Wedding planning tips

[pisces2473]

ASM gave me a good one on her computer problem thread.

Anyone else have any good ideas that they'd like to share?

Oh and btw, I'm 3 months and 1 day to go, so I've done most of the BIG planning. Just looking for little tips that I might have overlooked.

[shimma]

1) Elope.

2) Make sure you don't forget to get the license. As my aunt and uncle almost did.

3) Avoid TheKnot. Bunch of whackos on there, who probably have pathological liar complexes: "I did this and I did that and I wore a Reem Acra and got married at the Ritz with 300 guests and an open bar and I paid for it myself at age 24 and my inlaws are saints and if you're different, you're a loser." Get stuffed, bitch.

4) To avoid the "annoyiing relatives" problem, befriend/invite your pharmicist, with his/her trusty case of elephant tranquilizers to mix into their drinks.

[pisces2473]

Silly, YOU are on theknot!

[sunshine79]

Write personal messages inside your placecards. I got so many compliments on those. Get a videographer if you can get it in your budget. We didn't plan on having one, and then someone got us one as a gift, and I can't tell you how much fun it is to watch the video and some of the things that you miss at the reception! Ask for your RSVP cards way ahead of when you really need them, b/c most people won't get them in on time anyway. Most importantly, enjoy every minute of it! :)

[pisces2473]

Oooh, I like making the date for the RSVP card earlier than you really need it. I did do that. My RSVP date is 9/1 and the wedding is 9/29...but we don't have to have the numbers in until a week before the wedding, ha!

The place card idea is cute, but the maitre'd seats the guests. Just how the venue does it.

[ya never know..]

My friends are getting married in October, and it's a pretty low-budget ordeal, I'd say. I took their engagement photos, I'm making their invitations, addressings, and mailing them also, and making the programs for the wedding itself, and then taking the photos of the wedding. I'm busy with it, and I'm loving every minute! Makes me want to do the photography and such every day as a side business!

Another thing I'd advise, even tho I am NOT married, nor plan to be anytime soon, I'd say if you have friends offer to help, TAKE THEM UP ON IT! You'll be glad in the long run, even if you have to communicate more...

[sparky88]

Advice:

1. Designate someone to take pictures of your DH getting ready...hanging with the guys...dancing, etc. You dont want to end up with an entire album of just the bride.

2. If possible, ask your grandpa/grandma to dance with you!

3. If you are having kids at the wedding reception, consider giving them something fun to do. We placed glow-stick jewelry on the reception tables...all the guests had fun with it and it cost like $1.00 for 25 sticks at Michael's. Something like that is well worth it.

4. Remember to eat your dinner...and a piece of cake too!

5. Designate a group of people to take presents home from the reception and let them know their job ahead of time (not when they show up).

6. Everyone has a different opinion on this...but don't feel like you have to leave for the honeymoon on the wedding night. We left a week in between our wedding and our departure and it worked out great because we had time to move the gifts home, set things up, pack (something we did not want to do before the wedding), and take a deep breath so we could really enjoy & relax on our cruise.

Have fun, good luck!

[WorkInProgress]

Remember that while it is your day, and the focus is (rightly) on you, it is very important to be considerate of your guests.

[asm198]

Here's my wedding advice.

1. Go with the flow. Realize in advance that there WILL be problems. Something won't go according to plan and you'll have to either fix it or deal with it. As long as you, your fiance, two witnesses, a person who can legally marry, and a VALID marriage license are in the same place, everything else is just for fun. Trust me on that.

2. Don't let people try to stress you out. They mean well and want to you to have the day you planned and if things aren't working out, they will be upset for you. That's when you've got to laugh, say it will be ok, and handle things.

3. Eat food and cake. Make sure you take pictures with people you want to have pictures with. Laugh a ton. Just wander around looking at stuff and mingle with people.

[winneythepooh7]

Remember that while it is your day, and the focus is (rightly) on you, it is very important to be considerate of your guests.

Just how considerate is considerate though? I don't think it's my responsibility to let one of my guests bring his toy yorkie to my wedding (especially when my dog won't be there), nor do I think it is my responsibility to hunt down "dog friendly" hotels for these people.

[WorkInProgress]

Just how considerate is considerate though? I don't think it's my responsibility to let one of my guests bring his toy yorkie to my wedding (especially when my dog won't be there), nor do I think it is my responsibility to hunt down "dog friendly" hotels for these people.

I don't think you should do those things either, and I never said that I did.

But I do think the hosts/planners of a wedding should recall that yes, while they are the focus, they are also hosting guests, and those guests should be looked after. It is NOT just about the bride (and the groom). It is also about the guests. Otherwise, why bother even inviting them?

We can talk about what I am referring to more specifically offline, if you'd like.

[asm198]

OH! I have more. Plan out what pictures you want to take. Like, who with who and have mulitiple copies of that floating around. You have one, give one to the photographer, and just have some sitting around. There are a ton of pictures we don't have now that are pretty important ones to have missed.

[winneythepooh7]

I don't think you should do those things either, and I never said that I did.

But I do think the hosts/planners of a wedding should recall that yes, while they are the focus, they are also hosting guests, and those guests should be looked after. It is NOT just about the bride (and the groom). It is also about the guests. Otherwise, why bother even inviting them?

We can talk about what I am referring to more specifically offline, if you'd like.

I'm not trying to argue with you, I just used that as an example. I have kept my guests in mind. I have two hotels directly across the street from each other, one has restaurants and a bar, the other is next to restaurants and a bar. I am also paying for transportation to and from the reception site from the hotel for guests who are staying there so they don't have to worry about drinking and driving.

[WorkInProgress]

I'm not trying to argue with you, I just used that as an example. I have kept my guests in mind. I have two hotels directly across the street from each other, one has restaurants and a bar, the other is next to restaurants and a bar. I am also paying for transportation to and from the reception site from the hotel for guests who are staying there so they don't have to worry about drinking and driving.

All of which is great. And not what I'm talking about. What I said was not a jab at you, or an indictment of all brides. Just a gentle reminder to keep guests in mind when planning this event.

[winneythepooh7]

Maybe you should PM me because I am kind of missing what you are trying to say. I guess I would like a little more clarification in general of what brides may have done in the past to piss off their guests. I'm not trying to be snarky............I just don't want to come off as being like that to anyone. ANYONE can feel free to respond to this, as it's not directed to single out anyone in particular.

[winneythepooh7]

OH! I have more. Plan out what pictures you want to take. Like, who with who and have mulitiple copies of that floating around. You have one, give one to the photographer, and just have some sitting around. There are a ton of pictures we don't have now that are pretty important ones to have missed.

We are definitely doing this. At my FSIL's wedding, the photographer didn't get any with her and her grandparents. My photographer gave us a list to fill out. Another recommendation I have a la my photographer is not to go do things like facials or try new make-up several weeks before the wedding. She says she's had multiple brides she's had to charge thousands more to airbrush their pics for doing stuff like this when they had horrible skin reactions.

This is even important for me, because I hear through the grapevine that my Bachelorette party may involve a spa.

Oh, another thing we are doing for our guests who are staying at the hotel, is making them little "goodie bags". Just filled with snacks, mints, water and stuff like that for people getting in late, or if they get hungry before the festivities begin.

[TinyDancer]

Oh, another thing we are doing for our guests who are staying at the hotel, is making them little "goodie bags". Just filled with snacks, mints, water and stuff like that for people getting in late, or if they get hungry before the festivities begin.
Ooh yes. . . I love getting the goody bags at the hotel! Water and snacks are nice before you head out to the wedding. . . or to eat and drink later that night when trying to prevent a hangover. :)

[MollyM]

Be close to your husband during the reception. I went to a wedding this year where the bride and groom were never together during the reception and people talked about it.
Thank your guests for coming. Talk equally to your husband's friends and guests.

[wordsmith]

A relative of mine LEFT her own wedding reception for nearly an hour with her best friend/Man of Honor, while he had a breakdown about how he was mourning the change in their relationship. Klassy.

[cheshrcarol]

A relative of mine LEFT her own wedding reception for nearly an hour with her best friend/Man of Honor, while he had a breakdown about how he was mourning the change in their relationship. Klassy.
LOL. Note to self: Don't do this.

[pisces2473]

6. Everyone has a different opinion on this...but don't feel like you have to leave for the honeymoon on the wedding night. We left a week in between our wedding and our departure and it worked out great because we had time to move the gifts home, set things up, pack (something we did not want to do before the wedding), and take a deep breath so we could really enjoy & relax on our cruise.

Have fun, good luck!
We are leaving on our trip two days after we get married, for the same reasons!

[pisces2473]

Maybe you should PM me because I am kind of missing what you are trying to say. I guess I would like a little more clarification in general of what brides may have done in the past to piss off their guests. I'm not trying to be snarky............I just don't want to come off as being like that to anyone. ANYONE can feel free to respond to this, as it's not directed to single out anyone in particular.
I would like to know what WIP means also. I'm not following this stuff, either.

[beeblebrox]

Ooh yes. . . I love getting the goody bags at the hotel! Water and snacks are nice before you head out to the wedding. . . or to eat and drink later that night when trying to prevent a hangover. :)

For my brother's wedding, my mom, my aunt, and myself assembled the gift bags for the out of town guests. It was the first time in a long time that my mom and I went into a Sam's Club because my dad doesn't like their employment practices.

If I remember correctly, we put a map, two bottles of water, chips or pretzels, gum, a Snickers or M&M's. My mom crafted the bags herself too with dye cuts and stuff. They turned out really nice and even one of the hotel people commented that ours looked better than another wedding at the hotel that did the same thing.

[pisces2473]

For my brother's wedding, my mom, my aunt, and myself assembled the gift bags for the out of town guests. It was the first time in a long time that my mom and I went into a Sam's Club because my dad doesn't like their employment practices.

If I remember correctly, we put a map, two bottles of water, chips or pretzels, gum, a Snickers or M&M's. My mom crafted the bags herself too with dye cuts and stuff. They turned out really nice and even one of the hotel people commented that ours looked better than another wedding at the hotel that did the same thing.
How'd you deal with handing them out? Like...how did the hotel know which guest was for that wedding, and not just some random hotel guest?

[beeblebrox]

How'd you deal with handing them out? Like...how did the hotel know which guest was for that wedding, and not just some random hotel guest?

We gave them to the hotel front desk and said that they were for the out of town guests for "blah blah" wedding which had a block of rooms associated with the wedding. They understood the procedure and stuff. I think it's become common practice, so there wasn't a problem with it. My bf and I also got one too because it was a room at the hotel for the wedding.

[pisces2473]

We gave them to the hotel front desk and said that they were for the out of town guests for "blah blah" wedding which had a block of rooms associated with the wedding. They understood the procedure and stuff. I think it's become common practice, so there wasn't a problem with it. My bf and I also got one too because it was a room at the hotel for the wedding.
Oh no, I get that part.

How'd the hotel know which check in guests were for the wedding? Do they ask?

[beeblebrox]

Oh no, I get that part.

How'd the hotel know which check in guests were for the wedding? Do they ask?

not entirely sure, possibly a list. I know for one of the hotels there were two guests from the wedding staying there, so I think that we just gave them the names. I think since they reserved a block of rooms under the wedding's name, they knew who were guests for the wedding.

[pisces2473]

Oh okay. We reserved a block of rooms too, so I'm sure they'll have some kind of list under that block and be able to hand out the bags accordingly.

Thanks!

[asm198]

That's correct. If you have set aside a group block, you are assigned a code in the computer system. Generally, hotels will pre-assign room numbers to a group block, so that the wedding guests are fairly close together (if they choose to be) and so that any gifts or packages that would be left in the room can be done easily the day the guests check in. If a bride or whoever leaves gift bags, we either put them in the rooms beforehand (adding a note in the reservation so that no one will change the room number) or we will leave them at the desk to give to guests as they check in.

Also, if you have a group block, make sure to read your contract or ask the hotel when the block will 'expire'. Hotels generally don't keep a hotel block reserved until the day of the wedding and will release rooms not resevered back into the system so that other people can reserve them. This deadline varies among hotels and I've seen anywhere from one month out up to two weeks out. That doesn't mean that your guests can't reserve the rooms under your wedding rate, it just means that they should clarify with the desk when they reserve that they are under your group block and rate.

Also, let's say your room block is from Friday to Sunday and you have a wedding guest that is checking in on Thursday. Make sure they clarify with the desk when they reserve their room that they are supposed to be in the wedding block and that they are checking in a day early. You have no idea how many guests have lost their shit when I can't find the group block because they are telling me the 'wrong' dates for the block. I'm seasoned enough to know how to go around the systems and how to reserve it properly, but if you get someone new on the phone, they may not and things get confusing.

[pisces2473]

Thank you ASM! The hotel told my mom (who handled the block) that guests have until the month before the wedding to reserve rooms under the block. I don't think they get any special rate though...

[sundaycomics]

In our hotel-guest goody bag I included a map that had fun places to go on it.

The other thing I highly recommend is, you and your fiance let guests out of their pews instead of having a receiving line. 1) saves your bridesmaids from having to make random small talk with all your relatives and 2) you will have gotten to say hello to everyone who came, so during the reception you don't have to worry about that.

[winneythepooh7]

One thing I can say after attending a wedding this weekend, is to make sure you say hello to all your guests, even if you don't know them. The bride NEVER even acknowledged us the whole time we were there. The groom (who my fiance is friend's with from way back in the day and the reason we went) did come over at least, but it really annoyed me that we shelled out a monetary gift to be at this thing and the bride didn't even say "hey, how are you, thanks for coming, my name is__________". I don't think there is an excuse, especially because I watched her walk up and greet all the guests at all 3 tables around ours. It wasn't just me and my fiance either. It was his parents and his sister and her husband, and other sister. So that's like basically a whole table she ignored.

[hoodie]

I am going to try to help WIP here because I did go to a wedding recently where the bride (and groom) had some ignorance in terms of guests' needs. The wedding was in a college town on homecoming weekend. They didn't arrange anything with local hotels, so guests had to fend for themselves. Homecoming weekend, hotels are booked solid. I, for one, had to drive in that day, change at my brother's scroungy apartment, then go to the ceremony. I had eight friends sharing one hotel room.

The ceremony was outdoors. There was no seating for the guests and the ceremony was over an hour. My shoes sunk into the mushy grass multiple times as did those of others around me. When we got to the reception, the favors/placecards were candy with the person's name on it. My name as well as that of a married couple who is very close to the groom, was misspelled.

A few weeks prior to the wedding, the bride admitted to me that she "didn't care about anything but MY dress and the honeymoon".

Now winney and other wonderful brides, seems to me you are VERY considerate and don't have to worry about being this way, but WIP is right, there are some out there who are self-centered and don't care much about others. That, thankfully, is no one here.

Side note, winney, that yorkie situation sounds out of control! That guy needs to find a kennel!

[winneythepooh7]

Wow, that's F*ed up Hoodie. How do you not arrange a block of rooms for your guests? That's one of the first things I was worried about, and glad we took care of that because the hotel we are using that is the best, has 3 or 4 other weddings going on, as well as Octoberfest at that time. I've also gotten "Save the Date" cards from other brides months in advance with hotel info tucked inside. How did they not have chairs either for an outdoor ceremony? I was reading on The Knot recently some "don'ts" and I remember reading about lack of seating being a big gripe, especially during the cocktail hour. We have lotsa older people who can't be on their feet so I am going to confirm with my venue to make sure there is plenty of seating during the cocktail hour. ETA:

I've gotten offended in the past when people who have known me for awhile didn't spell my name right, or even put it on the invite, so I can understand where you are coming from on that one too. The "and guest" thing bothers me as well if it's someone you've known for awhile, or a fiance. I think then both names should be included on the invite/seating card.

[winneythepooh7]

Oh, that last wedding I was at where the bride ignored our whole table, we couldn't hear the DJ at all on his microphone when he spoke, same went for when toasts were being made. It was the entire time, and I think that this should have been pointed out. Not my wedding though ;).

[hoodie]

Yeah, it definitely sounds like you're in the right mindset, winney. It is amazing how some people just don't even think of these things! Oh and your "and guest" comment reminded me of my other gripe about this wedding...no guests unless you were engaged. I'm in a great long-term relationship (~2 years), but we don't have the money to get engaged yet. Other couples, engaged, who hadn't even known each other as long as me and my SO have been dating were there. My boyfriend was at home and not invited.

[wordsmith]

I doubt I'd go to a wedding I wasn't invited to with provision for a guest. Going to weddings alone is a drag. I understand that there are considerations for headcounts, but it really can't be understated that most people do NOT want to go to weddings by themselves, and that's something to take into account, too.

[winneythepooh7]

Yeah, it definitely sounds like you're in the right mindset, winney. It is amazing how some people just don't even think of these things! Oh and your "and guest" comment reminded me of my other gripe about this wedding...no guests unless you were engaged. I'm in a great long-term relationship (~2 years), but we don't have the money to get engaged yet. Other couples, engaged, who hadn't even known each other as long as me and my SO have been dating were there. My boyfriend was at home and not invited.

Wow, it just gets better and better right? I'm only inviting people without guests if I know they do not have a SO and they are not really super close with us to begin with. We are past our max on guests as it is, so I have to cut somewhere.

[hoodie]

I should have saved my $$ and bought you a wedding gift instead, as you've given my feelings more consideration in the last 10 minutes than they did planning the wedding! :D

[winneythepooh7]

I doubt I'd go to a wedding I wasn't invited to with provision for a guest. Going to weddings alone is a drag. I understand that there are considerations for headcounts, but it really can't be understated that most people do NOT want to go to weddings by themselves, and that's something to take into account, too.

Understood, but the people I am talking about in this particular case don't have anyone they'd bring with them anyways, and we are lucky if we get an RSVP from them at all. This has been a major strain with the fiance because there are like 4 or 5 guys he rarely sees but "feels bad" for not inviting because "they might hear that his other friends are going". ETA: They also have the option to decline if they don't feel comfortable going without a guest. There's someone on our list who just started dating a female, however, he is also super close with the majority of people who will be at the wedding, some without guests as well. He can hang out with them. I can't worry about someone being offended because they've been dating someone for a month or two and I am not really friends with them to begin with, but am more or less extending an invitation to them as a courtesy because my fiance is childhood friend's with them.

[wordsmith]

I'm not saying it doesn't make sense from your standpoint. I'm just saying that I doubt I'd go. It DOES seem like most people who invite you sans guest are people you don't know all that well, anyway, and it's not such a faux pas to bow out. I just don't enjoy weddings, especially ones where you don't know a lot of people, without a date to buffer things. Even if I'm single, I still appreciate having a date for an event of that nature.

[winneythepooh7]

I don't know what to tell you though. There comes a point where you have to cut people. This is one of the most stressful things (for me at least) about planning a wedding because there's always going to be someone who is upset or offended about something, but sorry, it's not their day. That's what I keep telling myself. And again, as you and I both pointed out, you have the option to decline if you're not comfortable. It's when people who don't want to be there to begin with for whatever reason, then go and bitch and moan about it, that really irritate me. Why bother accepting if you are just going to complain?

[wordsmith]

Yep, I see no point in going and being a wet blanket...if I get an invite, and for whatever reason, it seems like it will be super uncomf. to attend (having to go solo being foremost reason for that), it's really not that hard to just send the card back with regrets. Most people will just assume you've already got plans, and leave it at that.

[winneythepooh7]

Actually I wish more people had that philosophy! In fact, I wish my fiance would start learning to say "no", because we had this situation last weekend with having to attend that wedding that neither one of us wanted to be at!

[EmberMae]

Winney, perhaps your anger at the bride not talking to you personally was more about you not wanting to go to that wedding in the first place then? Do you really think both the bride and the groom need to talk to every single guest? I would think since you were invited by the groom that a welcome and thanks from him would be sufficient. If the situation was reversed, and the bride had invited you and been the one you knew, would you have been angry if the groom hadn't talked to you? My wedding is going to have 200 people, a good number of whom I don't really know and I'm such an introvert, it's going to be so hard for me to talk to all of them in one night. :cry:

A couple of my recommendations:
-Adult children whom you are inviting should get their own invitation, especially if they do not live with their parents anymore.
-You should always invite someone's fiance or live-in partner just as you would a married couple.
-Thank you notes should be written within 3 months of receiving the gift, preferably sooner.

My cousin did not do any the above and maybe I should not have gone to the wedding because I already had an attitude about it. The only reason I went was because I could see all my family in the same place for the first time since my grandfather's funeral 5 years previously. I think that's one thing the bride and groom forget is that it's not just about them, it's about a rare opportunity for a family reunion.

[wordsmith]

A couple of my recommendations:
-Adult children whom you are inviting should get their own invitation, especially if they do not live with their parents anymore.

Hah, seriously! I have not lived at home for a decade, and I still get wedding invites and thank yous and such that are sent to my parents' house. What?

-Thank you notes should be written within 3 months of receiving the gift, preferably sooner.

I have an alarming number of weddings where I didn't get a thank you note AT ALL, and plenty where it came INSANELY after the fact. I think that this has really taken a back burner for a lot of people, etiquette-wise, unfortunately. I wonder what the reaction would be if gift GIVING were treated in such a cavalier way as gift receiving. :rolleyes:

[WorkInProgress]

Winney, perhaps your anger at the bride not talking to you personally was more about you not wanting to go to that wedding in the first place then? Do you really think both the bride and the groom need to talk to every single guest? I would think since you were invited by the groom that a welcome and thanks from him would be sufficient. If the situation was reversed, and the bride had invited you and been the one you knew, would you have been angry if the groom hadn't talked to you? My wedding is going to have 200 people, a good number of whom I don't really know and I'm such an introvert, it's going to be so hard for me to talk to all of them in one night. :cry:

...

My cousin did not do any the above and maybe I should not have gone to the wedding because I already had an attitude about it. The only reason I went was because I could see all my family in the same place for the first time since my grandfather's funeral 5 years previously. I think that's one thing the bride and groom forget is that it's not just about them, it's about a rare opportunity for a family reunion.

You weren't speaking directly to me, and maybe I'll catch shit for responding, but I do really think that the bride and groom should really make an effort to at least thank each guest for coming and helping to celebrate their marriage. Even if it's tough. Even if there are a bunch of people. Especially if/when people have made a special effort/incurred considerable cost to attend.

[embrassezla]

I do really think that the bride and groom should really make an effort to at least thank each guest for coming and helping to celebrate their marriage. Even if it's tough. Even if there are a bunch of people. Especially if/when people have made a special effort/incurred considerable cost to attend.
I agree as well, but then again, I don't understand inviting so many people to a wedding that neither the bride nor groom even knows some of them.

(Not prompting you to defend your choice, Ember Mae, just stating my opinion on it.)

[WorkInProgress]

I agree as well, but then again, I don't understand inviting so many people to a wedding that neither the bride nor groom even knows some of them.

Oh, I get how it happens (and I don't think there's anything wrong with it either)--parents start helping with the guest list, and it seems like everybody's got family they hardly know. And if parents are paying, there is a fair amount of compromise involved.

[wordsmith]

Oh, I get how it happens (and I don't think there's anything wrong with it either)--parents start helping with the guest list, and it seems like everybody's got family they hardly know. And if parents are paying, there is a fair amount of compromise involved.

Yep...also, don't forget that each bride and groom also has the spouse's side present, as well, where there may well be significant people you don't know or know well. I have cousins, etc. that I'm close to that would def. be invited to a wedding of mine, but whom my spouse may well have never met, or barely know. That adds up, and so you do have the element of having guests (especially those on the "other" side) that you personally don't know that well.

[pisces2473]

Hah, seriously! I have not lived at home for a decade, and I still get wedding invites and thank yous and such that are sent to my parents' house. What?

I have an alarming number of weddings where I didn't get a thank you note AT ALL, and plenty where it came INSANELY after the fact. I think that this has really taken a back burner for a lot of people, etiquette-wise, unfortunately. I wonder what the reaction would be if gift GIVING were treated in such a cavalier way as gift receiving. :rolleyes:
Get this, my mom's cousin's wife, called my mom for my address, as they were throwing a shower for their son's fiancee. I never got an invite at my house. I was INCLUDED ON MY MOM'S INVITE!!! WTF???? I was so like "whatever" about it, I made my mom RSVP for me too. Ha.

This shower was towards the end of May. Still haven't received a thank you note for the gift I gave her. My shower was less than a month ago--all of my TY's are out, including one to this chick.

That stuff just totally rubs me the WRONG way...

[pisces2473]

You weren't speaking directly to me, and maybe I'll catch shit for responding, but I do really think that the bride and groom should really make an effort to at least thank each guest for coming and helping to celebrate their marriage. Even if it's tough. Even if there are a bunch of people. Especially if/when people have made a special effort/incurred considerable cost to attend.
I think so too. At my friend's wedding, they went around to every table, TOGETHER, and thanked all of the guests for coming. It was also a great opportunity for them to introduce the other to guests they didn't know.

[WorkInProgress]

I think so too. At my friend's wedding, they went around to every table, TOGETHER, and thanked all of the guests for coming. It was also a great opportunity for them to introduce the other to guests they didn't know.

Yep. I've heard of weddings where the photographer (or some other designated person) takes a photo of the guests from that table with the bride and groom. I like that idea, although it might work better for some weddings than others.

[wordsmith]

Get this, my mom's cousin's wife, called my mom for my address, as they were throwing a shower for their son's fiancee. I never got an invite at my house. I was INCLUDED ON MY MOM'S INVITE!!! WTF???? I was so like "whatever" about it, I made my mom RSVP for me too. Ha.


This has happened to me, too...from family, as well. Hi, if you don't know enough about me at this point to know that I haven't lived full-time at my parents' house since about 1995, and include me on "joint" invitations to them when I'm 30 years old, it's pretty clear to me that you're just gift grubbing from anybody you can.

I also think it's completely appropriate to make the rounds together and introduce one another to guests, as a married couple, while people are still seated as the meal draws to an end.

[pisces2473]

This has happened to me, too...from family, as well. Hi, if you don't know enough about me at this point to know that I haven't lived full-time at my parents' house since about 1995, and include me on "joint" invitations to them when I'm 30 years old, it's pretty clear to me that you're just gift grubbing from anybody you can.
Yeah, that is pretty lame.

I just couldn't believe that they made a point of contacting my mom for my address and then didn't even follow through. Lets see if the wedding invite gets to my house, or to my parents'.

I am just incensed that I didn't get a TY yet. I even put my address inside the card! WTF?

I also think it's completely appropriate to make the rounds together and introduce one another to guests, as a married couple, while people are still seated as the meal draws to an end.
I think that's super nice, esp if there wasn't a receiving line at the church or reception.

[ya never know..]

Somehow these 'friends' I was helping suddenly changed their minds on what they wanted. I showed them what I was making, sent them a photo (they have both since moved) and neither of them liked it. So now, they stuck me with all this paper that I'm sure I won't get a red cent for because they changed their minds. Supposedly I didn't follow directions, but I had told them BOTH numerous times that these invitations were 2 layers, and they got pissed when I'd told them that Fri. night. Oh well saves me $30 on printing the rest of them! Let them have the headache. Supposedly, they wanted ME to do the programs, but they've already done them. I've learned to always get it in writing. I still may be doing their pictures of their wedding, but they're going to be signing a waiver, and giving me a deposit. The first round was free, these are going to cost. Anyone know how to make a cd that expires after a certain amount of time? I know of a photography studio that does it, but I'd feel bad about just calling them up and finding out.

Just some updates on my post from page 1 on this thread.

Any advice on the cd's would be appreciated, as well.

[EmberMae]

I agree as well, but then again, I don't understand inviting so many people to a wedding that neither the bride nor groom even knows some of them.

(Not prompting you to defend your choice, Ember Mae, just stating my opinion on it.)
No problem, it wasn't my choice. If it was my choice, I would be just inviting people that are really close to either one of us. I've met all his close family & friends, so that's not really what I'm talking about.

It probably will be both of us coming around to tables simply because I'm way too shy and scared to do it by myself. But I know it's going to be really awkward and I don't know how long people expect me to talk with them but I'm not going to know what to say.


I am just incensed that I didn't get a TY yet. I even put my address inside the card! WTF?
Yeah, my cousin pulled similar crap on me, except he didn't ask for my address. I volunteered the information, but was included on my parents' invitation as if I am 15 years old or something. I made a point of putting a return address label on the card with their wedding gift but never received a thank you. I don't think my mom ever got a thank you from them either, though.

[cheshrcarol]

My understanding is that at a wedding the couple should always go around to each table and thank everyone for coming. I don't think you need to spend a ton of time with each person there, though.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah's are very similar and there was this big thing in my family where my cousin and her parents insulted a ton of people by not thanking them for coming.

[winneythepooh7]

Just seeing this now. The reason I was pissed (as was my fiance's family) was because we watched the bride stop at all the tables directly next to ours. I'm sorry, but there really is no excuse. We gave both of them hard-earned money, it's common courtesy. Plus, she met both me and my fiance's mother at her smallish shower where we gave her MORE gifts so that's a second "no excuse" in my book.

[ebruening]

Get this, my mom's cousin's wife, called my mom for my address, as they were throwing a shower for their son's fiancee. I never got an invite at my house. I was INCLUDED ON MY MOM'S INVITE!!! WTF???? I was so like "whatever" about it, I made my mom RSVP for me too. Ha.


That happens ALL THE TIME for me with family stuff, because I'm unmarried.

I will refrain from typing a rant on bridal shower/wedding "thank you note" etiquette, suffice to say that I've been burned far too many times by people who I consider to be very rude.

[ebruening]

Just seeing this now. The reason I was pissed (as was my fiance's family) was because we watched the bride stop at all the tables directly next to ours. I'm sorry, but there really is no excuse. We gave both of them hard-earned money, it's common courtesy. Plus, she met both me and my fiance's mother at her smallish shower where we gave her MORE gifts so that's a second "no excuse" in my book.

Wow...WTF?! Nothing says "you don't matter" like ignoring someone who gave you oodles of bridal shower/wedding gifts.

If I ever get married, I'm seriously doing it courthouse-style with only immediate family in attendance. I'm not knocking anybody else's preferences, I'm just saying that I would want something as simple as possible. (I can also relate to the idea of pressure from the family. Convincing my horrified parents that yes, I really do want to get married in a courthouse, and no, I don't want a bridal shower, a wedding reception, or wedding gifts, will be no easy task :rolleyes: )

[winneythepooh7]

I think this was mentioned up thread, but I know someone who got married almost a year ago and still hasn't sent out thank you notes. They've had people ask my fiance if he knows if they got the envelope with cash he gave to them.

[wordsmith]

That happens ALL THE TIME for me with family stuff, because I'm unmarried.


Seriously, I'm THREE GODDAMNED DECADES OLD, and because I'm not married, I should get mail at my parents' house? Shall I drink from a sippy cup, too? Follow a curfew? :rolleyes:

[ebruening]

Seriously, I'm THREE GODDAMNED DECADES OLD, and because I'm not married, I should get mail at my parents' house? Shall I drink from a sippy cup, too? Follow a curfew? :rolleyes:

Dude, my dad's side of the family still refers to my cousin's live-in boyfriend of four years as "M's friend." Not as "M's boyfriend," but as her "friend." If you ain't married, you ain't a grown-up :mad:

[SmilesSoSweet]

I think this was mentioned up thread, but I know someone who got married almost a year ago and still hasn't sent out thank you notes. They've had people ask my fiance if he knows if they got the envelope with cash he gave to them.

From what I've heard, it's okay to send out thank you notes up to one year after getting married. It's the same for someone giving a gift to the newlyweds as well - up to one year is still acceptable.

My brother and his wife took about 10 months before sending out their thank you cards. They got married in September, the weekend right before my SILs school year started (she's a fourth grade teacher).

I've also attended weddings where I've received a thank you card within just a couple of weeks after the wedding. I think it just really depends on the couple.

[pisces2473]

From what I've heard, it's okay to send out thank you notes up to one year after getting married. It's the same for someone giving a gift to the newlyweds as well - up to one year is still acceptable.

My brother and his wife took about 10 months before sending out their thank you cards. They got married in September, the weekend right before my SILs school year started (she's a fourth grade teacher).

I've also attended weddings where I've received a thank you card within just a couple of weeks after the wedding. I think it just really depends on the couple.
I don't care what your job is or when you got married, I really think it's EFFING rude to take longer than a month or two to write god damned thank you notes. You're supposed to do it ASAP.

I felt bad that it took me 2 weeks to do my shower TYs.

You all are totally right to be upset that your invites get sent to your parents house. What I'm the MOST pissed about is that they ASKED MY MOM FOR MY ADDRESS and still didn't send the invite to me. WHY DID YOU ASK????? Why not just send it to my parents' house in the first place????? IDIOTS!!!!!!

Let's see where the wedding invite shows up :rolleyes: It's the week before my wedding and I don't think I'm going to be able to go. On a Friday night, out of state. Real smart, people. Like that's so considerate of guests. Typical Rhode Islanders who forget that not everyone lives 1/2 hr of everywhere else.

Oh, and when I wrote this girl a TY note, I wrote something about how it was nice to see her at her shower and "I hope you're enjoying your gift!" Ha, I'm such a bitch.

[ebruening]

From what I've heard, it's okay to send out thank you notes up to one year after getting married. It's the same for someone giving a gift to the newlyweds as well - up to one year is still acceptable.

My brother and his wife took about 10 months before sending out their thank you cards. They got married in September, the weekend right before my SILs school year started (she's a fourth grade teacher).

I've also attended weddings where I've received a thank you card within just a couple of weeks after the wedding. I think it just really depends on the couple.

Sure, it depends on the couple. However, I think it also says something to the guests if thank you notes aren't sent out in a timely manner. Honestly, I think that if a couple isn't planning to get their thank you notes sent out in a timely manner, or if they aren't planning to send thank you notes at all, I don't think they should expect gifts. The way I see it, a thank you note is a form of "payment" for the gift you've received, and for that person making the effort to celebrate your wedding. I've heard WAY too many brides complain about "so and so not giving us a gift at our wedding," and then not even send out thank you notes.

[NewMrs.]

From what I've heard, it's okay to send out thank you notes up to one year after getting married. It's the same for someone giving a gift to the newlyweds as well - up to one year is still acceptable.

My brother and his wife took about 10 months before sending out their thank you cards. They got married in September, the weekend right before my SILs school year started (she's a fourth grade teacher).

I've also attended weddings where I've received a thank you card within just a couple of weeks after the wedding. I think it just really depends on the couple.




Its NEVER polite to wait a year after the wedding to send a thank-you note. You're supposed to send them out within a month after you come back from the honeymoon.

Also, if you receive a gift before the wedding, you're supposed to send the thank-you note as soon as possible, which usually means before the wedding.

I work full-time, I don't even have summers off, and I sent out all of my thank-you notes within a month of my wedding. My husband helped me. Almost every evening after work, we sent out a few thank you notes, until they were all done.

That's another thing - its not just the responsibility of the girl. The guy benefitted also, so its his responsibility as well.

[winneythepooh7]

Re: thank you's. I know some people wait a few months because of the photographer and they send out picture thank yous. C'mon, though, honestly, how many of us would really wait a year to give someone a wedding gift? Be honest. I would be really embarassed to show up empty-handed, especially at the big Yenta weddings on Long Island. I'd give something super small before I showed up empty-handed.

[pisces2473]

Its NEVER polite to wait a year after the wedding to send a thank-you note. You're supposed to send them out within a month after you come back from the honeymoon.

Also, if you receive a gift before the wedding, you're supposed to send the thank-you note as soon as possible, which usually means before the wedding.

I work full-time, I don't even have summers off, and I sent out all of my thank-you notes within a month of my wedding. My husband helped me. Almost every evening after work, we sent out a few thank you notes, until they were all done.

That's another thing - its not just the responsibility of the girl. The guy benefitted also, so its his responsibility as well.
Cosign 100%. That's what I'm talking about!

[SmilesSoSweet]

Well I really think any time within a few months is acceptable.

The whole up to a year thing, I hear from a few co-workers at my last job who were recently married and said that it was okay to send them out up to a year.

My SIL's mom kept bugging her about the thank you cards and of course we finally did bug them about when they were going to send them out.

But from all the weddings I've been to, I really didn't feel like if I didn't receive a thank you card from the couple after X amount of time that they didn't deserve a gift from me.

But that's just me.

[pisces2473]

The whole up to a year thing, I hear from a few co-workers at my last job who were recently married and said that it was okay to send them out up to a year.
LOL of course they did, since they wanted a free pass for slacking off and not getting them out sooner!

I say that if you have the time to unpack and use the gift, you can at least take 5 mins and write up the TY first.

[embrassezla]

I wouldn't mind a thank you card that was sent a year after the wedding. Better than not sent at all.

[beeblebrox]

I wouldn't mind a thank you card that was sent a year after the wedding. Better than not sent at all.

I've only had one wedding that I wasn't able to go to where I haven't gotten a thank you card. I think it had to do with addresses since I moved before the wedding. She asked for my recent address, so I know that she thought of sending a thank you card.

In another case, the thank you was sent to an old address, made it back to them, and then sent through the groom's dad whose my brother's boss and my family's good friend. It was one of the funniest envelopes I've received where the person's name was circled to indicate who it was from.

[wordsmith]

Eh, the "rules" of traditional etiquette state that you have up to a year to GIVE A WEDDING GIFT without it being a faux pas. But I've never heard the same rule for extending thanks for gifts already received. Those are supposed to go out ASAP.

[jrwilheim]

Okay, never having been involved in planning a wedding myself, I don't have much to add except:

Read the website etiquettehell.com. It has lots of stuff about Bridezillas, bad guests, tacky etiquette (I particularly loved the invitation someone received that said "No gifts under $20", from a friend she had not heard form in YEARS). Basically, lots of anecdotes that should give some idea how NOT to do things. And to make you feel better if something does go wrong at your wedding...you'll always be light years ahead of the groom who slept with a stripper at the bachelor party, then gave a toast at the wedding that said something like, "My wife is so trusting of me! I could even go off and do a stripper and she'd forgive me!"