Guy always paying

[Bsig84]

Ok so here is my problem (which really isnt a huge problem. It has just been bothering me lately).

My boyfriend is a little older than me and in a great career. He makes decent money (he isnt rich or anthing but he can easily support himself). I on the other hand just graduated from college and am in an entry-level job. Im living with my grandparents while I try to pay off some of my debt.

Whenever we go out my boyfriend pays. I definately think the guy should pay most of the time when two people just start dating but now that we are in a committed relationship I feel so guilty. Its not like I just dont want to pay I just really cant afford it.

I have paid one of our meals and bought him a Christmas present, but other than that he has done all the paying. I have brought it up to him and he says he really doesnt care at all. He is always offering to help me out when I need something (even though I dont let him). I am just so scared he is going to think I am taking advantage of him.

What should I do? How can I show him how much I appreciate him paying for me? Is he really telling the truth when he says he doesnt mind paying at all?

[SWMOchick]

I don't think he would think you're taking advantage of him. You've already told him of your concern about not being about to pay for things, and he was okay with it. I would say to just keep doing what you can when you can.

As far as appreciation, I'm big on doing the little things. A note here or there, a card, take him out for a cup of coffee, etc.

[meatwad]

What should I do? How can I show him how much I appreciate him paying for me? Is he really telling the truth when he says he doesnt mind paying at all?

BJs. I know, I know, I know. But seriously. BJs. We're that easy.

[and1grad]

Honestly, I think the fact that you told that you recognize how often he does that is probably more than anything else you'll do. Just let him know that you appreciate it. I would bet he likes that more than any time you would help him with the bill.

[hereisnewyork]

BJs. I know, I know, I know. But seriously. BJs. We're that easy.

I'm afraid he's right, haha

[Bsig84]

I'm afraid he's right, haha

Yeah i definately try to do that as much as i can. lol

[spokes]

BJs. I know, I know, I know. But seriously. BJs. We're that easy.

alternatively you could "phone a friend" to come over - it switches things up nicely from the above and variety is the spice of life......

[Bsig84]

alternatively you could "phone a friend" to come over - it switches things up nicely from the above and variety is the spice of life......

LOL yeah thanks for the advice. I dont know if i could do that one though.

[asm198]

BJs. I know, I know, I know. But seriously. BJs. We're that easy.


Heh, that's exactly what I was going to post.

Besides that, I'd just make sure that you let him know that you appreciate it. You could tell him you really enjoyed the meal or restaurant or had a good time at the concert (or whatever).

[wordsmith]

My boyfriend offers to pay a lot because he's more financially able to than I am. But at times, I pay, too, and I know he appreciates that. I agree that it's important to note how much you appreciate being treated, and ensuring you don't come off as expecting it. I know that guys who treat DO appreciate not feeling like it's a given.

[Matrdefndr]

Restaurants are expensive; grocery stores are much less so. Besides, it impresses a hell of a lot more. I had a lady (who is a true sweetheart, not a gold digger) come over to my place and proceed to fix dinner for both of us. Very impressive and surprising too. I appreciated her effort.

You could ask Grandma for one of her favorite recipes (or Wolfgang Puck, if Grandma lets you down). If the meal is time intensive, you can fix most of it ahead of time so all that's required is reheating. It's your choice to let him know whether or not you're coming with the food.

To answer your other question, if we like the lady, we don't mind paying her way too. That can change if we get the feeling we're being taken for granted, but it won't take much to keep that perception at bay.

[Samwell]

I agree that it's important to note how much you appreciate being treated, and ensuring you don't come off as expecting it. I know that guys who treat DO appreciate not feeling like it's a given.

Bingo. I don't have a problem picking up the tab for dinners, movies, drinks, etc. as long as it's not just "a given". A feigned reach for the check followed by a genuine "thank you" is usually just fine...

Maybe it's just the kind of woman I go for, but I can't recall ever really feeling "used" like some of my friends have.