Some people are dealt the worst cards in life

[winneythepooh7]

I found out today, that my old boss, who my old team was super close with, her son committed suicide over the weekend.

She just lost her brother who was like her soul mate to cancer a couple weeks ago.

She is going through a divorce.

She has been the rock holding her mother, father, SIL and her SIL's children together with the loss of her brother.

And there are issues with one of her other children.

I just don't know what to even say to her........

[hoodie]

Oh my god....that's so sad.

[winneythepooh7]

When my friend called me this morning, she said that the former job said we shouldn't contact her this week. Would it be totally inappropriate to at least just send her a text message to her phone to let her know I am thinking of her? ETA: HR won't give anyone her address, but said she is sitting shiva this week. We think we can get her address through other sources. Do you think it's appropriate to just show up since the family should all be there? I mean, I try to put myself in her shoes, and I think I'd want people around me..............

[TinyDancer]

When my friend called me this morning, she said that the former job said we shouldn't contact her this week. Would it be totally inappropriate to at least just send her a text message to her phone to let her know I am thinking of her? ETA: HR won't give anyone her address, but said she is sitting shiva this week. We think we can get her address through other sources. Do you think it's appropriate to just show up since the family should all be there? I mean, I try to put myself in her shoes, and I think I'd want people around me..............
Hard saying. . . I'm the type that DOESN'T want people around me for a while. If I was going through this type of thing. . . wow, I don't know what I'd do. I would need some alone time to process. That's for sure.

You could always send a card, drop some food off but not stay long (or don't insist on seeing her), or send her a text message. I don't think any of this is inappropriate. I think that she'll appreciate that you care. . . and it sounds like she'll need a lot of emotional support in the future.

Keep that in mind, too. One of my friends lost a parent, and she said that there was tons of support right after it happened, and then everyone went about their normal lives and forgot about it. She really appreciated the cards and phone calls that came months after the fact that said. . . "I'm still here for you."

[ebruening]

One of my friends lost a parent, and she said that there was tons of support right after it happened, and then everyone went about their normal lives and forgot about it. She really appreciated the cards and phone calls that came months after the fact that said. . . "I'm still here for you."

When my SO's brother died, everybody wanted to help in the week or so after it happened. However, it has seemed like everyone's support has trickled off to nothing in the nearly 6 months since it happened, which is something that I think bothers his family quite a lot. I'm just speaking from my own experience, but I'd imagine that your former boss would really appreciate a phone call or card a few months from now (in addition to one right now.)

[ebruening]

Do you think it's appropriate to just show up since the family should all be there? I mean, I try to put myself in her shoes, and I think I'd want people around me..............

I think it totally depends on her family, as well as her own personality. You'd have to take that into account, I think, before just showing up. Some families get really edgy about that sort of thing right after an unexpected death - almost like you're there to gawk at their sorrow. (I know you wouldn't be doing that, Winney. I understand that you'd want to support your former boss. However, having seen a family go through that sort of thing relatively recently, I'm just saying that it COULD backfire, and end up having the opposite effect, rather than the effect you intended.)

Your former boss' family is in my thoughts.

[winneythepooh7]

Oh, definitely, points well-noted.

It also occured to me as well that even though we do know some of the stuff she has been dealing with, maybe she is just feeling guilty, angry, embarrassed, or ashamed or any number of other "feelings" and doesn't want people she has worked with to see her like this RIGHT NOW.

Which could be why they emphasized at my former job "not to get into contact with her right now".

I'm going to call my friend who still works there tommorrow to see if she has any updates.

[winneythepooh7]

I think it totally depends on her family, as well as her own personality. You'd have to take that into account, I think, before just showing up. Some families get really edgy about that sort of thing right after an unexpected death - almost like you're there to gawk at their sorrow. (I know you wouldn't be doing that, Winney. I understand that you'd want to support your former boss. However, having seen a family go through that sort of thing relatively recently, I'm just saying that it COULD backfire, and end up having the opposite effect, rather than the effect you intended.)

Your former boss' family is in my thoughts.

Maybe if there are people of the Jewish faith on here they can comment as well, what the protocol is. I asked the question about shiva on another board I go to, and the Jewish posters said that it is fine to just show up.

One of my former co-worker's who is also very close to her, is Jewish, so I am going to ask her tommorrow what she thinks about visiting her. We were both so shocked today that it just didn't occur to us to go see her.

[yankeeyosh]

Maybe if there are people of the Jewish faith on here they can comment as well, what the protocol is. I asked the question about shiva on another board I go to, and the Jewish posters said that it is fine to just show up.

One of my former co-worker's who is also very close to her, is Jewish, so I am going to ask her tommorrow what she thinks about visiting her. We were both so shocked today that it just didn't occur to us to go see her.

I'm so sorry to hear about this, winney {{{{hugs}}} :cry:

Shiva really depends on the family...oftentimes, during shiva, it is just closed to the family...other times, friends and acquaintances can walk in at any time. My family has tended to be rather private during these periods of mourning, but again, it depends on the family.

[winneythepooh7]

Thanks Mark. Yeah, I would think that in a situation like this, the family would probably want to keep things private :(.

[winneythepooh7]

I found out that she got my text. I might try calling her over the weekend. She told my friend that she's happy we are thinking about her, but not really ready to talk to anyone. My friend (who still works with her) went to see her yesterday so I found out the exact details that had happened. I actually held it together and then was crying for her on my drive home from work tonight. I also am super pissed at my former employer, because it's related to them that she couldn't be with her son in his time of need. Maybe I will post that later, but I will probably delete soon after to respect the privacy factor. You never know who is lurking. I just feel so bad for her and her family and this just goes to show, that even some of our worst days in life, really are not all that bad.

[Millenial]

I found out today, that my old boss, who my old team was super close with, her son committed suicide over the weekend.

She just lost her brother who was like her soul mate to cancer a couple weeks ago.

She is going through a divorce.

She has been the rock holding her mother, father, SIL and her SIL's children together with the loss of her brother.

And there are issues with one of her other children.

I just don't know what to even say to her........
That totally sucks and my condolences, my friend from college, his old roommate hung himself two weeks ago. It really sucks, I am single, pretty much a loner, and I try to be happy in life, but it really, really shows the resilience that can be found in the human spirit regardless of how connected or disconnected you are in regards to a social network/family.