Should I tell HR or suck it up?

[crystal_dance]

My manager has been giving me a really hard time over the last month, but yesterday she really crossed the line. Without going into too much detail she threw a complex assignment at me which I haven't been a part of over the last 3 months and asked me to document certain enhancements that we were making to the system. She asked that the deliverable be ready by the end of the day. Now getting up to speed on 3 months worth of work is challenging but not hard enough to lose sleep over. Doing it in one day AND sumbitting deliverables the same day is.

My manager recently accused me of not asking enough questions and said that she could help me so much better if I asked more questions. So I thought fine and started asking questions. The crappy part? Instead of being helpful she rolled her eyes, made rude, sarcastic comments and made me look like a dumb ass asking "childish" questions. It was awful. On top of that she bombarded me with a dozen emails with project related data. Under pressure from time constraints, I neglected to follow a minor detail (entering the text on a new page) and she called me and made me look like an incompetent moron who doesn't pay attention to detail.

The worst part was at the end of the day when she asked me in all seriousness (she wasn't beng sarcastic) if I was dyslexic. She reiterated her question and asked me again, "Tell me seriously, are you dyslexic?"
I didn't know how to answer her question because I was so shocked that someone would ask something like that. I sputtered a "no" and she just shrugged and shook her head. I have thick skin but at that moment I felt like shit and I wanted to get as far away from that hell hole as possible.

Later on when I was relaying this incident to a friend, she told me that I should go to HR and lodge a complaint. I dunno if I should though because I don't want to be known as the whistle blower at the firm. I mean I understand that Wall Street is a hyper agressive place, but to call someone dyslexic for referencing the wrong term is a little extreme dont you think?

Looking for input...

[caostotale]

Looking for input...

Wow, that's some story. Your manager sounds like scum. I would not have been able to let that go quite easily. In the interest of your own future (and other potential workers) working under that idiot I would at least bring it up passively to either HR or his/her superior. At that point, appropriateness and tact are already out the window, so I would at least make the person aware that they are out of line, because if you don't, they may walk all over you in the future. When you're not the son of god, what good is turning the other cheek.

[winneythepooh7]

I would seriously start looking for another job, if you haven't already.

It's a hard call whether or not to go to HR. It could work in your favor, it could backfire. Which again is why I advise to just look for a new job.

[TinyDancer]

Your HR people are going to need to talk to your manager, as well as others. She can always deny things. . . but I think you should go to them. She seems to be on the war path for you. I think you need to get your side of the story documented. . . and yes, you should also document everything.

[crystal_dance]

Thank you for your answers everyone. I agree with winney on the risks of going to HR because that was what had prevented me from blowing up on the spot/ reporting her. I work for an extremely bureaucratic organization that cares more about its bottom line than its employees and so I know that my complaint is probably going to cause more trouble than good.

A colleague and friend at the firm is being let go for similar reasons. He complained to HR that his manager isn't giving him any work to do and is totally ignoring him. HR took note and didn't do anything for months. Finally they called him in last week and told him they are letting him go since his performance reviews weren't all that great. Ofcourse they weren't, he never got any work to do and when he asked for it his requests were ignored. Granted my colleague had his faults as well (was "too casual" in the workplace with email, phone, web surfing) but that was because he had nothing to keep him busy.

As for me, thankfully I'm in a rotation program and will be moving to my next rotation (in a different building) starting February and will be out of contact with this person. I've asked a colleague who worked under my future manager about him and she said that he's a cool guy so that's a relief.

My only concern at this point is my performance review. I know she's going to trash me based on what she told me a month ago (http://quarterlifecrisis.com/forums/showthread.php?t=28630) and I hope she isn't unprofessional enough to say "stuff" to my new manager.

[winneythepooh7]

There are people who want to fight the system in cases like this, however, I long ago learned that there are some battles like these that are just not worth it.

There are better companies out there where we don't have to deal with this stuff.

I think we learn from it though. Kudos to you for sticking it out with a nightmare boss!

[ya never know..]

I've kinda kept tabs on some of the stuff that's happened to me, and did mention to HR what had been going on. HR knows I have it documented, but I've never given it to them. Don't know if I will, even though HR said it didn't have to go any farther than them and myself.

[caostotale]

I've kinda kept tabs on some of the stuff that's happened to me, and did mention to HR what had been going on. HR knows I have it documented, but I've never given it to them. Don't know if I will, even though HR said it didn't have to go any farther than them and myself.

To be honest, it's not HR's true job (despite what they say or promise) to make you comfortable in the workplace. They are there to maintain a cost-efficient workforce for the people with the money and the last thing they care to deal with is a personal issue amongst one employee and another. They'll likely want to just sweep it under the rug.

[Skyblade]

Hmm...its sounds to me like your manager is taking her stress out on you. I know its a stereotype, but thats why I'm glad I don't work with a lot of women. The passive aggressive, insulting, power hungry-ness of a lot of women has gotten to me in the past.

As far as mentioning it to HR, it really depends on what your HR department is like and the people working in it. I've worked at some companies where HR was more of a place for managers to go to to complain about their employees than vice versa. One thing I've learned though is always appreciate and try to make friends with HR.

I almost feel like you should bring up the comment to your manager at another time and say that you felt insulted and you felt the comment was way out of line. I don't think it will get you anywhere, but just to let her know. Good to know you won't be with her for much longer. When is your performance review?

[Rage]

It almost sounds to me like you're being used as a scapegoat. I don't have my shit together on a project I've had for months, so when the deadline is approaching, I throw it at the junior person so I can blame her for the screw up when it's not delivered on time. "Sorry I didn't get you this on time Bill, I'll have to address the issue with my junior employee."

I was always under the impression that HR was for a last resort, or a serious complaint like sexual harassment. I am not sure what kind of relationship you have with your boss' boss, but if you have the flexibility, it is sometimes a good idea to talk with that boss. I have seen two approaches, depending upon if you are a crucial member of the team. One is to take a hardline and complain, saying that sort of unprofessionalism is unacceptable, and you won't stand for it (ready to quit). An alternative is to go to that person to "check in" and ask for advice on how to handle the situation from someone who has been there.

[caostotale]

Hmm...its sounds to me like your manager is taking her stress out on you. I know its a stereotype, but thats why I'm glad I don't work with a lot of women. The passive aggressive, insulting, power hungry-ness of a lot of women has gotten to me in the past.


Whether they are a guy or a girl, I don't like working under emotionally-worn-out, abusive, petty assholes. Amongst women, I really don't like working under burnt-out moms who have children my age (or at least high-school aged) - they very easily shift into imperious household mode without realizing it and act like they say whatever they want to you because they're older and the world apparantly owes them deference.

[winneythepooh7]

Caostotale:

This is just an observation, you can take it or leave it.

You sound really, really bitter and even venomous in your posts towards others in general.

I know that not every work environment is sunshine and roses all the time, but you seem to stereotype everybody. Is there anyone you DO like?

It must suck to be in your shoes, but maybe, just maybe, could you be sending out a certain negative vibe to others, which in turn, is making things hard for you at work, in finding a job, etc.

Again, take it or leave it, but it seems like you find fault with everybody for everything. Where do you figure into that equation?

[TinyDancer]

To be honest, it's not HR's true job (despite what they say or promise) to make you comfortable in the workplace. They are there to maintain a cost-efficient workforce for the people with the money and the last thing they care to deal with is a personal issue amongst one employee and another. They'll likely want to just sweep it under the rug.
No. It is not our job to make you comfortable in the workplace. People are there to do a job. People may have poor performance. . . it's NOT going to be comfortable for them, nor do I want it to be.

However. . . you have a right to expect a basic level of respect and courtesy. I'm absolutely never going to "sweep that under the rug." Granted, when people come to me and it's one person's word against another. . . well, that's trickier.

[caostotale]

It must suck to be in your shoes, but maybe, just maybe, could you be sending out a certain negative vibe to others, which in turn, is making things hard for you at work, in finding a job, etc.


Nope. I think being in my own shoes is rather awesome. Almost everything in my life is actually pretty great. I have a fabulous girlfriend, a great family, and awesome pets. I work with a lot of great artists and musicians on various projects that are fulfilling and inspiring. I enjoy many rewarding hobbies. I just don't feel the need to gush on about those things here.

On the other hand, my aggregated interactions with the average workplaces and office personalities everyone here describes (with which I've had an on-and-off relationship since 2000) have been overwhelmingly miserable and impotent to my personal development, and I feel quite justified in trash-talking those situations to the ends of the earth, especially when I consider how those "typical situations" stand in juxtaposition to non-traditional (yet respectable) jobs I've had. So I'll agree with you that, yes, I am bitter, venomous, and downright evil towards the work world, and that's because the work world only gets what it pays for from me.

In the real world, I truly admire and respect tons of people, including several who've successfully navigated the office world. Many of those latter folk have never ceased to remind me that success in that playing field is often only gained when one plows through a lot of A-holes and BS, though, so even their success doesn't endear me to visions of my own.

If you want to continue exploring my negativity, please use the PM button. I don't want to burden everyone here with boring self-examinations like this.