General Dissatisfaction

[Nowtide]

Hello fellow QLCers...our opinions are appreciated:

What do you do when you get the job you were hoping for and it is not the right fit, but then no job you’ve had is the right fit nor does any job you can imagine seem like it will fit?

What do you do when you want to become financially stable and do so but find that ultimately dissatisfying?

What do you do when all you want to do is go back to school and everyone in your life thinks you should but you can’t imagine the financial strain it will put you under? At the same time the idea of not going back to school makes you sick.

How is it that accomplishing goals that seemed like they would be ultimately rewarding turn out to be ultra mundane and do not offer the satisfaction you hoped?

The world after graduation is a strange one I must admit. Maybe my experiences stem from not following the right path. Unfortunately to go back and start again to find the right would be a huge expense emotionally and financially.

Looking to hear from others who feel trapped by their decisions,

Nowtide

I have posted this in a couple of forums as I can’t decide which section is best for this message.

[Nowtide]

What do you do when you get the job you were hoping for and it is not the right fit, but then no job you’ve had is the right fit nor does any job you can imagine seem like it will fit?

What do you do when you want to become financially stable and do so but find that ultimately dissatisfying?

What do you do when all you want to do is go back to school and everyone in your life thinks you should but you can’t imagine the financial strain it will put you under? At the same time the idea of not going back to school makes you sick.

How is it that accomplishing goals that seemed like they would be ultimately rewarding turn out to be ultra mundane and do not offer the satisfaction you hoped?

The world after graduation is a strange one I must admit. Maybe my experiences stem from not following the right path. Unfortunately to go back and start again to find the right would be a huge expense emotionally and financially.

Looking to hear from others who feel trapped by their decisions,

Nowtide

I have posted this in a couple of forums as I can’t decide which section is best for this message.

[PeakDream]

What do you do when you get the job you were hoping for and it is not the right fit, but then no job you’ve had is the right fit nor does any job you can imagine seem like it will fit?
That's me. I'm slowly begin to see what I think I like to work and slowly working toward it. It took me about two to three years to kind of figure it out. I basically ask a lot of people, and fortunately, many of my friends work in diverse areas, and I slowly build an understanding of what other options are.

What do you do when you want to become financially stable and do so but find that ultimately dissatisfying?
I have achieved decent financial stability. While I do get a sense of pride in that, but I feel that I gave up a lot of it. However, that being said, I don't regret it. I would hate to see myself broke, trying to make end's meet like some of my friends.

What do you do when all you want to do is go back to school and everyone in your life thinks you should but you can’t imagine the financial strain it will put you under? At the same time the idea of not going back to school makes you sick.
I've been trying to go back to school. I want to go back for my MBA, top schools cost 70K a year. I can't possibly put myself in a hole again to do this. So I'm trying to figure out other part time programs.

How is it that accomplishing goals that seemed like they would be ultimately rewarding turn out to be ultra mundane and do not offer the satisfaction you hoped?
My financial stability is a perfect example of this. I've learned that, fog of war exists in everyday life. You make goals based on the best information you have at the moment. The goal might not be as perfect as you have imagined. This is life, I accepted that this will always happened. I still make goals for myself, even if some of them might not turned out to be what I imagined. As long as I can honestly say that I did it in the best way I know how, I won't linger at it for too long.

The world after graduation is a strange one I must admit. Maybe my experiences stem from not following the right path. Unfortunately to go back and start again to find the right would be a huge expense emotionally and financially.
I had a tough time in school. I didn't do well in school, I just didn't believe in myself for a long time. After I graduated, I was afraid that I won't be able to accomplish anything. After I started this job six years ago, I just busted my ass, fully dedicated at work. While the work in itself isn't all that fulfilling, but the fact that I've done very well in the company gives me a certain pride. While I can go back and remake my decision, I can't imagine that right now. Instead, I decided to make the best out of this situation. After speaking with a lot of people, I found a position that could make my happy (knock on wood), and I'm working toward that.

I know my reply is all about me, but I just want to share that with you, you are not alone. It's not too late, don't give up, just be focus on what you want and you will find it.

[Nelzie]

I hear you. I went to school for 4 years to get my bachelors degree and become and RN. It has been my dream my whole life to be in health care. I have worked at my current job 11 months, and these last few months have been the worst of my life.

I am really starting to think this job is going to make me have a nervous breakdown. I have to leave for work in about 10 minutes and I am practically hyperventilating just thinking about going in. On days I work I dont get any sleep because I have nightmares about work. I have started crying at work on occassion and have to make up excuses why, and I cry every day before I go in, and usually when I leave.

I would have left by now but I have a contract I cannot afford to break. It is up the end of June, so I just have to stick it up until then, but I honestly dont know if I can make it. I just dont know what to do.

And now I worry that I was not meant to be a nurse, but I know I cannot afford to go back to school at this time in my life. I mean, what if it is not just the job I am at now, but I just hate being a nurse in general? I just dont know what to do. I am so sorry I have no advice, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

[winneythepooh7]

Develop an attitude that often work is going to be just that--work. Then make the best of your situation, and keep looking for other jobs in your spare time.

[Yari]

I'm in exactly the same position. I graduated two years ago and am now seriously looking into going back to school to study something totally different than what I originally majored in. I'm about to quit my job in a couple of weeks because I hate it so much and dread going in there every day. I've had three jobs in the past two years and they pretty much all sucked. I don't even know what to do anymore. Going back to school would mean more time sacrificed, and what if when I'm done, I end up hating working in the area that I majored in yet again?

[Apollonian]

I'm with you. Don't really have a solution.

I'm still hoping to someday make peace with working to eat to work to eat to work...

[Nowtide]

How do we know that our decision to go back to school is fueled y a genuine desire to change our careers or from a longing to be back in the place where there was so much possibility and freedom (ie school)?

This is my dilema, I don't know if I just miss school and having the freedom to puruse myself and my own intelectual interests.

Maybe work is work no matter what you are doing, and more school will only lead to another unfulfilling career but more debt. Then again maybe I wouldn't feel this way if I was true to myself and chose the right career based on my interests rather than being attracted to money and mobility.

[Nowtide]

This is a great response and I found it very helpfull. You are able to something I am not, stay positive when things don't seem to live up to our ideal expectations.

That's me. I'm slowly begin to see what I think I like to work and slowly working toward it. It took me about two to three years to kind of figure it out. I basically ask a lot of people, and fortunately, many of my friends work in diverse areas, and I slowly build an understanding of what other options are.


I have achieved decent financial stability. While I do get a sense of pride in that, but I feel that I gave up a lot of it. However, that being said, I don't regret it. I would hate to see myself broke, trying to make end's meet like some of my friends.


I've been trying to go back to school. I want to go back for my MBA, top schools cost 70K a year. I can't possibly put myself in a hole again to do this. So I'm trying to figure out other part time programs.


My financial stability is a perfect example of this. I've learned that, fog of war exists in everyday life. You make goals based on the best information you have at the moment. The goal might not be as perfect as you have imagined. This is life, I accepted that this will always happened. I still make goals for myself, even if some of them might not turned out to be what I imagined. As long as I can honestly say that I did it in the best way I know how, I won't linger at it for too long.


I had a tough time in school. I didn't do well in school, I just didn't believe in myself for a long time. After I graduated, I was afraid that I won't be able to accomplish anything. After I started this job six years ago, I just busted my ass, fully dedicated at work. While the work in itself isn't all that fulfilling, but the fact that I've done very well in the company gives me a certain pride. While I can go back and remake my decision, I can't imagine that right now. Instead, I decided to make the best out of this situation. After speaking with a lot of people, I found a position that could make my happy (knock on wood), and I'm working toward that.

I know my reply is all about me, but I just want to share that with you, you are not alone. It's not too late, don't give up, just be focus on what you want and you will find it.

[Nowtide]

I hear you, I had a similar situation where Iwondered if it was the career or the job. I changed jobs and founf the same types of people there as the last place...now what do I do?

I am tinking that I made the decision to move to this career based on money and mobility but did not take into account whether or not I would actually be happy.

I hear you. I went to school for 4 years to get my bachelors degree and become and RN. It has been my dream my whole life to be in health care. I have worked at my current job 11 months, and these last few months have been the worst of my life.

I am really starting to think this job is going to make me have a nervous breakdown. I have to leave for work in about 10 minutes and I am practically hyperventilating just thinking about going in. On days I work I dont get any sleep because I have nightmares about work. I have started crying at work on occassion and have to make up excuses why, and I cry every day before I go in, and usually when I leave.

I would have left by now but I have a contract I cannot afford to break. It is up the end of June, so I just have to stick it up until then, but I honestly dont know if I can make it. I just dont know what to do.

And now I worry that I was not meant to be a nurse, but I know I cannot afford to go back to school at this time in my life. I mean, what if it is not just the job I am at now, but I just hate being a nurse in general? I just dont know what to do. I am so sorry I have no advice, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

[Nowtide]

When I was ready to leave University I realised that there was no job I would be happy at except in an academic setting. I did not have the money or the drive to pursue such a career so decided that I would choose the career that offered the most mobility, stability and money. I managed to land the jobs I was pursuing and wa happy...for a while.

Now I wonderif I went to far, that is, I though "since I won't be happy doing anything I will chase the almighty dollar" and as a result have left happiness out of the equation.

Now I can't help but wonder if I should have found a happy medium or if I should just go for it and work towards becoming an academic or a teacher of some kind.

The fear, as always, is what if work really is work no matter what you do. Regardless of what I do I wil lultimately become bored with it and have the same issues I have now.

[tiredreporter]

Nowtide,

I can identify with a lot of what you posted. Not so much the acheiving financial stability part (I am far from that :cry: ) but the accomplishing goals and the world after graduation.

Most people think I'm living my dream because I'm working in the field I went to school for but the pay is crap which is making me wonder what else is out there. Unfortunately I've sampled some other fields in college and a year out of college and have hated every other job. I don't want to be a poor starving journalist, but I don't know what else there is for me to do.

I've heard people say do what you love and the money will follow but I just don't know if that is true.

[Nowtide]

I have heard that before as well...follow what you love and the money will come, or in my case study what you love and the money will come.

Alas, it seems as though you can have one but not the other- money or happiness. It seems like the choice should be obvious- choose happiness, but it is never that easy.


Nowtide,

I can identify with a lot of what you posted. Not so much the acheiving financial stability part (I am far from that :cry: ) but the accomplishing goals and the world after graduation.

Most people think I'm living my dream because I'm working in the field I went to school for but the pay is crap which is making me wonder what else is out there. Unfortunately I've sampled some other fields in college and a year out of college and have hated every other job. I don't want to be a poor starving journalist, but I don't know what else there is for me to do.

I've heard people say do what you love and the money will follow but I just don't know if that is true.

[PeakDream]

Nowtide, I think you have to be more positive. Most people have this attitude of it's either money or happiness, giving up before even trying hard to achieve both. I'm not going to lie, I'm not happy (nihilistic) with my job/company. However, my daily grind isn't that bad, I have several good friends at work that I enjoy talking and joking. My life is pretty good, plenty of vacation days, career options are pretty good. I have learned that a lot of things in life is out of your control, like the weather, who you fall in love with, etc.. I don't want to dwell on the things like these because I have no control over them. If it's raining, well, bring an umbrella and a smile.
I found that a lot of my college friends have this unrealistic, almost laughable expectation of the world. Mostly because they never had to work hard or go hungry for a day in their lives until they graduated from college. A little bump on the road freak them out because they are not mentally prepared for the world.
I have a little exercise for you. As far as expectations, if I ask you to write a post detailing your expectation, will you be able to do it? I don't mean some random dreams of yours, but some concrete expectations and goals that you have. If you can, then your life has a purpose, go after them. If not, well, back to square one :p

[eastcoaster782]

How do we know that our decision to go back to school is fueled y a genuine desire to change our careers or from a longing to be back in the place where there was so much possibility and freedom (ie school)?

This is my dilema, I don't know if I just miss school and having the freedom to puruse myself and my own intelectual interests.

Maybe work is work no matter what you are doing, and more school will only lead to another unfulfilling career but more debt. Then again maybe I wouldn't feel this way if I was true to myself and chose the right career based on my interests rather than being attracted to money and mobility.

I've been having that same feeling the past few weeks. I'm also wondering if (for me) it's tied to the graduation season as I currently live in a college town and semester has just finished up. The same feeling occurs at the end of Aug. when students return back to classes. It's like I want to revert back to my student days, but at the same time still have my job and relatively stable finances.

I even got to the point last week where I began looking at grad schools and found this one program that really sounds interesting. However, I don't know if this is just another phase I'm going through or if I'd really be committed to doing school and work. I like my job, but yet it does feel like the same routine. The real world (for better or worse) isn't broken down into semesters like we're accustomed to.

So, I kind of know how you feel.

[prad0011]

Maybe work is work no matter what you are doing, and more school will only lead to another unfulfilling career but more debt. Then again maybe I wouldn't feel this way if I was true to myself and chose the right career based on my interests rather than being attracted to money and mobility.

I completely feel this way too. I recently got accepted into a grad program but I don't even know if I can afford it. And I'm scared that I won't like it or I'll discover that it really isn't what I want to do with my life. This program is completely unrelated to my bachelors degree, and I chose this grad program because it pays relatively well and it's pretty easy to find a job in. But there so many other areas that I am more interested in (that probably wouldn't pay very well). I feel like my head is spinning just thinking about it.

[Nowtide]

Thanks for your message. I agree that I need to be more positive yet I still feel as though I could be more positive if I was following the right path. That said, intellectually I realise that happiness has little to do with your outside circumstances and should come from a more reliable place inside.

I guess it is best to make the best of your situation like you have and find satisfaction through the relationships we have in life…yet I still feel incomplete.

I do feel like my career path is one of those things that I can control but the longer I wait the farther out of my grasps a possible career change becomes. This is a frightening thought and it could be the panic of this realisation (realistic or not) that is driving my desire for change.

In my particular case I think my desire for money over happiness is driven not by an unrealistic goal tht came about from having been coddled my entire life but the opposite. I grew up very poor…not “I want nikes but can only afford addidas” poor, I mean poor in terms of not knowing if there would be a roof over our head. I am terrified that this could become a reality again and so chase the dollar as though it is my personal saviour. Although I do agree that I am not mentally prepared for any bumps I find in the road, perhaps I even invent bumps in the road to allow me to return to school after yet another unsuccessful venture.


Nowtide, I think you have to be more positive. Most people have this attitude of it's either money or happiness, giving up before even trying hard to achieve both. I'm not going to lie, I'm not happy (nihilistic) with my job/company. However, my daily grind isn't that bad, I have several good friends at work that I enjoy talking and joking. My life is pretty good, plenty of vacation days, career options are pretty good. I have learned that a lot of things in life is out of your control, like the weather, who you fall in love with, etc.. I don't want to dwell on the things like these because I have no control over them. If it's raining, well, bring an umbrella and a smile.
I found that a lot of my college friends have this unrealistic, almost laughable expectation of the world. Mostly because they never had to work hard or go hungry for a day in their lives until they graduated from college. A little bump on the road freak them out because they are not mentally prepared for the world.
I have a little exercise for you. As far as expectations, if I ask you to write a post detailing your expectation, will you be able to do it? I don't mean some random dreams of yours, but some concrete expectations and goals that you have. If you can, then your life has a purpose, go after them. If not, well, back to square one :p

[Nowtide]

Indeed I cannot write a post detailing my expectations or goals. Any goals I can think of are not career related at all and I feel as though they are on the backburner until I sort out my career. What a great recommendation; I in fact cannot think of many goals that don’t pressure me to stay put in this career (ie a house, travel, getting out of debt, etc). I wonder if I let myself focus on making some real goals (which will inevitably not be career related) then I can focus on that as a cause for happiness rather than looking to work for fulfilment.

I am however afraid to write a list of non career goals or even career goals because I know that if I set my mind to it I can accomplish these goals. If I commit these goals to writing then I feel as though I must pursue them thus closing the door to becoming a student again.

If someone told me this was waiting for me once I finished schol I would never have believed them in a million years. School was meant to open doors for me and act as a sort of cure all for me. I never would have thought it would lead to even more confusion and second guessing.


I have a little exercise for you. As far as expectations, if I ask you to write a post detailing your expectation, will you be able to do it? I don't mean some random dreams of yours, but some concrete expectations and goals that you have. If you can, then your life has a purpose, go after them. If not, well, back to square one :p

[Nowtide]

Its comforting to hear others feel similarly, especially around this time of the year. I was always a full time student right through the summer o was enjoying such an open and free schedule at this point with many of my riends doing the same. I was in a University town so the whole mood of the city changed while I was there over the summers. I miss that feeling of freedom more than anything- haven't really felt that since leaving school, and een if I went back now I coulnd't produce the same feeling because I would have to work while in school this time and would hate to have a crappy part time job at a burger joint at my age and I would know the world that waited for me upon graduation.

I think my desire to be an academic was geared more towards preserving that feeling for as long as possible rather than any real calling.

I've been having that same feeling the past few weeks. I'm also wondering if (for me) it's tied to the graduation season as I currently live in a college town and semester has just finished up. The same feeling occurs at the end of Aug. when students return back to classes. It's like I want to revert back to my student days, but at the same time still have my job and relatively stable finances.

I even got to the point last week where I began looking at grad schools and found this one program that really sounds interesting. However, I don't know if this is just another phase I'm going through or if I'd really be committed to doing school and work. I like my job, but yet it does feel like the same routine. The real world (for better or worse) isn't broken down into semesters like we're accustomed to.

So, I kind of know how you feel.

[Nowtide]

I feel similarly, my head is spinning with choices and anxiety and I feel like if I don't do it this year I won't ever do it (go back to school that is). I don't want panic to be my sole motivator though.

I too am looking at totally unrelated careers, the problem with that is starting over from the beginning again and working another entry level position will add to my financial instability and is thus making the decision all the more difficult. That and haveing so many "fresh starts" on my resume will be hard to explain if I change my mind again after returning to school.

I completely feel this way too. I recently got accepted into a grad program but I don't even know if I can afford it. And I'm scared that I won't like it or I'll discover that it really isn't what I want to do with my life. This program is completely unrelated to my bachelors degree, and I chose this grad program because it pays relatively well and it's pretty easy to find a job in. But there so many other areas that I am more interested in (that probably wouldn't pay very well). I feel like my head is spinning just thinking about it.

[Nowtide]

Hello All,

I have been thinking about my situation and about what others have said about their's and come up with a plan for myself.

I have been putting a ton of pressure on myself to make this new career choice work for me despite having a terrible boss and so many insecurities about this new path.

Most people who are in a similar situation are able to find some sort of positive through their work, interactions at work, or in their life outside of work. For me work has become all consuming and I struggle to make what little positive there is enough to sustain me.

After a good talk with my partner we have decided that it is clear that this recent move is not right for me. Therefore, having no next step in mind I have made peace with the fact that I am going to leave this job in September...end of August actually.

The next step might be more school, finishing my undergrad degree, or simply moving to another company in the same or a different field. I don't know yet but it feels incredible to have made peace with the fact that I tried this path and it was not suited for me. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Finding the next step might be tough but I know that right now I am so miserable that even being open o change and a new path is enough to sustain me for now.

I started to know that this was more than just a QLC and in fact a bad path for me when I could no longer justify the experience with the positive in my life. No job should become more important than having fun with the people you love and enjoying even the small things in life. So frsutrated was I that even a walk in the park on a nice day was filled with me worrying and obsessing about the future. Never agin will I sacrifice my ife lke this for a job, life is way too short.

Who knows, maybe this new attitude wil allow me to stick with my job and make it a career, I am open to that too but some pretty great things at work had better happen for that to be the case.

Cheers,

Nowtide

[Nowtide]

It ocurred to me that perhaps the reason I cannot establish any career goals is because I am in the worng career.

I am afraid to make non career goals because I fear it might trap me in what I secretly now is a bad place for me in terms of my career decisions.

So I am going to leave this job. I am leaving at the end of the Summer. I did not finish my undergrad so am seriously considering doing that then on to some sort of pactical graduate course either through College or University.

I absolutely can make goals when then include my educational goals and long term career goals which makes me only more sure that leaving this field and finsihing what I started is the best thing for me to do right now.

Nowtide, I think you have to be more positive. Most people have this attitude of it's either money or happiness, giving up before even trying hard to achieve both. I'm not going to lie, I'm not happy (nihilistic) with my job/company. However, my daily grind isn't that bad, I have several good friends at work that I enjoy talking and joking. My life is pretty good, plenty of vacation days, career options are pretty good. I have learned that a lot of things in life is out of your control, like the weather, who you fall in love with, etc.. I don't want to dwell on the things like these because I have no control over them. If it's raining, well, bring an umbrella and a smile.
I found that a lot of my college friends have this unrealistic, almost laughable expectation of the world. Mostly because they never had to work hard or go hungry for a day in their lives until they graduated from college. A little bump on the road freak them out because they are not mentally prepared for the world.
I have a little exercise for you. As far as expectations, if I ask you to write a post detailing your expectation, will you be able to do it? I don't mean some random dreams of yours, but some concrete expectations and goals that you have. If you can, then your life has a purpose, go after them. If not, well, back to square one :p

[PeakDream]

Congrats. Now enjoy your long weekend.