Issues of Basic Helplessness

[wordsmith]

Okay, my coworker, who I do get along with well, is a tad bit on the neurotic side of things. She's also a QLC aged person who is a fairly sheltered only child who lives with her parents and hasn't ever had to be super self-sufficient.

A guy who works for the business next door just came in and said, "Hey, that girl who drives the Neon? Her tire looks low." Which triggered a MASSIVE FREAKOUT on her part, which I and three coworkers attempted to talk her through to no avail. She just called the dealership practically in tears (not exaggerating), to ask if she could bring it in. I'm not in anybody's pit crew or anything, but I do know how to fill a tire, check air pressure, and I do know where to take it to get a leak plugged inexpensively in the short term. There are things that would completely freak me out, but somebody pointing out a low tire is not one of them. Even if I didn't know how to do it myself, I wouldn't flip out about it. My alternator went out last week, and I got stuck blocking a busy stoplight-regulated intersection on a main street and state highway, and had the police called there to direct traffic and had to be towed, and I didn't even freak out at that, just walked through the process with the cops and tow truck. My poor coworker probably would have had an aneurysm had she been the driver.

What sorts of situations make you feel completely cowed and helpless? I know I have them, they just aren't centered around low tires.

[Skyblade]

I usually freak out when things happen to my car, but not a low tire. I've had 2 flat tires and I didn't really freak out. I called AAA and then got it patched at Costco for free. I got in a fender bender once and I freaked out about that though. I also freaked out when I got my one and only speeding ticket.

[wordsmith]

My "I can't deal with this" mental blocks and things that intimidate me and make me shut down and get stressed and freaked are usually things finance-related, not things that are automotive-related. The kind of panic attack she just had was the kind I typically have over some banking or account glitch. Money stuff makes me panic.

[winneythepooh7]

I've learned to calm myself over the years, thanks to what I do for a living. There's just some things you can't control. It does piss me off though when someone doesn't follow up on something, then they try to make it into my problem and it turns into chaos at the last minute because of their error. I get upset when things go wrong with my car too but not all-out freak-attacks. Yeah, I get in a pissy mood about a lot of things, but not totally freaked out if that makes sense..........

[PenforPrez]

I don't panic with my car, either. When my car had trouble recently, I just called my father, and we got the problem fixed the next day and fairly cheaply. :)

I panic on career issues. To me, it's like the layman who doesn't know the intricacies of mountain climbing looking up at the peak of Mount Everest. They would most likely think: "Holy fucking shit! How would I get to the top of THAT?!" That's how I get on career problems.

Paul

[Xander]

Wow, that girl needs help. Serious, professional help.

What sorts of situations make you feel completely cowed and helpless? I know I have them, they just aren't centered around low tires.
Hmm... good question. The only thing in memory are exams or finals which I haven't prepared for. Those pushed me the hardest, but with all things similar, I tend to sunk cost them (usually before they even happen, which is really bad/makes no logical sense since I can still do something for exams and such). So I guess for powerless situations, I can be powerless, but not feel helpless because I accept defeat. :p Haha... that's terrible.

i.e. I can be falling to my death, and instead of freaking out, I'd think, "oh man, this sucks... oh well." since there's nothing I can do about it anyway. (I've had 2 near-death experiences where I literally thought I was going to die, and the first time I thought, "uh oh!" and the second, "oops!")

So I never get into real panic situations. I'm usually the person who becomes extremely calm and calculating when shit hits the fan, which happens when I recognize stress building up... but especially when I see others panicking (and the "leadership engine" kicks in full throttle).


edit: actually, once I stabbed myself on accident (long story, tiny wound) and I got extremely calm (my first thought was, "can I superglue the wound shut?") but when I realized my muscle and "other" stuff hanging out couldn't be stuffed back in without the risk of infection, I realized I had to go to the emergency room... I was fine until I got to the emergency room, where I started to feel a little woozy and pass-out-ish. That was coming close to panic, especially when they asked my dad to fill out a long insurance form before they patched me back up. But I attribute it to the loss of blood. :D

[wordsmith]

Wow, that girl needs help. Serious, professional help.

I disagree. I think that what she needs is to have somebody show her how to check tire pressure, and recommend what to do in a basic maintenance situation (which I offered to do and was shot down). Then she needs for her dad to be told to quit doing absolutely EVERYthing for her. Her parents are in a condo in Florida for the month, and she's watching the house while they're gone...we had two windstorms, and the furnace pilot blew out both times, and she had no clue what to do with her dad gone.

As somebody with a dad who is also a general "I'll fix this guy," I totally understand how it can get to the point where it's just the easy thing, the default, to say, "Well, he always does this, so I never learned." But you actually do have to make a point to learn.

I don't think she needs professional help, she just needs to tackle these little things on her own and see, that, shock of shocks, it IS possible to handle various bumps in the road on your own.

[Xander]

It doesn't seem to be a car issue (I don't know her so I'm just guessing) but a self-reliance issue. I bet she'd freak out for a bunch of other stuff.

I don't think she needs professional help, she just needs to tackle these little things on her own and see, that, shock of shocks, it IS possible to handle various bumps in the road on your own.
Yes, you're right. I was being slightly facetious. I have a coworker similar to her, but instead of not knowing, she's not willing to do anything for herself... that's worse, I think. But she doesn't panic, so that's a plus.

[cheshrcarol]

I don't usually have freak-outs, but a car accident is guaranteed to do it for me. I had a really bad accident a few years ago when a drunk driver ran a red light and my best friend and I amazingly walked away - I have no idea how we weren't killed when I saw the car after, and if I hadn't just dropped someone off who'd been in the backseat, that person would've died. But anyways, car accidents, even fender benders now pretty much give me a panic attack.

I also came really really close to having a complete breakdown when I had lost my job and was running out of unemployment a year ago. But most of the $$ stuff I bottle up and pretend doesn't exist :p :neutral: .

[analogman]

I panic about a few things. I panic about getting stranded when traveling outside the country. I also panic when my wife is out much later than her estimated time to get home and I can't reach her (she forgets her cell phone a lot, can't hear it most of the time, or doesn't charge it).

Your co-worker needs two things. First she needs to acquire a desire to empower herself with knowledge, then she needs to learn how to take care of little things so she doesn't freak out when every little thing goes wrong.

[wordsmith]

It doesn't seem to be a car issue (I don't know her so I'm just guessing) but a self-reliance issue. I bet she'd freak out for a bunch of other stuff.

Oh, totally. The list of neuroticisms is long and unwieldy (before she left, she was all hyper that she didn't know where to park at the dealership). But it's totally a "I've never had to be self-reliant" thing, versus an "I'm mentally ill" thing. I swear, her parents would chew her food for her.

Like your coworker, she's also not big on doing things for herself even if told how, when she can pay somebody else to. I got frustrated because I was trying to explain one way she could handle the problem, and she was really dismissive of it, and the entire attitude was "I'll just pay a mechanic, it's worth the money to not have to worry about it." So she's off right now, paying a mechanic to put air in her tire.

[Millenial]

i hate cleaning/organizing, it causes me anxiety but it doesn't make me have a panic attack. i feel more comfortable with controlled chaos.

there's a difference between not being able to do the dishes, and doing the dishes, keeping up an apartment but not being obsessive over it

[wordsmith]

She just came back, $54 lighter..

After they filled the tire, they told her they needed to rotate her tires, and changed her oil. Suckah.

[pisces2473]

I was waiting for you to post what the end result was. I bet she's super-relieved though, that a professional looked at it, and she was all checked out. Oh well, she'll learn, someday.

[Chameleon]

But it's totally a "I've never had to be self-reliant" thing, versus an "I'm mentally ill" thing.
I don't think you have to be "mentally ill" to seek professional help, I actually think a therapist could help her straighten out her severe dependence on her parents. She'd have to want to not go "Waaaaaaaa!!!!" anytime things goes wrong first though; if her parents weren't happy with the status quo (or getting something out of her still hanging on to the apron strings) they would have asked her to grow up already.

My mental freakout used to be with relating to men (still is to a lesser extent). My mom's dating advice was "Stay away from men. They only bring pain and trouble", and she wonders why I have trouble with relationships. Yes, I'm getting professional help for that :)

[Winter Storm]

She just came back, $54 lighter..

After they filled the tire, they told her they needed to rotate her tires, and changed her oil. Suckah.
Day-yyyum! They saw her ass coming.

Cause air around here costs 75 cents. And an oil change and tire rotation: $30.

[old_school_soul]

Oh, totally. The list of neuroticisms is long and unwieldy (before she left, she was all hyper that she didn't know where to park at the dealership). But it's totally a "I've never had to be self-reliant" thing, versus an "I'm mentally ill" thing.

How do you know she's not mentally ill? She could have an anxiety disorder.

[wordsmith]

Day-yyyum! They saw her ass coming.

Cause air around here costs 75 cents. And an oil change and tire rotation: $30.

This is EXACTLY MY POINT. Telegraphing helplessness, paired with being clueless about something, is a REALLY good way to get taken advantage of. Funny how when you call a dealership CRYING over a low tire, they see a window of opportunity to put the screws to you.

Being obviously unable to take care of your own shit gets you ripped off more often than not.

[Winter Storm]

This is EXACTLY MY POINT. Telegraphing helplessness, paired with being clueless about something, is a REALLY good way to get taken advantage of. Funny how when you call a dealership CRYING over a low tire, they see a window of opportunity to put the screws to you.

Being obviously unable to take care of your own shit gets you ripped off more often than not.
That's her next problem, she went to the dealer? For air? I never go to my dealership unless it is a Honda-specific issue. Any other maintenance and I go to my mechanic 'round the corner. And they take coupons!

Is this her first car?

[wordsmith]

That's her next problem, she went to the dealer? For air? I never go to my dealership unless it is a Honda-specific issue. Any other maintenance and I go to my mechanic 'round the corner. And they take coupons!

Is this her first car?

Again, my point, exactly. I about shit my pants when we're telling her, step by step, how to put air in a tire, and she freaked out and announced that she would just call the dealership over her low tire (which, I might add, wasn't visibly low). It's not her first car, either. She's just used to other people taking care of everything.

[embrassezla]

Haha, but how likely is it that she had EVER rotated her tires or changed her oil, given the low-tire situation? Not saying they didn't obviously try to rip her off, but probably not a bad idea to get an oil change.

[wordsmith]

Oh, no, her dad gets both done for her regularly, as needed. He's just out of town. She flips out if she's anywhere near remotely near the recommended mileage for an oil change, trust me.

[embrassezla]

Haha, natch.

[Xander]

Tomorrow, with the look of concern on your face, tell her the other tire looks a little flat.

[Winter Storm]

Tomorrow, with the look of concern on your face, tell her the other tire looks a little flat.

Ha ha! :p :D

[wordsmith]

So mean!

She'd stroke out. I'm not even kidding.

Really, though, the reason I started the thread, which got discussed a little, is that it made me think about different ways people feel inequipped to deal with different things, and what you do, then. Because, to be honest, somebody could rip me off via my being flustered and intimidated by all things finance, similarly to how a mechanic can take advantage of a girl who's obviously clueless about all things automotive, and putting herself at his mercy.

[nikorock28]

I didn't know anything about car maintenance 2 years ago when I graduated college because I had never driven regularly (year-round) before. I didn't have a car at school as it wasn't necessary.
I am now aware that it is in my best interest to keep track of all the repairs I get, monitor mileage for tire rotations, oil changes, new tires, etc. Also, to check my tire pressure frequently for low air. I now know that you can just go to the gas station, put in your quarters and fill 'er up with air. I still don't know how to check oil or anything, but I will leave that for the mechanic. I have had several flat tires in the past 2 years and I just use AAA, then take it in to get patched or what not. Going in for new tires and tire repairs, etc used to make me very nervous and anxious, but now it is better. I also used to worry about where to park and stuff like that... I am beginning to realize that nobody really cares.

[wordsmith]

Checking oil is the easiest thing EVER, Niko, I promise. It's not even in the same league as CHANGING oil. You totally don't need a mechanic for that, you can do it when you get gas and squeegee your windows. I used to have to do it every time I got gas, when I drove a car that burned/leaked oil like crazy.

[Ciderhillnh]

While I agree that this girl totally flipped out, the whole take the car to the mechanic and have them take care of it mentality……well I have it too.

While I have an autobody guy that I trust with anything that breaks, when it comes to my car and any issues, it goes to the car dealership.

Does it cost me? Yes. But I have confidence when driving my car that its not having issues and they took care of it.
I also have a GREAT relationship with my dealership so I know they arent taking me for a ride and most times they don’t even have me pay for labor. They got me a rental car overnight FREE the last time I took my car in.

As for air, while I wouldn’t freak out over that, Id at least try to fix it myself first, see if more air leaked out over the next few days (to see if there was a slow leak) then go to the local tire place, tell them what Id done and to patch or replace the tire as they see fit.

This girl just needs a grip on try to fix it yourself first, then ask for help.

[wordsmith]

I DEFINITELY hand my car over for any maintenance or mechanical thing that eclipses what I can reasonably be expected to deal with myself, of course. But I would still not melt down over a low tire. Because that just doesn't eclipse what can be done on my own.

[nikorock28]

Checking oil is the easiest thing EVER, Niko, I promise. It's not even in the same league as CHANGING oil. You totally don't need a mechanic for that, you can do it when you get gas and squeegee your windows. I used to have to do it every time I got gas, when I drove a car that burned/leaked oil like crazy.

Yeah, I am sure it is not difficult, I just never bothered to learn. Last December, my car was leaking oil, so my dad checked the oil and said it was good. So, I took it into the mechanic, and there is a list of things that they checked, tightened, reset, replaced. It didn't leak after that, so whatever they did got the job done. Since I live at home, I can just use my dad as a resource with car type issues. Similarly, I advise my parents with tax-planning issues. Obviously, when I move away, I will probably have to learn how to check my oil if a similar leak arises.

[wordsmith]

Just so you know, you don't have to have a leak to run low on oil periodically. It's still best to check on occasion.

[nikorock28]

So mean!

She'd stroke out. I'm not even kidding.

Really, though, the reason I started the thread, which got discussed a little, is that it made me think about different ways people feel inequipped to deal with different things, and what you do, then. Because, to be honest, somebody could rip me off via my being flustered and intimidated by all things finance, similarly to how a mechanic can take advantage of a girl who's obviously clueless about all things automotive, and putting herself at his mercy.

Yeah, some people just feel inequipped to deal with different things. One person might take care of a lot of car issues themselves, but pay a financial planner to organize their finances. Another person might do all their budgeting, investing and finances themselves, but just go to a dealership or mechanic to handle all the car issues. It just depends.

[nikorock28]

Just so you know, you don't have to have a leak to run low on oil periodically. It's still best to check on occasion.

Yeah, it definitely seems like good practice to check oil on occasion. But, isn't that what the light on the dash is for? :p

[capella]

I think not having a job would ruffle me most. I don't get too concerned about a lot of things and not much gets me in panic mode. Not being able to pay my bills... yeah, that's anxiety for me. There are no other issues that get me like money.

[pisces2473]

Yeah, it definitely seems like good practice to check oil on occasion. But, isn't that what the light on the dash is for? :p
The lights don't always work!

[Irish79]

I've had to change many flat tires since I moved here because of the crappy, pot-hole filled roads. Definitely doesn't freak me out. I also had a flat on a busy freeway in the middle of a construction zone in our work vehicle - still didn't freak out. I guess I normally get the most stressed about having too many things going on at once at work, or having to do a presentation on short notice (hate public speaking), and also financial stuff like Words mentioned. I actually made myself pretty sick over money stuff when I was first out of college, living in an apartment that I could barely afford and with no health insurance. I am not a person who takes money for granted, especially after going through that...

[Bman120]

I tend to get very concerned when I have a problem where I can't work to solve it right then and there. If it is something where I have to wait for something to happen before I can know what to do I start to get really worried. My mind jumps to the worst case senarios and tries to figure out how to prevent them which it cant do because I dont know all the facts yet. So my mind compounds the original problem with problems I could face but havent even come up yet.

I've noticed that when this happeneds, if I try just taking a deep breath and telling myself that "whatever will be will be and worrying wont change a thing", I start to feel better for a while. Eventually, these feelings come back but if I keep it up, I get more info on the problem and can start working through it.

Maybe something that would help this girl would be buying some repair tools that she could learn to use incase of an emergency. Sometimes just knowing they are there can be a big help. I have an emergency tire inflator in my trunk incase I get a flat somewhere where I dont know well and cant find a shop. Basically, I can inflate the thing enough to drive it somewhere without the tire being destroyed. I also have an emergency car starter incase the battery goes dead. All I do is hook the thing up to my car battery and I can jump it. Knowing these things are there makes driving less of a hassle and maybe it could help her?

[Xander]

On a related note, it's for reasons like this I'd love for our culture to expect every single individual do certain things.

1) Everyone who eats meat should kill, prepare, and eat an animal at some point in their lives. If you can't kill, then morally, you shouldn't be eating meat.

2) Every few years, be able to "live off the land" for a few days, away from packaged foods, air conditioning, the internet, etc. and reconnect with reality.

Yep... I'm crazy. But I believe everyone should have the capacity to be self sufficient.


And crap, I can't believe I forgot this, but I'd be near panic if I had to approach an attractive girl in the right (or wrong) situation. That's probably why I don't... I don't mean nervous breakdown panic, but my heart races and I just don't feel very comfortable. :p

[cheshrcarol]

Every few years, be able to "live off the land" for a few days, away from packaged foods, air conditioning, the internet, etc. and reconnect with reality.
Dude, packaged food, air conditioning, and the Internet ARE my reality.

[Xander]

Dude, packaged food, air conditioning, and the Internet ARE my reality.
:D

I love those things too, but you know... being connected to nature and all that hippie talk. ;)

[cheshrcarol]

So you want to be connected with nature, not reality ;). Personally, I like photographing nature, but not so much the connecting :p.

[wordsmith]

2) Every few years, be able to "live off the land" for a few days, away from packaged foods, air conditioning, the internet, etc. and reconnect with reality.

Yep... I'm crazy. But I believe everyone should have the capacity to be self sufficient.


This is how I grew up. Been there, done that. I do fine with it, much as I like amenities like internet, now.

[zen_mistress]

EEEk! If I had to do that I would probably only eat fish. I couldnt stand killing a bird or fourleggged animal...

[J-girl]

I can check oil and stuff by myself but I would get a little nervous if my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. But thats why if I am going on long trips bymyself I make sure I have my cell phone charger and my CAA card.

The last time I had a flat tire, I just called the CAA and waited till they showed up and later took the car for a replacement tire.

I felt really helpless when I had my ex college send me a bill for 13,000 dollars!!! I didnt know what the hell to do with that.

[old_school_soul]

On a related note, it's for reasons like this I'd love for our culture to expect every single individual do certain things.

1) Everyone who eats meat should kill, prepare, and eat an animal at some point in their lives. If you can't kill, then morally, you shouldn't be eating meat.

2) Every few years, be able to "live off the land" for a few days, away from packaged foods, air conditioning, the internet, etc. and reconnect with reality.



Yeah, and to top it all off, we should send our 7 year old children to Chinese sweat shops so they can make our Nikes and all the trinkety shit people buy at Wal Mart.

[Xander]

Yeah, and to top it all off, we should send our 7 year old children to Chinese sweat shops so they can make our Nikes and all the trinkety shit people buy at Wal Mart.
Actually, that's not a terrible idea. :D --not actually sending our kids to work in sweat shops, but to make them understand how things are manufactured, and to teach them not to be disconnected from others (have empathy for those kids in sweat shops making crap they take for granted).

I guess you could say the same for the animal thing. As long as we all understand we're responsible for killing animals to consume, we're fine. I have no problem with it. Though I'd hate to kill something with my own hands... I could do it. Meat is natural. And delicious. Yum yum. :p

[old_school_soul]

Actually, that's not a terrible idea. :D --not actually sending our kids to work in sweat shops, but to make them understand how things are manufactured, and to teach them not to be disconnected from others (have empathy for those kids in sweat shops making crap they take for granted).

Yeah.. i'd agree.. Adults are too far gone these days to teach or learn anything. It's definitely better to learn 'em young.

[mishl982]

I don't know about what would cause me to have a total mental breakdown, but finances (like real estate, stock, retirement) and mechanical car issues make me nervous.

[Xander]

The thing is, a lot of these anxieties can be resolved by learning more about the topics. As in, if finances make you worried, can't you learn more about finance?

Maybe I'm being too linear.

[redav]

The thing is, a lot of these anxieties can be resolved by learning more about the topics. As in, if finances make you worried, can't you learn more about finance?

Maybe I'm being too linear.
It isn't so much about logic or knowledge as confidence. Anxieties that cause emotional 'break-downs' are often like phobias--not entirely rational. If you are scared of spiders, you know that a spider in an aquarium is not going to bite you through the glass, but you're still uncomfortable putting your hand on the glass.

One way to overcome the anxiety is not to learn about the subject, but rather to do it--confront the fear and desensitize yourself.

[Kitty]

Technology!! I have had many a break down because of problems w/ technology.

[wordsmith]

I agree that it's not just knowledge, it's confidence, and each come through gritting your teeth and just doing. And that can be a "chicken or egg" proposition.

Case in point, my coworker: She's intimidated to handle basics of auto care/servicing on her own. If she'd allow somebody to show her steps she could take, walk her through it, inform her, let her do stuff hands-on, she'd feel more confident that she knew what to do. But when faced with the chance to do that, she got intimidated and folded. Stuff like this CAN be similar to phobic reactions, and it can be a catch-22. You don't try to handle something because you're intimidated by it, and you're intimidated by it, because you've never tried to handle it.

[ebruening]

Car things intimidate me. I can't do anything that involves taking something apart, and putting it back together. My brain isn't wired that way. You could explain how to change a tire to me 6,000 times, make me do it 400 times, and I'd still get it wrong.

I can't change a tire, even though I'd love for my roommate to teach me how. I'm one of those people who doesn't know how to check the air pressure in my tires, and also could likely never successfully put air in my tires. I'd either let all the air out of my tires (accidentally, of course), or I'd overinflate them, and they'd all blow up...at the gas station...with 16 people watching.

Yes, I'm that girl who gets her father or her boyfriend to fill the car tires for her. Honestly, wordsmith, I can see how your coworker freaked out over her car tires being low. I would probably act in a similar manner - I wouldn't freak out and cry, necessarily, but I wouldn't know what to do if I had to do it myself.

I also have issues with boyfriends, or ex-boyfriends, for that matter. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong, or that they'll find a reason to not want to be with me. I'm needy, but I work darn hard at seeming the opposite. I guess the idea of getting hurt makes me pile on all the emotional armor I have available.

Geez, after reading this, I have some MAJOR issues to work though :neutral:

[mishl982]

The thing is, a lot of these anxieties can be resolved by learning more about the topics. As in, if finances make you worried, can't you learn more about finance?

Maybe I'm being too linear.
I wouldn't really call it anxiety, I just get a bit nervous (I see the 2 as different things). Sure, I could learn about cars and finance, but like some others said, it's also about confidence. I've learned about the stock market several times and it still confuses me.

[WorkInProgress]

I agree that it's not just knowledge, it's confidence, and each come through gritting your teeth and just doing. And that can be a "chicken or egg" proposition.

Case in point, my coworker: She's intimidated to handle basics of auto care/servicing on her own. If she'd allow somebody to show her steps she could take, walk her through it, inform her, let her do stuff hands-on, she'd feel more confident that she knew what to do. But when faced with the chance to do that, she got intimidated and folded. Stuff like this CAN be similar to phobic reactions, and it can be a catch-22. You don't try to handle something because you're intimidated by it, and you're intimidated by it, because you've never tried to handle it.

Car things beyond filling tires, and changing a flat and checking the oil or replacing washer fluid make me nervous. I'm certain I would be very nervous about a flat tire if I hadn't already changed my own several times. The first flat tire that I ever changed went flat at work, and one of my coworkers went out to the parking lot with me and made me do the work but helped me understand it better and watched me so I didn't mess anything up. The first flat I ever got, I was scared out of my mind (it was dark, I'd never had a flat before, I was a young driver, I was alone, I was driving my mom's car) and managed to limp the car home and my dad changed the tire. When my car just wouldn't start once, I was very, very uncomfortable. But I called my insurance company for a tow and my dad (for the company), and everything was fine.

[alanisjunkie]

wow....i hope nothing MAJOR ever happens to that girl, she wouldn't be able to deal.

[Allie]

aaa & a cell phone... a relief... my frustration is fiscal, esp if someone else is causing the grief, over extended credit, bouncing checks, etc... but then that is why aaa & a cell phone is such a good deal.
I have a good friend that doesn't even know where the dip stick is... not only is she lucky, it is soooo nice. First it was her father & brother, checking the oil, then her husband. Did I say Lucky... gee it would be sooo nice. After all, she (& alot of women) repay this task, by many things, that alot of men think is built into women to do. Like doing laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping, etc. Now how, Long does it Take to Check the Oil and the pressure in the tires. Lots quicker than her chores... Ahhhh single life :heehee:
Oh did I also mention, that $54 seems like a steal, compared with having a guy around. So she spent $54 - $30 (average cost for oil change, tire rotation...) = $24... still is alot cheaper than alot of other things that rip you off.

[BLK95TA]

lol this post about the low air pressure in the tire reminds me of the vid on youtube where paris hilton's bentley runs out of gas and the paperazzi help her put gas in it... she apparantly did not know it needed gas :rolleyes:

[Bocheezu]

The only thing I get panicky about is trying to sell something. I would never, ever, sell my car myself, I will always trade it in, no matter how much money I lose on it. For a lot of stuff, I'd rather just throw it away than try to set up a garage sale or something to sell it. I'm just not a haggling type to try and negotiate with people.

At the same time, though, if you actually do accomplish one of those tasks that frighten you, it's a big confidence builder. Last year, my car was getting kinda old and was starting to act up. I knew I needed a new car but had been avoiding it because big money purchases scare the crap out of me. Well, the car blew a gasket (quite literally) and I was in the shop staring at a $600+ repair, and I said forget it, I have to buy a new car. So I researched it out and really came out with a good deal. I work for Ford, so it's a no-brainer what car I'm getting, but I got a deal for 0% financing, and I found a $500 coupon toward the trade-in on the dealer's website. So I traded in the car for $1000 + $500 for the coupon, and I didn't have to pay to repair the damn thing. I felt like such a champ afterwards.

[wordsmith]

See, I would WAY rather sell something myself.

[ugarachel82]

It isn't so much about logic or knowledge as confidence. Anxieties that cause emotional 'break-downs' are often like phobias--not entirely rational. If you are scared of spiders, you know that a spider in an aquarium is not going to bite you through the glass, but you're still uncomfortable putting your hand on the glass.

One way to overcome the anxiety is not to learn about the subject, but rather to do it--confront the fear and desensitize yourself.

I agree with this 100%. I used to majorly freak out whenever I had a bill from a doctor's office or insurance company I had to contest or work through. I never wanted to call anyone to ask or explain because I didn't think I knew enough to come off as confident to get my point across.

As wordsmith said, it takes experience to gain confidence and you can only get experience from actually doing something, not letting my parents do it for me.

I also know a 19-year-old girl whose been on her own for only a year now and refuses to call anyone to help her fix something broken around the house. She'll let a puddle of water sit on the floor before calling ANYONE to ask what is wrong with her pipes. This girl is also relatively sheltered and has always had parents looking out for her. But there is a difference between looking out for and enabling. At the rate she's going, she's never going to be able to function without someone else. The only thing I can do though is hope she grows out of it and not kill herself in the process. It's frustrating.