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View Full Version : Difficult times in my QLC


CoolAZN
05-18-2007, 05:32 AM
Hello to all! It's been awhile since I have been here. I have been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, like everyone else here. However, I have been going through some bumpy roads.

Briefly explain what has been going on with my life so far.

I am currently looking for a different job right now, thous not sure what exactly what I want thou. I definately want to get out of retail service sector. The job I have has been praised very highly in the US of A, but this is not my cup of tea anymore; especially working overnight (been in this position for 20 months now). Don't ask me How I SURVIVED! It's been tough. I think it's time to move on. But the whole job search is somewhat on hold thou, you'll know in a little bit. Also, I am going out more and trying to meet/make friends. These past couple of months been the most outing I ever done where I reside now.

Then, there is the other issue from home (yes, I still call my parent's place home; where I grew up most of my childhood life). As some of you recall from previous post in family section about my mom with cancer. Well, she did received three Chemo treatments since February, and it has weaken her, along with some of the cancer. She did have the operation end of April. However, after that, her health started to decline. Last night was the worst. She was put into ICU and my dad had to decide on either to operate or not (some complication during the day) in order for her to stay alive. I just got back into town early evening and was at the hospital at the time with my brother, when my dad had to decide the decision. (yes I saw my mom there being incubated). We went with the operation and the medical team are doing there best to keep her stable. This is really hard to write, but I have to, to tell people here, so they understand what is going on and what this cancer is. As my brother is a doctor, he told me about the probablity of survival of this type of cancer is only about 18% the first year. (my mom knew this before she had the operation and told the doctors not to tell my dad about it, including my brother) It is the Ovarian Cancer and there really is no early detection sign of it, until it is too late in the stage. Which that is where my mom was at. I guess right now, we hope she gets through this ordeal, but she will eventually die from it because it has spread to other parts and the doc could not get it all. When she's better, she has to go back on chemo again. But the probability survival is only five years. So, we are hoping she will recover and live long as she can (she's in her late fifties); there are many things she still have to go through before she gets better. We have to take one day at a time. I think it is really tough on my dad, and my brother and me and rest of the relatives and friends. Though, this is somewhat difficult for me (inside) because I already lost one when I was just a kid. I am glad that I drove up, after work, five hrs on mother's day to see her for half an hr and had to drive back to work. I wish I had stay longer than, when she was happy and suprised to see me in the morning at the hospital; to cheer her up more (:cry:). I made her a picture frame with the only two pictures of me when I was a just a kid. That made her happy. I am sooo sorry for this tragic news, but i just had to talk to someone about what i am going thru. Thank you for all your prays and concerns.

~ Jeremy
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All of my memories, I want to keep them close to my heart, and I want to go on believing. I’m going to hold on, no matter how hard it might be sometimes, I never want to forget, because someday, I will be strong enough. All of the memories that are painful now, they won’t hurt anymore. And when that day comes, I’ll be glad that I have them. Yes, all of my memories are precious to me, every, single, one.
~ By Tohru

HollyM
05-18-2007, 05:58 AM
Sounds like you're having a difficult time at the mo. Hope you're mum feels better and recovers from this episode. Best wishes and good luck in finding a new job.

arrow
05-18-2007, 09:39 AM
Jeremy, I am so sorry to hear about your mom's cancer. That's so hard. It's great that she has such a supportive and caring family, though, even though it hurts all of you a lot. It sounds like you have a good family, and you are lucky for that.

Also, good luck finding a new job, and keep going out.

CoolAZN
05-19-2007, 01:50 AM
Thank you very much for all your support for me and for my family. The situation is critical, since my mum is on life support. She is very ill, however she is stable for now. Thou this can change instantly. The problem is that she wished not to be on life support for a long time; she only wanted to be on for a short time. The only thing we can do is hope for her to recover, get well and be able to see the family and friends again. The outcome is thou, slim at this point. Other situation, when that time comes, when is enough of it. It will be very difficult decision for my dad to do this. We all know what her wishes were; we are not sure how or when our dad will know, know when to let go. My brother and I and rest of the family will be there for our dad, it's just going to be a long recovery period for him. HOPE, Fingers cRossed, that she will miraculously recover, and that we do not need to make that decision.

My thoughts and feelings:
Some might have notice that I was adopted. I already went through of losing my own mother when I was just a little kid; yes I do remember the day when she was cremated. I was only a kid; did not understand much, but knew that she was gone forever. With this knowledge, I am stronger, to understand that life has many mysterous, many unfairness, many sorrows on this rock. Yet, life must progress as it ment to be, until our journey ends. We are touched by the ones we love and the ones we care about. So I thank both for what they gave me; my mother giving me life and my mom teaching me to become a gentleman. To reflect on those memories, memories we made, the moments we shared, and the happiness we created for each other. Those are what I will treasure the most, most I will take away from, from this rock that has too many sorrows. (:cry:) I am truely glad that I made it up Sunday for Mother's day. To see her being suprised, to see her talking and smiling. Thou my stay was short, but it was joyful for her to see me in my shirt and tie, actually being there, next to her bedside. (:cry:) (The drive up was splendid that early morning, seeing the sun rise through the mountain peaks; the calm, cool, crisp air blowing through the windows; and the fog flowing thru the valleys below, uplifting by the sun's ray).


I am okay; I am calm, but sad, sad that this had to happen this early. HOPE for the best; best for her, best for us.
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But you know there is something I believe. I want to try to live my life carrying all my memories with me. And even if those memories are painful, even they do nothing but hurt me, I want to keep them. Even those memories I sometimes I wish to forget, as long as I carry them with me, as long as I can keep holding on, and someday, someday I’ll be strong enough that those memories won’t hurt me any more. I’ll be glad that I have them. That is what I believe, with all my heart. That’s why all my memories are precious to me. I don’t think it would be okay to forget a single one.
~By Momiji


We are all searching for our meaning to our lives, everyone. We have too. Because no matter who you are, I don’t think anyone is born knowing the reason why they are here, it’s just something you have to find as you go along. And the, its different for everyone, there’s many reasons to live as there are many people in the world, maybe even more. So the reason for being born, the reason you are put here in the world; I think it’s something we all have to find ourselves. So we search, within our hopes and dreams, our work, the people in our lives and everything we do. Even if the reasons we find are hazy and unclear, even if it’s so tiny that you can’t hardly see it. The important thing is that you always have one. As long as I am alive, that is what I want. To have a reason, to go on.
~Tohru

winneythepooh7
05-19-2007, 07:48 AM
I wish I had something nice to say to make this all go away. Sending positive thoughts your way, as this must be a very difficult time.

sandman1981
05-19-2007, 10:58 PM
Your calling in life will come to you as clear as day. just don't force anything.
And when you get your calling run to it and never second guess it.

When your mom starts to heal its important for her to realize to Chemo treatments didn't work, and did more harm than good.

It's important to realize the WE ALL HAVE CANCER CELLS WITHIN US. some of us will set them off some will not.

With that being said the power that made the body heals the body.

CoolAZN
05-20-2007, 12:41 AM
The treatment was to stop the spreading of it. It was not ment to cure it. She was in the later stage of it. Also having the treatment back to back before the operation did take a lot out of her. So yes, in a way, it did more harm than good. That is the risk we take in life.

Yes, I do agree that we all do have those cells within us. I also think that the surrounding environment affects it too; the air we breath and the food we consume.

It is up to her to fight this and hang in there. She is a fighter and has a strong will to go on. She has already survived one cancer before. She will do her best with our thoughts and prayers, being there, to support her by her bedside.

Unfortunately, I am going back to work today and will not see her until after memorial day weekend. Until then, thank you for your support.

CoolAZN
06-05-2007, 05:13 PM
Last week I saw my mum at the hospital, she is still on LS. She is stable and hoping still, she will recover and get her strength back. But we all kind of know that that would take a miracle for that to happen. My dad has been by her side every day. I helped out at the house while I was there cleaning up the place, cooking, and giving our dog a bath, misc. errands, etc. Not sure when I’ll be back up to my parent’s house since I need to figure out my own life, what I want to do and such. Also that I don’t like seeing her laying on the bed with all the IV’s and tubes in her. I'll keep everyone posted on what is going on here and there. I appreciate your support for my mum and my family.

CoolAZN
06-11-2007, 11:54 AM
My mom gave all she could til the end. She got her wish this past Sunday, 10th of June. It was difficult for my dad to let her go by letting the doctor's unplug the LS. I just could not see her go, I had to step out before she did.

I will not forget that that day, Mother's Day, when I saw her for that half an hour; just her and me talking and seeing her smile. I thank you mum for the past 17 yrs I have known you and all the things you have taught me. I still needed you, but that was not my decision. I will be alright, I promise, and will do my best here on afterwards.

I thank this community for all your support through my tough first several months of this year. So I thank you, thank you very much.

Jeremy

mum 6/'07
mother 2/'88
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Thank you for the memories; memories we made, the moments we shared, and the happiness we created.
~ Jeremy

winneythepooh7
06-11-2007, 07:31 PM
Oh, Jeremy...........I am so sorry. ((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))).