Always a reason...

[Legal(b)eagle]

Last night I was talking to a good friend of mine and she commented that, for as long as she's known me, I have been frustrated, waiting for something to happen so I can get on with my life. And she's right, I have-- whether it be graduating from law school, getting bar results, getting a job, getting a job I don't hate, and now wanting to move back to DC... I always have a reason to put off being happy.
The thing is that I don't want to compromise my goals. And, while she says, you have to live your life in the meantime, I fear that if I stop focusing on the future, I'll just wind up settling and forget that I could, should and do deserve better (whether its a career, a guy, life, controlling my weight)... until it's too late and I wind up disgusted with myself.
But there's always something to chase after... I don't wanna settle, but I also don't want to keep my life on hold forever and I'm not sure that I'll ever be satisfied-- does anyone else feel like this?

[CityGal]

Last night I was talking to a good friend of mine and she commented that, for as long as she's known me, I have been frustrated, waiting for something to happen so I can get on with my life. And she's right, I have-- whether it be graduating from law school, getting bar results, getting a job, getting a job I don't hate, and now wanting to move back to DC... I always have a reason to put off being happy.
The thing is that I don't want to compromise my goals. And, while she says, you have to live your life in the meantime, I fear that if I stop focusing on the future, I'll just wind up settling and forget that I could, should and do deserve better (whether its a career, a guy, life, controlling my weight)... until it's too late and I wind up disgusted with myself.
But there's always something to chase after... I don't wanna settle, but I also don't want to keep my life on hold forever and I'm not sure that I'll ever be satisfied-- does anyone else feel like this?


It is exactly how I feel right now. Yes, I am chasing my educational and career dreams but they have always been at the cost of my personal life. I figured I would focus on what I could control. The problem is that it gets really lonely at the top. When I look at my life goals, I always saw myself as the cold hard bitch with the great career and education. No where was my personal life included. Yes, I would be well traveled and be able to speak several languages but in the end you also need someone to share things with.

Keep chasing after your dream. Don't let anyone stop you from doing that but don't place your life on hold. Remember that our days are numbered. and we can't really get a do over.

[alanisjunkie]

I'm sort of like that too. But at the same time I realize that I have to enjoy some of my life (we all have to do shit we don't like) because who knows if I'll die tomorrow. It's great to accomplish goals, but if you feel like you can't be happy until you do, that's not too good. I know I'll be more happy once I achieve a goal, but I won't stop doing things that make me happy now either (I visit my gorgeous niece every week even though I could take that time with a part time job to save up more $ and get a house sooner, but I feel like i need to be happy NOW more than get a house 6 months sooner).

[straat]

Great idea for a thread. I have big problems living in the now.

I know having goals is important, but sometimes it takes away your attention with what is wrong right now, what has always been wrong, what doesn't quite feel right, what you want, what you need if you pause and truly listen to yourself.

Goals and Hapiness are not mutually exclusive. I've gone through rough times and have struggled a lot to achieve some things so it's come to feel like the status quo. Like I associate goals with postponing happiness. I can't be easy on myself. If i'm not looking ahead and challenging myself, I don't feel right. It's draining, trust me :0 I think everyone does it, to varying extent.

Legal (B) eagle: Youve achieved a lot. Achievers are driven and that's great. but it's sometimes all about the end instead of the journey. I hear law school is brutal. You must have told yourself, while you were working hard: this will be worth it someday... but when? I don't think you should compromise your goals. And it's not like if you let yourself go a little you will forget everything and lose sight of who you are. Your guy-creep meter won't be broken!

CityGal: You've summed it nicely. I think being successful can be lonely, very lonely. It doesn't have to be ... or you just have to determine the level of trailblazing you can live with. If everyone you know has a Bachelor's from a podunk college, nothing wrong with aiming higher. That doesn't mean you can't work less hours and refuse to be the office star to spend more time with your friends. And in either case, I want to surround myself with people who accept me and validate my choices, whatever they are.

alanisjunkie: Good on you. Happiness right now is key.

[GoogleGirl]

I'm struggling to stay happy. My job is draining every ounce of enjoyment I once had months ago. I'm planning on moving very soon, and I keep thinking if I can just make it to my new place I will be happy. But then I know that I won't be until I can land a job to keep me afloat. Well, finding a job is probably going to mean getting a crappy job that makes me miserable. So it is a never ending cycle. We need to learn to just be happy with something every day, even if it is as small as helping out an old lady at the grocery store or something. Or making a garden...

[TinyDancer]

To the OP, I get what you're saying, and I don't think you should abandon your goals. . . but I wouldn''t completely throw out your friend's advice either. I say this because I had a friend like this. I love her to death, but it became exhausting being her friend. She was never satisfied, never really content with her life. . . Although she had some good things going for her, she was always looking for the "next big thing." It was this way with everything. . . jobs, houses, men. It's gotten a little better, but it's still like this to some extent with her.

It's good to have goals to strive for, but it seems like a pretty sad existence to never be happy with what you have. . .

I think you just need to balance working towards the future. . . and having fun and appreciating NOW. I've had to do this in trying to achieve a better work-life balance. It's great to have money and a great position. . . but I don't want to look back in 10 years and say, "Where the hell did my 20s go???"

[jayebird307]

I have been struggling with my educational and career goals for a long while now. I'm back in school but I'm debating on whether or not to stay where I am or apply to an on-line school, simply because I don't own a car and getting from work to school can be a hassle. And I know that where I work is very toxic and that I need to find another job, but I keep wondering if I would stay until I'm done with school, and then look for a job in my new career or find something else to tide me over for the next 1-2 years while I'm in school. The day to day decisions regarding school and work have made me so depressed lately and I think about not continuing at all in school all the time.

On the bright side, I've decided to spend some time focusing on something other than myself, at least once a week. I have applied to volunteer at the Milwaukee Human Society as a dog-walker. So, I'm hoping this new experience will add some fun to my life while I'm struggling with my professional life and maybe put things into perspective.

[entrophize]

I think for many people success is always in the distance and never here and now.

It's kind of like the carrot in front of the donkey. As long as you have something to strive for, you'll keep doing what you're doing and getting done what needs to get done to get there.

But what happens once the donkey gets the carrot? Well, there's no more carrot and then what's the sense in doing anything anymore?




In recent months I've seen a lot of change - a $15,000 pay cut, a new apartment, turning 28 and doing a lot of soul searching. I get very, very down on myself when I think about the people like the OP here, who have law degrees and obviously higher aspirations than myself but then I think -

If I can find a way to be happy being homeless, friendless and futureless, why do I need any more education, money or prestige?

[wordsmith]

But what happens once the donkey gets the carrot? Well, there's no more carrot and then what's the sense in doing anything anymore?

Set a new goal?