Is this going to be weird?

[eastcoaster782]

For the males reading this: if you were going to visit a female friend for the weekend, do you usually ask if that female has a spare bedroom/couch/futon/floor to spend the night on?

Let me add that this is the first time you're visiting said friend since she moved to a new city and state, so you don't know what her apartment looks like or anything.

Most people would assume a person has a couch or something piece of furniture like that in a new home. However, wouldn't you want to know a little bit about the living quarters?

Or is he thinking something else? I mean, we're just friends. He does have a girlfriend back home. Should I be concerned or am I paranoid?

I'm not saying that every guy out there is out to have a weekend fling with his female friend. It's just that this is the first overnight, out-of-state visit.

[KCboy]

I would say nothing, let the chips fall where they may.

If you are going to stay at someone's place, I would assume they have a plan already

[Desiderata]

As a guy, I wouldn't ask. I tend to just show up and go with the flow. Nothing wrong with sharing a bed with a friend. And for the record, guys don't generally have a problem sharing a bed with a female... not that its gonna lead to anything, but its fine by us.

[vxmike]

As a guy, I wouldn't ask. I tend to just show up and go with the flow. Nothing wrong with sharing a bed with a friend. And for the record, guys don't generally have a problem sharing a bed with a female... not that its gonna lead to anything, but its fine by us.

Agreed 100%, also as a guy. I've slept on the floor plenty of times and my normal bed is an air mattress, so I'm not that picky about my sleeping arrangements. As long as I have a pillow and some type of covering I can sleep anywhere.

[PenforPrez]

As long as I have a pillow and some type of covering I can sleep anywhere.

Me too.

[ut_bill]

I've never been invited to someone's place to crash unless there was a couch or air matress at the least. That and I wouldn't invite anyone to stay with me if I had to put them on the bare floor.

[asm198]

I would assume that my friend has arrangement for a place for me to sleep, otherwise they wouldn't have invited me.

[halfbaked07]

i have shared a bed with guys completely platonicly. of course said guys don't have girlfriends that I am aware of. I would probably banish them to the couch to avoid any wierdness between said girl and myself if we were ever to meet.

I would assume that he figures he'll be crashing on a couch or air mattress while he is there.

[and1grad]

Just for the sake of putting your mind at ease, mention the couch, or whatever, that you have prepared for him to sleep on when you guys talk about his visit.

[spiritedaway]

Not a guy here :p , but I think *most* guys are laid back and expect a couch, an air mattress, or possibly the floor. (The floor isn't really all too bad, from my experience) :heehee:

I don't think most people who are invited to stay at a friend expect to sleep in the same bed as the host. That would be weird to me. I wouldn't want any guy to sleep with me on the same bed, even platonically. I guess I'm just old fashioned. If the guy needs the bed all that badly, I'll probably opt for the floor instead.

[cheshrcarol]

If you're just friends and he has a gf, I think it's same to assume he does not think he'll be sleeping in your bed. When I have guests I tell them what I've got for them to sleep on to make sure they're ok with it ahead of time.

[Krishna]

Reversing the situation, if my SO had a girl coming to visit (which, ironically, he does in a few weeks), it would be expected that the girl sleep on the couch, or an air mattress. Platonic sleeping arangements are fine when you're single, but for me the platonic sleeping ends when you're in a relationship.

[shadeofgreen]

Reversing the situation, if my SO had a girl coming to visit (which, ironically, he does in a few weeks), it would be expected that the girl sleep on the couch, or an air mattress. Platonic sleeping arangements are fine when you're single, but for me the platonic sleeping ends when you're in a relationship.
Yeah, maybe I'm too uptight, but I don't think I'd want my boyfriend sharing a bed with some other girl, even if she was just a friend. And I'd feel weird sharing a bed with some other dude.

But to the original post, I'm sure he just assumes you've got sleeping arrangements for him. I can't imagine there's anything more to it than that.

Sleeping on the floor once in a while is supposed to be good for your back anyway, isn't it?

[wordsmith]

If I have a guest over who's not sleeping with me, I generally give them the bed, and I take the couch...just me.

[Dirty Sanchez]

If I have a guest over who's not sleeping with me, I generally give them the bed, and I take the couch...just me.

Yeah, ditto...

[meatwad]

If I have a guest over who's not sleeping with me, I generally give them the bed, and I take the couch...just me.

I at the very least will offer it. I don't have people stay over very often since I don't usually have company and most of the time company lives within 15 minutes of me. I would not be comfortable at all with a girlfriend sharing a bed with a guy friend regardless of how innocent the circumstances might be.

If I were you, I'd bring it up before he comes over and it might even be a good idea to have the pillow and blanket on the couch when he gets there so there's no confusion.

[halfbaked07]

I would not be comfortable at all with a girlfriend sharing a bed with a guy friend regardless of how innocent the circumstances might be.
same.

I will admit to sharing a bed once with a guy who had a live-in gf. It was completely innocent, until it wasn't, if you know what I mean. Of course there is no way I will ever meet her. We live in different states and me and dude haven't even spoken since then, but hence my previous statement. Banished to the couch. cause sometimes things happen and you get caught up in the moment without thinking.

[meatwad]

same.

I will admit to sharing a bed once with a guy who had a live-in gf. It was completely innocent, until it wasn't, if you know what I mean. Of course there is no way I will ever meet her. We live in different states and me and dude haven't even spoken since then, but hence my previous statement. Banished to the couch. cause sometimes things happen and you get caught up in the moment without thinking.

Indeed. Especially if you're coming back from an evening of drinking and remenicing.

Unless they're blood related and not living in some hick state like Tennessee. *ducks* :D

[halfbaked07]

Indeed. Especially if you're coming back from an evening of drinking and remenicing.

Unless they're blood related and not living in some hick state like Tennessee. *ducks* :D
oh!! that is sooooo wrong!!!..

actually he is from the hick state of AR!!! and it was a drunken night of remenicing. he was in town with 2 of my other friends for the UT / Memphis game last year.

[SWMOchick]

I've spent an extended weekend out of town with a male friend. He had a girlfriend. She didn't know I was staying there, but nothing was going to hapen anyway. He slept on his couch the first night I was there, even though I argued with him over it...lol. The second night, I insisted that he sleep in his bed and let me have the couch, since he had to work the next day. Things were fine. Of course, I knew I was staying with him before driving up. I was really nervous, but things were fine.

[eastcoaster782]

Yeah, it wasn't weird after all.

[and1grad]

So this didnt happen? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wfl0EjodyU&mode=related&search=

[eastcoaster782]

So this didnt happen? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wfl0EjodyU&mode=related&search=

Link didn't work, but maybe that's a good thing depending on where you were going with that :p

[and1grad]

Ha! It was just a link to a video of one of Stewie's sexy parties. ;)

[eastcoaster782]

Alright! I can't keep this secret anymore.

As I wrote earlier, the couch thing turned out not to be an issue. However....

He kissed me!!!!!!!

And I don't mean a quick smooch-on-the-cheek kind of kiss you might give to any old friend. I talking about a Casablanca/Gone With the Wind-type kiss.

Here's some background info: we've known each other for seven years and we've both had (and I still do) crushes on each other for the longest time. I know he has currently has a girlfriend and he's not a player or anything. But I have to wonder if deep down he still has the same feelings for me when we first met. Or did he just kiss me to get it out of his system? Prior to this, he had told me that he felt bad for not asking me out seven years ago and that he always wanted to kiss me, but never got the courage to do so (until now).

What do you guys think?

[SWMOchick]

Alright! I can't keep this secret anymore.

As I wrote earlier, the couch thing turned out not to be an issue. However....

He kissed me!!!!!!!

And I don't mean a quick smooch-on-the-cheek kind of kiss you might give to any old friend. I talking about a Casablanca/Gone With the Wind-type kiss.

Here's some background info: we've known each other for seven years and we've both had (and I still do) crushes on each other for the longest time. I know he has currently has a girlfriend and he's not a player or anything. But I have to wonder if deep down he still has the same feelings for me when we first met. Or did he just kiss me to get it out of his system? Prior to this, he had told me that he felt bad for not asking me out seven years ago and that he always wanted to kiss me, but never got the courage to do so (until now).

What do you guys think?
Personally, I'm not into cheaters. If he's willing to cheat on his girlfriend with you, then why would he hesitate in cheating on you with someone else? If he breaks up with his girlfriend, that's another story.

[eastcoaster782]

Personally, I'm not into cheaters. If he's willing to cheat on his girlfriend with you, then why would he hesitate in cheating on you with someone else? If he breaks up with his girlfriend, that's another story.

Here's the thing though, I really don't think he's the cheating type. I've never heard stories about him sneaking around with other people. Later that night, he called and kept apologizing to me because he thought he had given me the wrong idea and he doesn't want to ruin our friendship. So, could it have been just a lapse of better judgement? I doubt it'll ever happen again.

[eastcoaster782]

Here's the thing though, I really don't think he's the cheating type. I've never heard stories about him sneaking around with other people. Later that night, he called and kept apologizing to me because he thought he had given me the wrong idea and he doesn't want to ruin our friendship. So, could it have been just a lapse of better judgement? I doubt it'll ever happen again.

I should also add that we do live in different states (very far away), so it is impossible for him to see me on the side. And I wouldn't do that even if we lived next door to each other. It just makes me wonder why he waited seven years.

[TinyDancer]

Personally, I'm not into cheaters. If he's willing to cheat on his girlfriend with you, then why would he hesitate in cheating on you with someone else? If he breaks up with his girlfriend, that's another story.
I agree.

I also have to say that I have had several close guy friends with girlfriends that have "crossed the line" with me. Nothing serious ever happened because I never let it get there. I always stop things and do a "Hold up, wait a minute. . . what the hell does this mean?" thing when they begin to cross the line. I believe in getting things out on the table right then and there. "Are you in love with your girlfriend? How would she feel if she could see you now? Do you have feelings for me?"

Hey, I just come right out and ask all those questions because:
a) It's not fair to their SO for them to be cheating. If they are not happy, they need to end it.
b) I wanted to know what was up with our friendship.

I ended up taking a break from one of my best friends for a while after he tried to make a move when he had a SO. I used to like him romantically back in the day, and I thought that it was shitty that he was messing with my emotions AND cheating on his girl. We talk via email almost every day. . . but I didn't initiate any conversation for over a month. Finally he emailed me and we talked it over again, and all is okay. . . but I told him that he's never going to put me in that position again.

You're in a similar situation if you still like him, but he has no intention of leaving his girlfriend. Player or not, that's not cool at all.

[Desiderata]

Certainly sounds like there are some latent feelings still there. And while this kind of thing I don't condone when they have a SO, a slip is a slip. As long as thats what it is, if he does want to ramp things up with you (and he's a decent guy) then either way he'll end it with his current. Or his feelings just got the better of him... if its a one time thing, let it be, if he pursues, all depends on how he handles his current partner, that will tell you what YOU can expect