first ever match.com date...

[aggiegrad05]

So I set up a profile on match.com last week, more as a way to procrastinate from doing what I was supposed to be doing than anything else. And tonight I had my first real date. Ha, oh my god, talk about awkward. I mean, the conversation and everything was fine (mostly because I could talk to a brick wall and be perfectly content) and he seems like a genuinely nice and intelligent guy, but there was just NOTHING there. And then he tried to kiss me so I did the whole "give him the cheek" thing and...oh man. It was awkward. Beyond awkward.

But I feel good because at least I put myself out there and tried something that took me out of my comfort zone.

There's no real point to this post really. Just wanted to tell someone about it because I don't think I'll be telling any of my friends about this little experiment just yet. It seems silly because I know that they wouldn't judge me or anything, but the stigma associated with meeting people online is still a little too pronounced in my mind to share it with them right now. Anyone else feel that way about internet dating, or is my thinking antiquated?

[shimma]

the stigma associated with meeting people online is still a little too pronounced in my mind to share it with them right now. Anyone else feel that way about internet dating, or is my thinking antiquated?

No offense, it's about 5-10 years out of date. even the coolest, most normal, sociable single people I know date online. Yeah, there are still weirdos out there, but you find them everywhere.

Sorry your date sucked, but good for you for putting yourself out there. When I was online dating, it helped me to talk to them on the phone first before committing to a date.

[nameless]

Think the stigma still exists more with the older crowd, but it's becoming just another way to meet people, I think. As long as enough is exchanged that some sort of personality comes across, don't see why it should seem odd to want to meet someone you chat with.

I'm biased though as I have only had good experiences with meeting people after getting to know them through online means. No horror stories of people not matching pictures or looking to mug or scam. The screen is another layer of filtering that could enable either side to misrepresent or misinterpret, but as long as you're aware. You're sort of connecting with a ghost (part yours, part the other person's) until you actually meet.

[pisces2473]

I agree with the PPs. Good for you for giving it a shot. I met my future husband via match, so there are plenty of success stories out there.

[PenforPrez]

Think the stigma still exists more with the older crowd, but it's becoming just another way to meet people, I think. As long as enough is exchanged that some sort of personality comes across, don't see why it should seem odd to want to meet someone you chat with.

I agree with this. I can tell from general conversation with people I know that online dating is increasingly accepted and, in some instances, almost expected.

Paul

[wordsmith]

The only stigma I really see in terms of online dating comes from people of my father's generation (at least those who don't understand how to use e-mail, or want to, and consider all internet users to be predators). Other than that, well, every other single person I personally know does online dating, either exclusively, or as a supplement to conventional forms of meeting folks.

I also live in a very rural area. It's a GIVEN that if you're single, here, you'll online date (prior to that, you just didn't date much). Because the dating pool just isn't here, and it's the most efficient way to meet others from surrounding areas. One guy who I dated for a little while, on our third or fourth date, we ran into a high school friend of his, and in the course of conversing with him, he asked how we met...we must have exchanged a glance, and the guy was like, "Oh, internet, huh?"

I have been online dating as long as I've lived in this area, and no horror stories...you don't always hit it off with the person on a romantic level, but that's certainly not specific to online dating...nor are awkward first and/or blind dates of any kind.

[shimma]

I also live in a very rural area. It's a GIVEN that if you're single, here, you'll online date (prior to that, you just didn't date much). Because the dating pool just isn't here, and it's the most efficient way to meet others from surrounding areas. One guy who I dated for a little while, on our third or fourth date, we ran into a high school friend of his, and in the course of conversing with him, he asked how we met...we must have exchanged a glance, and the guy was like, "Oh, internet, huh?" .

See, I live about 10 miles outside a mid-sized, overpopulated city, and when I was single, online dating was still my only option... People I met "the normal way" mostly just made certain assumptions about me because of my profession (that managment consultant = only wanted a f*ckbuddy, or married to my career and never wanted marriage/kids, or no time to meet men and so desperate that I'd settle for being some loser's sugar momma... when in reality, even those with wife/mother aspirations have got to get paid! ) :frustrate

Online dating is a socially acceptable way to put that out there in a couple clicks of the mouse - yes, I do want kids, and yes, you better have a career if you expect to date me. You bring it up in conversation, people label you a golddigger who's out to trap some poor schmuck. You fill that out on your match or eharmony profile, nobody bats an eye - the guys that hate kids or don't have a career will just filter you right out.

[wordsmith]

That may be, but the reason that I use it is def. due to the low population base.

[steve sperd]

Another problem I've noticed is on the news, local and national it seems that we are inundated with news stories about online predators. Telling parents to monitor what their children are doing online. Now I'm not saying it is not a problem, it is a huge one. But I think it is part of the stigma that the older generatior has for online anything. I mean if you're adult you should know that there are consequences if you're not careful about anyone you meet, internet or otherwise. But though we're 20 something or older our parents still fear for our safety.

[wordsmith]

I could understand that concern more readily if if I WERE actually the twelve year old girl in the Ad Council's heavy-rotation "monitor your kids' internet" commercials. However, as an adult, I do have better judgment in my social pursuits than I did 15 years ago. Of course you wouldn't want your teen daughter chatting all night with so-called older, more suave men, "because he gets me in a way my friends don't." Just as you wouldn't want your teen daughter involved with somebody inappropriate that she met in any format or venue. As an adult, I am called upon to use good judgment in all situations, including who I opt to date, regardless of how those people come to my attention.

[PenforPrez]

I also live in a very rural area. It's a GIVEN that if you're single, here, you'll online date (prior to that, you just didn't date much). Because the dating pool just isn't here, and it's the most efficient way to meet others from surrounding areas.

Most people where I live don't trust Internet dating. It may be a cause-effect thing; there's almost nobody on online dating sites where I live. I may see two or three women from my hometown of 3200 on any given site, and those I wouldn't even get near in the dark, quite frankly. :p The college town of 17,000 that I live near is equally underrepresented.

Paul

[wordsmith]

I think if I do a search for my town of 7,000's ZIP code, literally every person I went to high school with who is unmarried and is still in town has a profile on match.com or yahoo.

[PenforPrez]

I think if I do a search for my town of 7,000's ZIP code, literally every person I went to high school with who is unmarried and is still in town has a profile on match.com or yahoo.

I'm one of the few who isn't or hasn't been married; just recently ran into a classmate who is getting DIVORCED. That was a strange feeling. :rolleyes:

Paul

[wordsmith]

Old hat, here. I have several childhood acquaintances who have been divorced TWICE by age 30.

[PenforPrez]

Another problem I've noticed is on the news, local and national it seems that we are inundated with news stories about online predators. Telling parents to monitor what their children are doing online. Now I'm not saying it is not a problem, it is a huge one. But I think it is part of the stigma that the older generatior has for online anything. I mean if you're adult you should know that there are consequences if you're not careful about anyone you meet, internet or otherwise. But though we're 20 something or older our parents still fear for our safety.

That's bugged me for a long time. Especially the news stories about the online criminals who meet an unwitting partner and kills or rapes them. Potential problem, yes. Inherent danger, no. You could meet somebody in the supermarket, and they could well be the next John Wayne Gacy. But the chances of that by any method of meeting people is very slim. The world is full of crazy people, but psychopaths are still a VERY SMALL minority. :)

Paul

[shimma]

Another problem I've noticed is on the news, local and national it seems that we are inundated with news stories about online predators. Telling parents to monitor what their children are doing online. Now I'm not saying it is not a problem, it is a huge one. But I think it is part of the stigma that the older generatior has for online anything. I mean if you're adult you should know that there are consequences if you're not careful about anyone you meet, internet or otherwise. But though we're 20 something or older our parents still fear for our safety.

good point!

[SmilesSoSweet]

Every guy I've dated, was a guy I met from online. I had met one guy from match and he was a weirdo.

My current BF I met from another online dating site. And I've been telling people (even my parents) that we met online. Nothing wrong with it.

I know a lot of people who have done online dating and other "non-traditional" ways of dating. My BF's brother met his wife from a speed dating event.

Online dating has been around for awhile that people shouldn't feel that it's weird, odd, lame, etc. to online date.

[bananananafish]

Please don't give up on online dating. I met my current boyfriend of one year on match.com. My dad looked down upon online dating due to generational differences and went as far as calling me "desperate," but once he got to know my boyfriend, he really liked him.

Dating online is the same as dating offline. You are going to meet people you do not click with and that's okay because you are getting yourself out there and you are warming up to dating. Hopefully by your fifth date, you'd have much smoother and easier conversations.

[aggiegrad05]

You know, it's interesting. I expected many responses similar to the ones posted here (there's no stigma with online dating anymore), but I figured at least some other people would feel the same way I do. I'm fairly certain that more than a couple of my close friends would be like, "Um, really? You set up a profile on match and actually met someone?" if I told them. It's not that they'd have a problem with it, they'd just be shocked. Unless if all of my friends are closet internet daters, I'm the only one I know of trying it out.

I wonder if it's a function of where I'm located (pretty deep south) or my being a little younger (23, only 2 years out of college). For those of you who are a couple of years older, did you feel differently about it when you were my age? Do you think it's more widely accepted or more prevalent among those who are a couple of years older?

[steve sperd]

I do think "the cool people" don't use online dating still, but who cares about them anyway?

[aggiegrad05]

I do think "the cool people" don't use online dating still, but who cares about them anyway?
Ha, it's not about being a part of the "cool crowd" or not. I wouldn't put my friends and I into that category. Besides, I think those kind of cliquey labels dissipate after college for the most part anyway.

[steve sperd]

Ha, it's not about being a part of the "cool crowd" or not. I wouldn't put my friends and I into that category. Besides, I think those kind of cliquey labels dissipate after college for the most part anyway.
Heh, you'd think. I am a nerd, I was in hs, in college and even today. Online dating is my mecca. But I look on myspace and facebook and see kids I went to hs with, and they're still hanging out in the same old cliques. And I see 25 yr old guys still wearing the same backwards caps. I wish things did change more.

[aggiegrad05]

Heh, you'd think. I am a nerd, I was in hs, in college and even today. Online dating is my mecca. But I look on myspace and facebook and see kids I went to hs with, and they're still hanging out in the same old cliques. And I see 25 yr old guys still wearing the same backwards caps. I wish things did change more.
Ah, well those kind of people think that they're cool, but they're generally the only ones who think that way. Honestly, when I see a 25 year old guy wearing a backwards cap and a popped pastel polo, I don't think "wow, he's so cool". It's more like, "wow, he's such a tool". And wasn't it that way in HS too? Who honestly thought that the cool crowd was cool, besides the people in said crowd?

[steve sperd]

Ah, well those kind of people think that they're cool, but they're generally the only ones who think that way. Honestly, when I see a 25 year old guy wearing a backwards cap and a popped pastel polo, I don't think "wow, he's so cool". It's more like, "wow, he's such a tool". And wasn't it that way in HS too? Who honestly thought that the cool crowd was cool, besides the people in said crowd?
Yeah, and they are always "going out". And the guys still looking to get laid. And they think online dating is for weirdos.

[wordsmith]

Hah, there is no "crowd" where I live, cool or otherwise. There is a tiny handful of unmarried people, period. People marry young in the rural midwest. Those of us who opted not to have to get creative with the social life. Everyone I went to high school with was settled into picket fences and parenting by their midtwenties. Not me, I left and went away to school, and went and worked in a major city, where that's not really the scene.

I started online dating as soon as I moved to a place where there weren't a lot of dating prospects at my fingertips (i.e. at age 25). The guys I've dated via match or yahoo have been anywhere from 22 to 40. I've dated a fireman, a businessman, an automotive tech, two college professors, a shopping center manager, a fellow journalist, a bouncer/chef, a farmer, a student, an Air Force MSGT, and a bank examiner, off the top of my head. Single guys with no kids, divorced dads, you name it. No one "type" of person online dates. Many do.

[and1grad]

Why are we hating on people who wear their hat backwards? I wear mine backwards. :)

[aggiegrad05]

Why are we hating on people who wear their hat backwards? I wear mine backwards. :)
I'm not hating on you unless you wear it with a pastel colored polo with a popped collar. If so, well...sorry. Feel the hate. :p

[and1grad]

I'm not sure I've ever worn a hat with a polo and I dont pop collars. Sounds like I'm in the clear!

[Deni81]

I tried match.com earlier this year and went on a few dates. I was a little nervous at first, but I think its become more commomplace these days. I even saw one of my co-workers on there lol. I am thinking of trying it again when I move to a new city in a few months. My sister met her husband online so anything is possible.

[and1grad]

I tried match.com earlier this year and went on a few dates. I was a little nervous at first, but I think its become more commomplace these days. I even saw one of my co-workers on there lol. I am thinking of trying it again when I move to a new city in a few months. My sister met her husband online so anything is possible.
One of my coworkers showed up as possible match for me last week. I thought it better not to mention it. :)

[Deni81]

One of my coworkers showed up as possible match for me last week. I thought it better not to mention it. :)

Haha! I only noticed that my male co-worker was on match.com when i checked who had viewed my profile. What made it funnier is that all our students always joke that we should date.

[and1grad]

What made it funnier is that all our students always joke that we should date.
This is how all "How we met" stories get started. Just sayin. :p

[KCboy]

i gust sneezed yellow shit all over my sleeve.

[meatwad]

So I was checking my match profile. They do a three day trial, but it always says I'm 'not eligible for the trial' when it says I have e-mails waiting for me. Hmmmmmm. Makes you wonder. :rolleyes:

[aggiegrad05]

My latest pet peeve with match...when you wink at someone and all they do is wink back. So annoying. I understand that this is most likely because they aren't subscribed, but if you aren't, don't wink back. I mean, really people, what's the point of that? :rolleyes:

[wordsmith]

To see if you'll subscribe and write them, and make it worthwhile for them to subscribe to read it.

[aggiegrad05]

Oh, I didn't think of it like that. I guess that makes sense. I already am subscribed, so I just figured they were either being stupid or lazy. Hmm, thanks words! I need a handbook or something for all of the online dating etiquette I guess. :rolleyes:

[wordsmith]

Well, it IS confusing now that match.com has screwed around with their procedure. It used to be simpler.

[aggiegrad05]

Wait, I thought that you can't see who emailed you unless you subscribe?

[meatwad]

Well, it IS confusing now that match.com has screwed around with their procedure. It used to be simpler.

You can't even take someone off of your search results without being subscribed now. Match is lame and nobody around here uses the damn free ones like okcupid. :mad:

[and1grad]

I agree that match is lame. I like yahoo better.

[wordsmith]

Both of them have gotten significantly more lame in the past couple of years, as they've shaved off more and more non-pay features.

[fuzmiq]

no aggie, of all of my friends only one does online dating. and you asked about age...26. we prefer the more primitive means of "going out."

[wordsmith]

The "primitive" means of going out are fine if you have eligible people in your area. If you don't, you need to do things to expand your circle.

[aggiegrad05]

Yep, meeting people in bars and stuff very rarely ever leads to anything significant, at least from what I've seen.

[wordsmith]

Eh, it's all a crapshoot, regardless of medium or venue. But you increase your odds of meeting somebody compatible by using whatever venue attracts the most people. I live somewhere without much by way of clubs, viable social watering holes, etc. So the few there are aren't the best selection. Other places, they're better.

[shadeofgreen]

I went to three weddings last year, and all three of the couples had met online. Only one through a dating site, though. One of the other couples had met in a chatroom and the third had met playing some RPG.

I live in a city and I see young people around, and I figure they can't all be off the market. Still, I never met anyone interesting through traditional methods. OKCupid worked for me.

But yeah, I still feel the stigma. Less so now than when I initially met my boyfriend, but I do still lie sometimes about how we met, usually to older people, or random acquaintances. I should probably get over it, or think of a better story to tell people.

I can't imagine paying for the dating, though. If I find myself single again I think I'll have to be pretty lonely before I cough up cash for a match.com subscription. I'm usually broke, though...

[meatwad]

Did the groom have to pay the bride's guild leader 1000 gold for her hand? :D

[and1grad]

Did the groom have to pay the bride's guild leader 1000 gold for her hand? :D
LOL!! :lol:

[wordsmith]

I've actually had a better experience meeting people I ended up involved with via forums/messageboards, than from dating sites. Part of it is because it happens more organically...you get to be friendly with somebody, and maybe take it offline...not interact with the intent to date from square one, necessarily. Kind of like the equivalent of "friends first" in conventional dating, which I've also always been a proponent of. Just puts it in a different context that's not, "I'm here to meet dates." A bit more relaxed. Some dating sites can be more or less the online version of a cheesy singles bar.

[shadeofgreen]

Did the groom have to pay the bride's guild leader 1000 gold for her hand? :D
Yeah...I don't know, they didn't really get into that during the ceremony.

They're an interesting pair anyway. And by interesting I mean "what was she thinking?"

But that's neither here nor there.

[and1grad]

Maybe she thought she'd level up. :)

[PenforPrez]

I've actually had a better experience meeting people I ended up involved with via forums/messageboards, than from dating sites. Part of it is because it happens more organically...you get to be friendly with somebody, and maybe take it offline...not interact with the intent to date from square one, necessarily.

I agree with this. I met my ex-girlfriend in a chat room I used to frequent. That was precisely how it worked. :) Worked for a year and a half, so something went right.

Of course, shortly after that, I met the worst mistake of my life in the same chat room. Two sides to every story. :idea:

Paul

[Fleagle]

I live in a somewhat densely populated area, but sadly, I cannot find a match online. I've tried free sites like OKCupid, as well as social networking sites (you know the big one), but I have yet to talk to a woman past a week from one. Should I be asking them out that quickly?

[Vikarious]

One of my coworkers showed up as possible match for me last week. I thought it better not to mention it. :)


That's better than having your cousin show up as a match!