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View Full Version : No Money but need to move out



della_anne
08-25-2007, 12:59 AM
Hello all 20 somethings,

If your reading this you probably still live with your parents and are TRYING to save money to move out on your own. I happen to be one of those people and its like I'm between a rock and a hard place.

It wouldn't be so bad if my parents weren't so overprotective, critical and constraining...but they are, and it is affecting me emotionally...I feel bad, at home at work....its hard to have positive relationships with people, because I feel so bad all the time. If only I were rich....

They question me alot, where are you going?, did you go to church yet?...etc. its like they are keeping tabs one me as if I was a teen. Makes me feel so immature. I feel like I can't date and I don't because if I ever brought anyone home I'd get a slew of questions...and probably criticism if my parents didn't approve of who I was dating.

I get enough criticism as it is...my dad desperately wants me to move out, I hear it from him all the time, thinks I'm costing him too much money, says theres too many people living in the house(I'm the oldest of 5, all my younger sibings live with me). Says I was your age I was already married and had a house and blah blah blah.....

My life is at a stand still or maybe even reverting back to the past. I'm not growing as a person, sometimes I feel as if I am dead inside, no life in me.
I am seeing a therapist to help with this issue..my therapist has told me that I've closed myself off emotionally because I don't want to get hurt by my parents criticism. Therefore I'm closed off emotionally with other people too.
I've seen therapists for way too long...I know what the real answer is... MOVE OUT!!! but I have a low paying data entry job that would by no means allow me to afford any kind of apartment even with a roommate.

I'm in Grad school for A Masters in Human Resources, a field that I would love to get into...I feel so privledged to be able to go back too school. My loans are paying for it all so, I'll be in more debt when I'm done, but I am hoping that the hard work will pay off in the future.

If only I could move out...I'd feel free to be myself, to let my personality shine, I have no doubt that living on your own would be challenging, but I think I'm ready for that challenge, I'm ready to grow up....I'm 28!

If you are in a similar situation, I'd love to hear from you...and if you have any suggestions as to how I can move out on my own in my situation feel free to share advice with me!!!!!!



Feel free to email me at della_anne@yahoo.com

Danielle

NewMrs.
08-25-2007, 01:30 AM
I'm an advocate of people living with WELCOMING relatives until their finances improve.

However, from what you have posted about your dad, I understand that you are clearly not welcome to live under his roof. However, you are still living there. I believe this is childish, and that's why your parents are continuing to treat you like a child.


I realize that you are currently in grad school for Human Resources and do not feel that you can afford to live on your own, even with a rommate. Is there any way that you could take some time off from school and establish your adult life? Could you look for a better paying job, or get a second job? I'm sorry, but the age of 28 seems a little old to be living with the parents against their wishes.

Also, I have never worked in Human Resources but I am friends with somebody who does. She is currently working on a Masters in HR. When she started her degree program, she had no actual working experience in the field. She realized that this was a problem, so she took a pay cut to leave her sales job to go work as an HR assistant someplace. Her present employer didn't want to hire her when they first realized that she had already completed some Masters-level coursework in HR. They were afraid that she would decide that she was over-qualified and leave their position right away for a better one. She had to convince them that she really wanted this job so that she could get some experience under her belt.

Have you started to gain experience in this field? If not, would it be possible to do so?

Edit: I wanted to add: If you determine that you really believe that you can't possible move out of your parents' house, can you do more for them as "payment" for living with them? I'm assuming that you live with them rent-free. Can you offer to purchase groceries for the household from time to time? Can you do work for them around the house, like washing their cars or cleaning? They may get off your case if you help out around the house.

winneythepooh7
08-25-2007, 11:45 AM
I agree with NewMrs. Try to go to school P/T and get a F/T job so you can get experience. Move in with roommates or to an area with a lower COL. Otherwise, you will be 30+, still living with the parents, trying to make it at an entry-level job.

kween1982
08-30-2007, 09:16 PM
I can relate. College-life went by in a blur, and one day I woke up and realized that I was 20-something and in the basement of my mom's house. My mom told me she was on her own at 20 y/o, and yes it made me feel icky and like a late bloomer. Oh and btw, I live in the suburbs and I have no car...so that makes me feel extra crappy. All the high school brats keep harrassing me and I'm like "wtf, leave me alone!!!! I am a grown woman!"

Right now I am finishing up a few classes and working a low-paying job , while looking for a career. I too, don't have any cash or savings and now I'm getting a bit scared.

My advice for you is to start saving!!!! Right this minute. If you're buying things you dont need, cut them out of your budget immediately. Just try to save something each month. It will take a little while, but you can do it! :)

Good luck!

lostnotyetfound
09-04-2007, 02:15 PM
Are you working full time? Obviously I don't know your financial situation or the cost of living in your area, but I find it hard to believe you can't afford to move out. Yes you would obviously need a roommate or two and perhaps would'nt be able to afford the luxuries you may be accustomed to but it is probably doable.

I live with my bf who makes a crap load more than me which is how I am able to avoid living at home. When I was making $12/hr I couldn't have afforded to live on my own but it would've been doable with a roommate or two. Where theres a will, theres a way. Good luck.

carmenjones
09-07-2007, 12:37 PM
I can sympathize with you. I am in the same boat. I live at home and am grown. I work but can't afford to move out, even with a roomate. The cost of living is really high in the area I live. And I have way to many bills. It's either live with my mom, or live in the streets. If I move out of the area, the cost of the commute would be unaffordable for me. I feel your pain!!:cry:

bananananafish
09-11-2007, 11:31 PM
I hear ya. I live at home, and though I work full-time, I cannot afford to move out again. I did it before, ran out of money, then moved back home. Next time I move out, it will be permanent. I thought with this new job, I can finally put some money aside, but I had a major car repair that cost over $1,000 and had to be put on my credit card, which I am still trying to pay off on top of a personal loan and student loans.

I would highly recommend that you move out. Just like you, I felt stifled at home, and when I got my own place, I felt so free and independent and finally be myself. I was also seeing a therapist to talk about my feelings too, and that helped. You can definitely do it. I was working two to three part-time jobs to pay rent. I was living from paycheck to paycheck but I was happy! Maybe to beat this boring data entry job, you can get a second job that is engaging and brings out your personality, perhaps a job that relates to one of the hobbies that you love doing.

Lizanne440
09-12-2007, 04:28 AM
I am in a similar spot. I am 25 and I've lived in the same little room I was brought to when I was 2 days old! From 18-24, I worked part-time and went to school part-time, because this is what my parents wanted me to do. They said a full-time job would be too much. So it worked out 'cause I was hardly ever home, usually at my boyfriend's place for the weekends, etc. For the past few months, my father has been home and in-between jobs, and my mother has been off of work as well. Living with my mom is fine but my dad treats me like I'm a teenager. When I said I wanted to move out, they said it probably wouldn't work out and that I couldn't afford it. They want me to finish school first (graduate '08). My dad drives me absolutely crazy and I can totally relate to the OP. I have no independence or privacy. He is always bringing me down and making me feel that I am incapable of being successful on my own. He also has crazy OCD that drives be insane! My plans are to move out next month with a friend, and I HOPE that I don't have to move back! Rent for my room will be $700/mo. in this ridiculously priced area of Orange County. Living here has it's downfalls.

ccc1979
09-12-2007, 11:55 AM
I'm still living at home. When I was in college (1997-2003, full time), I worked part time making very little (in retail). In the summers I worked up to 3 jobs. I paid for tuition out of pocket (it was only about 8,000 a year after scholarships, but this is 8000 compared to 0, since you are on loans now.) I rented a townhouse with one roommate, which was right outside of a major metro area. I lived extremely frugally, but never felt poor for some reason. I graduated without credit card debt. Then I moved back home because I hated paying rent! It was a great idea; I've saved oodles of money since I continued to live frugally since graduation. At 28, I'm finally moving out this weekend.

Lostnotyetfound is right. It can definitely be done, but it takes discipline, roommates, and maybe an apartment that smells a little funny. Or, look into low income housing in your area. You might be surprised at what your options are or how your community can help.

The other thing I can suggest is an attitude change. Stop focusing on the bad in your life. Focus on the good and the future and where you want to be. It might not change your situation, but you might feel better, which is worth a lot in my opinion.

cameralady
09-12-2007, 05:36 PM
Worst case scenario if you needed to move out but needed cheap housing-what about the Y?

Lizanne440
09-24-2007, 04:23 AM
Does the YMCA still offer that? The ones in my area certainly don't!

dacrunkest
09-24-2007, 08:37 AM
This (http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/74) is what happens if you don't have enough money for rent.

cameralady
10-01-2007, 04:56 PM
Does the YMCA still offer that? The ones in my area certainly don't!

The Brooklyn YWCA (http://www.nydailynews.com/boroughs/brooklyn/2007/07/17/2007-07-17_uplifting_stories_from_four_women_who_li.html) does.