Fear of What's Ahead

[JonfromJersey]

This is my first post on this message board, so please excuse me if it starts to ramble on.

I'm still 6 months away from my 24th birthday, yes I know probably younger than most folks on this board, but lately I've just had this cascading fear of what's ahead, namely getting older, my parents getting older, not knowing what will become of me as the year's go by.

Now, there are many factors that are great in my life. I have a girlfriend who means the world to me, and we envision getting married in the near future. My parents, bless them, have their health, they have friends, they are happy. I will soon be in between jobs, but my living expenses are not high and I can afford to be unemployed for a few months while I work on me.

However, I cannot shake this constant fear of getting older, and it's just so irrational at times, or all the time. I worry about me getting older, I worry about my parents getting older--and they aren't that old, they're in their mid-50's (my mom is turning 55 next week), but it's just a constant fear for me perhaps because I cannot control it or perhaps it's something deeper.

My parents will always lend me their ears, and give me such great positive notes of wisdom and insight, but I wake up everyday full of anxiety and depression over this same torment.

I know there is SO SO much I have yet to achieve, and SO much to look forward to, but it's becoming so hard for me to take a positive outlook and not let my self-pity consume me.

I know it's a problem that is so minute in comparison to many of the problems many people our age have and deal with it on a day to day basis, and I probably am over dramatizing things, but I can't get myself going positively until I shake these feelings. I'm considering seeing a therapist, but who knows how that will work.

I always try to think about the good things, but I cannot escape this fear of the future and getting older. Did anyone else experience such a mindset? And if so, how did you deal with it? How do you block out the fear?

[okielahoma]

I don't know how to solve your fear of getting older, but I share the fear. Part of fearing you and your parents getting older is that you know that they'll be gone one day. You see, or at least I have seen, my grandparents age and watch their friends, siblings, and family die-- and one of their sons die. Time kills, of course, and that's terrifying to nearly everyone.

Seeing my (now late) elderly grandmother touching the cheeck of her middle-aged son as he lay in the casket was the worst thing that I have ever seen in my life. Old ladies are not supposed to have to bury their old sons-- it's supposed to be the other way around. Seeing that, I'm a bit paranoid about getting old. I've heard old people tell me "never get to be my age" or that "I feel like a young man trapped in an old man's body." But, you know what? You can still live as an old person, and you'll probably have more time to enjoy things (retirement). You'll see family and friends go, but at least you'll never know when you died. You'll also have great new experiences, more money, meet new people, see your kids grow up, perhaps see your grandchildren, travel the world, play shuffleboard, and have a kick ass time. When old men say that they "feel like a young man trapped in an old person's body," that's actually a good thing-- they feel like a kick ass young person having the time of their lives. They're living their dreams, relaxing, having fun, exploring, and more-- the only difference between them and us is age. And, age is irrelevant to fun.

I feel as old as hell at 24, but 24 isn't old. 6 years ago, I was 18. 18 is young. 24 doesn't mean your life is over-- it means that it's just beginning. We're all so screwed up because we're finally adults and have a lot of new choices and possibilities. We're not 90 and looking back at our lives-- we still have our futures ahead of us. I'm scared to be old, too, but at least older people have more experiences, memories, and sometimes a clearer picture of what they want out of life.

[JonfromJersey]

That's a great response and I thank you for it.

How did you eventually overcome that fear? Or do you continue to live with it?

I know that really hurts me to live with it and I don't want to anymore. My parents have given me so many words of wisdom the last few days that does make me feel better, but I still wake up with the same fear and the same anxiety.


My dad has never let his age get in his way, and he doesn't even think about it on a day to day basis. As he tells me, I've got health, a great girlfriend and I know where my next meal is coming from, so what is there to worry about it?

But I just can't shake this and I don't want it effecting my life. I need to want to live, not fear getting older.

[wordsmith]

It sounds like you've got a lot of anxiety, and your target for those feelings is, for now, focused on worrying about what the future might bring. Which is, of course, fairly futile. You can't worry incessantly about what might happen, because we can't ever KNOW what might happen. It's wasted energy. That's not to say that you shouldn't strive to make smart choices with an eye to the future, but I'm betting you do that anyway (most worriers do). That's really all you can do, but you'll never predict or prevent everything that eventually befalls you, so you can't really make yourself a wreck worrying about it.

Anxiety issues often are resolved somewhat through counseling, for what it's worth.

[JonfromJersey]

Thanks Wordsmith.

I know thats the approach I should take. I'm trying to keep things simple for myself and set short term goals to hit to keep my mind on the present and let the future play out as it will. The future will be what it will be.

BTW, I actually did seek the help of a counselor and had my first meeting today. I've never gone to any sort of counseling or therapy before, and I left her office feeling confused and not much better (although the first session won't give me my answers or cure), but I shall see how it goes.