Why do I do this?

[PenforPrez]

All of my life, most of my closest friends have been female. I just get along with women better than I do most men.

The problem I have with that is that I crush easily. I find it remarkable when I DON'T crush on a close female friend; that's getting easier. I've never been good at asking women out, and I've never had a close friendship blossom into anything else.

On the other hand, I have a very strange problem with pissing off people I really like. At some point, I get very jittery or negative or angry about something, and they get pissed and rightfully so.

Sex has been involved once or twice with that. That happened Tuesday. I was in Chicago with an old female friend, and I just pushed farther than I wanted to or should have done; it was just the moment. She wasn't pissed off, but neither was she 100% comfortable, and, of course, nothing happened.

I'm very upset at myself, because that's not the first time I've done that. I just feel like a real asshole about it. Why can't I just be happy with a solid friendship and not try to screw it up?

Paul

[blue27]

I kinda think in most male female relationships, their will be some sexual tension.. when I did have alot of male friends it was either me who was attracted or them..over time nothing usually came out of it. except...someone liking the other more as a potential partner and the other feeling more as a friend platonic,

sometimes I wonder if men and women can be friends..but I guess they can.. cause when I think about it at one time or another all of my male friends were considered and defaulted to the friendzone..or the guys had another motive of dating me.. kind of waiting in the wings.. when it didn't work out to a relationship..in time I usually I meet someone else and the friendship become somewhat over..we talk way less and from time to time..compared to how close we were before..in my opinion it is often alot of the gray area in female and male relationships..not all but a lot of them are like this..just really have to watch those bounderies.. cause i kinda feel it played a demise in me and my bestfriend's relationship..

[PenforPrez]

I kinda think in most male female relationships, their will be some sexual tension.. when I did have alot of male friends it was either me who was attracted or them..over time nothing usually came out of it. except...someone liking the other more as a potential partner and the other feeling more as a friend platonic,

I knew there was a term for what I was describing. :rolleyes:

There's always been a fair amount of sexual tension between me and this friend; we just were never in a position to do much about it. That and I'm just a very sexually frustrated person to begin with, quite honestly. It was just a volatile combination ready to explode. I realize that NOW! :googly:

Paul

[ebruening]

Paul, I can sympathize. A few years ago, I had a situation that sound similar to what you're going through right now, except that we did end up crossing the line between "just friends" and "friends with benefits." I ended up getting hurt, because I was far more emotionally attached than my male friend/FWB wanted to be. It's difficult to avoid that sort of tension between heterosexual friends of the opposite sex. As a heterosexual female with a majority of heterosexual male friends, my opinion is that tension will come up at least once in many of my friendships. My advice is that if you're going to cross that line with a friend, make sure that you're both very clear about the emotional commitment and relationship expectations. If you feel like that's not the route you want to take, you might try developing more friendships with males. In my case, it has been really tough finding female friends...as the years pass, the number of male friends seems to multiply, while the number of female friends seems to decrease at an alarming rate. I wish I could be of more assistance. Feel free to PM me.

[ugarachel82]

This thread reminds me of Harry and Sally. "Can a woman and a man REALLY be friends without the sex part getting in the way?" :rolleyes:

[PenforPrez]

Paul, I can sympathize. A few years ago, I had a situation that sound similar to what you're going through right now, except that we did end up crossing the line between "just friends" and "friends with benefits." I ended up getting hurt, because I was far more emotionally attached than my male friend/FWB wanted to be.

That's why I can't do a FWB situation. I've had quite a few people suggest that to me lately, but I get too attached too easily. Problem is, it's just been THAT long for me. The years-long lack of physical intimacy just hurts, and nothing makes that go away. I've been asked how I deal with it. I don't; I suffer.

My friend from the original post told me: "If the lack of sex is bothering you that much, it's time to just go out and get some." That hurt in a way I don't understand yet. But the problem is still the same. I'd be so full of guilt if I did that; I still get guilt from the last time I had sex, many years ago. :( Because it wasn't right. It has to be right for me. You'd think I'd learn by now.

It's difficult to avoid that sort of tension between heterosexual friends of the opposite sex. As a heterosexual female with a majority of heterosexual male friends, my opinion is that tension will come up at least once in many of my friendships. My advice is that if you're going to cross that line with a friend, make sure that you're both very clear about the emotional commitment and relationship expectations.

My problem is that this issue seems to emerge at precisely the wrong time every time. That's about up to par. All my female friends are seeing somebody or too busy, so there never is a right time. So I'm left to suffer forevermore.

Paul