I don't know what I'm doing, please help

[jmarie30]

I’m 27 years old and I recently figured out that when it comes to men I have no clue what the hell I’m doing. I try desperately to follow all of the “rules” but it just doesn’t feel natural. I made a decision in February that I was going to get out and meet new guys and look at them initially as “just friends”. While that sounds awesome in theory, it’s not working quite that way. Most of them make pretty good friends, but there is one that I have a huge crush on! I’m trying very hard not to seem like I like him much. I don’t contact him a lot and I’m very casual in our conversations, but I can’t help but think about him all the time.

You may be asking me, what does it matter, just talk to him. But the problem is that I’m the kind of chick who gets overly excited and will pair my first name with his last name after 20 minutes of talking to him. It is my goal to learn to be calmer and not move so damn fast. My question to y’all is what can I do to curb my excitement without driving myself insane?

[vinsanity]

My question to y’all is what can I do to curb my excitement without driving myself insane?

Talk to other guys, maybe? That's what I do (except for me, it's other girls...duh) to divert my attention from any one particular girl.

Just out of curiousity, what are the "rules" you've been trying to go by?

[jmarie30]

1. Don't seem too anxious
2. Don't be too needy
3. Don't always be so available
4. Seem cool, calm and collected
5. Don't talk too much

And the list goes on and on...see what I mean...not natural!

[vinsanity]

lol. Maybe it might help you follow those guidelines if you knew the idea behind them. I learned it as the "cat string" theory: that when you dangle a thread of yarn just slightly above reach from a cat, it will jump and jump in trying to grasp the string with its paws. But if you put the ball of yarn down on the floor, it will knock it around a couple of times and then get bored with it. People are kind of like that, too. Both guys and girls.

I know how difficult it is to not act that way when you are highly attracted to someone, and that's why I think it should help if you talked to other guys as well.

[jmarie30]

That's exactly what I'm going to do. In fact I set up to go out with some friends this weekend, so let's see who I meet. Thanks!!!!

[Lucky13]

I'm kind of like you when it comes to being a little too happy talking to guys.With me I just get nervous and smile a lot. I don't do the name thing but to each her own. As far as the guy you like talk to him like normal and maybe ask him to do things so you can get to know each other. Talking is okay as long as you're not the only one doing it. Ask him questions and see what he's into. If I have a guys number and I don't want to call to much...I'll call someone else instead or distract myself with something else. I figure if he wants to talk he'll call....but in your case if the guy doesn't know you're interested flirt a little and see how it goes...give him a reason to call you.

[MLMaestro]

I think you probably play the 'secretive' card, try not to lay out all your things right at the start...reveal a little, bait the guy in, then reveal some more to the extent that you are comfortable with. Don't act too distant too, it may make him feel like you are not interested in him at all.

Best of luck!! :)