"Well...the girlfriend says...."

[and1grad]

I'm getting sick and fucking tired of my friends being essentially RAN by their girlfriends. EVERY decision they make to do ANYTHING has to meet with the girlfriend's approval and if she doesnt want to do it, then they cant do it. What the fuck? Why do so many men become p#!@sies when they get a girlfriend? I sure hope if that ever happens to me, someone is around to give me a sound beating.

Girls, is there a reason you feel the need to have your man report to you/get your approval before he does something that otherwise wouldnt include you anyway?

Fellas, do you let that happen and if so, have you no shame? Letting a woman run you is the very definition of being "bitch-made." How can you let that happen and still claim to be a man? Not saying your woman's input should be disregarded but if its the be-all, end-all of any decision you make...you're a punk.

Thus ends my rant for the day.

[dacrunkest]

My girlfriend lets me do anything I want, as long as it's taking her to dinner or watching a movie with her.

Kidding.

It's not a matter of being "run" by your girlfriend. It's a matter of choosing to do things and involve her because you want to...for example, I can handle maybe one or two "guys nights" a month...but aside from that, why would I want to spend time away from my girlfriend? And what for...to spend time out doing the same stupid shit I did when I was 21? Been there, done that...pretty boring.

It's much more exciting to have someone meaningful to share your life with...whether it be going to a reading, a concert or theatre production, a film or some other outing, or just hanging at home and talking or watching a DVD or something.

[spiritedaway]

Honestly, I think you're taking this the wrong way. It's not a gender thing.

Case in point: I invited my best friend out for skiing. She said she can't come because her boyfriend isn't interested in skiing. I'm annoyed because I am inviting her and not her boyfriend, but whatever.

I move on and ended up going with a group of (single) friends who don't need to check in with their significant other.

So yeah, I can relate, but dude, it works both ways and is not gender specific.

(In response to your specific question, I guess it's always polite to include your SO in the events because well, two people are building their lives together. And I guess it's good to know that their S/O is not excluding them from social events where you meet other people, especially if said person is going to be surrounded by single people of the opposite gender).

Just my theory, anyway.

[Bman120]

Just out of curiousity Crunk, how long have you and words been dating? I've noticed that over time, you start to want more time away. In newer relationships, you want to spend tons of time together. Maybe that's the exception rather than the rule though. Not sure.

But after a while, some people want some time here and there to do other things because you start to see how things have changed in your life since the relationship started. Not that that change is bad, but its just different and sometimes having some time doing your own thing with the guys is a change of pace.

[wordsmith]

I've found this with female friends, as well. My best friend often "can't" do things because her husband doesn't like it when she goes to bars, etc.

I've noticed that over time, you start to want more time away.

I hope not, since we live together and all.

P.S. He can do anything he likes on his own. Especially go running. I promise not to horn in on that. ;)

[Bman120]

Well by more time away, I was thinking individual days and evenings here and there. Nothing long, especially if you are living together.

[wordsmith]

Yeah, we have things we do on our own.

[PenforPrez]

There's a term for this. But I can't type it here. :evil:

[dengeist]

No comment.

[and1grad]

There's a term for this. But I can't type it here. :evil:
Yep...and I REALLY wanted to use that term.

spirited, its not about excluding anyone, nor is it about any guy's night out. Its about the SO not wanting to do something, so you then dont want to do it. Thats lame...especially when you've otherwise expressed an interest in doing it.

crunk, in this case, it IS a matter of being run by your girlfriend. I know the difference. Not to be critical, but I would rather not have my entire social life be wrapped around my SO or vice versa. If that works for you, cool.

[SmilesSoSweet]

My BF and I sort of report to each other. Not that we have to, we just do.

And sense neither one of us really have close friends out here, we pretty much just hang out together. So that works pretty well.

I've gone out of town to visit family and friends on my own and he's done the same. One of those trips for me was a bachelorette party in LA. He didn't mind it at all. I still made the trip back here to be back in town for his birthday a couple days later. That was basically the compromise, which of course I didn't mind.

I don't get the relationships where one HAS to ask permission to do something or run it by their SO to see if it's okay to do something.

[Krishna]

I'm getting sick and fucking tired of my friends being essentially RAN by their girlfriends. EVERY decision they make to do ANYTHING has to meet with the girlfriend's approval and if she doesnt want to do it, then they cant do it. What the fuck? Why do so many men become p#!@sies when they get a girlfriend?

My boyfriend and I are together (almost) every weekend Friday-Sunday. It's pretty much certain that 95% of the time on the weekends, if you want to see one of us, you get both of us. That isnt because we're possessive or dominating, but rather that we enjoy spending that time together. There always need to be some boundaries established- nights out alone are fine, but you're in a relationship, so you have to take the other person's opinions into account.


Girls, is there a reason you feel the need to have your man report to you/get your approval before he does something that otherwise wouldnt include you anyway?


I don't ask my boyfriend to report to me. We do, however, tell each other what's going on and what plans are, so that everyone is informed. I think that asking for consent and/or approval for events away from the SO shows that you care for their feelings, especially if that even is taking place during what would normally be time with you SO. I dont know why that makes you less of a man.



The bottom line though, if your friend is being a doormat, is that no one can control you without your consent. If your friend(s) weren't happy with how their lives are, they'd get out.

[TinyDancer]

Yeah, I don't understand this either. . . but I really have never wanted that type of relationship.

Maybe it's because my parents enjoy spending time together, but they have separate hobbies, they don't ask for permission to do things, and have lives and tons of friends outside of each other. My sister and her husband are the same way. I want a similar relationship.

I understand wanting to spend time with someone you love, but I don't need to spend every bleeping minute with someone. . . and if I don't want to do something, I don't want it to hold the guy I'm with back from doing it.

Then again, I'm super independent and smother easily so this also feeds into this point of view. :rolleyes:

[asm198]

Girls, is there a reason you feel the need to have your man report to you/get your approval before he does something that otherwise wouldnt include you anyway?

Mainly, the reason I like to know if he's going out is so that I don't have to wait around for him to get home for dinner or something. He never asks if he can do something, but he does call if he's going to be unusually late.

[arrow]

This sort of hits home for me a little. The only times I've ever been that girl that doesn't do things because her BF doesn't want her to do them... I've regretted it. When I was younger and less experienced, I had a few boyfriends try to control my activities - in the past I'd just lie and be sneaky to do what I wanted (I should have just dumped them, I know) - but now I no longer stand for it. I just don't date controlling men anymore. I'm much happier in my relationship with a guy who is okay with my full autonomy. And I'm okay with his.

So yeah... not a fan of the controlling SO's.

[embrassezla]

I would rather not have my entire social life be wrapped around my SO or vice versa. If that works for you, cool.
Ditto. Early on in relationships, it's easy to want to spend all free time with your SO, but my experience has been that as time passes, you live together and combine your lives, and you no longer feel that need. It doesn't mean you love each other less, it just means you've fully integrated your two lives into one parallel one. A lot of times you spend time together, sometimes you spend time alone or with friends. It's nice, it feels like equilibrium.

I've been with my SO for 4 years, have been cohabitating for 2+. We have a pretty good routine going. Most of the time we go out together, and all of our friends are cool with that. However, we also go out separately, with friends or for activities, and we don't ask each other's permission. However, living with someone, it's a courtesy to mention our plans to the other, to make sure there isn't a conflict.

[Taza Tikha]

Oh God I WISH I could find a guy like that. I have never had a boy choose anything other than "bros before hos." When I have to schedule time on his calendar a week or two in advance, I start to think he's really not that interested in me. Which is usually the case, but whatever. I'd love to have a guy who thinks a night in with me is more fun than the other options.

As far as me being clingy...I am. I know it, and it is what it is. There is a domestic goddess in me who wants to have dinner on the table every night. I also tend not to do fun things unless I'm with someone. I mean, I have my hobbies and girlfriends and what not, but theater, galleries, trying new romantic restaurants...these things I am less inclined to do unless a boy is on my arm.

[sparky88]

My husband and I always run things past one another, before committing to something. For us, it just makes sense to plan ahead. It's all about optimizing and making the most of our free time.

For example, this weekend I am driving 2 hours north to see my family- since my husband had a few days notice he's called all his guy friends over for a football game party (and, thank god I'll 'get' to miss that, lol). It just makes sense to consult eachother, but it isn't about anyone's balls being in a jar. It's common sense, to discuss your wants/desires/opinions/preferences with your SO.

[arrow]

it's a courtesy to mention our plans to the other, to make sure there isn't a conflict.


For sure. If the boy isn't going to be home at the regular time, I want to know so that I know how to handle dinner (for one or for two), as well as my own time, etc. I do different things when I'm home alone than when he's with me. Similarly, I will always tell him if I'm grabbing drinks or something with a friend after work because I don't want him sitting around wondering where the heck I am. But I don't think these healthy exchanges are what And1 is talking about. I think he's referring to those people who won't do anything unless the SO comes along, and if the SO doesn't want to come along, then neither will the friend. That can be expected a little in a new relationship, but after 6-8 months I would really start to worry about how healthy that relationship actually is.

[old_school_soul]

and1, I understand you completely. It takes a certain type of guy to be vagina-whipped. It's the same dude that you ask, what are YOU doing tonight, and they responed with "WE". Ugh. I think it usually happens in people who are insecure and/or in young relationships.

I will with pleasure give you a beatdown if you turn into that guy. :)

[hoodie]

haha...I don't know why that tickled my fancy, but now I can picture OSS combing And1's posts for signs of whipped-ness lest a whuppin' needs to be dealt out. :p

[cheshrcarol]

haha...I don't know why that tickled my fancy, but now I can picture OSS combing And1's posts for signs of whipped-ness lest a whuppin' needs to be dealt out. :pI'd be even more amused to see the two of them actually fight :p .

[meatwad]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_Qy6UdQA38&mode=related&search=

[and1grad]

But I don't think these healthy exchanges are what And1 is talking about. I think he's referring to those people who won't do anything unless the SO comes along, and if the SO doesn't want to come along, then neither will the friend.
Exactly. I'm not talking about notifying someone like if you're gonna get home late. I'm talking about needing permission to do something from an SO and/or needing the SO to want to do it for you to want to do it. That shit's weak...but spin it however you want.

OSS, my friend responded with a "We cant make it" type response and if it werent by text message, I might've had to put him in a headlock.

[and1grad]

haha...I don't know why that tickled my fancy, but now I can picture OSS combing And1's posts for signs of whipped-ness lest a whuppin' needs to be dealt out. :p
Thats a whole lot of combing. Me..being whipped...NEVER!!

Chesh, right after you and wordsmith get after it. Now THAT would be a battle! :evil:

[cheshrcarol]

Chesh, right after you and wordsmith get after it. Now THAT would be a battle! :evil:Wait, what?? LOL

[canadiangal]

Hi!

I've been with my boyfriend for just over 1.5 years... I have the same problem as you but the opposite (my girlfriends have to ask their boyfriends for permission to do stuff). Granted, most of them live together (i've never lived together and don't know if this is normal) but it's annoying!!! They also do most stuff together now and rarely go apart.

In regards to my boyfriend, we generally discuss our plans for the week but he does NOT have to ask permission to do stuff. The only time that would ever be applicable was if we had discussed hanging out on say, saturday night and he was invited to a guys poker night. Then he would ask...

Are these couples living together? In my experience that changes things quite a bit...

[and1grad]

Are these couples living together? In my experience that changes things quite a bit...
In some cases, they ARE living with the SO. Guess who's idea that was? LOL!

[SWMOchick]

In some cases, they ARE living with the SO. Guess who's idea that was? LOL!
I'm sure the permission thing goes both ways.

[and1grad]

I'm sure the permission thing goes both ways.
You mean in general or in this specific case?

[PenforPrez]

I will with pleasure give you a beatdown if you turn into that guy.

That's what friends are for! :D

[wordsmith]

What I think is really interesting is that it's always assumed that the guy is doing something with his GF against his will or that the GF is "making" him do these things, when in fact, what probably bugs you more is if your buddy is actually CHOOSING to do the couple thing. You know...of his own volition. It must be easier to assume that couple time is done under duress. Although, if I were a guy who actually preferred doing things with my GF, I'd probably lie about it, to avoid all the BS namecalling and ribbing and insecure male posturing sure to follow.

[bridgetjones]

Yeah I hear you about that. I do not get wanting to be with someone all the time. I'd want to snap at such togetherness. I like my me time and to do stuff I like to do... Have been called too independant. Then again ppl have said I have not met the one so LOL. This stuff sucks when you are single! It also sucks when you do not really like the SO. LOL. One needs to find more single pals or hobbies to keep busy I think.

I suppose I would think checking in is a courtesy if you live together. Man I would have to love someone to put up with checking in and living with them. Then again i do not see myself as a gal that would wait by the door with bated breath for my man to come home every nite. Just so long as we get some quality time together that is fine.

[arrow]

What I think is really interesting is that it's always assumed that the guy is doing something with his GF against his will or that the GF is "making" him do these things, when in fact, what probably bugs you more is if your buddy is actually CHOOSING to do the couple thing. You know...of his own volition. It must be easier to assume that couple time is done under duress. Although, if I were a guy who actually preferred doing things with my GF, I'd probably lie about it, to avoid all the BS namecalling and ribbing and insecure male posturing sure to follow.

Either that or hang out with more understanding people. I mean, I know guys like to give each other crap but there are a lot of them out there who are pretty cool with the whole notion of "feelings" and "being in love." However, there are some people are controlling and manipulative in relationships.

[dacrunkest]

From freshman year to about a year ago, I spent EVERY weekend hanging out with my friends and other aquaintances. Every weekend it was the same routine...go out drinking, lounge around on the weekend and watch some sporting contest. What guys go with other guys to art galleries or for walks in the park or to the library or bookstore to peruse books...none (and I would feel really wierd doing these types of things with other guys, honestly). But these are the things that I like to do. I don't mind hanging out with guy friends once and a while, but there are hundreds of other things I would rather be doing. And that doesn't mean I have to be doing what my GF is doing...sometimes I like to be alone, when I am practicing piano or running or reading or taking a drive. I seldom drink, I don't really care for watching other people play sports (the notion seems rather silly to me), and when I do want "me" time away from my girlfriend it is most often to just spend time with myself. So, hanging out with other guys isn't really that high a priority for me.

[bridgetjones]

I dunno I have guys pals I go to art exhibits/foriegn films/theatre with and not all these guys are gay. Some of them yes are indeed gay but the majority are not gay. These guy pals indeed do go with each other whether I am there or not.

Then again I live in a large city where guys do that sort of thing together.

As for girls nite out or shopping... Shopping I prefer to do alone. Girls nite out is a thing for coupled up chicks. I will come along but it is not a big thing for me. Well the conversation content does reflect a lack of male company on girls nite out :p

[ebruening]

I live with my boyfriend, and since Halo 3 came out this past week, he has been having a lot of "guy nights" at our place. He informed me that he was going to have his buddies over to play Halo 3 today. I said that would be fine. If I wanted to invite friends over, it would be a similar situation - I'd inform him that's what I'm doing, and I'm sure he would be fine with it. However, I like all of his friends, and I'm pretty sure that they all like me, since I'm always included in the "guy nights" anyway, making them more like "guys + Erika nights."

Maybe my situation is different, because I genuinely enjoy spending time with my boyfriend's friends. Granted, I may not enjoy what they're doing - playing video games - but I don't feel the need to grant or withhold permission when my boyfriend wants a "guys night," mostly because I know I'm always included. Not to threadjack too much, but do you consider it odd that I'm always included in my boyfriend's plans with his friends? One of his buddies wanted to include me in his bachelor party :rolleyes:

[ebruening]

What guys go with other guys to art galleries or for walks in the park or to the library or bookstore to peruse books...none (and I would feel really wierd doing these types of things with other guys, honestly).

I have a couple of guy friends who have absolutely gone for walks in the park, to libraries, bookstories, and art galleries together. As far as I know, they're heterosexual. They just like those sorts of things, and have been best friends for years.

[wordsmith]

I dunno I have guys pals I go to art exhibits/foriegn films/theatre with and not all these guys are gay. Some of them yes are indeed gay but the majority are not gay. These guy pals indeed do go with each other whether I am there or not.

Then again I live in a large city where guys do that sort of thing together.




Who said anything about sexual orientation?

[AshleyJordan]

My SO and I both have a lot of professional obligations and there are many evenings that we can't spend together for that very reason. Therefore, we're pretty efficient w/ our social time-- often meeting up with other couples so we can see each other AND our friends at the same time. But, I do definitely enjoy time with just my female friends, and I assume he does the same with his male friends. Also, he has one friend in particular who I just don't really like. He's a perfectly fine person, I just don't enjoy his company-- I usually urge my SO to just hang out with this friend alone, and I'm sure other couples have similar situations.

[sondra_finchley]

We are like ebreuning and her guy ( I think I was like you in another thread too!)

He knows I like to know whats going on, but he doesnt have to ask "permission". And really, if he wants to go hang out with his buddies that is fine with me, I know quite a few of them and like them all- and they like me and usually want me to join in too (usually what has happened then is one of the "widowed" gfs will call round and see if some of us want to come over for wine and chat while the boys are off playing poker or the other general stupidity they get up to). Maybe on occasion I do ask permission of him- but thats more for something major like "hey, would you mind if I left for Christmas a few days before you to stop and see so-and-so?"


I think the permission the OP is referring to could be from lack of communication within the relationship of the friend. Perhaps the friend got his balls busted one too many times for making his own decisions regarding time on the weekends or evenings because the gf didnt tell him until 30 seconds before that she "needed" him to go with her clothes shopping, or food shopping, or something equally mundane. Some gals use that as a form of control...but this is all really hypothetical. I just wanted to throw it out there as one scenario.

[and1grad]

What I think is really interesting is that it's always assumed that the guy is doing something with his GF against his will or that the GF is "making" him do these things, when in fact, what probably bugs you more is if your buddy is actually CHOOSING to do the couple thing. You know...of his own volition. It must be easier to assume that couple time is done under duress. Although, if I were a guy who actually preferred doing things with my GF, I'd probably lie about it, to avoid all the BS namecalling and ribbing and insecure male posturing sure to follow.
I think, if this is directed at me, that you dont know what you're talking about.

[Krishna]

I think, if this is directed at me, that you dont know what you're talking about.

I think words has a point, really. These guys are probably happy to be doing these things with their girlfriends. If they werent, they wouldnt put up with it.

[and1grad]

I think words has a point, really. These guys are probably happy to be doing these things with their girlfriends. If they werent, they wouldnt put up with it.
If that was the issue, fine. But whether or not they enjoy doing things with their SO isnt, and never was, the issue. To imply, that I, or any poster really, wouldnt recognize the difference is kind of ridiculous to be honest.

[Krishna]

If that was the issue, fine. But whether or not they enjoy doing things with their SO isnt, and never was, the issue. To imply, that I, or any poster really, wouldnt recognize the difference is kind of ridiculous to be honest.

Wasnt really directing it at you...I've seen several of my male friend get bent out of shape over some other friends consistantly being attached to their GF. I've pointed out to them repeatedly that this is a choice that the friends have made. You dont have to like it, but it was their choice to make...

[and1grad]

...but it was their choice to make...
I think we're now finally getting back to the point. My problem is when your SO decides for you. That was the point...not whether or not someone enjoys spending time with their SO...or any madness about making excuses for it.

[Krishna]

I think we're now finally getting back to the point. My problem is when your SO decides for you. That was the point...not whether or not someone enjoys spending time with their SO...or any madness about making excuses for it.

Just curious- are you sure the SO is deciding for them?

[and1grad]

Just curious- are you sure the SO is deciding for them?
Yes. I've witnessed it in action.

[Krishna]

Yes. I've witnessed it in action.

Interesting. I'd never presume to make a decision for my SO. If he asks for my opinion on something (ie- "do you want to go do XYZ", or even "is it OK if next Saturday is a guy's night?") then I give it, but I rarely ask him to give up something or avoid going somewhere, because frankly, I pick my battles. Game nights/guys nights occasionally are not a huge deal to me. I request that he skip something, or compromise only if it's really important...like my grandparents wanting to take us out to dinner, or something.

At the same time, I know that he uses me as an excuse to not do things with the guys sometimes. I've seen him do it. So I kind of approach this situation with caution. I'm guessing that maybe some (not all) of your guy friends occasionally use their GF as a "get out of jail free" card if something doesnt appeal to them....just like I'm sure some of your friends really are that whipped that they can't think for themselves...something that I find repulsive. I wouldnt respect my SO at all if he didnt have a little bit of a spine (and I'm sure the same holds true for him regarding me). :p

[dacrunkest]

I admit to using the girlfriend as an excuse to get out of a football party that I was invited to this week, so I will plead guilty to that. A bunch of my colleagues were having some shin dig because we have a football team in our town that is playing this weekend. I was pretty uninterested.

[arrow]

I admit to using the girlfriend as an excuse to get out of a football party that I was invited to this week, so I will plead guilty to that. A bunch of my colleagues were having some shin dig because we have a football team in our town that is playing this weekend. I was pretty uninterested.

I can't believe you are using your girlfriend!! Gasp! (I kid, I kid)

[AshleyJordan]

I admit to using the girlfriend as an excuse to get out of a football party that I was invited to this week, so I will plead guilty to that. A bunch of my colleagues were having some shin dig because we have a football team in our town that is playing this weekend. I was pretty uninterested.
I do that all.the.time. I switch between the SO and food poisoning as my excuse. I'm sure he's flattered that I switch between him and "food poisoning," lol. :p

[Krishna]

"Sorry, I really wanted to go shopping/see that indi flick/pour over wedding plans/etc with you, but <insert BF's name here>'s grandparents are having a BBQ."



I'm guilty of it too. Lots. Sometimes creative yet plausible stories are hard to come by. :p

[dengeist]

I know what and1 is talking about. It's when the guy becomes the filter for his girlfriend. It is kind of strange to see particularly when it's something you know the guy enjoys doing.

*Going to see an action movie*

Girlfriend: That doesn't sound interesting.

Guy: Uhhhhh....yeah....I kinda changed my mind


*Looking for droids*

Girlfriend: These aren't the droids we're looking for.

Guy: Uhhhhh....these aren't the droids we're looking for.


You get the idea. :D

[cheshrcarol]

*Looking for droids*

Girlfriend: These aren't the droids we're looking for.

Guy: Uhhhhh....these aren't the droids we're looking for.
LOL. I feel like such a geek for getting this joke :p .

[old_school_soul]

I admit to using the girlfriend as an excuse to get out of a football party that I was invited to this week, so I will plead guilty to that. A bunch of my colleagues were having some shin dig because we have a football team in our town that is playing this weekend. I was pretty uninterested.

Isn't it easier just to say you aren't interested?

[Carmi]

My last ex used to call it 'consulting '- I needed to consult with him if I wanted to do anything. And consult I did - I did my best to include him in my life with my friends and give him the space he needed. He just out of hand when I needed the same space.

Oh that and he figured he had nothing in common with my friends- my reply: Dont you have me in common? Anyhoo - that has definately contributed to my philosophy-
1- Couples spend most of their time together in the early stages of a relationship. Its the bond building phase- where you dont see anyone but each other all weekend
2- Eventually you resurface from the bedding ;)- and reconnect with the rest of the world
3- The relationships that survive that phase are the ones based on common respect for each other and each others lives before you became one (a bad Celine Dion song:-

If your one together - the presumably your half a person apart. Thats scares the hell out of me. Personally, if the SO needs to be 'consulted' on eveything - they may have a little bit of a self esteem issue

[winneythepooh7]

For my situation, this doesn't come up much because most of my friend's are the wives/fiances/girlfriends of my SO's friends, so we tend to hang out together, or actually in the vicinity of each other. Often the guys will go watch baseball or football, and us females will hang out elsewhere.

It is just what works for us. We do also do things seperately obviously. I will hang out with friends in the city, he will jam with his friends in his friend's basement.

I do have a single friend who has snubbed a lot of us before. She actually told one of my friend's (who happens to be single) not to invite any "couples" to her birthday party. She actually told my friend to uninvite her brother and his girlfriend of 8 years:eek: ! So yeah, it does go both ways........

As for "permission", I think it's more like "common courtesy" that I give my fiance (and vice versa) the heads up of where I am going to be so he doesn't worry if I am not home at my usual time.

I do think there is a certain "unwritten rule" however, of when it's just cool to leave the SO home. For example, my fiance had his bachelor party recently. He said I was the only fiance who didn't show up towards the end of the evening to "check on" things, and he thought that was pretty cool stuff ;). Same does go for his jam sessions and sports with the guys. It's important to give that space.

[dacrunkest]

Isn't it easier just to say you aren't interested?

Not always. Sometimes it's just easier to give a good excuse. Sometimes people can think they can persuade you into being interested.

[wordsmith]

It's true. Only the biggest jackasses will argue with a "prior committment."

[embrassezla]

My SO uses me as an excuse to get out of doing stuff pretty regularly. Sometimes I'm "sick", sometimes I have to "get up early", etc. I find it funny, except I wonder if his friends think I'M the one making him use these lame excuses, which I am rarely even aware of. A few weekends ago, we went out with some friends and one of them said something about me getting up early, and I had no idea what he was talking about.

[and1grad]

I'm more used to giving excuses to girls rather than using them as one. I might have to consider this option since it seems to work so readily.

[old_school_soul]

Not always. Sometimes it's just easier to give a good excuse. Sometimes people can think they can persuade you into being interested.


Thanks for the life lesson, I need to incorporate lying into my daily routine more often!

[and1grad]

Thanks for the life lesson, I need to incorporate lying into my daily routine more often!
Remember when we were lying to those girls over at your place? Ahhh...good times.

[old_school_soul]

Remember when we were lying to those girls over at your place? Ahhh...good times.

Come on man, that doesn't count!

[dacrunkest]

Come on man, that doesn't count!

And I am sure you never told a little fib to get out of something boring or unappealing ever in your life....

Saint Old School Soul, get off of your fucking cross.

Besides, as I said before, it's not really lying because I would much rather spend the time with her (my girlfriend) than going to watch something I have no interest in, and so I did.

[wordsmith]

And, truth be known, had I been asked if I'd rather he hang out with me or go watch football, I'd WOULD definitely have said "hang out with me." But I wouldn't have just demanded it. Add to that the fact that if his coworkers are left with the impression that I'm that sucky GF who won't let the guy watch the Chiefs game, I can live with that. I don't know them, they don't know me, and they're really not even friends of my BF. So who cares if they erroneously think I'm a bitch or my BF is henpecked? The opinions of strangers I could care less about rank pretty low. I would be annoyed if somebody were using me as an "out" with people I actually know and like, and was making me look demanding when I'm not, though, most likely.

[SunnyBunny24]

I'm so sick and fucking tired of him having to bend his ways to fit my liking. i wish that he can't just be himself and be comfortable with it. Instead, if i complained about something he'll try to do things or say things to conform to what i prefer. Is this what girls really want?? Am I a normal girl??

[Rage]

All I have to say is stand up for what you want to do because if you take the relationship forward spoiling your SO, it will be a shock to them later when you are your true self. All checking in does is develop high maint. SOs. Be your own person with a bond, not the same person.

[wordsmith]

All I have to say is stand up for what you want to do because if you take the relationship forward spoiling your SO, it will be a shock to them later when you are your true self. All checking in does is develop high maint. SOs. Be your own person with a bond, not the same person.

Unless your true self IS actually somebody who enjoys "spoiling" your S.O. I wouldn't recommend being somebody you're not. But I do know that I enjoy being with somebody who DOES enjoy putting me first (not that I demand it, but I sure appreciate it when it happens).

[Krishna]

All checking in does is develop high maint. SOs.

It's a common courtesy to check in if it will affect your SO. "Hi honey, just wanted to let you know that I'm going out for drinks with Bob and Tom tonight after work, and I won't be home until 7:30. You don't have to wait for me for dinner."

[Krishna]

But I do know that I enjoy being with somebody who DOES enjoy putting me first (not that I demand it, but I sure appreciate it when it happens).

Yeah, if someone can't put me first, at least occasionally, the relationship has zero potential for me. (I'm not saying they need to put me first all the time, but occasionally it's nice)

[bridgetjones]

I would detest the idea that I always have to check in with an SO. I did not like it when I had an SO. If I lived with one, I guess it would matter to do so out of courtesy. However I think if a guy showed too much interest in having me check-in for everything I would dump him. I need my space. It sometimes amazes me how much controlling behaviour ppl will tolerate in a partner.

[wordsmith]

Count me among those who thinks that checking in is simply a matter of common courtesy, not acquiescing to being whipped or anything of that nature. I always check in when I know that people who care about me will be wondering about me, and/or people are counting on me to be around and planning their time accordingly. It was true of my mom when I lived at home, it was true of my housemates when I lived in a co-op where we included one another in meal plans, and it's true of my boyfriend, whom I live with, now. There's really no need for some type of power struggle to be built around cluing people in to your whereabouts. It's simply manners. when I lived by myself, did I give people my coordinates whenever I decided to go do something? No. But I don't live by myself anymore. I am no longer accountable to myself and myself alone. It's a willing tradeoff.

[bridgetjones]

Yeah I have abit of an independant streak so I can lapse about checking in with my parents sometimes... If an SO demanded more than the usual required by courtesy I'd feel crowded. Meh... I have been called too independent by more clingy type people. Yeah there are clingy guys...

Then again I guess living with others you need to check-in for safety and courtesy. Yes I like living alone :) If I felt obliged, ugh... However I have seen power struggles over this thing and so have my more stubbornly independant pals... It is enough to sometimes make marriage/SO seem like a ball and chain. Yes some of those pals are women. Yeah and if you are gonna be late, yes let me know so I am not waiting around... Ugh hate that... Other than that, if you do not live with me then I do not need to check-in

I'd like to think that I'd meet someone that I'd want to check up on but the term check-in sounds too hotel like to me. Ugh hate that term.

[wordsmith]

I guess for me, the distinction lies in the PURPOSE behind checking in. If it's to be courteous and let somebody know where you are, when to expect you back, etc. I see no issue with that. If it's because of some sort of dynamic where you're expected to CLEAR where you'll be or in some way ask permission to be somewhere, no thanks. One's indicative of controlling behavior, one's not. It's important to be able to distinguish the difference in a relationship.

[ywt]

I guess for me, the distinction lies in the PURPOSE behind checking in. If it's to be courteous and let somebody know where you are, when to expect you back, etc. I see no issue with that. If it's because of some sort of dynamic where you're expected to CLEAR where you'll be or in some way ask permission to be somewhere, no thanks. One's indicative of controlling behavior, one's not. It's important to be able to distinguish the difference in a relationship.

I also live with my SO. Before we leave for work each morning we ask each other when they'll be home that evening. All each of us asks, is if you know you're going to be home later than you'd initially said, just call and let the person know.

Just keeps people from waiting on you to make dinner, or worse, worrying about where you are if you're much later than you'd indicated.

A couple weeks back, my SO showed up several hours (like 5) later than she'd said she'd be home. She'd also forgot her cell phone and didn't have access to another phone at her job to call me. After about 4 hours of waiting, I admit to being a bit on edge. There wasn't much she could do, but just using it as an example of how a courtesy "I'll be late" is nice.

[wordsmith]

If my SO were five hours late getting home from work and there was no word as to what the hold up was, I would FREAK OUT, assuming he'd been in an accident or the like. No question.

[embrassezla]

If you live together, checking in is common courtesy. It's not asking for permission, it's just informing the other of what your plans are. I like to know which nights my SO has plans and which he'll be home, so we can try to coordinate our time together when possible. And if I end up home alone and he's out, I enjoy the time to myself.

[wordsmith]

And if I end up home alone and he's out, I enjoy the time to myself.

Same. I don't have an issue with time to myself, whatsoever. I just want to know that I don't have to be wondering and worrying where somebody is. Be gone for eight hours if you like, just let me know when to expect you back, or that you'll call if it's going to be longer and update me.

[and1grad]

Same. I don't have an issue with time to myself, whatsoever. I just want to know that I don't have to be wondering and worrying where somebody is. Be gone for eight hours if you like, just let me know when to expect you back, or that you'll call if it's going to be longer and update me.
You know what helps with that? A cell phone. Just sayin. :evil: :evil: :evil:

[wordsmith]

Only if the party who's out later or whatever actually uses it to do that emasculating thing and *gasp* check in, though.

Wouldn't want to be the "nagging girlfriend" calling and checking up on the guy, right? :rolleyes:

[and1grad]

Only if the party who's out later or whatever actually uses it to do that emasculating thing and *gasp* check in, though.

Wouldn't want to be the "nagging girlfriend" calling and checking up on the guy, right? :rolleyes:
Who said anything about checking in? I think you're confusing me with someone else.

[wordsmith]

That was an earlier point being made by some on the thread...that letting an S.O. know one's whereabouts was forcing one to check in and thereby impinging upon one's personal freedom.

[Rage]

I guess for me, the distinction lies in the PURPOSE behind checking in. If it's to be courteous and let somebody know where you are, when to expect you back, etc. I see no issue with that. If it's because of some sort of dynamic where you're expected to CLEAR where you'll be or in some way ask permission to be somewhere, no thanks. One's indicative of controlling behavior, one's not. It's important to be able to distinguish the difference in a relationship.

Exactly - what I meant when I talked about checking in. Calling to say you're going out so your SO doesn't worry is one thing, asking persmission to hang with you buddies because you don't want to make waves is another.