Cheering up someone from afar!

[winneythepooh7]

My soon to be SIL started college about 3 hours from home last weekend. From what I hear she is really having a hard time. She's really homesick and feeling really isolated. One of her best friend's goes there, but is in a different major that is not as difficult or time consuming as hers (she's a pre-med major). She hasn't met a lot of people yet, and just feels like while her friend and the few people she has met get to go to parties every night, she is chained to her books. Coming home and transferring is not an option this year according to her parents. Does anyone have any suggestions on things we can do to cheer her up from afar? I am thinking maybe we could plan a surprise visit to see her because I have to go to my parent's house to do wedding crap in 2 weeks and her school is about an hour west from where they live. Any suggestions will be helpful!

[AshleyJordan]

Is there anything fun to do in her town? What is she into? I say take her out for a girls' night, a fun outdoor activity, or to get a mani/pedi/blowout or whatever she's into. I think the key is that that way she'll have a chance to talk if she feels she needs to, but it gets her out of the house (or dorm, is it were,) and feeling a little more social.

[winneythepooh7]

Those are good ideas, but will have to wait until we go there, if we do go.......in any event, I am just trying to think of something that we could send her........maybe a goodie basket? I dunno........I suck at this and I wasn't homesick when I went away (plus I was much closer to home!) so don't know if that would make it worse!

[AshleyJordan]

I think maybe if her mom could send her some of her favorite treats (if she likes certain homemade cookies or the like,) that might remind her of home? A mix CD of her favorite songs? A basket of Body Shop/Bath and Body works products to pamper herself?
ETA: I understand whre you're coming from, though. I was so glad to leave my town of 20,000 to move to NYC that I don't think I was homesick at all!

[winneythepooh7]

Yeah, I just feel bad. She is kinda shy and introverted, and I think everyone keeps saying to just stick it out, it's only been a week, start the chemistry club this week and you'll meet new friends, etc. etc., but maybe that's easier said then done?

I spoke to her mom earlier who was like all she talks about is that she is counting down the days until they come to see her for parents weekend. And I guess her friend called them too last night, concerned about her.

I think it's just a huge shock and change for her being away from her family. She's the youngest and her siblings are a great deal older than she is, so she always got lots of attention and stuff, so I think it's just hard for her adjusting to being on her own now, as well as seeing her friends go in opposite directions.

[AshleyJordan]

My sister had a very hard time her first few weeks of college, too, for a lot of the same reasons. Ultimately she moved back home and commuted to the local school after her first year, and then later transferred to yet another college and got an apartment close by with her BF. It was being "alone" that was very difficult for her.
I know when I started school, there were a ton of college-organized social events-- stuff like pizza parties and free movie nights and the like. That made it much easier to make new friends. Would she venture out to something like that, or is she too introverted?

[winneythepooh7]

Yeah, her mom said she has been going to stuff like that, but she still calls them all the time and uses words like "I hate it here" and "this is the worst mistake I made with my life".

It's odd because she loved the school when she went there before applying, and then orientation, etc. She also seemed super excited about going away.

I think maybe it's just the adjustment phase and hopefully she'll be fine in a few weeks.

[AshleyJordan]

It sounds like it's just the adjustment phase. If not, I don't mean to minimalize what she's going through, but she can always transfer later on if she hates it. A TON of students do that every year.

[winneythepooh7]

It sounds like it's just the adjustment phase. If not, I don't mean to minimalize what she's going through, but she can always transfer later on if she hates it. A TON of students do that every year.

Yeah. That's the plan. Her parents want her to at least complete one year to make sure that she really does hate it, and so she won't lose the credits.

[pisces2473]

I would say to send her a little box of stuff to cheer her up. Just random things you see while you're out that you'd know she'd like--maybe a fun nail polish, some candy, etc.

Has M called her? Maybe she needs a call from her big bro?

[Deni81]

Winney, I think the visit would be a good idea. I think it could help cheer her up. I also think a care package from people she cares about is a nice idea. I know from my own homesick experience that getting a care package from my mom and sister with notes, candies and treats they knew I would like helped me. Maybe you and your fiance could put something together for her.

[WorkInProgress]

Aside from the big stuff (goodie boxes, visits, etc.), which are also good ideas, maybe it would be a good idea to plan to send her thinking of you notes/cards in the mail (like, put it on a schedule, so she gets one every week, or every other week or something)? I was always very excited to get real mail when I was in school.

Maybe a monthly goodie box, with seasonally-themed stuff?

Also, when is her birthday? The mother of one of my friends had a cake from a nearby fancy restaurant delivered to my friend every year. I always thought it was really cool.

Do you have any really cool photos of her and you (or her and your SO, or her and her family)? You might send her a framed one with a note telling her how much you love her, and are thining of her, and are proud of her for taking this step in life.

[EmberMae]

Even a letter would be helpful. I know I was in a similar situation when I first went away to college and getting real letters was nice.

[wordsmith]

I went to school and eight-hour drive from home, and had no car, so even if I'd wanted to bolt, I couldn't. I was horribly homesick for about half my freshman year. The only thing that helped was my family keeping contact...and sometimes, that hurt as much as it helped, too. I remember very much just wishing I could magically wish myself back home, and sometimes, it was HARD to hear voices that I wanted to be around more than anything, or get a card from my mom that only made me want to cry more from missing her. But the support was the only thing that COULD have helped.

[old_school_soul]

I think a care package is a better idea than a visit.. A visit may just bring out the feelings of homesickness even more. She needs to get used to her environment.

[winneythepooh7]

As a family/extended family, we made up a care package over the weekend and all put in a little note. Some were funny like "hope you are doing well and I sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wish I was you and in your shoes right now!", because goodness knows, who DOESN'T sometimes wish they were in college again and NOT the real world of work, taking care of elderly relatives, the drama of wedding planning, paying bills, etc. etc. etc..............

[pisces2473]

I hope she likes it! Not too much longer, and she'll be back for the wedding :)