Was this realy *that* vile?

[shimma]

So my intern and I play pranks on each other all the time at the office. A few weeks back, he got me really good (TP'd my cube and changed my screensaver to say "I have crack in my drawer!") so I swiped some of his pics off facebook, and put up profiles on a few gay dating sites. I took the profiles down eventually (I thought) but he's still getting emails occasionally.

He is seriously pissed off at me. I never would've done it had i not known he is comfortable w/his sexuality, and nowhere near a serious relationship. Is he overreacting, or am I just a megabitch for pulling that stunt?

[WorkInProgress]

Based on the kinds of things that I know you do in your office, I don't think it was out of bounds.

[embrassezla]

This seems out of bounds under any circumstances to me.

[Kragthorpe]

ONE MILLION PERCENT an example of why Myspace/Facebook/Etc. are the most horrible thing in America. This is exactly why no matter how much you monitor what you put on your site, etc., it doesn't matter because you have instantly lost control over your image and/or information about you.

Just on my soapbox.

I don't know that you're a "megabitch," but I'd call it out of bounds if it were done to me. You could also be subject to liability for defamation. I'd be careful with something like that.

[sparky88]

If it were me I would be upset with you. That plays with someone's reputation. While it's one thing to be comfortable with your sexuality, it's another to expect that other people (friends, family, employers) will be. That is one of the reasons why it's so hard for people to 'come out' in the first place. I think you should apologize big time.

[embrassezla]

You could also be subject to liability for defamation. I'd be careful with something like that.
Is it really defamation to out someone (true or not)?

Shim, it's not that you insulted him by putting him on a gay website, it's that you (falsely) made his sexuality public, which is his choice, not yours. I don't agree that you "ruined his reputation", although maybe he sees it that way, and I suppose that was the intent of the prank, anyway.

[Kragthorpe]

It's not defamation to out someone if they're indeed gay.

It's defamation to publish information to a third party that is not true and/or damaging to their reputation.

[blueyes]

Seems like you overstepped the boundaries with this one. It's one thing to pull a prank and have it be over and done with when you've cleaned up your cube - it's another thing entirely to place a coworker in an uncomfortable situation beyond their control (I'm guessing you didn't give him the passwords since you said you took the pictures down) and leave them to deal with the (electronic) aftermath. IMO, it seems pretty awful that you used his email on the sites instead of a dummy, and now he's still getting the emails from those dating sites.

[embrassezla]

It's defamation to publish information to a third party that is not true and/or damaging to their reputation.
It's really an and/OR case? So if I publish something that's false but not damaging that is also defamation? Could you sue me if I put your picture on a website that lists doners to a charity to which you never donated?

[old_school_soul]

Funny? Yes. Wrong? Yes. You crossed the line because you took the prank out of the office. I can understand why he's pissed.

[Chameleon]

I hope you didn't use his work email for those profiles, he could probably get fired if he caught opening/reading a sexually explicit email at work.

I think I would feel violated if someone set up a fake profile that was less than flattering with my image, on a gay or straight site. For me that would go beyond "wow, you got me good" to "wow, I'm not sure I can trust you ever again".

[Kragthorpe]

Embrass....your question raises a realm of possibilities. If the information is false, then the person suing has to prove their damages. In a case like this, what is "emotional distress" from something like this worth? To one jury, it might be worth hudreds of thousands of dollars. To a different jury, it might be worth ten bucks. I put AND/OR because while the person would no doubt be crying that he was damaged irreparably, the other side would say he's fine. At minimum the info has to be false. Even if false and "not damaging," one side will still argue it IS damaging, and might even win...you never know what a jury will do.

As for your donation question....depends on who I am and who you are. If Michael Moore donated money to the Sierra club in Mitt Romney's name....that's defamation because it would damage his reputation among people upon whom his reputation relies. If you donated money on my behalf, then our circumstances are different....probably not defamation.

[LakeJay]

Funny? Yes. Wrong? Yes. You crossed the line because you took the prank out of the office. I can understand why he's pissed.

I agree with this. Once you took it outside of the workplace, you took it to another level. Putting him on the website and his receiving random emails without his consent was probably the icing on the cake.

I don't think he overreacted and I don't think you are a megabitch. I just think you went a little overboard with this one prank. Hope things can be reconciled.

[embrassezla]

Embrass....your question raises a realm of possibilities. If the information is false, then the person suing has to prove their damages. In a case like this, what is "emotional distress" from something like this worth? To one jury, it might be worth hudreds of thousands of dollars. To a different jury, it might be worth ten bucks. I put AND/OR because while the person would no doubt be crying that he was damaged irreparably, the other side would say he's fine. At minimum the info has to be false. Even if false and "not damaging," one side will still argue it IS damaging, and might even win...you never know what a jury will do.

As for your donation question....depends on who I am and who you are. If Michael Moore donated money to the Sierra club in Mitt Romney's name....that's defamation because it would damage his reputation among people upon whom his reputation relies. If you donated money on my behalf, then our circumstances are different....probably not defamation.
I gotcha. Thanks for clarifying. Just seemed odd to me at first that calling someone gay was "defamation", but such an event could cause emotional damage to that person, I can see that.

[coll214]

Having heard your previous stories, I don't think it's THAT bad. I'd just keep apologizing profusely and make sure all the old stuff is taken down. And just remember, payback's a bitch!!

[NewMrs.]

I believe that this could be considered sexual harrassment.


It seems to me that if your HR department found out about the jokes that you and your intern play on each other, you could both be in trouble.

[shimma]

OK, just to clarify here:

1. He's not gay. Inexplicably not gay. We all tease him about being a ladies' man. Should have said "comfortable with his masculinity" I guess.

2. The profile was insane, ie, it read something like "I just broke up with my last flavor of the week when he tried that stunt from Office Space and it landed him in Federal pound-me-in-the ass prison. Meantime, I'm looking for someone to get it on with aside from my grandmother's goat. I enjoy Monster Truck rallies and the Martha Stewart show, etc." (ie, clearly not a profile you would post if you actually wanted a date."

3. Of course I didn't use his work emai, geez! And yeah, I gave him the password. ETA: We actually do hang out outside the office quite a bit.

[Kragthorpe]

It's probably all fine in the end. That's not a pun, either.

However, if I were to date someone, and I ultimately even had to explain that it was a ridiculous prank, I'd be deeply annoyed by it.

[redav]

Where I work that would be considered sexual harassment, and most likely you would be fired for it.

[pisces2473]

Shim, the fact that you did it AT WORK means it could be taken as SH.

That was beyond your usual pranks...that was pretty out of bounds, to me.

Messing up someone's cube = harmless.

This? Not so much.

[WorkInProgress]

Shim, the fact that you did it AT WORK means it could be taken as SH.

According to my company's SH training, it doesn't matter if she did it at work or not. The coworker relationship is enough, even if everything else is totally divorced from work. So basically, hope nobody else finds out about it, and reports it as such.

But, yeah.

[embrassezla]

it doesn't matter if she did it at work or not. The coworker relationship is enough, even if everything else is totally divorced from work.
That's how I was looking at it as well.

[shimma]

Shim, the fact that you did it AT WORK

Oh, I did it on my personal machine, at home outside of business hours.

[southernlove]

First I think its funny and if it were done to me I'd be pissed too but I'd realize that paybacks a bitch and he started it. She just won the battle is all. As for the SH anything can be taken as sexual harrassment- even simple looks. (I worked in an HR office for probably 5 years). Since the two of them hung out outside of work and none of this was done at work, on company time and on company property,and since his work email has nothing to do with it, the company has no business in it unless something else happens IN THE OFFICE. At least that is how it would have been had it happened at the place I worked HR at. Heck we had two of the biggest bosses in the office pull stunts like that at work on company time and property all the time and yeah every now and then someone would get pissed but they'd get over it and eventually laugh. (we had two bosses including our plant manager put a tag on another managers truck that said "I'M GAY!!!" and the guy didn't catch for like a week. About a week later he laughed his ass off!) I think what you did was funny and he'll think so too in time. Just try to keep the pranks away from the subject for a while.. if not forever lol!

[LeslieAnne1979]

Hey there~

yeah, it's funny no doubt, but toilet papering' some one's cube is not the same as screwin' with their myspace pictures. Maybe you should have done something else? It could be construed as sexual harassment if he decided to take that route but it sounds like he's got a good sense of humor (prior to gay dating website). If his rebuttal is something more harsh then what you've done, look me up...I've got great ideas for pranks....

I wish I could play pranks on my coworkers. I work with 95% family (all women) so of course, if I did, I'm sure someone would get pissed and call my sister or my mother and then I would get a thorough ass chew. *Ahh* the life...

Be lucky you don't work with family......

[cazort]

I think that's going too far. The reason is that other people (the strangers contacting him) are too directly involved in the prank, and that you've given out his e-mail, which is usually considered private information.

[Lucky13]

I have to start by asking how well do you really know the person you play the pranks with. Is this a long standing friendship (like years or over six months)??? I have this thing where I really have to sensor things I say to people be'c you never really know who will be offended by what. My suggestion for you is if you're really sorry about what happened let the person know...face to face. With that prank if he/she never said anything to you about his/her sexuality then you wouldn't have known.Just let the person know you didn't mean any harm and just be careful in the future.Someone previously said that there could be a defamation issue ...adhere to that...it's possible.I wouldn't say megabitch...that's pretty harsh for a first time offense.Just be careful and just for a second put yourself in that persons shoes.Best wishes and hopefully things will get better soon.