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View Full Version : QLC version 2.0 - not even sure it's a QLC anymore!


steph78
05-22-2007, 02:49 PM
Okay, I've been missing in action awhile because I've been so insanely busy lately, but boy have I got some stuff bottled up that I just need to get out of my system!

When I first joined these boards I was working a bajillion hours a week at a job that was fulfilling but draining, and feeling stuck because my husband was in grad school and I felt like we couldn't put down roots anywhere and actually get settled and "start" our life until he finished school and we moved out of our apartment.

Fast forward a few years to now - husband has graduated and gotten a kick-ass job, we have moved to the town where his job is located which has a wonderfully low cost of living, so we have bought a very nice house, and we have a beautiful five-month old daughter. I have worked out a deal with my old company where I am working just ten hours a week (and telecommuting from home) so that I can stay home with my daughter - I mainly squeeze work in during her naps.

So it sounds like my life is perfect - everything I have been wanting for the past few years. And I am very happy, but ALL these changes have occurred in a very short period of time and it just hit me that I'm super overwhelmed! At Thanksgiving I was sitting in my apartment in Atlanta still working full time, then we had our baby and were living in Alabama by the first of Feb. I have been so busy trying to be a good mom and accomplish unpacking our boxes and painting rooms and planting flowers and stuff that I haven't had time to even process how I feel until lately, and I just realized that I feel VERY alone. When we moved, we left our whole support system behind. I just don't have any friends here yet (I haven't had time to go out and make any!!) I go for days without leaving the house sometimes, and when I do go out it is often just to go grocery shopping. I would love to find a playgroup for my daughter so I can meet some people I have stuff in common with - I tried one that my husband's coworker's wife invited me to, but all the kids were like a year older than my daughter so they were all talking about things that 18 month olds do the whole time and I felt like I was the new kid at school who didn't fit in at all. :( I could not relate to their conversation at all. I tried another moms group, and same thing - all the moms there had three-year olds and were running after them at the playground and I was sitting there with my baby feeling like we just didn't fit.

As much as I felt frustrated when we were in Atlanta because I knew it was only a temporary stop, we sure did leave a lot of friends there that I am totally missing now. The grass is always greener, I guess! I don't even know if this is a QLC anymore - I am past the whole recently-out-of-school, trying-to-find-a-job thing, but I am still in my 20s and I totally feel like I don't fit in with the whole mom scene yet either. I am stuck in between. Thanks to anyone who read this far - any ideas on how to get out there and start feeling like I belong here (between diaper changes and naps and cooking and cleaning and working at home??)

sparky88
05-22-2007, 03:17 PM
New friends will come with time. It sounds like you are making an effort to get out and see people at play groups. Just continue finding ways to get out and see people (local parks, shops, etc). I'm sure part of it is that you are adjusting to your new identity as a mother, trying to find your place now. There are others in your shoes so keep your chin up and I'm sure you'll find that place. Good luck, and congrats on DH's job, the house, and the baby (that's a TON of awesome things all at once)!

steph78
05-22-2007, 05:34 PM
And, by the way, good to hear from you! Glad to see you've not fallen off the planet!
Thanks! I haven't fallen OFF the planet, I think I've just been on a totally different planet for the past few months. ;): You guys are right, I know it will take time. This is the first time I have ever moved anywhere new for a reason other than college/grad school. So I don't have that instant group of people that are in the same situation as me to make friends with, and it's just a lot slower to meet people this time!

winneythepooh7
05-22-2007, 09:01 PM
What about starting a brand-new moms group! One of my friend's just had a baby boy in November and we were at a party a few weeks ago with another new mom whose son is only a couple month's older and they both said this has been the hardest part for them.........just not feeling like they fit in with the moms of older kids, or multiples. Could you use Craigslist or Yahoogroups for this?

steph78
05-22-2007, 09:58 PM
What about starting a brand-new moms group! One of my friend's just had a baby boy in November and we were at a party a few weeks ago with another new mom whose son is only a couple month's older and they both said this has been the hardest part for them.........just not feeling like they fit in with the moms of older kids, or multiples. Could you use Craigslist or Yahoogroups for this?
Hee hee, did you see where I live now?? I am not kidding, I now live closer to an operational cotton gin than to a grocery store. Craigslist has not caught on here on a large scale yet, but I will check into Yahoogroups - good idea. Also, someone I know here (through a friend from Atlanta) said she knows someone who lives in the next neighborhood over from me who has a baby within a few weeks of Caroline's age - I am going to ask for an introduction and maybe that will lead to meeting more people.

analogman
05-22-2007, 11:28 PM
Hi Steph,
Good to see you :) I know what you mean about feeling alone. Do you have a way to get more adult interaction? I know life is very busy with a new baby but if you could get more adult interaction that might help you feel less alone. One thing I would suggest is doing things like playing board games with your husband after the baby goes to sleep.
Best of luck :)

PenforPrez
05-24-2007, 05:22 AM
Hee hee, did you see where I live now?? I am not kidding, I now live closer to an operational cotton gin than to a grocery store.

Random thought: Between me and the nearest grocery store is two sawmills, one of them abandoned. :p

Paul

pisces2473
05-24-2007, 08:09 AM
Hi Steph, good to see you around!

I think I'm sort of going through the same thing, minus the baby of course ;) It is hard to make new friends--and I'm living in the town I grew up in!

Was the mom's group with the 18 month olds really that bad? I have no idea...

I like the starting your own group. Have you guys found a church yet? I remember you posting about that being the meeting place for a lot of your ATL friends. What about the library? Could you post fliers there?

Does your husband have any coworkers with babies? Could you throw together an impromtu BBQ or something?

Of course, I could be talking out of my butt here, so feel free to shoot me down.

Hang in there! My mom said that she didn't have many friends when my brother and I were little either...which is really sad.

steph78
05-24-2007, 10:28 AM
We have started going to a church, I figure that will help a lot. We saw that they are starting a new class the first week of June for young couples with children, so we are definitely planning on trying that out - you're right, we made a ton of friends in Atlanta through church. Hopefully the same will happen this time.

I have started hanging out a bit with one of my husband's coworker's wives. She's also new to town so that gives us something in common - we get along great but our get-togethers are sporadic at best. Maybe they'll become more frequent with time as we both get settled and into a routine.

And while the 18-month old playgroup is a disaster (it just turns into ten moms talking about what milestones their 18-months are approaching, and me sitting there holding Caroline who is not even crawling yet, not having any way to participate in the conversation), I did get invited to a playgroup in the next town over that fits better. It sucks because it's a long drive and I don't live near these people but until I meet some people closer it will be a good way to hang out with some people who have babies close to Caroline's age. They're super nice, they just live farther away than I'd like!

So looking at all that, I guess I do have options, I am just impatient to get through the awkward getting-to-know people phase to when I have close friends I feel comfortable calling up at any old time. Too much change at once is just a little overwhelming!

weary
05-24-2007, 11:07 AM
steph,

check your PMs.

nice to see you 'round. :)