Americans too hung up on infidelity?

[grneyedmustang]

http://men.msn.com/articlebl.aspx?cp-documentid=4096355&GT1=9212

What do you guys think?

Maybe it's just me and my "American" ideals, but infidelity is a big deal. I've noticed that some other cultures don't "crucify" indivduals the way we tend do when our SO's cheat (remember The Scarlet Letter?).

So are we just immature as a culture (as the article implies)?

[weary]

i didn't even read the article (sorry), but i've seen this argument plenty times. i think the USA is just more conservative.

i'll also say that there are plenty of other cultures where infidelity is a big deal, but just like in america, it happens tons anyway...

[PenforPrez]

i didn't even read the article (sorry), but i've seen this argument plenty times. i think the USA is just more conservative.

i'll also say that there are plenty of other cultures where infidelity is a big deal, but just like in america, it happens tons anyway...

I agree with that. In Latin America, infidelity is very much an ingrained (and quietly accepted) cultural institution. Even the Prime Ministers and Presidents there have mistresses.

Paul

[veniqe]

I also didn't read the article but think that's a pretty harsh thing to say.

Yes, Americans are probably hung up about things that most other people won't even bat an eyelid over but infidelity is actually wrong. It could potentially destroy a family..

So I'm not really sure how one can be labelled as being "immature" when you don't condone it.

[AshleyJordan]

Oh lord. I've gotten into spirited debates with the local men about this everytime I've visited Europe. :p
While I personally wouldn't advocate infidelity, I do think that Americans are often puritanical about sex and attraction, which can lead to repressed desires and more of a huge urge to cheat, IMO. Basically, that if you actually allow yourself to acknowledge when you are attracted to someone other than your partner, without a bunch of guilt, etc., wrapped up in it, you can look at the situation more honestly and hopefully realize why you're with your partner in the first place and why, even though whoever you'd like to have an affair with may have a great ass or whatever, you chose your partner for a reason and the object of your desire isn't a real threat to that. I've never cheated on a BF, but I've always been very aware of and appreciative of other guys, which to me, by not punishing myself for just admitting that I throught someone else was hot or charming, etc., made me remember just how great my BF was. . .
Obviously this assumes that you have a healthy relationship. Make sense?

[Winter Storm]

Yeah and in some other countries, they don't wear deodorant or shower daily. Pfff!
We sure don't have to be like other countries and infidelity here is a big deal!

Crucifixtions still on!

[weary]

I agree with that. In Latin America, infidelity is very much an ingrained (and quietly accepted) cultural institution. Even the Prime Ministers and Presidents there have mistresses.

Paul

well, yeah, but don't think that their esposas don't go loca on then at home when it's found out!!! :p it is "quietly accepted" as in it's not talked about publicly. cheat on a lovely latina mujer, and see what happens to your ass. i am speaking from experience...:evil:

[WorkInProgress]

I saw and read that article earlier.

I think it's a reflection of different expectations regarding marriage. Personally, I prefer my "American" view. I can see how people become cynics regarding marriage and I hope to never become like that.

[wordsmith]

Fidelity is engrained in a great many cultures, not just "American." And there are certainly Americans who can get over infidelity. I don't personally know many people who have no problem with it (as the article seems to imply is a superior outlook), but I do personally know people where it hasn't ruined their marriage or relationships, they've worked past it. I don't know for sure, but I personally doubt that I could...it would probably depend on how much I had invested in the relationship, too, time and emotionwise.

I don't think it's a matter of mature perspective versus immature perspective, just cultural differences in terms of what defines trust.

[weary]

I don't think it's a matter of mature perspective versus immature perspective, just cultural differences in terms of what defines trust.
absolutely.

[PenforPrez]

cheat on a lovely latina mujer, and see what happens to your ass. i am speaking from experience...:evil:

Plenty of muy bonita mujeres latinas. :)

Think I got that right; mi espanol es muy viejo. :p

Paul

[veniqe]

I guess this takes us to the next question: what about open relationships?

I do love my boyfriend but he doesn't always do it for me in bed scenario. Would you consider having the "talk" and have a relationship like that?

[wordsmith]

Again, a matter of what fidelity means in terms of trust to you personally.

[WorkInProgress]

I guess this takes us to the next question: what about open relationships?

I do love my boyfriend but he doesn't always do it for me in bed scenario. Would you consider having the "talk" and have a relationship like that?

That's a whole other discussion, and might be best suited to another thread.

[weary]

Plenty of muy bonita mujeres latinas. :)

Think I got that right; mi espanol es muy viejo. :p

Paul
muy bien, saltamonte. :p

[AshleyJordan]

Plenty of muy bonita mujeres latinas. :)

Think I got that right; mi espanol es muy viejo. :p

Paul

Hay muchas mujeres latinas que son muy bonitas, yo creo . . . :p

[meatwad]

There are cultures where the man can do as he pleases and he can have his wife executed for cheating on him. Should I feel stuck up and conservative because I don't agree with that?

[WorkInProgress]

There are cultures where the man can do as he pleases and he can have his wife executed for cheating on him. Should I feel stuck up and conservative because I don't agree with that?

You could feel liberal and enlightened because you don't agree with that.

[wordsmith]

There are cultures where the man can do as he pleases and he can have his wife executed for cheating on him. Should I feel stuck up and conservative because I don't agree with that?

I was going to mention this, actually, that it seems to me like there really aren't many cultures where infidelity is unilaterally deemed acceptable. It's usually acceptable for the men, but not the women. Even in America. Polygamist culture seems to always be sanctioned as one man, many women...never one woman, many men.

[WorkInProgress]

I was going to mention this, actually, that it seems to me like there really aren't many cultures where infidelity is unilaterally deemed acceptable. It's usually acceptable for the men, but not the women. Even in America. Polygamist culture seems to always be sanctioned as one man, many women...never one woman, many men.

Tangent, but I wonder (and think) that part of the reason for this is because more children can be born out of such arrangements. (You know, along with men traditionally having more power and money than women and so can protect and provide for the children of such unions.)

[wordsmith]

I'm sure.

[grneyedmustang]

I was going to mention this, actually, that it seems to me like there really aren't many cultures where infidelity is unilaterally deemed acceptable. It's usually acceptable for the men, but not the women. Even in America. Polygamist culture seems to always be sanctioned as one man, many women...never one woman, many men.
Totally agree with this. I think this could even apply to Americans. If a guy decides to sleep around, it is usually forgiven by the woman (some women will even justify it [That's what men do...he needs to sow his oats, etc]), and his friends may even consider him "a player" or "a pimp". On the other hand, if a woman cheats, she's a slut...hoe...cum dumpster...skeezer...or any variation thereof.

I have male friends that sleep around and expect their women to forgive them when they get caught....but when they catch their women cheating...they just can't move past it.

I guess this is a subject for another thread, though :surprised

[PenforPrez]

As sad and disgusting as it is, we do live in a patriarchal world. Men still run the show, unfortunately. Many antiquated attitudes exist, as have been mentioned. We're still a couple of generations away from putting that to rest, I fear. :torn:

Paul

[redav]

Tangent, but I wonder (and think) that part of the reason for this is because more children can be born out of such arrangements. (You know, along with men traditionally having more power and money than women and so can protect and provide for the children of such unions.)
Another thing is that you know who the children 'belong' to, and so can maintain a semblance of a family structure that isn't quite possible with one woman + multiple men.

[wordsmith]

Another thing is that you know who the children 'belong' to, and so can maintain a semblance of a family structure that isn't quite possible with one woman + multiple men.

It could be argued that one man/multiple women/bunch of kids with different mommies isn't really a semblance of a family structure, either, anymore than a setup with one woman/multiple men/bunch of kid with different daddies would be. It all depends on your perspective.

[WorkInProgress]

It could be argued that one man/multiple women/bunch of kids with different mommies isn't really a semblance of a family structure, either, anymore than a setup with one woman/multiple men/bunch of kid with different daddies would be. It all depends on your perspective.

Also whether one/society believes in patrilineal or matrilineal families.

[meatwad]

What I like to do is have kids with as many women as possible, then go around and kill all the kids they've had with other men.

[redav]

It could be argued that one man/multiple women/bunch of kids with different mommies isn't really a semblance of a family structure, either, anymore than a setup with one woman/multiple men/bunch of kid with different daddies would be. It all depends on your perspective.
Not really. My point is demonstrated by men who have had 'families' in different cities that do not know of each other, and they continue on in a semblance of normal families. Which is a big reason they are able to pull it off. Such a scenario is far more difficult, if not impossible, to pull off the other way around due to the nature of child-bearing.

I believe this is one of the reasons for the existence of the double standard regarding infidelity of women and men.

[wordsmith]

Not really. My point is demonstrated by men who have had 'families' in different cities that do not know of each other, and they continue on in a semblance of normal families. Which is a big reason they are able to pull it off. Such a scenario is far more difficult, if not impossible, to pull off the other way around due to the nature of child-bearing.

I believe this is one of the reasons for the existence of the double standard regarding infidelity of women and men.

Maybe, but what I was talking about was polygamist cultures, not people with numerous baby mommas/daddies on the DL.

[old_school_soul]

Yes, Americans are probably hung up about things that most other people won't even bat an eyelid over but infidelity is actually wrong. It could potentially destroy a family..


Weren't you a couple weeks ago talking about how you were boning a married man?

[redav]

Maybe, but what I was talking about was polygamist cultures, not people with numerous baby mommas/daddies on the DL.
Actually, many polygamous cultures do function that way--each woman has her home and family with clear demarcation, and the father goes between them. They do know about each other, though, but that doesn't change the social structure.

Of course, there are other ones that are just a mish-mash, but I think this is more common in the isolated cases of polygamy and not as prevalent in such 'cultures.'