I just don't know how to deal with my dad anymore......

[Vivalasonbabes]

Everytime I get off the phone with my dad I'm in tears. I thought things would improve once I moved out, but they haven't

My dad has always been the type of person who pushes me. He pushed me to study hard in hs, then to go to a good college, even to major in Econ (which was not easy). Once I graduated, he pushed me to move back home and on the types of jobs I should pursue. Needless to say, since I was not passionate about any of the things he wanted me to do, I remained unemployed for 6 months. During this period I must've gotten yelled at everyday for not having a job and being a slacker.

I now work in an admin job near my alma mater. I live away from my parents, and I pay all my own bills, in full and on time.

But my dad still just isn't pleased! He's pushing me to go to grad school or get a CPA (something I'm totally not interested in). He just gets on my last nerve and makes me feel like such a failure that sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself.

I just feel like sometimes I'm living for my parents, and not for myself. I've spent much time being concerned about what they want, that I never bothered to discover my own passions. I now feel that my life is stagnant, because I just don't know who I am, or what I want out of life.

I just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening, and feel free to post comments.

[WorkInProgress]

You have to live for yourself. It's your life and you're the one that has to live with it.

What do you want or like to do?

[shorty]

I felt like that for a long time. My parents kept trying to push me into medicine, which I did not want to do AT ALL. I "compromised" with engineering, which I also ended up hating (the only thing that got me through it was my science classes, which I liked). In a way, I feel like I wasted my college years (and two years after that) doing something I hated. It made me sooooo freaking depressed sometimes.

You have to live for yourself. It's your life and you're the one that has to live with it.

What do you want or like to do?

If you don't know what you want to do, take some time to think about it. It'll really pay off in the end and you'll be much happier. I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like, but you don't live with them anymore so you don't have to put up with their ideas on your life. If you can't ask your dad to back off a bit, maybe you need to stop listening to him (don't talk to him about that stuff and don't let him talk to you about that stuff) and take time to think about yourself.

[LeslieAnne1979]

Hi~

Honey, I completely understand what you're going through. My older sister (20 yrs senior) treated me the exact same way. I finally had to tell her that I was not one of her children and that the only thing that she was allowed to say to me was
"Leslie, I'm happy for you". If she couldn't say that, then we didn't need to speak.

It's that simple. Thank God my mother always told me that happiness in life was the key. No matter what I achieved or didn't achieve, as long as I was happy, she didn't care what I did.

You didn't mention your mom. Does she feel the same way as your dad feels? Maybe you can talk to her and see if she'll speak with your father and tell him to lay off?

If that's not the case then you've got to stand up for yourself. You're the only one who can change the way things are.

Good luck, honey. It will work out.

[Adam Strange]

I’d stake out a claim. Decide this, this and this are things that are totally up to you and your dad doesn’t get to control. If he gives suggestions, politely listen. If he starts demanding things, tell him, “I appreciate your advice but I’ve decided to do something else.”

I know that’s easier said than done, especially if you do and think you someday will depend on him financially.

[Vivalasonbabes]

What do you want or like to do?[/QUOTE]

OMG, I must spend my every waking moment thinking about this. I'm constantly going back and forth thinking about what I like to do, and how I could possibly apply that to a career.

The thing is, I really don't think I like anything. I don't know how I went thru 23 years of my life without developing any interests or passions. In college, I cared more about partying and having fun than studying. I hardly thought about my career.

I know I'm smart, and I know I have a lot of mental discipline. I forced myself thru a crazy-hard major I didn't really like just for the job opportunities, so I know I can do anything if I just set my mind to it.

The problem is, what do I really want? Should I just pursue a career in finance/accounthing bc that's where the money is?

Right now I'm stuck being an office bitch. I don't like the career path I'm on, and frankly I think I'm overqualified. I really think I'm in the definition of a quarter life crises. I really just need to get it together, and figure out where I'm going in life. Right now, I'm single, so I can be completely selfish and pursue whatever career I want.

I swear I just give myself a headache thinking about this stuff. How did you guys figure out what you wanted to do with your lives?

[LeslieAnne1979]

It's not something that can be explained with a general answer. Everyone found their niche differently. I was in the same intolerable predicament that you're in. Girl, I used to pray, pray and pray some more for an answer. Finally I realized that I was the only one who could change my situation. Instead of praying for a new job, I prayed for strength to heave myself out of the funk I was in and find something I wanted to do. I left the scary place, found a temp job and shoved my resume under every door I could find. Finally a door opened. It took me 6 months but now I work with my family. (The explanation is long... longer and too much info for one person so I'll keep the details to myself)

You're the only one who can make a change in your life. Who's to say that you have to stick with one job in your life that makes you happy? If you want to pursue a career in several things that interest you then go for it. Sit back and make a list of things that you're good at/interested in...research the fields...

You can do it. You're bright, educated and determined.

[J-girl]

Everytime I get off the phone with my dad I'm in tears. I thought things would improve once I moved out, but they haven't

My dad has always been the type of person who pushes me. He pushed me to study hard in hs, then to go to a good college, even to major in Econ (which was not easy). Once I graduated, he pushed me to move back home and on the types of jobs I should pursue. Needless to say, since I was not passionate about any of the things he wanted me to do, I remained unemployed for 6 months. During this period I must've gotten yelled at everyday for not having a job and being a slacker.

I now work in an admin job near my alma mater. I live away from my parents, and I pay all my own bills, in full and on time.

But my dad still just isn't pleased! He's pushing me to go to grad school or get a CPA (something I'm totally not interested in). He just gets on my last nerve and makes me feel like such a failure that sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself.

I just feel like sometimes I'm living for my parents, and not for myself. I've spent much time being concerned about what they want, that I never bothered to discover my own passions. I now feel that my life is stagnant, because I just don't know who I am, or what I want out of life.

I just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening, and feel free to post comments.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Its like sometimes you feel that no matter what you do your parents will NEVER be happy.

My dad is exactly the same. Even when he pretends to be happy with me, I know whats coming next.

I once went for counselling for this. She told me that children can never make their parents happy 100% so do what you got to do.

Its not like you are a coke snorting hooker. You understand yoru responsibilities in life.

[caostotale]

If you're truly financially independent, tell the old man to shut the F up and don't answer the phone for a couple of weeks. Some people need to be upended when they start micromanaging other people, especially if it's their own kid.

I'm willing to take my father's criticism from time to time because he has helped me out in cases of true financial desperation since I left college (helped me reconsolidate my credit and cosigned on my apartment, which I never could have moved into on me and my girlfriend's salaries alone).

I've found that parents these days have a lot of trouble "getting" that developing one's individual career in the traditionally accepted ways is far more expensive, far more stressful, and far less worth it these days than it was 30 years ago when a person with a 2-year degree could rise to the top without getting buried in red tape and HR nonsense. I've been yelled at for making less than $28,000 a year since college, but what am I supposed to do!! That's obviously not because I'm a total failure. The work world sucks and not everybody can hop on the train to go work for JP Morgan. It goes to show you that parents still keep that competition with other parents going long after the high school diplomas are handed out. Cocky parents in my hometown never seem to shut the hell up about their kid's successes in the work world. Living vicariously is always so much fun.

[J-girl]

If you're truly financially independent, tell the old man to shut the F up and don't answer the phone for a couple of weeks. Some people need to be upended when they start micromanaging other people, especially if it's their own kid.

I'm willing to take my father's criticism from time to time because he has helped me out in cases of true financial desperation since I left college (helped me reconsolidate my credit and cosigned on my apartment, which I never could have moved into on me and my girlfriend's salaries alone).

I've found that parents these days have a lot of trouble "getting" that developing one's individual career in the traditionally accepted ways is far more expensive, far more stressful, and far less worth it these days than it was 30 years ago when a person with a 2-year degree could rise to the top without getting buried in red tape and HR nonsense. I've been yelled at for making less than $28,000 a year since college, but what am I supposed to do!! That's obviously not because I'm a total failure. The work world sucks and not everybody can hop on the train to go work for JP Morgan. It goes to show you that parents still keep that competition with other parents going long after the high school diplomas are handed out. Cocky parents in my hometown never seem to shut the hell up about their kid's successes in the work world. Living vicariously is always so much fun.

no kidding.

I also get the "starting your own business is the only key to success" lecture a million times!

[HollyM]

"But my dad still just isn't pleased! He's pushing me to go to grad school or get a CPA (something I'm totally not interested in). He just gets on my last nerve and makes me feel like such a failure that sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself."

I haven't had this from my Dad as he is as laid back as they come luckily but from plenty of other people in the family and worse from people who I am not close to at all. I went to music college for 4 years, finished and started working in a completely different field for 5 years because I had done nothing except music for years and really wanted a break. I wasn't passionate about any of my jobs but simply wanted a change. If people are really persistent and it is upsetting you eventually you have to tell them how you feel. If they then have problems with not lecturing you all the time it's them with the problem and not you so don't feel a failure. Also it's your life, I read an article a while back saying that kids who when younger seem to be the perfect deal to their parents, automatically doing everything that is expected of them and not following their own path have problems later in life when they realise that they missed out on doing what they really wanted and they have effectively lived their parents life for them. Your Dad has got his life and you've got yours...

[lostnotyetfound]

Have you told your father that you are not interested in the things he pushes on you? If not, you need to start standing up for yourself. This is your life and you need to start living it for yourself and doing what you feel is best. Maybe you should take a little break from dealing with your dad.