artbabe
10-28-2007, 08:32 PM
ok...So here's what I did with the past three years of my life, if anyone cares.
If you really wanna hear about it I just turned twenty eight a week ago and I'm listening to trent reznor because he's the only one who understands me right now...and he sang these songs about ten years ago when his music was popular...about the same time I was popular...wait...I lied...I was never popular...popular was for doctor's kids who had weed when we were eighteen...they would throw bush parties on the weekends while their parents went to the cottage. Remember drunken bush parties? Remember having a boyfriend who would take you to bush parties? remember staying with him just for the parties? I do...
Ok....Now you probably hate me. But I'm not that hateable...You see, here is my own quarter life crisis that is possibly closer to a mid life crisis...depending on when I die...
I finished my degree in fine arts in May, 2006 when I was 26 (i'll never forget my age..I was 6 in 1986...are you liking me yet?).
Ok...moving on. After my degree in fine arts (with a minor in graphic design) I tried very hard to get a job for about a month until I realized that I'd only make 40000 dollars a year if i wanted to be realistic about it.
So I decided to leave my drop dead gorgeous boyfriend (of two years) at home and left for teacher's college im August 2006...What happened next is something I haven't really talked about to anyone...really.
But here goes.
I went to Buffalo, New York for teacher's college because truthfully, I'm a teacher. I knew it when I was sixteen and first became a swimming teacher...and I also knew that I had to teach children.. I taught swimming for six years. I have a high IQ...it's one point below gifted...that's 126 for anyone who doesn't know that "gifted" is 130. "Gifted" is bullshit by the way...it's nurture not nature..it's all fucking nurture. And I was just fucking lucky to be nurtured by a father who had two masters degrees and was a principal and a mother who was a librarian and a stickler for grammar and reading.
If my grammar slips don't tell my parents.
Okay...so i'm in buffalo right? It's August 2007, last August...as if anyone is still reading this...but i'll go on for my own fucking benefit.
Okay in buffalo August 2007, I realize that my boyfriend who's still doing his undergrad in a small northern ontario town because he's 23....is not calling me...at all....despite the incredible ways I used to pleasure him...I'm being candid because this site is anonymous...but i'm going to be real here...I'm good at pleasuring him....but no one else...because I liked to do it...because he loved it and loved me for it-people pleaser I am-a talented people pleaser-i'm sure many women on this site will be able to relate to this story...we like to please...it's in our ovaries.
Anyway...he's not calling me and i'm like...why? Why isn't he calling me? I call him only to find that he goes out of town for long periods of time...I also realize that his mother...with whom I used to get along, seemed really annoyed to hear from me. Anyway...I can't get ahold of him for about two weeks and I'm feeling really shitty about myself.
In the meantime, I have met two fantastic roomates in the grad school dorm that the college has set me up with.. They are two gorgeous indian girls so I (half indian) decide to hang out with them. We go to bars and I start to realize that other men find me hot...this makes me feel good...but not good enough to get with any of them. So I join a dating website and covertly start talking to one cutie who's very much into indie music and graphic design (my minor-remember?) We chat for about a month and decide to meet (my bf is sporadic with his internet communication but still not at all calling me...at ALL). So I meet this guy at a Sam Roberts Concert in Buffalo. It's a fucking magical weekend and we kiss hardcore...I feel good about myself again...I decide to dump my boyfriend at christmas. Now...I know I cheated...I KNOW i cheated...but as far as I'm concerned, if you have a boyfriend and he doesn't call you...then you don't have a boyfriend...but I did love him... Hate me if you want. If you don't, read on.
I go home for Christmas and express to the bf how disappointed I am with him for not calling me. He makes lame excuses all over the place. Let it be known that I offered to pay the long distance bill...I even offered to buy him a cell phone. He wouldn't fucking bite. So I tell him it's not going to work. The day before I leave to go back to buffalo, we kiss a breakup goodbye and he says "I love you."
Back in buffalo, I'm lonely and very upset about my decision. I call to ask for him back and he says no. But...throughout the rest of the semester, we do perverted things on the webcam and dirty talk with each other...he's so cute, i couldn't resist.
As I write this..Trent Reznor sings "It eats the fear it eats the pain"...thank you Trent...where are you now?
Ok...moving on...My ex bf becomes invisible for awhile and I start seeing a guy from Buffalo..it doesn't work out and I come back home because I have a break in April. I meet up with the ex bf and we have quite a passionate reunion but he seems distracted...so whatever....i cry and plead with him and confess everything and he won't say a bloody word....
finally back in buffalo, I ask him over the computer if he is seeing someone else and the answer is yes...his ex girlfriend (the one he cheated on with me three years ago). So of course I get upset...whatever...I know that I broke up with him but he totally ignored me for four months.
Ok...moving onto this August...I get back...we meet up again...we do things together that I cannot explain...
then all this other shit happens....(read facebook breakups...)
Anyway.
I'm back in town doing student teaching. I am almost completely jobless...i make no money, i'm totally in debt...and my ex bf is fucking his double ex bf...and i don't fit in the picture anymore....whatever...i guess i'm just too old to matter to him.
i'm sure i'll matter to him when I start making the five figure salary...but he'll be nothing to me by then.
Thank you Trent....where is my trent?
Why is every man I meet so fucking passive aggressive?
anyway.
That's my story...Tomorrow, I have a professional development day. i'm generally happy. I have a best friend in this city but she's married...and eight years older than me...which is sorta weird because she does marriage stuff. Also, I live in my parent's basement because i'm 78000dollars in debt...me so sexy...
What the fuck do I do with all of this shit?
If you really wanna hear about it I just turned twenty eight a week ago and I'm listening to trent reznor because he's the only one who understands me right now...and he sang these songs about ten years ago when his music was popular...about the same time I was popular...wait...I lied...I was never popular...popular was for doctor's kids who had weed when we were eighteen...they would throw bush parties on the weekends while their parents went to the cottage. Remember drunken bush parties? Remember having a boyfriend who would take you to bush parties? remember staying with him just for the parties? I do...
Ok....Now you probably hate me. But I'm not that hateable...You see, here is my own quarter life crisis that is possibly closer to a mid life crisis...depending on when I die...
I finished my degree in fine arts in May, 2006 when I was 26 (i'll never forget my age..I was 6 in 1986...are you liking me yet?).
Ok...moving on. After my degree in fine arts (with a minor in graphic design) I tried very hard to get a job for about a month until I realized that I'd only make 40000 dollars a year if i wanted to be realistic about it.
So I decided to leave my drop dead gorgeous boyfriend (of two years) at home and left for teacher's college im August 2006...What happened next is something I haven't really talked about to anyone...really.
But here goes.
I went to Buffalo, New York for teacher's college because truthfully, I'm a teacher. I knew it when I was sixteen and first became a swimming teacher...and I also knew that I had to teach children.. I taught swimming for six years. I have a high IQ...it's one point below gifted...that's 126 for anyone who doesn't know that "gifted" is 130. "Gifted" is bullshit by the way...it's nurture not nature..it's all fucking nurture. And I was just fucking lucky to be nurtured by a father who had two masters degrees and was a principal and a mother who was a librarian and a stickler for grammar and reading.
If my grammar slips don't tell my parents.
Okay...so i'm in buffalo right? It's August 2007, last August...as if anyone is still reading this...but i'll go on for my own fucking benefit.
Okay in buffalo August 2007, I realize that my boyfriend who's still doing his undergrad in a small northern ontario town because he's 23....is not calling me...at all....despite the incredible ways I used to pleasure him...I'm being candid because this site is anonymous...but i'm going to be real here...I'm good at pleasuring him....but no one else...because I liked to do it...because he loved it and loved me for it-people pleaser I am-a talented people pleaser-i'm sure many women on this site will be able to relate to this story...we like to please...it's in our ovaries.
Anyway...he's not calling me and i'm like...why? Why isn't he calling me? I call him only to find that he goes out of town for long periods of time...I also realize that his mother...with whom I used to get along, seemed really annoyed to hear from me. Anyway...I can't get ahold of him for about two weeks and I'm feeling really shitty about myself.
In the meantime, I have met two fantastic roomates in the grad school dorm that the college has set me up with.. They are two gorgeous indian girls so I (half indian) decide to hang out with them. We go to bars and I start to realize that other men find me hot...this makes me feel good...but not good enough to get with any of them. So I join a dating website and covertly start talking to one cutie who's very much into indie music and graphic design (my minor-remember?) We chat for about a month and decide to meet (my bf is sporadic with his internet communication but still not at all calling me...at ALL). So I meet this guy at a Sam Roberts Concert in Buffalo. It's a fucking magical weekend and we kiss hardcore...I feel good about myself again...I decide to dump my boyfriend at christmas. Now...I know I cheated...I KNOW i cheated...but as far as I'm concerned, if you have a boyfriend and he doesn't call you...then you don't have a boyfriend...but I did love him... Hate me if you want. If you don't, read on.
I go home for Christmas and express to the bf how disappointed I am with him for not calling me. He makes lame excuses all over the place. Let it be known that I offered to pay the long distance bill...I even offered to buy him a cell phone. He wouldn't fucking bite. So I tell him it's not going to work. The day before I leave to go back to buffalo, we kiss a breakup goodbye and he says "I love you."
Back in buffalo, I'm lonely and very upset about my decision. I call to ask for him back and he says no. But...throughout the rest of the semester, we do perverted things on the webcam and dirty talk with each other...he's so cute, i couldn't resist.
As I write this..Trent Reznor sings "It eats the fear it eats the pain"...thank you Trent...where are you now?
Ok...moving on...My ex bf becomes invisible for awhile and I start seeing a guy from Buffalo..it doesn't work out and I come back home because I have a break in April. I meet up with the ex bf and we have quite a passionate reunion but he seems distracted...so whatever....i cry and plead with him and confess everything and he won't say a bloody word....
finally back in buffalo, I ask him over the computer if he is seeing someone else and the answer is yes...his ex girlfriend (the one he cheated on with me three years ago). So of course I get upset...whatever...I know that I broke up with him but he totally ignored me for four months.
Ok...moving onto this August...I get back...we meet up again...we do things together that I cannot explain...
then all this other shit happens....(read facebook breakups...)
Anyway.
I'm back in town doing student teaching. I am almost completely jobless...i make no money, i'm totally in debt...and my ex bf is fucking his double ex bf...and i don't fit in the picture anymore....whatever...i guess i'm just too old to matter to him.
i'm sure i'll matter to him when I start making the five figure salary...but he'll be nothing to me by then.
Thank you Trent....where is my trent?
Why is every man I meet so fucking passive aggressive?
anyway.
That's my story...Tomorrow, I have a professional development day. i'm generally happy. I have a best friend in this city but she's married...and eight years older than me...which is sorta weird because she does marriage stuff. Also, I live in my parent's basement because i'm 78000dollars in debt...me so sexy...
What the fuck do I do with all of this shit?