I can't stand my SIL!! A rant...

[capella]

I just got back from my SIL's wedding and graduation this past weekend. She graduated from massage school since she is completely clueless and has no direction at all in life. She has admitted that she did massage school since she didn't know what else to do. (This is after ditching a 2000 a month art school that her parents paid for without her actually finishing the degree.) She is sooo spoiled, whiny, annoying, RUDE, tacky and just about any other unfavorable adjective you'd care to think of. GRRRRR....

What really pisses me off is that her parents kowtow to her every freakin' whim and desire and they leave their son to fend for himself. Oh, sweetie, you totaled your car when you ran a stop sign?? Here buy a new 15,000 car. Oh, you don't want to continue with the 2 grand a month art school we've sunk 24K in?? Go to Vegas to do massage school. We'll finance it all for you. Oh, you want to marry this dude you've known for just over a year even though you two lived in different states the entire time and only talked over the internet? Here let us pay for your entire wedding. Oh, nevermind that your brother's wedding cost less than the bar tab at your reception. That's just your brother afterall.

My husband and I have worked our butts off the last few years to try and get ahead. But nothing is too good for their daughter and anything for their son is good enough. It's so damn annoying. I see how it bothers him and it makes me so mad.

So she's married to this dude who makes more than I do without even having graduated yet (he's in computer programming for the gov't or something). She is probably going to get ready to pop out some kids, according to family rumors and her own admission, (I STILL can't afford any kids) and sit at home whilst her husband takes care of her. Everything she has was handed to her and YES that pisses me off. I work really damn hard and really earn everything I've ever gotten. She does absolutely nothing and gets taken care of. I guess I'm annoyed right now because I've spent the last few days having to sit through these "celebrations" for her and having it all rubbed into my face. Yes, you are poor, your family doesn't have the money to support you and never did and you have had to earn everything while this whiny, I need my afternoon nap, waste of space has had to do nothing to earn anything. :mad:

She didn't even ask her ONLY brother to be in her wedding. Instead she asked a male friend from high school. She completely snubs him and that coupled with her parents obvious favoritism just irks me to no end. Oh, but when she needed someone to videotape the wedding at the last minute (when the yahoo she hired bailed) that was a perfect reason to call. Did she call at his birthday? NO. Only when she wants something. It really bugs him. They're about a year and a half apart in age and were very close when they were young. Now she's changed her first name to some stupid shit and wants everyone to call her by it. What on earth is she trying to hide from, that's what I'd like to know.

This is really long and rambly. Sorry. I am just so damn annoyed. Partially jealous, yes, that's true, too. But more pissed that it hurts my husband to see how much his family caters to his sister and leaves him in the dust. Logically, I know that she is probably very messed up and I (and my husband) will be better off because we know how to work for something while she just runs for cover when things get tough. But it is still annoying to witness this. If his parents think they're going to act so inequitably with their grandkids they've got another thing coming. It's enough just to watch my husband deal with this nonsense. I will NOT stand for my kids to ask me why Auntie's kids are soooo spoiled by granma and granpa and they aren't. :mad: :mad:

[steph78]

I don't have a good way to fix your situation, just wanted you to know that I so sympathize with how you're feeling. Aren't in-laws just the most fun? You never know what you're going to get. Mine are pretty good actually, but they still have their moments. Distance can help a little bit - for seven years we lived in the same town with my husband's two brothers (who are actually pretty great guys) and their wives (who are generally nice but seem to go through phases where they just get so so catty that it's terrible.) Being in such close quarters for so many years was a little trying sometimes, but now that we've moved three hours away I actually have tons of fun when we go visit them. Limited time spent with them keeps them nice. :) Now I just have to listen to the two of them talk about each other behind their backs...makes me wonder what they say about me when I leave??

[capella]

Yeah, at least now that I'm back home I can refocus on what I've got here. But it's aggravating to have it thrown in your face for a few days. She and her new husband won't be living near us, thankfully. But his parents are moving about 2 hours away from us next week. And we can expect many holidays with all of this crap. Ugh. My family is getting stationed in Germany in October, my grandmother just died, and my aunt lives in PA. I won't have anyone batting in my corner for a long time. Just a few long distance calls to my mom to rant I guess. :rolleyes:

One good thing I did realize is that my family would NEVER treat me like that. We are all treated like crap equally in my family!! LOL! Just kidding. When I was younger, yeah, we had our differences. My family is screwed up in its own lovely way. But they would NEVER in a million years act like I was dog meat. They would NEVER treat a guest poorly either. They wouldn't ask guests to go run for coffee and bagels for the house for a few days (yes, his mom asked us to go get bagels and a box of coffee for her). They wouldn't insist upon a guest making a side dish when they just woke up. My family has ONLY ever had, well, family... so we tend to treat our guests better. For that I'm thankful.

[steph78]

Yeah, at least now that I'm back home I can refocus on what I've got here. But it's aggravating to have it thrown in your face for a few days. She and her new husband won't be living near us, thankfully. But his parents are moving about 2 hours away from us next week. And we can expect many holidays with all of this crap. Ugh. My family is getting stationed in Germany in October, my grandmother just died, and my aunt lives in PA. I won't have anyone batting in my corner for a long time. Just a few long distance calls to my mom to rant I guess. :rolleyes:
That's how I felt for a long time - inundated with my in-laws because we were living in the same town as them while my family was a 7-hour drive away (and my little bro is 13 hours away!) so I pretty much only got to see my fam at holidays while my husband's family was around all the time. It is much healthier feeling to be creating our own place in a town that is just OURS, not totally lopsided with one person's family members, but still close enough to make weekend visits reasonable. Now that we are in Alabama we are still about the same distance from my family but now that I have produced a grandchild my parents are suddenly a lot more interested in visiting every couple months. Funny how that works!

Now I actually feel guilty like I am playing favorites because my mother-in-law has only met Caroline twice and she had to fly down from Minnesota both times for that, whereas my parents have seen Caroline once a month or more since she's been born (with longer visits as well). Oh well, this is her 5th grandchild whereas it's my parent's first so they are understandably a little more excited.

[winneythepooh7]

I think there's one of them in every family. We have one in ours. I think though he is going through some really bad stuff right now that I wouldn't wish on anyone, that finally caught up with him and his parents. I can't go into details because you never know who is reading this, but feel free to PM me if you want to vent.

[pisces2473]

Now I actually feel guilty like I am playing favorites because my mother-in-law has only met Caroline twice and she had to fly down from Minnesota both times for that, whereas my parents have seen Caroline once a month or more since she's been born (with longer visits as well). Oh well, this is her 5th grandchild whereas it's my parent's first so they are understandably a little more excited.
It's also different when it's the parents of the mother of the baby ;) My mom's parents were MORE into me than my dad's parents were--and my maternal grandparents were 2 hours away, while my paternal grandparents lived up the street!

Amy--what your husband goes through sounds a lot like what my dad still goes through with his brothers. And they are 58, 55 and 48! It's not fair and my mom gets so upset when my dad gets the shaft, but you know what? My uncles have shitty lives (divorce, job issues, bad kids, etc) and my dad has had nothing but stability :) You mentioned a lot of good things about why your situation is better--focus on those :) I understand the annoyances though...

[pisces2473]

Oh and if anyone wants to talk about parents in law, I'm game.

My FFIL asked me why he needed to be at the rehearsal dinner. Um, b/c you're PAYING for it???

Dumbass.:rolleyes:

[TinyDancer]

My FFIL asked me why he needed to be at the rehearsal dinner.
This cracks me up!

[pisces2473]

This cracks me up!
It's funny now, but it wasn't when he asked me. It was Mother's Day, and C and I had made my mom and his grandmother (and our dads and brothers) a really nice lunch.

C brings up the RD, b/c my mom did some preliminary research on the place we wanted to have it...and his dad gets all freaked out, asking when it is..."It's the night before." Then, "I'll be picking up (C's little brother) from school, do I have to go?"

So I say (seething inside), "Well, it's kind of important that little brother is there as he IS the BEST MAN and needs to get his instructions for the ceremony from the priest." My mom said I handled it quite well. FFIL is sitting there, mulling this all over, when the little brother pipes up with "Dad? I don't have classes on Fridays next year."

Good LORD, why can't this 20 year old take the bus or train home? His daddy (who's in his mid 60s) has to drive 8 hours one way to pick him up?

Whatever...

[TinyDancer]

Yeah, I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time. . . but it's just funny because it seems ridiculous. . . and ESPECIALLY considering that he was also counting the best man out!!!

I'm impressed that you practiced restraint. I'm picturing you going. . . WTF!!! :p

I am clearly not in the in-law problem circle yet, but I live vicariously through my sister. . . who is having a hell of a time with hers.

[bridgetjones]

Good lord. I can't stand my SIL. Several of my coworkers can't stand their SIL too. We had a funny convo one day where we all ended up talking about our SIL issues. Yes SIL not inlaws in general. You are in good company!

Your SIL sounds like my SIL in some senses only mine is a lazy stubborn girl that lives off of my bro who makes good money. I have gotten over feeling jealous of her since I would not want her life or her entitlement/ dependancy issues. Yeah I would love to have a nice guy that can take care of me but I would not want to be in a position where I would be screwed if he were run over by a truck. Yes I would like to have a guy that can help me afford a nice home... I also would not want to be a selfish airhead that picks on ppl to feel better about oneself. Errr... PM me if you wanna rant... Grr... I will say no more since yep thinking about her can make me angry... :0

[capella]

Oh and if anyone wants to talk about parents in law, I'm game.

My FFIL asked me why he needed to be at the rehearsal dinner. Um, b/c you're PAYING for it???

Dumbass.:rolleyes:
LOL! That's awful! Yeah, we were told, "Oh, the rehearsal dinner is in the afternoon and the graduation is after that.... so you might want to get something to eat before you bring your grandma to the graduation." :eek: OK, so the words Only Brother are synonymous with Dog Meat in her little world dictionary, eh? Sooo tacky.

My MIL drives me nuts too. She's nice enough and all, but I always get the feeling she is judging me and my family. At our wedding she was like, OH, didn't you want to get REAL flowers? Yes, I did. Thanks for putting into stark relief the fact that my family is poor and can't pay for any of this at all. Thanks for throwing your daughter the wedding of her dreams but leaving us to scrape together some sort of wedding. That really burns.

She's into this thing now where she always says I lOOOve you in such a sugar sweet voice and she is trying very hard to get me to say it back. I refuse. I refuse to play this singsongy, fakey, I LOOOOOVE you game. Blech! My own family doesn't even do that. It's a casual, luvyabye at the end of a phone conversation. We save the sugar sweet stuff for real emotional moments.

I do like my FIL. He's a fine, upstanding guy (a lot like my husband in fact... it's where he gets it from). But he surely needed to learn how to say NO to his daughter instead of funding her craziness.

[pisces2473]

LOL! That's awful! Yeah, we were told, "Oh, the rehearsal dinner is in the afternoon and the graduation is after that.... so you might want to get something to eat before you bring your grandma to the graduation." :eek: OK, so the words Only Brother are synonymous with Dog Meat in her little world dictionary, eh? Sooo tacky.
So you and your husband didn't go to the RD? I thought all immediate family goes...?

That's horrible that you guys didn't go, and neither did the grandmother...

[capella]

So you and your husband didn't go to the RD? I thought all immediate family goes...?

That's horrible that you guys didn't go, and neither did the grandmother...
THANK YOU!! That's exactly what I thought, too!!! She is so damn tacky. Ugh! :eek: :mad: :rolleyes:

[pisces2473]

THANK YOU!! That's exactly what I thought, too!!! She is so damn tacky. Ugh! :eek: :mad: :rolleyes:
Um, where were the parents in this? Someone should have caught this...

[capella]

Um, where were the parents in this? Someone should have caught this...
Right there catering to his stupid sister. His mom was the one who told us to get dinner and then bring granny to the graduation. What on earth would they have done if we hadn't got a rental car? Gee, I guess they would have had to use someone else for transportation. Maybe it's just his family is tacky? :rolleyes:

[Deavan]

I totally understand where you're coming from I have experience similar situations amongst my family siblings cousins etc. I too have also been angry with it as well, however I also learned that by getting so worked up over such things that you cannot change or control is really a waste of energy, time, emotions and brain power. Your best bet is to just accept it and try not to get so upset the next time, you could alway point out the huge discrepincies however that would make you just look bad...

Sorry you have to experience this!

[capella]

Ahhh! I know you're right. I shouldn't be upset over this nonsense and I can keep my distance 99% of the time. But this just stung. First because of the way my husband was treated and second because of the wedding issue and how spoiled his sister is.

We also got married in Vegas because we couldn't afford anything else. I had a $300 dress and I think we spent a whopping 150 on the ceremony package. It was under 600 bucks total. My family couldn't be there. They just don't have the money. And they couldn't pay to help us with the wedding either. His parents COULD have helped us a lot more but they didn't. They never offer to help us out, but when it comes to whatever bad decision his sister wants... boy they finance that right away!

I actually cried on the way back from the reception because it just hurt so much to see how little anyone cared for how our wedding turned out. I wish I hadn't settled on it, but it would have been a VERY long time before we could have afforded to do it ourselves. Probably STILL not yet. I am just sick of settling for second best and scraping by. I work hard and it's starting to pay off little by little, but it is just annoying to see someone who hasn't lifted a finger to help herself have everything handed to her. :mad: :mad: :mad: I am trying not to let it bother me, which is why I'm bitching about it on here and not to anyone in RL. :rolleyes:

[shimma]

Amy, I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this, as I'm sure it hurts your feelings. It's really inexcusable that you guys werent invited to the RD.

But, that said, there are worse in-law issues to have. There is a situation in my own family in which one woman needed to get a restraining order against her brother in law when he became physically abusive, not to mention the groom's entire side of the family refused to attend the wedding.

Also, paying for your child's wedding is a gift, not an obligation.

I'm not trying to be a bitch, I'm trying to put things into perspective, and hope you understand where this is coming from. Again, I am sorry you have to deal with this crap.

[capella]

Amy, I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this, as I'm sure it hurts your feelings. It's really inexcusable that you guys werent invited to the RD.

But, that said, there are worse in-law issues to have. There is a situation in my own family in which one woman needed to get a restraining order against her brother in law when he became physically abusive, not to mention the groom's entire side of the family refused to attend the wedding.

Also, paying for your child's wedding is a gift, not an obligation.

I'm not trying to be a bitch, I'm trying to put things into perspective, and hope you understand where this is coming from. Again, I am sorry you have to deal with this crap.
Well, I realize that it's not an obligation. But if you're going to do for one child then you should do for the other. It's the inequality that bugs me the most. Why is it OK to pay for anything she desires, but leave my husband to fend for himself? I also realize there are worse situations. I'm just bitching about my own at the present moment.

[pisces2473]

Well, I realize that it's not an obligation. But if you're going to do for one child then you should do for the other. It's the inequality that bugs me the most. Why is it OK to pay for anything she desires, but leave my husband to fend for himself? I also realize there are worse situations. I'm just bitching about my own at the present moment.
Weeeeelllllll, it is common for parents to pay for EVERYTHING when their daughter is the bride, and nothing when their son is the groom...it's the old fashioned "brides family pays for it all" mentality, although in your case, Amy, it sounds like your MIL was just being a snob in her attitude.

[capella]

Weeeeelllllll, it is common for parents to pay for EVERYTHING when their daughter is the bride, and nothing when their son is the groom...it's the old fashioned "brides family pays for it all" mentality, although in your case, Amy, it sounds like your MIL was just being a snob in her attitude.
Yep. I know that. But it's not like they're totally into tradition and all seeing as we weren't even invited to the rehearsal dinner!! And both of our weddings were in Las Vegas :rolleyes: And it's also the cumulative effect of having watched her get anything she wants financed by daddy for the last, oh, nearly 5 years, that irks my nerves. This is the cherry on that bitter sundae for sure. His family sucks!

[steph78]

It does suck to watch two siblings get treated so differently, I totally understand how your husband (and you in turn) would feel terrible after this. My parents have always been very fair about the way they treat me and my brother, thank goodness. My MIL generally treats her three sons the same, but she treats her daughters-in-law very differently. Luckily she gets along great with two of us but the other one not so much (who incidentally married the oldest son, well before the rest of us came along...). I always feel bad for the oldest SIL because of this - I gather there was some big drama like ten years ago that just soured their relationship...and then I came along next and get along with her great, as does the youngest SIL. So it was kind of awkward when we were living in an apartment in Atlanta and when our MIL came to town to visit she would request to stay with us in our cramped apt. rather than with the oldest BIL and SIL who have like a 5000-sq. ft. house and plenty of space - she's always making these critical comments about why she would prefer not to stay there. It always hurts oldest SIL's feelings, even though she is probably happier to not have to play host.

[winneythepooh7]

I definitely agree with the mentality that if you do it for one, you should do it for the other. My fiance's sister got married this past winter and her parents threw her a huge affair. Granted, my family is paying for the reception piece (which costs a quarter of her wedding venue) for my day, but his mother still gave us money towards things we may need, and she bought us a china set and is throwing me a bridal shower down here on Long Island (my mom and sister are doing the one Upstate). I also think some of this has to do with the fact that he is the oldest and her only son, so she wants to participate.

It just sounds like a messed up situation with your SIL. Probably the reason she hasn't chosen a field to work in, is because she knows darn well her parents will continue to bail her out.

[capella]

It just sounds like a messed up situation with your SIL. Probably the reason she hasn't chosen a field to work in, is because she knows darn well her parents will continue to bail her out.
*sigh* Yep. And now her husband will take over that role. I am trying not to be jealous of that. I'm sure I could have married someone to take care of me, too, had I less ambition and stubborn drive to be "independent" or something silly like that. :p

Or if my daddy was paying for anything I wanted instead of being the off med bipolar 50-year-old loser that he is. I guess I was more concerned with finding someone who would treat me well than treat me to things. In that I've done well. :)

[steph78]

*sigh* Yep. And now her husband will take over that role. I am trying not to be jealous of that. I'm sure I could have married someone to take care of me, too, had I less ambition and stubborn drive to be "independent" or something silly like that. :p

Or if my daddy was paying for anything I wanted instead of being the off med bipolar 50-year-old loser that he is. I guess I was more concerned with finding someone who would treat me well than treat me to things. In that I've done well. :)
It sounds like you've done fine - you guys are probably ever so much closer and have a healthier marriage for having to work together for things. Not to mention you have a husband who actually respects you because you're smart and are contributing something instead of just sitting back and waiting for everything to be handed to you. Don't let her get to you!! :)