My father

[winneythepooh7]

So I was running on my treadmill earlier, and didn't hear my cell phone ring. I checked it and saw I had a voicemail from my mother. She's at the ER with my father. I have no clue what he was doing, but apparently he fell off a ladder and broke his wrist. I spoke with my sister, and he's okay from what my mom said to her.

This just made me realize again that my parents are getting old and I have to worry about them even more. Anyone else have thoughts like this? It's kind of like a rising panic...........Especially because they live over 2 hours away........

[meatwad]

So I was running on my treadmill earlier, and didn't hear my cell phone ring. I checked it and saw I had a voicemail from my mother. She's at the ER with my father. I have no clue what he was doing, but apparently he fell off a ladder and broke his wrist. I spoke with my sister, and he's okay from what my mom said to her.

This just made me realize again that my parents are getting old and I have to worry about them even more. Anyone else have thoughts like this? It's kind of like a rising panic...........Especially because they live over 2 hours away........

I found my dad face down in his hallway and he wouldn't respond to me for about a minute and a half. Then he finally rolled over and I realized he was just drunk and passed out. Let's just say fewer people were happier than me when he quit drinking.

[SmilesSoSweet]

This just made me realize again that my parents are getting old and I have to worry about them even more. Anyone else have thoughts like this? It's kind of like a rising panic...........Especially because they live over 2 hours away........

When my mom had her stroke last April and had to be in the hospital for a few months, that definitely made me (along with my siblings) realize that our mom and dad aren't getting any younger and that we're (us kids) are now the adults. Before it was my parents watching out for my grandparents. Now it's our turn. :torn:

[ywt]

Yep, my father had a seizure 2 years ago (no recurrence since), but it definitely made me realize that my folks are getting older. It's tough, since I'm an only child, and live 10 hours away. I feel like I should be closer to home to better watch over them, but at the same time know that it's best for my fiancee's career, at least for the next 3 years or so, to be in Michigan right now.

Not sure if that helps, but I know just what you mean.

[PenforPrez]

My father occasionally has trouble swallowing now that he's older. Back in 2006, he actually started seriously choking at lunch, and I was about to completely lose it. Thank God Mom knew the Heimlich. :)

Dad turns 81 next month, and I worry about him all the time. :(

Paul

[SmilesSoSweet]

My mom had her stroke at 58 years old. I live a state away (six hour drive/one hour flight) from my parents and my sister lives in another state as well.

Our brother is the only one that lives locally, but it's still a good 45 minutes to an hour (on a good traffic day) to get to where my parents' live.

So yeah, it definitely was tough to hear that my mom had to go to the hospital and I couldn't just immediately be there in a few minutes. :( I had to fly home on the next flight out.

She's doing much better now, but at times I wish I could just be a little closer to home, yet not move from my current location, if that makes sense.

[TinyDancer]

I definitely think about this. My parents are my best friends, and I definitely worry about them being far away. . . and the fact that I'm just missing out on spending time with them.

Also, I'm blessed enough that all four of my grandparents are living. . . granted, none of them in the greatest health. I noticed in my last visit that they are truly looking "old" and it breaks my heart. I try to spend as much time as possible when I get back home. . . unfortunately, it's not often enough.

[old_school_soul]

My mom died 7+ years ago. I was 25. I lived (and still do) a 6 hour drive/hour flight away. I managed to see her before she died. My dad lives even farther. He almost died a year later of heart failure, but luckily was saved by a bypass. It's not something to panic about, I don't think. Worrying doesn't solve anything.

[wordsmith]

My dad is doing dangerous work, outdoors in extreme weather, at 60, which freaks me out, even though he's very much in shape/in good health (mostly from working a physical job for 30+ years). But seeing as he can't retire, no real choice.

I moved to live near them (really near them...like ten minutes away) for six years, but now I'm 500 miles away.

[allie1105]

Aw, Winney, sorry to hear what happened. I know exactly how you feel, as there have been some health problems with my parents in the last few years. Most recently, my dad was diagnosed with invasive squamous cell carcinoma (skin cancer), and he had it removed. Its not the most serious form, but it made me realize that my parents definitely are not invincible! Before that, my mom started having issues with her thyroid, and before that my dad was diagnosed with epilepsy (which he has under control and has had it under control for a long time). Anyway, it scares me because I saw how my family took care of some of my grand parents, and now it seems it is my turn to do the same. I hope I can provide the best possible care for my parents as they get older, since they did so much for me growing up.

[pisces2473]

So I was running on my treadmill earlier, and didn't hear my cell phone ring. I checked it and saw I had a voicemail from my mother. She's at the ER with my father. I have no clue what he was doing, but apparently he fell off a ladder and broke his wrist. I spoke with my sister, and he's okay from what my mom said to her.

This just made me realize again that my parents are getting old and I have to worry about them even more. Anyone else have thoughts like this? It's kind of like a rising panic...........Especially because they live over 2 hours away........
Oh, yeah, definite have thoughts like this...esp. since my mom's dad died of a heart attack when he was 59 (my mom is 52) and my mom has also been living with a brain tumor since I was 10. Luckily that's under control and is benign but it still makes you worry...

My husband's mother is dead (died suddenly at 58, was cancer, she never went to the dr).

And my parents are now helping to take care of my 82 y/o grandfather who's had multiple strokes. It's sad seeing him, knowing that my parents could be in that state someday. Hopefully they will take care of themselves (diet, exercise) more than my grandfather did....

I guess all you can do is cherish the time we have with them and help them make healthy lifestyle choices. Hope your dad isn't laid up too long!

[winneythepooh7]

Found out he has to go in for surgery today for some pins. They put a cast on him, but apparently there are still some bones in his hand that are "slipping around". To top it off, someone hit my mom's almost brand new car in the parking lot of the hospital last night, and took off!

[Bocheezu]

Do people think they'd rather have their parents pass away suddenly and unexpectantly, or more slowly (if it wasn't a pain/cancer/Alzheimers issue, just slow degrading)? My dad died the sudden and unexpectant way with a heart attack. It's sad looking back on it, because the last couple years he was always saying "I'm not going to be around too much longer," which would always freak me out, but he was obviously right. He was still in decent shape and was going out for a walk when he collapsed, so there really was no physical warning.

People may say "why would you ever want your parents to die slowly?" but I really wish it would have been that case with my dad, because he really had a lot of good years left in him if it wasn't for his heart. And I could really use his help now that I'm on my own. The last couple months was the first time that I really talked to the guy, because I owned a house and we could talk about house stuff, or life on the job, etc. We never really had anything in common before then. But then he passed away.

[winneythepooh7]

I don't really think that's the type of question that's going to be easy for anyone to answer.

I also see the struggles in my work that family members go through in trying to cope with a family member with a severe disability that comes on pretty suddenly and the havoc that causes in their day to day life. Same thing for the client dealing with it.

[wordsmith]

Over the past couple of years, I've had a grandparent die rather quickly, and a grandparent die over a decade (Alzheimer's). In my experience, neither is easier, they're just difficult in different ways. One is sharply, acutely tragic and painful, the other is something that weighs on you horribly. There's no way for me to set up a heirarchy of which is better or easier or more preferable.

[spokes]

in some wyas i think that it is an interesting dynamic in that for most of our lives our parents have taken some care of us, and as they age and we become older we start to take care of them.

since i don't live int eh same city as my parents i feel somewhat guilty when i can be there or do much physically for them when/if they are sick/injured - whereas they were there for me when i broke bones and what not.....

[winneythepooh7]

I just found out my dad went back to the ER tonight. Apparently, he had some kind of side effect from the anestesia earlier today and couldn't pee. So they had to put a catheter in him. He's there "hanging out" now.

[winneythepooh7]

in some wyas i think that it is an interesting dynamic in that for most of our lives our parents have taken some care of us, and as they age and we become older we start to take care of them.

since i don't live int eh same city as my parents i feel somewhat guilty when i can be there or do much physically for them when/if they are sick/injured - whereas they were there for me when i broke bones and what not.....


I feel ya! Although amazingly, I've never broken a bone. I should't write that LOL.

[PenforPrez]

I just found out my dad went back to the ER tonight. Apparently, he had some kind of side effect from the anestesia earlier today and couldn't pee. So they had to put a catheter in him. He's there "hanging out" now.

Is he going to be OK??

[asm198]

My dad died suddenly when he was 63 and I was 19. It was an accident, but not a car accident: he fell off a ladder. It was the single hardest thing I've ever had to go through. And although I haven't had much experience with dealing with someone dying of natural causes, I think that would be easier. You can say what you need to say and are able to be a bit more prepared for it. When it's sudden, there's none of that. They are there one day and the next, they're gone. It's been 8 years since he died and it's still kind of hard to talk about it. I get really upset when I think about it too much.

My mom will be 66 in a month. She's in decent health, but she is getting older. We have discussed various subjects in regards to what will happen when she's gone. A couple of years ago, she made out her will and filled out paperwork for my brother's guardianship, so at least that part is set.

We live several hours apart, so I'm not sure what we will do if she starts having trouble taking care of herself. The idea has been thrown around for her and her boyfriend/fiance person and her to move to where I live. She doesn't want to sell her home, but I think that would really be the only option in that case.

The one thing that I'm torn on is what to do if she can't really take care of herself. We don't always get along and easily get on each other's nerves. It was a huge reason why I moved out right after high school, so us living together again wouldn't really be the best idea. But I feel kind of like an asshole for not wanting her to live with me.

[UnionAveGirl]

Here's one for the list...

My father was rushed to the ER last year (2006) after my mom found him passed out in their bedroom one morning. He was diagnosed with bacterial menegitis, only one of 15 cases in the state of Illinois that year. My dad was the only one to make a seemingly full recovery. He has some memory and vision problems but nothing to worrisome.

I do have to say that walking into the CCU with my big strong daddy lost in tubes and in a coma was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. My mom told me I could talk to him and all I could do was cry. I don't know what I would have done if he had not pulled through.

People think I am weird when I say this but it is always something I thought about after that. I am very happy that my father pulled though and would never want this to happen but if he had been alive and not himself afterwards (menegitis is when the fluids around the brain swell compressing the eveything, short version...there was a big possibility my dad would could have lost the parts of him who make him my dad) I don't think I could have handled it as well as if had just died. I don't know what are your thoughts on this.

[winneythepooh7]

I think he is fine. As of last night, he was anyways. I might go up there for the day today.........

I think if anything were to happen to him, we'd have a major crisis with my mom. We'd probably have to sell their house too and she'd have to move in with us. Just my negative thoughts prediction about the future.

[dengeist]

My mom had a mild stroke a couple of years ago and didn't call me to tell me for a couple of days after it happend. My aunt up there had to call me and I dropped everything and went running.

Fortunately, she fully recovered (tough broad), but it scares me a little that I won't find out until much later if something happens to her.

[sondra_finchley]

I worry when my mother tells me my dad is out shoveling. Hes like the Bionic Man- patched together with two replacement knees and a rod, plates, and screws in his back not to mention some pretty decent arthritis in the hands and on blood thinners due to blood clotting issues. My mother has already driven him to the hospital several times in the past 7 years for blood clots in the legs- but they didnt tell me what happened for MONTHS- hell, even years. Now hes been traveling several times through the year between Nevada and Wisconsin and I worry about blood clots on planes since hes 6'3". Proud though that recently he has lost an astounding amount of weight- so hopefully that helps keep him going :)

My mom is in pretty good shape with the exception of a bad shoulder- she quit drinking last year when she got some poor liver blood work back. She also exercises regularly and eats well and isnt overweight.

Sure it hits me sometimes late at night when I think about random things- about how they are getting older and one day they wont be there. But i guess thats the way life is- hopefully they have at least another 20-30 years in them naturally judging from the life expectancy of elders on both sides of the family who havent yet died from non-hereditary diseases.

I live 2 hours away by car and go home often to help mom with things when dad isnt there and to just hang out and spend time with her since its unlikely we will be living nearby when they are much, much older. I DO however hate it when she calls in a hysteria wanting me to call her back RIGHT AWAY. I immediately think someone is dead/dying/in an accident/etc when in reality all she wanted was a meatball recipe for Christmas Eve.

[meatwad]

I hope your dad feels better, winney.

[wordsmith]

People think I am weird when I say this but it is always something I thought about after that. I am very happy that my father pulled though and would never want this to happen but if he had been alive and not himself afterwards (menegitis is when the fluids around the brain swell compressing the eveything, short version...there was a big possibility my dad would could have lost the parts of him who make him my dad) I don't think I could have handled it as well as if had just died. I don't know what are your thoughts on this.

As somebody who watched a loved one spend about a decade with zero quality of life, and with about 99% of the "things that made her who she was" totally stripped away, I can absolutely understand this sentiment. With my grandmother's level of dementia, I couldn't anymore say goodbye, talk to her and be understood, be even so much as recognized or remembered, have any type of meaningful contact with her than if she had passed away suddently and quickly, without warning. It's REALLY HARD to have completely lost someone, yet, there they are, lying in a bed, or sitting in a chair staring, blinking, breathing.

And I'm terrified that that will be my father as well at some point.

[pisces2473]

Found out he has to go in for surgery today for some pins. They put a cast on him, but apparently there are still some bones in his hand that are "slipping around". To top it off, someone hit my mom's almost brand new car in the parking lot of the hospital last night, and took off!
Bastard!!!!!!!

Someone hit my husband's 2 y/o car at his work parking lot, but the attendant called him and he dealt with the lady right there and then...and this was two days after he found out that he might not have a job in a few months....sorry to jack...

But I hope your dad's wrist heals up OK.

[pisces2473]

I just found out my dad went back to the ER tonight. Apparently, he had some kind of side effect from the anestesia earlier today and couldn't pee. So they had to put a catheter in him. He's there "hanging out" now.
In more ways than one? LOL sorry, I had to lighten the mood.

[pisces2473]

Does anyone have an SO or close friend who has medical issues? I don't know how many of you remember, but my husband was almost killed a few years ago as he crossed the street/was hit by a car. He's all right now, but there are some physical things that he can't do (has pins in his ankle, rod in his leg, knee problems) and had a ton of abdominal injuries/surgeries...so I worry about him as we age. Fortunately, he was compensated for the damages and that is being invested well, so if he should need future care...but still...the emotional/mental scars are still there and it is really hard some days.

[winneythepooh7]

He's as well as can be expected. My mother is struggling with all of the household maintenance stuff that he normally does (ie. taking the garbage cans down the driveway on garbage day, cleaning their guinea pig cage, she's now worried about if it snows this week and who will shovel for them), and is embarassed to ask family/friends for help.

My sister and her boyfriend live nearby, and she's asked the boyfriend to do stuff and he's pretty much useless in that area :rolleyes: .

She does have supports through their church and extended family so I told her she is just going to need to utilize them. People have offered too, so I think she needs to take advantage.....

[winneythepooh7]

Does anyone have an SO or close friend who has medical issues? I don't know how many of you remember, but my husband was almost killed a few years ago as he crossed the street/was hit by a car. He's all right now, but there are some physical things that he can't do (has pins in his ankle, rod in his leg, knee problems) and had a ton of abdominal injuries/surgeries...so I worry about him as we age. Fortunately, he was compensated for the damages and that is being invested well, so if he should need future care...but still...the emotional/mental scars are still there and it is really hard some days.

Not the exact same thing, but many of the clients I work with on a day to day basis have a really hard time adjusting to life after their TBI. The "hardest" people to work with too are the "high functioning" ones (for lack of a better term!!) because they are capable of still doing so many things with their lives, but struggle either with systemic barriers or just not being able to do some of the things they used to because of their high level of fatigue, maybe difficulties with organization, executive functioning, etc...

The program I work does offer counseling services for them/their family to utilize to help "cope" with their injury, but some of them even don't want to use those services. I know that family in particular often benefit more from the counseling aspect.

I see a lot, a lot of anger with people in these situations. They also take it out on the people around them.

[dacrunkest]

My dad turned 50 about 6 months ago, and I am starting to worry that he is going to run himself into the ground. The man works constantly and is looking to get into seriously stressful stuff like politics. The one saving grace is that his midlife crisis has driven him to start worrying more about his weight and appearance, so he is working out more.

My parents were very young when I was born (22 and 21, dad and mom respectively), so I have always had a very youthful impression of them. I worry about when they get older.

[meatwad]

He's as well as can be expected. My mother is struggling with all of the household maintenance stuff that he normally does (ie. taking the garbage cans down the driveway on garbage day, cleaning their guinea pig cage, she's now worried about if it snows this week and who will shovel for them), and is embarassed to ask family/friends for help.

My sister and her boyfriend live nearby, and she's asked the boyfriend to do stuff and he's pretty much useless in that area :rolleyes: .

She does have supports through their church and extended family so I told her she is just going to need to utilize them. People have offered too, so I think she needs to take advantage.....

Does she bake or knit or anything? Just tell her if she's embarrassed to ask for help that she can do something for them to kind of make up for it. Then it doesn't feel like charity.

[winneythepooh7]

Does she bake or knit or anything? Just tell her if she's embarrassed to ask for help that she can do something for them to kind of make up for it. Then it doesn't feel like charity.


Good points!

And they also have a little bit of extra $$$ to pay someone to run errands for them, if need be.

[meatwad]

Good points!

And they also have a little bit of extra $$$ to pay someone to run errands for them, if need be.

Exactly.

"Sweety, I hate to be a bother, but do you think you could help me with some things around the house while winney's dad is recovering? I was going to make a carrot cake, and I figured maybe I'll make an extra one for you if you'd like."

[winneythepooh7]

Honestly, I don't think people realize the importance of turning to natural supports in times like these.

Is it really such a burden to give up less than 15 minutes of your life to help someone take out their garbage?

Or pick up some extra groceries while you are at the store?

[steph78]

Yeah, I'm sure that there are plenty of people who would be happy to help out with little errands. TWO families on my street are dealing with cancer right now - one is a 10-year old boy with leukemia - he is the oldest of 3 kids and the whole family has pretty much had to pack up and go to St. Jude's iun Memphis for months on end while he is receiving treatments (which thankfully seem to be working). The other is a father of 4 kids who was diagnosed with a brain tumor this fall, he is receiving treatments but it sounds like it's just to prolong things so he can have more time with his kids.

Anyway, the rest of us neighbors have been wanting to do stuff for them but it's hard to know what to do past the first few days. It's great when they have told us about small things we can do for them to help out (grocery shopping, giving the mom of one of the families a ride to/from the auto shop when she was having her car serviced, taking garbage cans to/from the curb, etc) - it is such small stuff to us but we are happy to be doing something to help them. I know they'd do the same for us if the situation were reversed. I am sure if your mom just asks people that are close to her that they'd be happy to help her out.

[steph78]

Does anyone have an SO or close friend who has medical issues? I don't know how many of you remember, but my husband was almost killed a few years ago as he crossed the street/was hit by a car. He's all right now, but there are some physical things that he can't do (has pins in his ankle, rod in his leg, knee problems) and had a ton of abdominal injuries/surgeries...so I worry about him as we age. Fortunately, he was compensated for the damages and that is being invested well, so if he should need future care...but still...the emotional/mental scars are still there and it is really hard some days.
My husband has type 1 diabetes. In the day to day, it's not a big deal, he manages it really well and I honestly forget sometimes - it's not like it's a daily topic of conversation. He is also really responsible about keeping his blood sugar levels in check so that his body is not stressed, this helps reduce the risk of diabetes-related complications like heart/kidney problems, glaucoma, etc. etc. But even though he's so responsible and is doing great right now, I do worry about him as he ages, especially now that we have a child. You hear horrible stories about people dying so young due to diabetes complications. This year he tried to increase his life insurance coverage through the plan offered by his company, and he was REJECTED for coverage because of his diabetes. That's a scary thought for me. We are going to shop around for policies on our own, but we will obviously have to pay more than the average family for life insurance due to his condition.

[pisces2473]

Not the exact same thing, but many of the clients I work with on a day to day basis have a really hard time adjusting to life after their TBI. The "hardest" people to work with too are the "high functioning" ones (for lack of a better term!!) because they are capable of still doing so many things with their lives, but struggle either with systemic barriers or just not being able to do some of the things they used to because of their high level of fatigue, maybe difficulties with organization, executive functioning, etc...

The program I work does offer counseling services for them/their family to utilize to help "cope" with their injury, but some of them even don't want to use those services. I know that family in particular often benefit more from the counseling aspect.

I see a lot, a lot of anger with people in these situations. They also take it out on the people around them.
Sorry to jack your thread!

But yeah, I know what you mean, so in a way, it is kinda the same thing...luckily, both of us have therapists so we deal with the things life throws at us...but some days, it's very very very hard.

[pisces2473]

Honestly, I don't think people realize the importance of turning to natural supports in times like these.

Is it really such a burden to give up less than 15 minutes of your life to help someone take out their garbage?

Or pick up some extra groceries while you are at the store?
Has anyone called to see if they need help, and if so, is your mom being "proud" by saying "oh no, we're fine, thanks."

[pisces2473]

My husband has type 1 diabetes. In the day to day, it's not a big deal, he manages it really well and I honestly forget sometimes - it's not like it's a daily topic of conversation. He is also really responsible about keeping his blood sugar levels in check so that his body is not stressed, this helps reduce the risk of diabetes-related complications like heart/kidney problems, glaucoma, etc. etc. But even though he's so responsible and is doing great right now, I do worry about him as he ages, especially now that we have a child. You hear horrible stories about people dying so young due to diabetes complications. This year he tried to increase his life insurance coverage through the plan offered by his company, and he was REJECTED for coverage because of his diabetes. That's a scary thought for me. We are going to shop around for policies on our own, but we will obviously have to pay more than the average family for life insurance due to his condition.
I was thinking of you when I typed my original question :) That's scary about the life ins. thing. Ugh.

[yankeeyosh]

My dad (64 y/o) has not been in good health for a long time...he has diabetes and a heart condition, along with other issues. He is heavily medicated and spends most of the day in bed these days. Sad to say, I don't worry about it as much as I did five years ago. Maybe I am resigned to the fact that this is how he is, or maybe it's the fact that I'm away. But I do worry about him from time to time...

[PenforPrez]

My father's had trouble with his body temperature for a couple of years. I was worried that they would never figure out the problem. Dad sits next to the wood stove all bundled up. It's not right.

He finally found out the problem today: His testosterone was too low. So they're giving him some patches for it. They told him it may increase his sex drive; they were going to prescribe him some Viagra. Dad told them not to.

Now, my father turns 81 next month. Do I have the right to feel a little disturbed at the thought of my father going on Viagra at his age?

Paul

[Millenial]

So I was running on my treadmill earlier, and didn't hear my cell phone ring. I checked it and saw I had a voicemail from my mother. She's at the ER with my father. I have no clue what he was doing, but apparently he fell off a ladder and broke his wrist. I spoke with my sister, and he's okay from what my mom said to her.

This just made me realize again that my parents are getting old and I have to worry about them even more. Anyone else have thoughts like this? It's kind of like a rising panic...........Especially because they live over 2 hours away........
I actually got really close with my parents during undergrad, now I have gotten really bitter and almost hateful towards them, i think it's because they're nearing retirement and they kinda just want to live their own lives for once without worrying about the kids aka me and my siblings.

for me it's just i am getting older and on my own, i'd like to just say, hey, i feel you guys did alright raising me, but i wish you would have had more faith in me and that this generation can handle itself, just like the next will be even more innovative and self sufficent than mine and able to protect themselves from danger we have yet to be aware of.

i totally admit there is a undertone of selfishness and a need to be affirmed that i am right and i understand that. even if they did, it probably wouldn't resonate.