Am I the only one.....

[SWMOchick]

.....whose mom has to call every other day, if not every day? She calls to tell me she's not doing anything, and that she doesn't really have anything to say. At this point I'm thinking to myself, "Then why call?" She goes on to tell me about my brother and his family's doings, that she's been doing laundry, she needs to take a shower, what the weather is like outside, and then "lets me go". She then goes on to ask about work, friends, and then "lets me go." She then starts going on and on about some member of her boyfriend's family who I don't even know. Once she says she's letting me go again, I ask her if she's sure.

Also, there's a reason (besides that she calls me anyway) that I don't call her very often. She still calls me babe like I'm 13. Same tone of voice. If I tell her I'm going out of town, she has to know where I'm going, who I'll be with, what I'll be doing, and when I'll be home. Again, like I'm 13.

And, whenever she stops by to visit, I ask her why she's running dishwater. I hate it when she comes over and starts cleaning. Drives me up the wall. Like I'm not going to do it later or something. She watches my brother's kids, cleans their house, and runs their errands. I'm perfectly capable of doing my own thing. I tell her I'm going to Tallahassee, and the first thing she asks if if I need her to come over and help me with laundry and packing.

I'M 30 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!

These same conversations with my dad are short and sweet. I tell him I'm going out of town. He asks when I can be expected back. I tell him, and he says have fun. I told him the other day that I wish mom could be like him, and not care where I went. He said it's not that he doesn't care. He figures I'm a big girl who knows how to take care of myself or when to call for help. He's says that, as a fellow adult, that what I do is none of his business unless I want to tell him.

My mom refuses to let me grow up. She talks to me like I'm a kid, and treats me like one, too. I'm her baby, but still. Ugh! Anyone else have a parent that won't let you grow up?

[wordsmith]

My family and I are close, and we're big chatters. Even when I was 500 miles away at college, I talked to each parent 2-3 times a week, minimum, and fairly indepth convos, at that. When I lived a couple of hours from them at my first job, ditto. I don't know if there's ever been a time in my life when I've gone more than 3-4 days in a row without talking to a parent, apart from when I was studying in another country, and it was far too expensive. Now, I live near them, and talk to them daily, if I don't see them daily.
As it is, we always have lots to talk about, it's never like there's nothing to talk about.

My mom's a worrier, but she doesn't baby me, I still do what I want. Would I check in with her if I were leaving town on a trip? Of course. Would it be a matter of seeking permission? Nope, just a courtesy. Do I let her help me with stuff, invite me out for dinner when I'm run ragged with work and would otherwise be eating crap? Absolutely. It's a win-win...she feels like she's doing something nice, and I'm benefitting from something nice. But, we get along really well. There's no hovering dynamic for me to resent, she's always respected my independence and my choices. My dad, I get along with, too, but he's not as into parenting as my mom always was and is.

[winneythepooh7]

I speak to my mom at least every other day. I think "mom parenting" styles vary from mom to mom. I don't want to minimize your feelings with your mom, but from the way you describe her, it sounds like she really cares about you which is probably why she treats you the way she does. Try to see the bright side of the situation because there are plenty of women out there who wish they had your type of relationship with your mother. Just some words of wisdom ;). Maybe try telling her in a gentle but firm tone, to back off a bit.

[WorkInProgress]

I agree with the others, actually, and have a similar relationship with my mother to the ones they've described. So, what you've described doesn't seem like an issue to me, although I get how it can feel like hovering/smothering/nosiness.

If you need space, is it possible to just not pick up her call every day? (Maybe just every other day?) Or have something you HAVE TO GO for after a certain amount of time? Or maybe you call her and go when you need/want to?

Regarding the house cleaning thing: maybe just ask her to stop. If she's like my mother, or my grandmother, she doesn't see the situation as you do. I'd expect that she feels like she's helping out and doing something nice for you, rather that insulting your housekeeping.

Unless of course, there's a snotty or guilting dynamic to your relationship with her that didn't come across in your post.

[tiredreporter]

SWMO

My mom is the same way. She wants to talk to me multiple times a week for hours on end...but I have limited our contact to weekends only...I won't even answer the phone if she calls during the week. I'll listen to her voicemail and if it's important I'll call back, but usually it's "I was just calling" Even talking to her one day a week is painful because every conversation is almost exactly the same. I don't like to tell her what is going on in my life (which is usually nothing) because she is so judgemental and nothing I do is right.

When we do talk we go through the whole "well, I guess I'll let you go" about 4 times. Of course she is always the one to say that because if I want to hang up it means I don't love her.

Moms who give guilt trips are so not cool.

[grneyedmustang]

LOL! I'm 30 and my mom does this too. And if I don't answer my phone, she wil call...and call...and call... She says she worries about me. I guess it's good that someone IS worried about me.

[PeakDream]

My mom is the same, she needs to hear my voice at least a few times a week. I used to get annoyed by it, but when I have a tough day, nothing beats the voice of my mother.

[and1grad]

.....whose mom has to call every other day, if not every day? She calls to tell me she's not doing anything, and that she doesn't really have anything to say. At this point I'm thinking to myself, "Then why call?" She goes on to tell me about my brother and his family's doings, that she's been doing laundry, she needs to take a shower, what the weather is like outside, and then "lets me go". She then goes on to ask about work, friends, and then "lets me go." She then starts going on and on about some member of her boyfriend's family who I don't even know. Once she says she's letting me go again, I ask her if she's sure.

Also, there's a reason (besides that she calls me anyway) that I don't call her very often. She still calls me babe like I'm 13. Same tone of voice. If I tell her I'm going out of town, she has to know where I'm going, who I'll be with, what I'll be doing, and when I'll be home. Again, like I'm 13.

And, whenever she stops by to visit, I ask her why she's running dishwater. I hate it when she comes over and starts cleaning. Drives me up the wall. Like I'm not going to do it later or something. She watches my brother's kids, cleans their house, and runs their errands. I'm perfectly capable of doing my own thing. I tell her I'm going to Tallahassee, and the first thing she asks if if I need her to come over and help me with laundry and packing.

I'M 30 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!

These same conversations with my dad are short and sweet. I tell him I'm going out of town. He asks when I can be expected back. I tell him, and he says have fun. I told him the other day that I wish mom could be like him, and not care where I went. He said it's not that he doesn't care. He figures I'm a big girl who knows how to take care of myself or when to call for help. He's says that, as a fellow adult, that what I do is none of his business unless I want to tell him.

My mom refuses to let me grow up. She talks to me like I'm a kid, and treats me like one, too. I'm her baby, but still. Ugh! Anyone else have a parent that won't let you grow up?
My mom's the same way. I consider it part of OCS (Only Child Syndrome), in my case. We've had arguments about it but when it comes down to it, mom cant help being mom and I think it'll stop bothering you when you stop letting it. Ya know?

That said, I dont talk to my mom more than 3 times a week and even that much is a rarity. You can set your own boundaries as you see fit.

[wordsmith]

I personally am VERY glad I have the tight relationship with my mom that I do, and feel pretty blessed. But, again, we are very similar, and it's a friend-relationship as well as a maternal one.

[WorkInProgress]

I personally am VERY glad I have the tight relationship with my mom that I do, and feel pretty blessed. But, again, we are very similar, and it's a friend-relationship as well as a maternal one.

Exactly.

[PenforPrez]

LOL! I'm 30 and my mom does this too. And if I don't answer my phone, she wil call...and call...and call... She says she worries about me. I guess it's good that someone IS worried about me.

That's my mother. I'm annoyed with it. She always wants to know where I'm going and who I talk to on my cell phone and every little detail. For God's sake, I'm not under house arrest! I'm free to do as I please.

Paul

[blue27]

Goodness my mom is the same... calls every day sometimes even multiple times, sometimes I like hearing from her eventhough at times she can be a nuisance to say the least.. but she just loves ya so much she has to hear your voice..but a few years ago I was sooo annoyed with her...

[SWMOchick]

I agree with the others, actually, and have a similar relationship with my mother to the ones they've described. So, what you've described doesn't seem like an issue to me, although I get how it can feel like hovering/smothering/nosiness.

If you need space, is it possible to just not pick up her call every day? (Maybe just every other day?) Or have something you HAVE TO GO for after a certain amount of time? Or maybe you call her and go when you need/want to?

Regarding the house cleaning thing: maybe just ask her to stop. If she's like my mother, or my grandmother, she doesn't see the situation as you do. I'd expect that she feels like she's helping out and doing something nice for you, rather that insulting your housekeeping.

Unless of course, there's a snotty or guilting dynamic to your relationship with her that didn't come across in your post.
I do ask her to stop, but then she just insists. If I argue any further, she gets upset. I have had days when I don't pick up the phone. Well, not until the third time she calls anyway. Then, she asks me why I haven't been answering my phone. If I tell her I just didn't feel like tallking (and there are times I don't feel like talking to anyone), she takes it personally.

I didn't get a chance to call her back yesterday to let her know I ended up not going to Tallahassee. I was just going to do that when I got up this morning. She asked me yesterday if I needed help doing laundry and getting ready to go. I told her no, that I thought I could handle packing. She calls me this morning, wakes me up, and tells me she's on her way over to help me. I told her I wasn't getting to go after all. She asks if I still want her to come over. I told her she could watch me sleep.

[SWMOchick]

I personally am VERY glad I have the tight relationship with my mom that I do, and feel pretty blessed. But, again, we are very similar, and it's a friend-relationship as well as a maternal one.
As an adult, I've become a lot closer to my dad. My mom and I are very different.

I'd love to pick up the phone and call her when I've had a bad day, but I know she'll make it an even bigger deal. I know I don't have to call her, because she'll either be calling me today or tomorrow...usually today.

[ebruening]

My mother would baby me to death, if she could. For that matter, both of my parents would. Unfortunately, over the last year, I've had to take a really strong approach to setting boundaries for how involved I'll allow them to be in my adult life. It hasn't been easy. If I were in your position, I'd have a sit-down chat with my mom about her phone calls. Have you tried that scenario? Sometimes, just letting your parent know how you feel about a situation goes a long way toward resolving it.

[SmilesSoSweet]

I wouldn't get calls from my mom everyday or every other day, but we were still very close. If I didn't call her every Sunday like I always did, then she would call me and bug me first.

We're all pretty close in my family. The only one I don't talk to too often is my brother, but I'd talk to his wife a lot though. My sister and I talk every few days and now I talk to my dad a lot on the phone since my mom's had her stroke and isn't really the same mom she's been.

So yeah, I don't mind that my mom used to be that way. I actually kind of miss her nagging calls and nosy questions she always used to ask. :(