rejection, failure, and hopelessness

[bbygrand]

OK I think it is safe to say that I completely hate my life! I've fallen into a rut and can't seem to get myself out. Let me just try and sum up my story and maybe someone can give me some advice....I hope??

I just graduated from a pretty decent college in Virginia. I majored in Poli Sci and Econ and had plans on applying to law school. My last semester at school I had also started dating this guy and things were going so well so i decided to stay in VA to be closer to him (instead of going home to NJ). I renewed the lease on my apt. and found a pretty cool job in a law office. I felt like the happiest girl in the world, everything just seemed to be falling into place. And then out of nowhere everything came crashing down. My life fell apart in the blink of an eye. My boss turned into the biggest prick ever so I hated my job. My boyfriend suddenly became too busy to call me ever, and after not really speaking to him or seeing him in over a month, I thought that I was pregnant! There was minimal communication between he and I and everytime i tried talking to him he avoided me. I had never felt so lonely in my life. I freaked out and in the middle of the night I packed up my stuff and drove home to NJ. I called me boss from the road and told him i wasn't coming back. Shortly after I found out that the boyfriend was avoiding me because he was spending all of his time with some 18 year old girl instead. So now, 3 months later, I'm living at home with my mom, still can't find a job, broken hearted, and still paying for the apartment in VA that I'm not even living in.

I feel like the lowest scum on the face of the planet right now. And I keep blaming myself for having been so foolish. I have no money, no job, no boyfriend, no motivation to do anything.... i just don't know what to do anymore and I'm tired of feeling like this. TO make matters worse, my ambitions of going to law school have just been crushed by this so called boyfriend. He was a cop and hated lawyers and always had a way of making me feel like what I was doing was bad or wrong somehow. He made me feel guilty for wanting to become a lawyer I guess. So now, I don't even want to go to law school anymore and I feel like i have no goals and no future to aim for. I feel like such a failure and everywhere I turn I have rejection staring me in the face.... I can't even stand the thought of going on another job interview only to be rejected....ahhhhhhh... any advice or anything anyone can offer me???

[Neo]

He liked lawyer joke huh? Oh boy you will get a lot of support here on this board :D

Your old boyfriend was a pig, and the pig was only doing what pigs do. Don't waste anymore time on thinking about him. If he really loved you, he wouldn't have tried to deceive you and gone behind your back. You owe him nothing. He's not worth you thinking about. You are too good for him, don't waste any energy on that loser.

There are many good things about the law profession, which I'm sure you know, and others have more input on this too. You can make a lot of money if you get into the right area of focus. Or you can help out the poor by being a non-profit lawyer. Sort of like a highly educated Robbin Hood. In any event, don't let your dream die because a pig/cheater.

If you have your own reasons for not wanting to go into Law, then that's a different story. In which case, you should look into what you really want to do next. All that other stuff, rent, bad job experience is nothing. I used to pull my hair out about wanting to quit my job at the corporate office. I kept scaring myself with how things are gonna go wrong.... etc. No confidence whatsoever. But now, looking back, I was just silly. It's not nearly as bad as I thought it's gonna be.

So maybe you should put that into your perspective. Few years from now, you'll be on track doing what you love, or pursuing what you love, maybe even be with someone that you love. All the bad stuff that's happening or happened will not matter. You'll probably have a good laugh about it, and see that how silly it was for you to have made such a big fuss ;)

If you still feel bad, my biggest suggestion is that you need to understand that you are probably too worked up to be making career decisions. Don't force yourself to make a decision when you feel down, because that's the worst thing to do. It's best that you try to lift yourself up first. Call a couple friends, ask them to go see a movie or go see a comedy show. You need get out of the house and a good laugh.

After that, take on one task at a time. Are all jobs at law offices that bad? Maybe it was just that prick. Why not try another one? If that still doesn't work out. Fine. Quit. Then go find something else. It's not a race. Just gotta keep at it. Don't learn to live with unhappiness.

[heatherf]

So to go into another part of your post- why don't you try to get out of your lease? Most landlords will let you out, or why don't you try to find someone else for the place. I guess try to get rid of one of your headaches at a time! This one is costing you money- spend a couple days and get out of it!

And maybe you should think that you get to start all fresh and new! You are in a new location- you aren't tied down to a boy- maybe you can get a job because it sounds like fun work. As in, maybe work retail at a store you really like, etc.

Don't feel pressure either way about the law school thing...give yourself some more time before you decide either way...it will always be there as an option.

[bbygrand]

thanks for the encouragement! I know I need to put things into perspective and that what I'm going through isn't unique. They are issues everyone deals with at some point or another. I think it just felt good to put all that out there and to know that I'm not alone in what I'm going through.

As for the lease, the jackass landlord won't let me out it. I have been looking for someone to sublease the apartment, but no luck yet.

Someone also mentioned becoming a criminal defense attorney... thats funny you say that becuase the lawyer I was working for in Virginia specialized in criminal defense :-)

Most likely I think I will go on to take the LSAT in the next year or two... for now though I guess I'll just get some work expereince and try and save some money while I'm living at home... go out and meet new people and hopefully have some fun along the way

[supershigirl]

Originally posted by WeirdBrake


You said your ex made you feel guilty about your law ambitions. Was that ever really a healthy relationship to begin with, given that he was putting you down for wanting to go into a prestigious, high-powered, and potentially lucrative field? Imagine how uncomfortable he would have been when you quickly surpassed his cop salary. Ever think maybe he was threatened by your ambitions from the beginning, and that's why this relationship was doomed?

i agree with weirdbrake about this....as hard as it is to not be influenced by the important people in your life, if your SO, doesn't support your dreams / career aspirations, then is that person really the right person for YOU?

I'm sorry about your situation...there are days when i feel like the most miserable girl in the world, too...mostly mon-fri, 8-5...this 20-something period is not at all what i expected either.

[nhb1979]

I feel worthless too. I have never really been able to get dates. I have only had three girlfriends in my life. The first one, I met at work and the last two I met on the internet. I don't go out because I'm scared to talk to women. I have no job, I'm ugly as sin, so no woman will even give me a second look let alone date me. The last date I went on was last June(2003). I have no skills, only one year of college, and I'm 25 years old. I live with my parents. I feel like the whole world is against me. I know how you feel, you are not alone.



Jason