Dating Dilemma

[CityGal]

So I’ve been dating this guy for about two or three weeks now (I guess a total of about four or five dates) and things seem to be going smoothly. Our first date was awesome. It seemed like we knew each other for years. When he dropped me off at home, I was so ecstatic that I couldn’t fall asleep. He just seemed totally cool. The next few dates were also great. Whenever I would return home, I seemed like a gushy little girlie-girl with my roomie. Everything was awesome. It feels like we’ve been in a long-term relationship for years, and, therein lays the problem. We do have the cutesy first time things but it feels more normal than the regular first-timers thing. I don’t really feel all those cute little butterflies…there’s some but not enough. This past weekend, it just dawned on me that he looks a lot like one of my old friends from school. On last night’s date that was all I could think of for a while. I thought of my college friend as more of a brother than a dating potential. What’s wrong with me???? I can’t seem to get him off my mind or to stop talking about him to other people yet I don’t have all that za za zoo. He’s a great guy and when I’m with him I feel good. Sometimes I still get the tingling sensations when he touches me but mostly it just feels really nice and romantic. I feel like I could totally open up to him and things could be awesome but the timing is horrible. In a way I feel like he could be the obstacle preventing me from fully experiencing grad school in another country.

Forgot to mention that I actually told my mom about him. I have NEVER told my mom about anyone I was dating while I was still dating them.--not even the guy I was falling in love wiht. This is like freakisly wierd for me and yet it seemed to come out of my mouth so normal when I told her.

Ugh! This is why I am so preplexed. I do these unexpected things and yet I don't know where that grand feeling is.

Have you ever experienced this? Does this mean that I don’t like him? Is it too early to give up?


Background Info: I have a really hard time opening up to guys and letting my guard down. It’s sometimes impossible to break my shell. One time I did let go and of course I got hurt, but I knew it was worth the experience.

[Chameleon]

"the obstacle"? I'm confused.

I had a tendency in the past to make really good friends with people just when I know they are leaving. It's kinda like the summer fling, you know they are going to be gone so you can be your best self and when they do leave, it's sad, but they had to go, you know? Nothing to do with you, it's just the way things are. It's a fear of intimacy thing, if you are good friends with them when they are around for a long time, eventually they are going to annoy you and you are going to part ways and it gets to be awkward but if they are skipping the country, no awkwardness! Just low maintainance keeping in touch.

This might have NOTHING to do with your situation, but then again it might. I don't know if you have an unrealistic expectation of the intensity at the beginning of a relationship, but you've only known him a few weeks. If you think opening up to him is going to sabotage your long planned dream to go to grad school, you should proceed with caution. If you don't really feel a connection, then stop seeing him. There will be other men.

[Winter Storm]

It's too early to give up. He makes you happy and you have fun with him. What's the problem? It's not always going to be fireworks each and every time to see each other. It just sounds like your feelings are more grounded but not necessarily less interested.

[WorkInProgress]

It's too early to give up. He makes you happy and you have fun with him. What's the problem?

This is what I was thinking.

And, if this isn't too much, why do you think he (or just having him in your life, rather) would keep you from fully experiencing grad school in another country? (Also, when do you leave, and where are you going? A friend of a friend of mine is studying in Belgium and is having a fantastic time.)

[CityGal]

I'm planning to travel late summer (August/September), come back for whatever is left of my things, and then officially go over there (England) in October. In a way I just don't want to get too emotionally involved because I am leaving and I know it's too soon to think about these things but I can't help it. I guess that's one of my biggest problems I tend to over think things instead of letting them flow.

[WorkInProgress]

Ah. Well, plenty can happen between now and August/September.

(I have a hard time going with the flow too, especially when I there's an end in sight.)

[wordsmith]

Bear in mind that the kind of giddiness, "cute butterflies," and tingling sensations can sometimes be the sort of thing that tend to fall off more and more quickly into patterns of comfortability the older you get and the more relationships you are in.

I personally will take an early "It's like I've known you for years" feeling...the butterflies are fine, but they don't have to be constant. Feeling like I just really mesh with somebody is way more gratifiying, at least for me.

[CityGal]

Bear in mind that the kind of giddiness, "cute butterflies," and tingling sensations can sometimes be the sort of thing that tend to fall off more and more quickly into patterns of comfortability the older you get and the more relationships you are in.

I personally will take an early "It's like I've known you for years" feeling...the butterflies are fine, but they don't have to be constant. Feeling like I just really mesh with somebody is way more gratifiying, at least for me.


Work and Word, I guess you are both right. A lot can happen in a few months. I've never actually dated someone that I felt like I've known them forever so I guess I'll just have to learn how to stress less.

[winneythepooh7]

Bear in mind that the kind of giddiness, "cute butterflies," and tingling sensations can sometimes be the sort of thing that tend to fall off more and more quickly into patterns of comfortability the older you get and the more relationships you are in.

I personally will take an early "It's like I've known you for years" feeling...the butterflies are fine, but they don't have to be constant. Feeling like I just really mesh with somebody is way more gratifiying, at least for me.

Yup. Agreed.

[Chameleon]

I didn't realize the trip was still 7 months away. I agree with WIP, a lot of things can happen in 7 months. You may still be dating him but then again, you might not even remember his name... Relax, have fun, don't lose sight of your goal.

[CityGal]

"the obstacle"? I'm confused.

I had a tendency in the past to make really good friends with people just when I know they are leaving. It's kinda like the summer fling, you know they are going to be gone so you can be your best self and when they do leave, it's sad, but they had to go, you know? Nothing to do with you, it's just the way things are. It's a fear of intimacy thing, if you are good friends with them when they are around for a long time, eventually they are going to annoy you and you are going to part ways and it gets to be awkward but if they are skipping the country, no awkwardness! Just low maintainance keeping in touch.

This might have NOTHING to do with your situation, but then again it might. I don't know if you have an unrealistic expectation of the intensity at the beginning of a relationship, but you've only known him a few weeks. If you think opening up to him is going to sabotage your long planned dream to go to grad school, you should proceed with caution. If you don't really feel a connection, then stop seeing him. There will be other men.

I just read your post on the 'living with a bf and trying to break up' and I really like what you said about the quality of the connection (not just the passion). In terms of my situation, I do think we have a wonderful connection. I'm going to stick it out to see what happens (after all it's still new) and try to loosen up.

[CityGal]

I didn't realize the trip was still 7 months away. I agree with WIP, a lot of things can happen in 7 months. You may still be dating him but then again, you might not even remember his name... Relax, have fun, don't lose sight of your goal.

So true. Thanks. I guess it was just a little stress episode.

[shorty]

So does he just look like your old friend or does his personality remind you of your friend? Those are two different things.

If you like him, go ahead and keep seeing him. You never know what might happen.

Forgot to mention that I actually told my mom about him. I have NEVER told my mom about anyone I was dating while I was still dating them.--not even the guy I was falling in love wiht.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't tell her mom about her relationships. :)

[CityGal]

So does he just look like your old friend or does his personality remind you of your friend? Those are two different things.

If you like him, go ahead and keep seeing him. You never know what might happen.



I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't tell her mom about her relationships. :)

He looks A LOT like my old friend. Our 'relationship' sometimes reminds me of my friend and my relationship....minus the kissing and all the romantic stuff. They are both very sweet, great guys, and Very cute. I'm definitely going to just try to relax. I'm doing way too much thinking on this situation. I need to relax and enjoy it for what it is or what it isn't.