Ending therapy - any tips?

[Rusalka]

So I've been seeing a therapist for about 2 years now. We decided that I've made some progress and that it's appropriate for me to stop seeing her soon. (also, she has to stop practising therapy because of other commitments.) So the last session is next week.

My question is, what can I do to mark the end of therapy? what has anyone else done, if anything?

I've been reviewing the goals I had at the start of therapy (and I'm really pleased with my progress). I'm going to make a list of goals I wanted to achieve, how I've been achieving them, and what I still have to do about them. And I'll keep the list, and refer to it often.

Also, I would like to say a huge thanks to my therapist. So I'm going to do so when I see her for the last time, and I'm thinking of giving her a nice thank you card too. (I think a gift might not be appropriate.)

I've had a look on the internet for what people would do in this situation, and I haven't been able to find much. Seeing a therapist in the UK is not as widespread a practice as in the US. Does anyone have any advice? Thanks :)

[pisces2473]

Shouldn't your therapist be helping you "end" things? Good luck.

[AshleyJordan]

When I stopped seeing my shrink we just sort of decided to keep in touch, as necessary, which was good because we shared some business contacts (odd, yes, :p ) and I did eventually need him to recommend someone new for me. He also called every once in a while and told me if I had any "news" (I'm assuming he meant if I got a great new job or engaged or something,) to let him know. But I think my situation was not the norm.

[Rusalka]

Shouldn't your therapist be helping you "end" things? Good luck.


yes, we have been discussing this for a while. and it's been helpful... I just wondered if anyone else would have any ideas for closure.

[Rusalka]

When I stopped seeing my shrink we just sort of decided to keep in touch, as necessary, which was good because we shared some business contacts (odd, yes, :p ) and I did eventually need him to recommend someone new for me. He also called every once in a while and told me if I had any "news" (I'm assuming he meant if I got a great new job or engaged or something,) to let him know. But I think my situation was not the norm.

My situation is that I'm basically going to break off contact with my shrink, as she's not going to be practising any more. but i might get in touch with her later if I need her to recommend someone else.

i'm just not sure what is the norm, as I've not done this before and don't know anyone who has ...

[PenforPrez]

I've seen three therapists now long-term, counting my current one. I just broke off contact with both of my previous ones, but the first one I saw occasionally for several years afterwards, as I needed. Then again, I felt little real connection with them.

With the therapist I have now, it's a lot different. People bring in gifts for her. One of her clients brought in this Easter bunny doll that a bookstore chain was selling, and now it sits on her couch. I've been playing with it during sessions; I find it very warm and comforting. :redface: Sadly, when a session ends, I take a couple of small pillows and put the bunny to bed. I need help. And I'm already getting it! :p

If it was me, I would definitely do a card. I wouldn't bring a gift in, mainly because I'm not a gift-giver. However, I think a small, symbolic gift would be appropriate. :)

Paul

[Millenial]

i am in this same dilemma, i havent been to my therapist in over a month and have been fine. saw her since octoberish, i am ready to move on plus i am moving out. she knows i am leaving i dunno how to respectfully terminate the relationship. i am seeing her tommrrow afternoon

[Rusalka]

Good luck Millenial. i think it's often hard to recognise a good time to 'end' things. Personally, I tend to think 'I'm feeling fine and I haven't seen my therapist for xx weeks ... but what if something comes up and I feel like crap again soon?!'

thanks Paul for your advice too. yes, I was thinking a 'symbolic' kind of gift - ie a heartfelt message in a card - would be better than a trinket / vase / gift item etc. good luck with your shrink btw.

I don't feel any huge connection with my therapist either. I know hardly anything about her and life. To me she's been a very nice and understanding lady who has made me think about my issues in a very constructive way - and that's all. I'll miss talking openly to her, but I don't think I'll miss her much when I leave. Is that weird? I've heard of people developing what they feel to be deep attachments to their therapists, but that's never happened with me (and I've seen 7 therapists over the years).

[Rusalka]

I'm also thinking of treating myself to a special gift, to celebrate the progress I've made ... a nice ring or bracelet perhaps.

[winneythepooh7]

Gift giving can be inappropriate. Honestly, I wouldn't give her anything more than a nice card if you want to give anything at all. I would also talk to her about referrals for the future if you feel that this might come up again down the road. Maybe she can give you a list of providers.

[pisces2473]

Gift giving can be inappropriate. Honestly, I wouldn't give her anything more than a nice card if you want to give anything at all. I would also talk to her about referrals for the future if you feel that this might come up again down the road. Maybe she can give you a list of providers.
I agree. I don't think I'd even give her a card. I understand that you feel close to your therapist, but they are just doing their job. Gift giving sort of infringes on the "professional" relationship. I've seen my therapist on and off for 8 years and the few times I've seen her in public, it was weird. Of course, we just did a "smile and nod" type of thing, but still...

And after all of this time, I don't know much about her, even though we're from the same town and know a lot of the same people. I like it that way, though.

[winneythepooh7]

Actually, all my training has taught me that it's unethical to accept a gift of significant monetary value from a client. Additionally, a human services professional really should not acknowledge a client in public, unless the client acknowledges them first. It could put the client in a really awkward, or even bad situation (ie. say a person was in therapy for an abusive relationship and the therapist sees her in public and starts talking to her..........then the partner may ask questions). I've had former clients give me cards or write me a nice email or a nice letter to my boss to put in my file. I think these are acceptable, and much appreciated tokens of graditude.

[pisces2473]

Actually, all my training has taught me that it's unethical to accept a gift of significant monetary value from a client. Additionally, a human services professional really should not acknowledge a client in public, unless the client acknowledges them first. It could put the client in a really awkward, or even bad situation (ie. say a person was in therapy for an abusive relationship and the therapist sees her in public and starts talking to her..........then the partner may ask questions). I've had former clients give me cards or write me a nice email or a nice letter to my boss to put in my file. I think these are acceptable, and much appreciated tokens of graditude.
I can definitely understand that. The times I saw my therapist were when I was working (she was looking at a book and I was behind the register, she looked up just as I looked over, and we smiled), and a few times at the grocery store, and we both just smiled.

BUT, a few years ago, when working at a B&N, there was this chick who was buying all this RANDOM stuff...and then she announced to everyone in the line that she was a therapist, buying gifts for her clients. WTF???? I was like, "whoa, so inappropriate."

[winneythepooh7]

BUT, a few years ago, when working at a B&N, there was this chick who was buying all this RANDOM stuff...and then she announced to everyone in the line that she was a therapist, buying gifts for her clients. WTF???? I was like, "whoa, so inappropriate."

This is a bit off-topic, but everyone should keep in mind that ANYONE can try to call themselves a therapist, that doesn't mean they are, or even if they are, you need to make sure you are going to someone who follows ethical standards of the field. I know this pisses me off big time when I see people out there doing unethical stuff.

[pisces2473]

Yeah, I was highly skeptical of her "therapeutic" abilities, lol.

Oh and my therapist told me that she had to be really careful going out with her kids when they were little, because patients would just say "Hi, how are you?" to her, and her kids would be like, "WHO IS THAT?????????" This was before they understood what their mom did and before they learned to be quiet in public and not to ask too many questions.

[Rusalka]

I've never encountered my therapist when out and about. But it could easily happen. I think I'd just smile politely. I'd feel a bit uncomfortable, and I'd think she would too.

One friend had a bad experience with an unscrupulous therapist. It was a group therapy course. The therapist encouraged others in the group to call her 'Mother' (!!!). Some went along with this. My friend was horrified and expressed her reservations, but she was made to feel as if she just wasn't trying hard enough to fit in. She left the group, but not before the therapist tried to extract fees from her for the rest of the course (which she had no right to do) and sent her intimidating letters. :eek:

[winneythepooh7]

I've never encountered my therapist when out and about. But it could easily happen. I think I'd just smile politely. I'd feel a bit uncomfortable, and I'd think she would too.

One friend had a bad experience with an unscrupulous therapist. It was a group therapy course. The therapist encouraged others in the group to call her 'Mother' (!!!). Some went along with this. My friend was horrified and expressed her reservations, but she was made to feel as if she just wasn't trying hard enough to fit in. She left the group, but not before the therapist tried to extract fees from her for the rest of the course (which she had no right to do) and sent her intimidating letters. :eek:

Again, see my above post.