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View Full Version : A Year After Graduating, All I am is Bored and Lonely



ClassyGuy02
09-24-2007, 12:20 PM
I am new to the boards, and am wondering if others are feeling the same way as me, or can give me advice on where to go to help change my life so I am no longer miserable but happy to be alive and wake up excited for the day.

I graduated last year, and have a pretty decent job now (but I did pay the price by being an admin. gopher for a year). I have a finace who I love very much, but I am quite unhappy. Mainly for two reasons: I am bored and lonely. I went to college far away from home and all my college friends are doing their own thing 3 states away. Now that I am back home there is like nobody to hang out with, a few unreliable high school friends....so I have no social life and that is killing me. I am also really bored. Corporate America is not very interesting, despite the pay, and I feel like a broken record every day doing the same things over and over. I like to go camping and canoeing, but don't have the money for that now that student loans have kicked in and I have a wedding to pay for.

My life in college was so colorful, interesting, dynamic and dramatic. My life post college is grey, boring, lonely and mildly depressing.

I used to take risks (moving across the country, buying a jeep wrangler instead of a toyota corrolla ect) and now the working world kinda forces you to play the safe boring card...just sit in the suburbs living life, with a trip to family and Home Depot as the highlight of the weekend. This does not make me happy.

Does anyone else feel like this? What do you do to get out of this? I know that life can be everything I want it to be, but how do I get there, given this new reality of life post-college?

Bocheezu
09-24-2007, 01:38 PM
Pretty much the same, minus the fiancee. I got used to it after a couple years. It's like Shawshank Redemption when the old guy gets parolled and he wants to commit a crime so he can go back. Instead of "institutionalized," I'm "corporatisized." It's not so bad, I guess.

Austin83
09-24-2007, 05:39 PM
I feel the exact same way (minus the fiancee as well) about life in general. I also graduated college about a year ago (December 2006) and have gotten nowhere and have no clue what to do. The thing is just hang in there and just try talking to other people about it. That is what I have been doing.

mchenrycruiser
09-24-2007, 05:55 PM
i am the same and im nearing 27 years old............im falling apart at this point ......a year from now ill be crapping my pants and writing my name in feces on the wall....the fact is,if you wanna change,you gotta do it now.....find what u love and embrace it,even if it pays next to nothing or nothing at all..........all anyone in real life will tell you is to take a vacation.........then you are back to your boring life.

PlymouthDude58
09-25-2007, 09:59 AM
I'm in a similar boat. You pose a good question: How does one break out of the post college doldrums?

GoogleGirl
09-25-2007, 01:17 PM
yep, I definitely know the feeling...

sparky88
09-25-2007, 01:38 PM
I know the feeling. What helped me was forcing myself to socialize with lots of new people. Randomly asking people to have coffee, chatting with everyone. I've been out of college for a little over 3 years, and while many things are still out of whack for me...I've made a lot of improvements and I look forward to my life now. I am still having a 'crisis' over my career path, and other personal issues but life is rolling along again.

mchenrycruiser
09-25-2007, 03:07 PM
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!

Australiaiscool
09-29-2007, 01:21 AM
I can relate to your situation. You arre still fortunate to have a fiancee.

I'm single and very bored. There is no one I can date with when I get home from work.

Whenever I tried to make a move on a girl, I often get rejected.

I wish it is an equal game where a girl also put in as much the same effort.

I wonder why guys have to do all the chasing

I'm very tired of it and im thinking of paying to get one instead.

starrynight
09-29-2007, 01:43 AM
How can you be bored and lonely when you have a fiance?! That's insulting to her. I would kill to be in love with somebody right now and it be mutual! Just be thankful for what you've got.

NOuseForName
09-29-2007, 02:24 AM
I am as well right there with you, except for the fiancee and a job. But it is very depressing, not just mildly depressing. After graduating college and moving on or "growing up" it feels as if a part of you has died and or is dying and that is just a horrible feeling knowing that some of the best times in your life are over. I don't know about anybody else but when Thursday night (the big night to go out for my school) roles around I just can't help but feeling sad that I am no longer experiencing it..college. From what I hear that feeling slowly fades away, all I can hope for is that is does and fast. But I agree with rudd_grl, you have to look on the bright side, especially with your situation. You have a girl that you love, and presumably she loves you back, and also you have decent job. It may sound sappy but I believe having love and a loving relationship maybe be the most underatted thing in this world. In fact I believe it is the best thing that could happen to anybody.

wordsmith
09-29-2007, 02:27 AM
It's really your own responsibility to make your life feel worth living. If your job isn't doing it for you, you can either make steps to switch into something that fits you better, or accept what you've got and adjust other areas of your life accordingly to make up for the fact that it's never gonna be that fulfilling to you to do what you do for a living. Fill up your time with things that are meaningful to you. If you have nothing that's meaningful to you, start seeing a therapist or read some self help books, and get out of the funk that's dragging you down. Everyone who's not suffering depression or extreme apathy should have SOMETHING that's meaningful to him or her. Find a way to incorporate it into your life, personally, professionally if you can bear to (some people can't bear to), or both.

winneythepooh7
09-29-2007, 07:14 AM
It's really your own responsibility to make your life feel worth living. If your job isn't doing it for you, you can either make steps to switch into something that fits you better, or accept what you've got and adjust other areas of your life accordingly to make up for the fact that it's never gonna be that fulfilling to you to do what you do for a living. Fill up your time with things that are meaningful to you. If you have nothing that's meaningful to you, start seeing a therapist or read some self help books, and get out of the funk that's dragging you down. Everyone who's not suffering depression or extreme apathy should have SOMETHING that's meaningful to him or her. Find a way to incorporate it into your life, personally, professionally if you can bear to (some people can't bear to), or both.


Agreed. 110%. And to the others who have responded, it's also quite normal to still feel bored or unfulfilled in certain areas of our lives, even if we do have a SO, suprisingly. Just because you have someone special in your life, doesn't mean you still are not going to not like your job, or be lonely because you don't have many friends in your area. Life cannot and should not be all about the SO.

What has helped me is joining a local alumnae group for my greek organization. I have met many people (including my fiance) that way. I also make it a goal to get out and do things on the weekends when I am free from work. I have also started to get friendly with one of my co-workers. We even went out for happy hour the other night and are planning to make this a Thursday tradition!

Also try Craigslist, Yahoo groups and Meetup.org to find local groups in your area. Even post your own ad on Craigslist for a social group. You probably will get better results that way!

vxmike
09-29-2007, 10:40 PM
My life in college was so colorful, interesting, dynamic and dramatic. My life post college is grey, boring, lonely and mildly depressing.

I used to take risks (moving across the country, buying a jeep wrangler instead of a toyota corrolla ect) and now the working world kinda forces you to play the safe boring card...just sit in the suburbs living life, with a trip to family and Home Depot as the highlight of the weekend. This does not make me happy.



I think this is so common today due to the American tradition that college be a four year carefree, responsibility-free party. With that being most peoples' first introduction to adult life it's no wonder so many young people end up depressed after college when they enter the real world.

My advice on beating this would be two-fold:

Make as much money as you can as early in life as you can. You've already discovered you don't make enough to sustain the hobbies you'd like to, and despite what some people claim I think a certain level of financial means and security is required to really be happy.

You're sealing your fate of a lifetime of boring suburban life if you get married, so I would not do so this so young. You lose a ton of freedom and your extra money will be spent on landscaping for your house, a new lawnmower, and a power wheels for your kids, instead of exciting hobbies and adventures you could pursue as a single person. I know a lot of guys in their mid to late 20s grappling with this reality right now, and while they might love their families I don't think they're totally happy facing being a corporate suburban drone for 20 more years.

My general solution to happiness as an adult has been money and freedom. It opens all the doors for you.

hereisnewyork
09-30-2007, 12:42 PM
My life in college was so colorful, interesting, dynamic and dramatic. My life post college is grey, boring, lonely and mildly depressing.

oh how I miss the drama! and I hate drama! everyone needs a little I think...I have no idea how to get it. I wish I could go back to school for the "dynamic and interesting" part as well, but man I hate writing papers :P

teeny
09-30-2007, 02:55 PM
This is a really common feeling. It's hard not to constantly question whether or not you're living your life to the fullest, especially if you believe you only get one shot at it.
I have been out of college two years, and I can honestly say I'm happier than I've ever been. I moved to Brooklyn (4 hours from home), am surrounded by creative people my own age that inspire me and I can relate to, and am taking my time figuring out what I actually want from life. I am not too concerned with planning my entire life out, and am letting things fall in place. If more people were honest with themselves, I think they'd realize the corporate/suburban lifestyle isn't what they actually want, especially in their 20's.
It takes guts, but you have the choice of not living that life. You may make certain sacrifices, but you have that choice. Obviously, it's easier not to rock the boat and maintain status quo and the lifestyle you grew up with.
Is there any way you can move to a place that excites you? I think people really downplay how important location is to your state of mind. We think we all need lots of space (big homes, big yards, big cars...) but really, I think that just isolates people further.

Pol
10-12-2007, 07:16 PM
It's really your own responsibility to make your life feel worth living. If your job isn't doing it for you, you can either make steps to switch into something that fits you better, or accept what you've got and adjust other areas of your life accordingly to make up for the fact that it's never gonna be that fulfilling to you to do what you do for a living. Fill up your time with things that are meaningful to you. If you have nothing that's meaningful to you, start seeing a therapist or read some self help books, and get out of the funk that's dragging you down. Everyone who's not suffering depression or extreme apathy should have SOMETHING that's meaningful to him or her. Find a way to incorporate it into your life, personally, professionally if you can bear to (some people can't bear to), or both.

If you hate your job, quit. If you hate where you live, leave. If you hate your life, change it. Shake up everything, because what you're doing isn't working. After college, it's tough to make friends because you aren't surrounded by every walk of life within arm's length.

akrucz
11-16-2007, 12:38 AM
I'm new to this bored. I realize some people have entry-level corporate America jobs. But I think I have a true QLC. I graduated 2 1/2 years ago. My X was able to get a very good job. I was struggling to find something other than retail. I have never been able to! My degrees are in international relations and russian. I applied to every government job I could, entry level on up. I took my resume to the state house, immigration lawyers, everywhere I could think of. Nothing! So, a year after I had graduated, X hits the road for a better job across the country. (We had been living together when he broke up with me. He wanted to marry me, but nother story.) Anyhow, add on to all this I have seizures, thats another reason he didn't want me anymore. So, no job, no insurance, dumped, living in my cousins basement for a bit. Last January I moved in with a roomie. However, throughout the last year my friend became Jack Daniels and I totalled my car as a result of heavy drinking and having a seizure. In May lost my full-tiime job as a hostess. (Was able to collect unemployment.) Anyhow, a month latter she signed over our lease to someone else giving me only a week to prepare to move back home to my mom's. So, here I am 26, living with mom, no job, no health insurance, no friends, and returning to school in a few months so I can get another undergrad. It should only take 2 years since all my general classes are done. I don't have the grades for grad school. Sorry, everyone complains about not liking their job. I know I did. The thing is, when you are in your mid-twenties and your life is what it was when you were in high school only a little worse and your friends are married with relatively decent jobs and you only have your mom's couch to sleep on. This is a crisis!

atomicseasoning
11-30-2007, 10:14 AM
Life is truly what you make of it, so if your job doesn't satisfy you entirely then find some hobbies or a church or something to make you feel its worthwhile. Don't be afraid to go out and try to make new friends, no matter where you live vs. where your college era friends live. Your community needs you energy, no matter what you may think.

The thing is that the dicotomy you experience during your school & college years, where you're thrown with hundreds if not thousands of people within a year or two of your own age on a daily basis, is unnatural in the real world.

In the real world you have to get used to working with and dealing with people 10, 20, or 30+ years older than you and everyone in your workspace might not be into what you're into.

They may even think that the drama you were used to experiencing in college is very juvenile by comparison to making deals, dealing with finances, purchasing houses, dealing with one's spouse, their own kids and the issues they bring, etc.

Still though, even your older co-workers were once fresh newbies themselves, so maybe they could give you some advice on how to deal with your post college doldrums.

Bsig84
11-30-2007, 10:22 AM
How can you be bored and lonely when you have a fiance?! That's insulting to her. I would kill to be in love with somebody right now and it be mutual! Just be thankful for what you've got.

I dont think he was saying that in an insulting way to her. I can understand how he feels. I have been living in a small town now for about 4 months. I have a great boyfriend and I love being with him. However, I really miss having girlfriends. My boyfriend has his own life (basketball, football, friends) and I give him plenty of freedom to live it. However, I dont. And it can get pretty lonely not having any friends. I am very grateful for my boyfriend though. But I think that is what he was getting at, not that his fiance doesnt mean anything to him.

LilGuillermo
03-15-2008, 09:39 PM
well people may not agree with me, but I've suffered from depression since early adolescence, and after I got out of college I just reached a low point where all I did was sleep till 5 pm and start getting wasted at night. But then I started taking anti-depressants and I started feeling better. I was still living with my parents, I was still single, I was still doing b.s. jobs while looking for my niche in life but I didn't feel down about life. Just a suggestion though...