful.

I guess I feel for all of those people on here who complain that they never have anything to do, or anyone to go out with or that they never meet anyone new....this might be part of the reason.....you're not changing it up or even attempting to TRY and do any of the opportunities that are out there!

As for coffee abuse....I dont drink coffee as a norm. And most times if Im lagging during the day I reach for a Red Bull and thats not very often (think maybe once a month Ill have an energy drink during the day)

The reason why I have so much going on and am never bored and always meet new people is that if something interesting is taking place, Ill go. That doesnt mean I go out ALL the time during the week, but Im not likely to pass something up that looks like a good time.

Take yesterday for example.....I was up at 7. Worked all day and didnt take lunch because I had to run and pick up my car (that was my lunch hour), then after work I headed to my parents to have dinner bla bla until 10. Then I drove home, and met up with a friend around 1030 for a Bday drink (it was his Bday) then I drove 25 minutes to my BFs (got there around 1140) and hunt out with him until about 130 then I drove home and was in bed by about 2am.

I was up at 7am again today.....am I dragging a bit? Sure, but I had a good time.

Is this typical? No. Last time I was out like that on a weeknight was probably a month ago.......

Its not about going out and partying, but taking advantage of opportunities of events that sound appealing and GOING, even if it means that you dont get to bed at exactly 10.....is it that rough to get to bed at 1130 or even midnight?

Try it....if it sucks and you feel like total crap the next day...okay dont ever go out past your bedtime during the week. BUT if you go and you have a blast and your a smidge tired the next day.....isnt it worth it so you dont feel like you're in such a rut?

[winneythepooh7]

I think it's very easy to get into a "routine" and not want to go out during the week. But if you are unhappy with your life, and things being routine and mundane, I do agree that you need to change it up, and try new things. I usually go to bed around 10 or 11 daily and I am always up by 5AM. I am happy with my "routine" during the week for the most part, but enjoy looking for new things to try from time to time and on the weekends.

[embrassezla]

Well, if I HAVE to, I could go on 4 hrs sleep, but it would be a miserable, miserable, unproductive day and my work performance would be atrocious. I know this because when I get 5-6 hrs, I feel miserable. I truly need 8-9 hours to feel fully rested. I think I've maybe had 2 coffees and 2 energy drinks in my life.
Exactly the same for me.

I go to bed at 10pm every weeknight except Wednesday, when I stay up to watch LOST from 10-11pm. And every Wednesday, I'm bitter about the change of time slot. I definitely prioritize sleep over going out on the weeknights, just because it makes the following day so much more productive/enjoyable for me. And I look forward to going out on the weekend.

[EmberMae]

I go to bed at 10pm every weeknight except Wednesday, when I stay up to watch LOST from 10-11pm. And every Wednesday, I'm bitter about the change of time slot.
I usually record it and watch it on Thursdays. Well, my parents record it and I go over to their house on Thursdays to watch it. I just trained myself to believe that it comes on Thursdays at 7pm!

[embrassezla]

I usually record it and watch it on Thursdays. Well, my parents record it and I go over to their house on Thursdays to watch it. I just trained myself to believe that it comes on Thursdays at 7pm!
Good call! I don't have any recording capabilities or I would do the same.

[Jersey_Steve]

This part stood out to me. I think we all struggle with this at some point. I know I did. After college, my group of friends scattered all over the state (it's a big one!) and a few moved across the country. Even when we did plan something and get together, it wasn't the same because there was always someone missing. A couple of my college friends have since moved to Houston, but it's still not the same dynamic.

I was miserable until I just made myself suck it up and come to terms with the fact that life is never going to be the same as it was in college. I couldn't let myself mope around, reminiscing about the good old days and missing out on what I had right in front of me. Once I came to terms with that, it got better. I tried to focus more on the people that were here in Houston with me and how I could make those relationships stronger. Even something as simple as going to dinner with someone helped to break up the monotony. I started inviting people over to watch Thursday night TV or go shopping with me -- stuff that I was going to do anyway.

Just don't live in the past. College was great, yes, but it's over now. "Having a life" doesn't necessarily mean going out every night, partying, hanging out with friends constantly and sleeping in. It's okay to redefine what that means as we get to new places in our lives. Really make an effort to make the best of life now and I know you'll start to feel better about things.

Yeah, I know where you're coming from. Granted, it's easier said than done.

I do try to realize that the people I'm hanging around with now aren't my old college crew. But, since I went to a technology college, even the conversations just aren't the same. I used to talk about all kinds of science, computer, and other interesting topics. Now it's like, "I can't believe this girl I met on Myspace is being just a bitch to me" and "I hate my manager, I want a new job." No more interesting conversations on computers, or interesting theories/experiments we got to learn about, or just some random scientific article one of us read on some site that was interesting.

I just miss the times when I needed more than 2 brain cells to interact with my friends.

[winneythepooh7]

Yeah, I know where you're coming from. Granted, it's easier said than done.

I do try to realize that the people I'm hanging around with now aren't my old college crew. But, since I went to a technology college, even the conversations just aren't the same. I used to talk about all kinds of science, computer, and other interesting topics. Now it's like, "I can't believe this girl I met on Myspace is being just a bitch to me" and "I hate my manager, I want a new job." No more interesting conversations on computers, or interesting theories/experiments we got to learn about, or just some random scientific article one of us read on some site that was interesting.

I just miss the times when I needed more than 2 brain cells to interact with my friends.

Why don't you start a group through Craigslist or something based on your topic of interest?