Breaking up with a friend...

[EastCoastQLCing]

Have you ever? Why did you decide to? Is it possible to do it when you're both part of a group of friends?

[Krishna]

About 5 months after I graduated from high school, I broke up with my boyfriend (who was also one of my good friends from high school). We had many of the same friends. I'm not going to lie- it was a bit awkward for a while. There was some residual tension for a bit. We did, however, manage to work through that. Given time, we were able to start hanging out again. We are dating again now (nearly 3 years this time, yay!) and still have many of the same friends.

Moral: it'll be tough at first, but it IS possible.

[shadeofgreen]

Yeah. I just wrote a thread here about a former friend of mine (Friendship gone sour.) It just sort of got to the point where we weren't communicating at all. We were growing apart anyway, and whenever we talked or emailed, even when I thought I was being friendly, she'd ultimately get defensive and ask what she did to make me pissed off. Huh? I was never mad at her, until after she'd say those things, and then I'd be annoyed. Still not mad, though. It was completely weird and random, and I have no idea what was going on unless she was projecting some sort of other issue on to me. I really don't know.

In the end I just realized that we were no longer existing in the same world, and were only "friends" out of habit. And I was sick of feeling the way I felt after every single interaction with her. I knew I would be better off without this person in my life, so we sort of mutually agreed to cut all ties. There was no heated argument or anything like that, and, as far as I can tell, no hurt feelings, but if we'd tried to draw this friendship out any longer, I suspect that's how it would have ended. Instead we've agreed that, should our paths cross again, we can at the very least be civil to one another. And that's it. It's sort of weird, but I feel a lot better about things.

We don't have mutual friends, so it's not a big deal that way. We do have a lot of the same interests, though, so there's a pretty good chance we will run into each other eventually. Better to end it civilly than with some huge catfight in the street, I think.

[steph78]

Do you mean breaking up with an SO with whom you have a lot of friends in common, or cutting ties with a friend?

I have posted on here about this before I think but I had a pretty awkward situation with an ex boyfriend. I dated a guy (K) for about two years in college and we totally had a bunch of friends in common. His apartment-mates were all in classes with me whereas he was in a different college all together - so I was really good friends with all of them and did not stop hanging out with them when he broke up with me. There was some awkwardness at first but we managed to recover and just be friends. Fast forward about a year or so and I started dating T, one of the other guys K lived with (knew it would be a bad situation, we each tried to bury our feelings for a long time but we just felt too strongly). K did NOT take this well, was really immature about the whole thing, said lots of hurtful things to me in private. We graduated and moved to opposite coasts of the country for grad school. T and I have now been together 8 years, married for 4 and we just had a baby.

T is still friends with K (I apparently had no effect on their friendship) and they keep in touch with that whole group of guys but I have limited to no contact with K at all anymore. Have seen him exactly twice in seven years - once at my own wedding where he was kind of a jerk, and once at mutual friends' wedding this past december where T and K were both groomsmen. I am totally happy with my marriage and my life but I hate hate HATE it when I have to see K, even after all these years. He just irks me. Since we live so far away it is rare that I have to see him, though, and I can suck it up for one weekend every few years so T can see his old friends.

[fuzmiq]

I think it depends.

I broke up with an entire group of friends--we just stopped speaking.

If your friend still wants the relationship, then it is harder. You just have to tell them how you feel. There is always the ignore route. But as you will see, many people here will tell you that that is not the kosher route.

Sometimes you just gotta move on.

[blue27]

been through this many times.. to the point I don't know if i even want friends, or a least alot of them I rather have 2-3 friends tops and keep others people as just associates and talk to from time to time..causes less stress and confusion for me..
Sometimes they breakup with me and sometimes i break up with them..
I broke up with a group of friends because it was just so much drama and confusion..
and another group we just got sick of each other and moved on...

[Chameleon]

I broke up with a friend a few year back. Simply stopped asking her to things and accepting invitations from her, eventually she stopped asking. I also stopped hanging out with our circle of friends (which were basically my co-workers). She's still dating a co-worker of mine, so it's sometimes awkward to see him since anyone that really knows her thinks he's a complete moron for still being with her.

I've rekindled friendships with some people from the old group but they know I will not be at any event where she or her boyfriend will be at if I can help it. I've only seen her once in the last 3 years, exchanged civil hellos as she and her boyfriend were leaving a party as I was arriving. I've never been so happy to be late for an event.

I'm currently in the process of trying to figure out how much of a relationship I want to have with another friend. I don't know if I can trust her with my secrets any more and the way she talks about some our mutual friends (yet is saccharine sweet when she hangs with them) makes me wonder what she says about me behind my back. There are only a couple of our mutual friends that I'll probably still be in contact with; funny how I'm already contemplating which friends I get to keep and which ones she can have all to herself if we do split.

[chicagogirl]

I never did an official break up, but there's a friend of mine who I used to be closer with, but we also live in different cities now. She's always making bad choices and goes through periods of depression wherein she gets a bit abusive (verbally - my favorite? The time she got mad at me because my social calendar was too busy and I wasn't available to call her at least 3 times a week). She's never apologized for those kinds of things, and she still has the same problems that she refuses to address. For me, it's a matter of health and sanity that I don't let myself get dragged into her problems. It's tough, but people change and grow. In any dyad (be it friendship ro romantic), it the rleationship can suffer when one person grows emotionally or declines emotionally.