macunaíma
09-19-2007, 12:34 AM
I know that I'm in trouble when I have to ask the internet for help, but...
I'm currently living with my boyfriend in NYC and going to graduate school. It was my first choice, and so far living here has been great for me. I can do and eat whatever I want at any time I want. However, my boyfriend has been completely depressed and barely leaves our apartment. He has an MFA in Printmaking and prior to moving here in early August, was doing some adjunct teaching back home. In fact, he turned down three courses for the fall (and financial stability) in order to come here.
Although I had read some short articles on QLC and could give this problem a name, I am completely useless when his depression spirals out of control. Since I'm younger than he is and have not gone through anything comparable, all I can do is listen and offer up general advice. Most of the time, I don't say anything (because of the aforementioned issues) which is probably just as bad. Obviously, this has affected our relationship quite a bit both in terms of overall closeness and sex.
He has been actively looking for a job for almost a month and has sent out over 30 applications/resumes. The majority of these have been to museums and libraries which we both know are multitudinous yet hard to land. (Dignity prevents him from applying to "some crap job", even temporarily.) While there are bursts of him dealing with it proactively (he recently made a daily schedule, very cute/positive), there are other times when I come home and he's an emotional wreck ready to take all of this frustration out on me. Is there anything that I could do (aside from taking him out all the time) or say that would help? When I originally told him I was coming here, I never told him that he absolutely had to come "or else", but I do feel responsible for this depression.
I'm currently living with my boyfriend in NYC and going to graduate school. It was my first choice, and so far living here has been great for me. I can do and eat whatever I want at any time I want. However, my boyfriend has been completely depressed and barely leaves our apartment. He has an MFA in Printmaking and prior to moving here in early August, was doing some adjunct teaching back home. In fact, he turned down three courses for the fall (and financial stability) in order to come here.
Although I had read some short articles on QLC and could give this problem a name, I am completely useless when his depression spirals out of control. Since I'm younger than he is and have not gone through anything comparable, all I can do is listen and offer up general advice. Most of the time, I don't say anything (because of the aforementioned issues) which is probably just as bad. Obviously, this has affected our relationship quite a bit both in terms of overall closeness and sex.
He has been actively looking for a job for almost a month and has sent out over 30 applications/resumes. The majority of these have been to museums and libraries which we both know are multitudinous yet hard to land. (Dignity prevents him from applying to "some crap job", even temporarily.) While there are bursts of him dealing with it proactively (he recently made a daily schedule, very cute/positive), there are other times when I come home and he's an emotional wreck ready to take all of this frustration out on me. Is there anything that I could do (aside from taking him out all the time) or say that would help? When I originally told him I was coming here, I never told him that he absolutely had to come "or else", but I do feel responsible for this depression.