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View Full Version : what to do after a major failure?


DLS
02-06-2004, 09:20 PM
Hey all -

I'm new to the board, and really in need of some advice.

First, the background info:

I'm 27 years old. I went to a liberal arts school in the South, and graduated with a BA in Politics and Economics. I spent 2 years after graduation just floating around, working odd jobs, and trying to "find myself." I was sharing an apartment with my girlfriend, who is 3 years younger than me and was finishing up her degree in Accounting.

I decided that Law School was the next step. I wanted to return to the Pacific Northwest (where I'm originally from) so I left my girlfriend down South and started my first year. The first year went fine. I wasn't a star student or anything, but I was solidly in the middle of the pack. At the end of my first year, my girlfriend and I decided we couldn't be apart. So, that summer we married, she quit her job, and she transferred her credits out here. She got her CPA license, and found a job at a small firm out here. We rented a small house, and everything was Norman Rockwell.

Then, in my second year of law school, the wheels fell off. I still haven't completely figured out why. Part of the reason was that I went to law school simply to "be a lawyer" and I still had no idea of what areas of the law I was interested in. My classes were boring me to tears. My wife was working long hours and she was away from her friends and family. Plus, I drifted away from the few friends I made my first year. I was lulled in to a false sense of confidence by my first year grades. I felt like I studied my tail off, but second year I completely bombed my exams both semesters.

For the start of my third year, I was placed on academic probabtion, and had one semester to bring up my grades. Well, I basically gave my self a nervous breakdown, and was not a pleasant person to be around this past Fall. When exams finally rolled around, I was pretty much insane.

I just got my Fall grades back. They were a little better than my first year grades, but still not great. I did pull my cumulative gpa back up above the minimum. However, my "yearly gpa" was still below the requirements. As a result, I was academically dismissed from law school. My school has no appeals process. Once you're out, you're out. And, in order to attend any other ABA approved law school after being academically dismissed, you have to sit out at least 2 years, and then re-apply to start completely over as a first year. Additionally, they hold the fact that you've been previously dismissed against you when re-applying. So, the prospects of trying to finish my law degree somewhere else are simply too daunting.

Needless to say, I'm in a pretty big funk right now. I'm still trying to come to grips with the fact that I've spent almost $75K, completed 2.5 years, have a cumulative gpa of over a C, and have never recived an F in any individual class - yet I still managed to fail out of law school. Close only counts in horseshoes, hand-grenades, and bad-breath. The disappointment, anger, and self-loathing are at all-time highs. I feel ashamed that I let everyone down - my wife, my parents, myself.

My wife has a good job as a CPA, so money is fine - but tight. Of course, money will get a lot tighter in 6 months when my loan re-payments start up. I haven't held a real job in over 2.5 years. Of course, I can always fall back on my undergrad degree - but one of the main reasons I went to law school in the first place is that my undergrad wasn't opening up many doors. The saddest thing is that even after 2.5 years in aw school, I'm still no closer to finding a true "life interest" than I was when I graduated high school. Plus I'm horrible at net-working and promoting myself.

I have to get a real job, get my life back on track, start contributing to the household again, and looking ahead for caring for a family. I just don't know what the first step should be in that process. :confused:

If anyone has any advice, similar stories of failure, or insights they could give me, it would be most appreciated.

atxhorn25
02-07-2004, 12:22 AM
Not sure how productive this will be but I've been in a similiar position (emotionally at least) and I'm here to tell you there's hope.

It sounds like you never really figured out what you wanted to do with your life, that you didn't have a drive or passion for law and like most bright, liberal arts majors with ambition, you opted for law school. Did you know that statistically in six years most of your classmates will be either have dropped out of law school and/or will be working in other fields?

You have a gov't degree. Have you considered a career in politics? The money is not good at first, but contrary to popular opinion, you can make a substancial living if you stick with it and play your cards right.

You also mentioned you never really marketed yourself or tried to make networking connections. Initially, i started off the same way. I wanted to use grad school as a substitute for doing the dirty work of knocking on doors, striking up conversations, all that. But if you want to move ahead, it's work that's got to be done. You have survival instincts you probably don't even know you have. And over the course of this transition, once the depression and shock wears away, you will discover them, trust me!

I suffered a pretty bad health crisis in college, graduated from a nationally recognized state school, with a poli sci degree, tried to break back into politics and it didn't work out. Tried taking the LSAT and failed. Got involved with a girl I liked, moved to be with her, and you guessed...failed. Two weeks ago, my car broke down and I'm too broke to fix it. Lots of debt...

I'm the most confident I've been in my entire life. I've learned what it takes to survive, how helpful people can be if you ask for them, how to ask for a job. After two years off feeling bad about myself and how imperfect my life seemed, I'm having the best time. Who knows what will happen next?

Don't beat yourself up. Focus on why you didn't persue some of your dreams, jobs, ideas before. Everyone has something there passionate about. Examine a way to keep your living expenses as low as possible and to bring in enough income to survive while you figure things out. It will take time -- a year or more -- before you'll be ready to see the results you seek. good luck!

t-dub
02-07-2004, 12:55 PM
You have huge opportunities...if you only knew how to recognize them. It seems you may be a little hung up on things that have happened to you in your recent past. It also seems that you are in a bit of a funk too (i know you said it, but your story indicates your statement may have merit). It is perfectly natural...and you can expect it to last another 6 months...unless you proactively do something about it. I feel you...I can understand a lot of what you are going through.

One of the things that keeps me on an even keel and able to keep waking up everyday is this:

If you can't change your situation...change the way you look at it. --unknown

Learn from the mistakes of others, you do not have time to make them all yourself. --unknown

I have learned quite a bit from you by reading your situation. I think if you were to look back on what has happened as a result of your decisions you may be able to find that you can learn too. This is HUGE...it gives you a tremendous amount of insight on how you can better yourself in the future. This isn't to say that you will be faced with the same situations and presented the same options from which to choose...however there are bits and pieces of everything that has happened to you that you can learn, improve yourself, and make your life better as a result of it.

You may feel that repairs need to be made to things you have done, which is true in some aspects. But inactively dwelling on "fixing" everything can be hazardous to you as an individual. You can actively learn from your mistakes...take from them what you are able...fix what you can...the things that are most important to you...and move on...set a goal...work towards it...accomplish it. Start with what's important to you. Activity is one of the best remedies. Inactivity breeds trouble. Best of luck to you.

If it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger. Don't let these mistakes kill you. Become stronger.


Best wishes,

T

t-dub
02-07-2004, 01:18 PM
Yep

T:)

t-dub
02-07-2004, 01:38 PM
Originally posted by WeirdBrake

(free legal advice: if you drive drunk again and you happen to kill someone, there's not a defense lawyer in the world who'd be able to keep you away from the "Toss Salad Man" lol) [/B]

I've made a note of that!

Thanks,

T

t-dub
02-07-2004, 01:48 PM
hard headed

T

t-dub
02-08-2004, 07:20 AM
This thread isn't about me...nor is it a competition of any kind...and the information I posted was to evidence that we all have our problems. The important thing is that the problems don't define us...it is how we deal with those problems that defines our character.

I don't want the crappiest life award, but thank you anyway. If my life were that crappy, I should probably feel crappy about it...but I don't. I am a very happy individual.

DLS, I hope what I shared with you may have helped.

T

DLS
02-10-2004, 07:05 AM
Thanks all for your kind words and advice.

These are exactly the things I needed to hear - of course, they're some of the same things I've been telling myself - but it's a great help having the affirmation of others saying them to you as well.

I actually had one of the most enjoyable weekends that I have had in a long time. My wife and I were able to go enjoy ourselves and spend some quality time together, without me worrying about the next big assignment.

I know it's time to make the lemons into lemonade and start dusting off the resume. As long as I keep looking forward, then maybe I won't get too bogged down in the past and depression. It's true, no matter how bad you think you have it, there's always someone who has it worse, and at least my face hasn't been run over! (although, given the crazy things I did in high school & undergrad, I'm surprised it wasn't).

Anyways, thanks again, and good luck to you all in whatever challenges you are facing.