Not quite ready...

[SSCorwyn]

...to let go.

I've been in contact a bit recently with this girl that dumped me for her ex after a whole bunch of drama. The whole episode hurt me deeply, and I'm still not "over it." We haven't really talked much at all since she broke up with me, but she would sporadically text me or email me or something. I hadn't responded up until recently, because I thought I could handle it. Bottom line: I can't.

I know I need to tell her that I was wrong and respectfully ask her to not contact me, but I'm still not quite ready to completely let go. Which is dumb, I know. Not to sound bitter, but nice guys don't get second chances...her ex (that dumped her twice) does. Granted, there were some 'out of the ordinary' circumstances, but regardless, it hurts me. but part of me is still clinging to some stupid hope that I'll either get an apology (which is dumb, because I know I won't) or that we can reconcile (which is unlikely too)

I know I need to cut her out of my life so I can fully move on, but...it's just so hard.

What is it about people that are bad for us--that hurt us--that we just can't seem to let go of?

[wordsmith]

Why is it that you're not willing to let go? Have you identified the reason, what it is primarily?

For me, whenever that's been the case, it's been because I was harboring some hope for a turnaround. In a few cases, that was somewhat justified (in the sense that there had been previous reuniting with the person in question, and it wasn't unheard of that there might be again - obviously, though, this isn't any guarantee of long-term happiness, but that's another matter), in most, not so much.

If it's the apology thing, ask yourself why it matters so much to get an apology?

[Bsig84]

ick those situations suck. I was in one a lot like your situation. I dated a guy for 3 months that refused to ever get beyond "just having fun." I was ready for a committed relationship and he just kept dragging me along saying it would happen "very soon."

I finally got sick of it and told him I didnt want to see or talk to him anymore. That lasted about a month until he started texting and calling me again. I just kept hoping that he would say that he was finally ready for a relationship so i just kept talking to him.

Eventually it came out that all he wanted was to sleep with me. that pissed me off so much that i stopped talking to him again. Now i have a very serious boyfriend and the first guy still texts and calls me even though he knows i have a boyfriend. I think he just wants what he cant have at this point.

My point is, i guess, that sometimes people will have absolutely no heart for your situation. Even if you tell her to stop talking to you she may not care enough to listen. You have to be strong enough to ignore her. let her know that you would appreciate her not texting you anymore because you were very hurt by how you were treated. Tell her if she continues to try to talk to you, you will just ignore her. Hopefully she will care enough to leave you alone. If not, do whatever you can to stay strong and move on. Once you meet someone else, all of the urges to talk to her will disappear and she will be the idiot still trying to talk to you. and that is always a little funny. :D

[SSCorwyn]

Part of me is hoping for a turnaround. Or at least, her wanting a turnaround. I want her to feel guilty about what she did, I know that. Because it was a screwed up situation and I . Also, I carry a lot of regret regarding how I acted (being afraid and confused rather than being strong and confident), even though I shouldn't, and I want redemption...which I guess I feel can only come from her, through an apology or desire to get back together.

Of course, I know that it'll likely never happen.

And really, I don't have anyone else. Emotionally I'd have to be on my own, and that's a scary thing. To let go all fantasies and desires and just completely leave it behind... I usually can only do that once I've found someone new. Someone to replace her, y'know?

And part of me is too afraid to just walk away because I believe she wouldn't care if I did. It's dumb, but it would hurt. And I can avoid that hurt by riding the fence. Or if there is a shot at reconciliation (yeah, right) then breaking it off completely would 86 that chance. I'm letting the woulda shoulda couldas rule me. It's the catch 22 of wanting to never hear from her again and being afraid of never hearing from her again.

I guess I need to focus on forgiving and validating *myself* rather than looking to her for that and let time take its course. I know I need to do what's best for me in light of the reality as it is and not as I hope it could be, or might be, but it's tough.

some days really tough.

[JT Marlin]

Get one of your female friends to kick her ass. One with claws. rawr

[SSCorwyn]

Well, it's done...

I saw the girl over the weekend and got my ring back. Talked a bit. She looked really good... UGH. Said it wasn't my fault, that she never planned for things to happen how they did, and how everything about what we had was "real" (ignoring the 2+ weeks she lied to me, I guess). And I told her that we can't communicate anymore and I asked her not to contact me.

Then I went home and balled for two hours. :)

I really don't get it sometimes. She's an addict. And because of that she destroyed our relationship and went back to her baby's daddy. I don't understand how someone emotionally unhealthy can endanger and jeopardize so much and walk away scot free. She's got her job, her daughter, the relationship she wanted... And I'm left with the short end of the stick.

She said she realized how she wasn't over him. And apparently, he wasn't over her either...a year after leaving her (7 months pregnant) and not wanting to be with her UNTIL she found a new guy (me.)

I know the situation was beyond my control, and I did nothing wrong (she asked for time, so I gave her time...then she gets pissed and says "where were you?"), and it's not a good relationship for me and she's not good for me to be around...but... I just miss her. And it makes me sad.

And I feel like the loser here. I hate that. The whole thing left me feeling so inadequate... All I can do is try and forget about the episode and move on. but it's tough. Very very tough.

[Bsig84]

I know it is so hard to imagine now but someday you will look back on this situation and thank god that you did not end up with her. I know it still hurts though.

Just take it one day at a time. Slowly you will start to notice that you miss her a tiny bit less, and then a little less, and even less. Then you will have an entire day where you dont miss her at all!

Surround yourself with positive friends and family. Do things to take your mind off of her (workout, read, go out with friends, work, etc).

Be strong! You CAN do this! I am proud of you for walking away from her. You are doing the right thing. I could sit here and completely bash her but that is not what you need to hear. Deep down you know she was not the right person for you. You just need TIME to let that sink in and for the pain to lessen. It WILL lessen though. Dont forget that!

And you are not a loser. Your being incredibly strong and brave here. Everyone gets dumped at times and gets walked away from. Even the most beautiful celebrities get dumped or cheated on! It doesnt make you a loser!