Grad school poverty?

[ebruening]

Here's the story: During the summer, I'm a full time student in a master's degree program for education. I go to school from 8:00 a.m. - 5:30 p.m. (not including homework time) Monday through Friday for 7 weeks during the summer. The past 14 days, I've ridden my bike, and I've taken my lunch all but two days. Lots of other students in the program have asked why I ride my bike, instead of drive. I explain to them that it's a way to save money, and get my exercise in for the day. I've been invited out to lunch several times by other students, but I've excused myself from all the recent invitations, since I have brought my lunch from home the majority of the days. I explain that I've brought my lunch whenever I have to decline a lunch invitation. Really, though, bringing my lunch on a daily basis has a lot to do with money concerns for me. I can't afford to go out to eat on a daily basis - heck, not even once a week. Eating out twice in the last 14 days is a real luxury for me, but I decided that my checking account couldn't allow me to get into the habit of eating out.

Here's the issue: today, another student invited me out to lunch, and said, "come on, you never go out to eat with us. It'll be my treat." I declined the offer, but I felt extremely embarassed doing so. Maybe I'm overreacting, but since I ride my bike and bring my lunch, while the other students in my classes drive and go out to lunch literally every day, I am getting the feeling that people think I'm desperately poor, and I'm going to extremes to save money. That's not really the case. Yes, my budget is pretty tight, and yes, I'm trying to save money...but I do eat a full lunch. After what I'm sure was a well-meant comment, I couldn't allow someone else to pay for my lunch - I didn't like the idea that it might, possibly, be a charity offer.

Given the situation, do you think I overreacted to the lunch invitation today? Do you think that riding my bike and bringing my lunch makes it look like I'm poverty-stricken or something? I don't want people to have the impression that I can't even afford to eat. I don't like refusing social invitations, but I genuinely don't have the money to go out to eat on a daily basis. Thanks for your input.

[TinyDancer]

I would never think about someone that rides their bike and brings their lunch as poverty stricken. . . I think I'd be jealous because you have the option to ride your bike to school, and I think bringing your lunch is smart. (I don't do it, which is STUPID and expensive, no doubt.) I wouldn't come to that conculsion about you.

I understand that it might have been weird when someone asked to treat. I've never done well with recieving charity like that. Here's the thing. . . people obviously like your company and really wanted you to come along. That's sweet.

In the end, we'd all like to splurge on things, but you have to do what's right for you. If it makes sense for you to ride your bike and bring your lunch, you gotta do it. . .

Hang in there!

[winneythepooh7]

I agree with TD! Also, everyone in a grad school setting are in total different financial situations. I dated a guy during grad school who was living on tons of loans, spending over $2000 a month just on rent & utilities so he could live in the West Village of Manhattan and have the "full Manhattan experience". He would loan-it for things like trips out of town and expensive dinners out. Sometimes appearances of having $$$$ are just that..............appearances. All that $$$$ is going to have to be paid back somehow. I think sometimes students tend to forget that and look at loans as "free money". I also went to grad school with people whose parents were supporting them, or spouse were supporting them. Many people (self included!) also worked during graduate school. I'd just keep doing what you are doing and not let your peers get you down!!! I wish I could be as disciplined as you are.

[steph78]

When I was in grad school I worked in a lab with about seven other grad students. A lot of us were straight out of college and not disciplined enough to make our own lunches each morning so we just went to the food court at the student center and got sandwiches every day (boy did I ever get sick of chicken caesar wraps - still can't eat them and really enjoy them). There was one student in our lab really cool guy, we loved hanging out with him, but he would always decline going with us. At first we thought he just didn't want to hang out with us but then we eventually learned that he had a wife and two kids at home and the four of them were living on the same graduate assistantship I had, so he literally could not afford to spend $5 on lunch every day - he had a lot more mouths to feed and doctor bills to pay. So he brought leftovers from dinner the night before every single day. We all missed his company at lunch, so eventually we started bringing our lunch and eating with him. Then we realized how much money we were saving by doing that and were so thrilled that we kept it up - we had only been going out for lunch at the beginning because it was the least effort.

So maybe you could suggest alternatives to going out for lunch - picnic lunch outside on a nice day, etc. - maybe some of the other students would be up for that and then you can enjoy eating lunch together without you having to spend money you don't want to. I'm sure no one is judging you - it's grad school, no one is exactly rolling in dough.

[ebruening]

Thanks for the input, winney, steph, and TD. For me, the money issue is due to the fact that I'm paying for my tuition out of pocket. I didn't take out student loans, but I did opt for a monthly tuition payment plan (it's through a company called FACTS, if anybody is familiar with it.) Anyway, paying for my tuition out of pocket is a large part of why I can't afford to go out to eat, or have as much "fun money" as I'd like to have.

It was a nice day today, so I took my lunch outside. I'll definitely take your suggestions, though, and ask my classmates if they'd like to have lunch outside with me some day. Hopefully, they'll take me up on my offer!

[capella]

Erika, I'm sure some of those people are living it up on loans. It's easy to not look at that as debt. You're doing the smart thing by bringing your lunch (and paying for grad school on a payment plan... can you PM me some details on that company?). I'm sure it's also harder when you're actually there in person. All of my grad classes are online through UCF so I technically "go" there, but I don't really go there. I went to the campus today after work to buy a book for my class that starts next Wednesday and it was SO WEIRD! I was like, hmmm, I'm technically a student here. LOL! (A side note.... gosh going to the campus made me feel OLD!! I saw all these "college kids" and it was very strange because I am so not that person anymore! Next year's freshman kids will be an entire decade younger than me. :eek: )

I've had to deal with the eating out pressure before though and it stinks. I'm lucky that at my new job they don't pressure about eating out at lunch (in fact most of them eat lunch at work too). My other non-teaching job at the newspaper was very high pressure to eat out everyday and socialize. Boy, I really couldn't afford that. You're doing the smart thing. :)

[awhitmer83]

I took my lunch quite a bit when I was in grad school. Everyone usually ate on campus for lunch, so I just took mine over to the student center and ate with them. It was much better than eating alone, but didn't cost anything extra. Maybe you could try that?

[straat]

along with the picnic idea, and bringing your lunch to one of their outings, why not budget (or splurge) for lunch on a specified date, like to celebrate the end of your course? lord knows you've earned it.

[bridgetjones]

What kind of restaurants do they go to? If it is a food court, you can bring your lunch. If it is takeout, you can all eat outside or in a common area.

I have brought my lunch to work and eaten in the food court with other ppl eating takeout. I do it to save money bc eating out all the time is a waste of money and it is fattening. Sometimes once a week or so I go out to eat. However I work fulltime and this is merely to have money to save not survive.

[shimma]

First of all... I work FT, vanpool to work (cause it's a 70 mile commute, otherwise I'd ride my bike) and pack my lunch every day. Saves me like $200 a month.

I have done, and would reccommend, what Steph's coworker did - just be upfront with people. For me, the reason is I was saving $$ to buy a place (then did, and find that I'd rather have that new water heater or whatever than buy my lunch.) I always always live below my means - function of growing up in the type of community where unemployment, foreclosures, etc were rampant. If these people really want to hang out with you, they'll go someplace where you can bring your food.

And can you pls PM me more about that company too?

[MsClear]

My hubby is headed back to school full time in pursuit of an MBA, so we'll be living on my salary. I wouldn't call it poverty, but we'll have to be thrifty. We expect him to pick up a PT job as well.

[steph78]

along with the picnic idea, and bringing your lunch to one of their outings, why not budget (or splurge) for lunch on a specified date, like to celebrate the end of your course? lord knows you've earned it.
My husband's lab full of grad students brown-bagged it four days a week and then on Fridays they bought lunch. Nothing extravagant, just a sandwich shop that was down the block from their building. That was a good compromise. That schedule worked so well for him that he has kept it now that he is working full time and the budget is not quite as tight - I think he has gotten a few coworkers to go along with him on this, too.

[badabing]

I know what you mean! Its so tough to be in your situation, but I think if you'll be honest about your situation, people will get it. You'll be surprised how understanding people can be, seriously.

So, offtopic a bit. I wanted to introduce myself and I wasn't sure where, so I hope its ok I do it here ;) I am from N. VA, and currently work full time for Bud.tv, its been so great working for those guys. I am also getting my grad degree, but luckily school is out so I can chill for now. I really look forward to chatting w everyone.

[crystal_dance]

Oh boy, tell me about grad poverty.

I spent 2 years in a high COL area ( nyc) and had to really really skimp on things to survive. It was tough, very stressful and took a toll on me though in the end I'm glad I did it.

Be prepared to have some debts when you graduate though. That's inevitable.

I don't think you did anything wrong turning them down because hey, you're just trying to save some money. You don't need to explain yourself.

[NayUCLA]

i havent even started grad school yet but when my working friends ask to do lunch i say "hey, i brought my lunch. but i'll eat with you if you want to eat outside". so we meet up at a nearby park or something and they get their lunch to go. or you can always opt for a coffee date to make up for the lack of lunch dates? then you can go cheap and buy tea (usually about $1.50) and catch up. then you've done your part as well.

[winneythepooh7]

Maybe you can motivate your co-workers to bring in their lunch too! I have noticed a lot of my co-workers have started to do this and we sit down and eat together, or have "lunch meetings". We've also gotten into really interesting discussions about food and have given each other tips on yummy and healthy things to bring in for lunch.

[yankeeyosh]

I went to a college in a low cost area (Talla., Fla.), and my stipend ($17-18K a year; my roommate, in the same lab as me, was making about $40K) was fairly high for grad students. A number of the students ate out on occasion for lunch, including myself. You would think that we were the exceptions, but I think a lot of people these days have a pretty high entertainment budget in grad school...people are going on vacations, buying electronics, etc. They're probably doing it all with credit cards and loans, but that's what's going on. That said, Erika, I think you're smarter than the rest of them. While it may not be that much in the grand scheme of things, these lunches are going to come back in the form of loan payments when these students leave grad school...

Somehow, I think the notion of the poor grad/college student is becoming a thing of the past these days...

[ebruening]

Thanks, Mark and Winney, for the advice on grad school outings. There are a few differences between my situation and that of many other grad students' situations - namely, I'm single, and don't have the benefit of a spouse or S.O. providing a second income. However, I also don't have any children, so childrearing costs don't factor in, either.

The past few weeks, I've actually found that by taking my lunch, I'll usually get into a food-related conversation whenever I'm back in class following lunch. Usually, I'll get into a discussion with a fellow student about what I ate, the ingredients, other recipes, etc. I agree that it's nice to talk to someone about recipes, since I'm always on the lookout for something new.

On a sidenote, this is my last class of the summer :D Only 9 more credit hours to go, until I'm done!

[ebruening]

The end is in sight! As of May 20, 2008, I should have my master's in education and a certification to teach English as a Second Language :) This also means that I'll only have one more year of feeling like I'm really scraping by (I'll have all my tuition paid off by July 2008).

I know this seems a bit preemptive - given it's almost a year in the future - but did those of you who finished grad school do anything special to celebrate?

[TinyDancer]

I know this seems a bit preemptive - given it's almost a year in the future - but did those of you who finished grad school do anything special to celebrate?
Congrats on your milestone!!!

I went to Europe for a few weeks. I was poor, but I borrowed money from my parents until I started working and could pay them back. I knew that once I started working and had money. . . I wouldn't have the *time* to go.