Upset about condo situation

[Illinidiva]

Hi! I know that this is going to seem kinda trivial, but my parents said that they wanted to get me a condo.. They've finished paying their house and apparently having a mortgage helps them out with their taxes and stuff... But the whole thing makes me feel really miserable. I've expressed a desire to go to a MBA program, and I really think that this is my parents way of telling me I'm too much of a loser to get into a program. I also would hate it if my frenemies found out... I'd hate to bump into someone with a six figure job who is able to buy their own house without mommy and daddy's help, and having to hear them rub it in.

[FunInTheSun]

Umm... I would love to be in your situation! Tell them I'll take it. I guess the grass is greener on the other side...

Ok, in all seriousness I think I see where you are coming from. But it seems that in this day and age, with the way things are going, especially for young adults, the only way to get a leg up is with help from your parents. I am beginning to wonder if I will be able to buy a house here in So Flo since I don't have my parents to turn to for financial help.

[Illinidiva]

I know... I feel really confused about being upset about this. But I'd like to be able to make it on my own. It just seems like many of my "frenemies" have quite nice lives, but I'm just stuck in a quite awful job, money, and life situation (i.e. crappy job, no money, no sig. other). It seems that the condo might be on the South Side of Chicago, so I'm hoping that the developer might have been talking up something in a ghetto-y area, so that I'd have a legit. reason to say "no."

[wordsmith]

Is there any reason these people that you're so worried about would even have any reason to be privy to the details of your finances/know details about who's paying the mortgage?

[Illinidiva]

I've found that lying about one's work/ life situation backfires. I tried it when I bumped into a frenemy from high school. It turns out that the person in question dated someone in my company. He told her that my job was really sucky/ dead-end/ glorified spreadsheet updating and she was more than happy to tell other "frenemies."

Also, even if they didn't find out, I would still know, and it would make me feel small and sad. I hate the fact that I have to rely on the 'rents for everything. It seems that there are quite a few people who are 26 and can actually afford condos/ houses.

[wordsmith]

I'm not talking about lying, though. Short of these people approaching you to ask you who's paying your mortgage/what your paycheck amounts to, I'm just wondering how they'd be so in the know about your personal situation.

In any case, at age 26, is it really so important to worry about what people from high school are doing or thinking?

That said, if you're not comfortable with the way your parents doing this makes you feel, that's that, and it's certainly valid. I'd certainly be uncomfortable with such a situation, myself.

[Krishna]

I'd certainly be uncomfortable with such a situation, myself.

Hard to say how I'd feel about this. I desperately want a house, but make nowhere near enough money to sustain a downpayment or mortgage. If my parents approached me tomorrow and asked if I wanted them to contribute towards a downpayment, I'd probably say yes, as long as no strings were attached. Having them finance my mortgage would be shaky for me though.

[wordsmith]

See, for me, I'm pretty sure I always would feel as if strings were attached. Even if they weren't nefarious, "we want to maintain control over your life and always have a hand in the mix" strings. Just "I continue to be beholden to my parents, I don't have the satisfaction of knowing I took care of myself" strings. My parents are awesome and don't hold shit over my head, but I do confess that I'd feel awkward as an adult if they bought me so much as a vacation ticket, let alone a piece of real estate. So I can see where the OP is coming from noting that it would be depressing to feel that her parents stepped in because she couldn't do it on her own.

[Illinidiva]

I was a nerd in HS, and the main way that I got through high school is by imagining that I'd be a high powered business professional while my frenemies would be bitter dead-enders... Apparently, movies aren't real life. (I knew this, but kinda hoped it was the case). But it isn't just HS people; it's also random ex-boyfriends/ friends, other people that one must associate with.

Perhaps, the situation just upsets me and I'm looking for an excuse.

[wordsmith]

You should have gone to my high school.

Most of the mean "cool" kids are now bartenders in small town dives with various failed marriages under their belts. However, it should be noted that they are still pretty firmly convinced they're cool, even so. Just how it works with entitlement.

[Illinidiva]

Hard to say how I'd feel about this. I desperately want a house, but make nowhere near enough money to sustain a downpayment or mortgage. If my parents approached me tomorrow and asked if I wanted them to contribute towards a downpayment, I'd probably say yes, as long as no strings were attached. Having them finance my mortgage would be shaky for me though.

I'd probably jump for joy if they wanted to pay half of a downpayment (say 25K) and have me pay it back. But I couldn't afford a condo in Chicago even with a good downpayment. The mortgage would come to probably about $1400/ $1500 per month even with a decent downpayment. I make only about $45000 per year, so the most I can afford for rent is $800/ month. (And there's no way I'm going to get a new job... I've been searching for a year and there's a recession on now). Plus, I highly doubt that a reputable bank would give someone making as pitiful an income as I have a mortgage.

My parents literally want to take out a joint mortgage with me and pay the extra $700 or so per month. My 'rents won't hang this over me, but it still upsets me that I'm 26 and still basically living off them.

[Phoenix212]

Another possible reason to say No -

Is the condo even a good investment? The housing market nationwide is in decline, and shows no clear signs of turning around. Condos are an especially weak part of the housing market. Also, a lot of redevelopment in marginal parts of Chicago was based on the desire to buy something, anything, even if it wasn't in an established neighborhood. In this buyer's market, anyone who is still willing and able to buy can be picky about the neighborhood. So why would a buyer choose a marginal part of the South Side if they can get the north lakefront?

Also, the safety issues with living in the neighborhood are a valid concern. I'm street-smart and have a proven track record of dealing with the worst of the worst. Yet, I still had repeated near misses with muggers and other nasties in relatively safe neighborhoods like downtown, Wrigleyvile and Evanston. A single woman living alone in a part of the South Side which is unsafe even by Chicago standards will have safety incidents sooner or later. Sorry if this sounds unpleasant, but I'd rather be blunt than for you to get hurt.

[Phoenix212]

My 'rents won't hang this over me, but it still upsets me that I'm 26 and still basically living off them.

Don't feel too bad about this. You're living in one of the toughest places in the country financially. You're also playing with the deck stacked against you given that the in-crowd types are being given an advantage towards getting the good jobs. Your $45K salary is an accomplishment.

[Illinidiva]

Another possible reason to say No -

Is the condo even a good investment? The housing market nationwide is in decline, and shows no clear signs of turning around. Condos are an especially weak part of the housing market. Also, a lot of redevelopment in marginal parts of Chicago was based on the desire to buy something, anything, even if it wasn't in an established neighborhood. In this buyer's market, anyone who is still willing and able to buy can be picky about the neighborhood. So why would a buyer choose a marginal part of the South Side if they can get the north lakefront?

It's apparently just south of the museum campus... but I'm not sure how far south. And I'm a bit wary because it only costs $450K for a two bedroom in a new development.. But most two bedrooms on the Loop cost almost a $1 million. I think that my father might be being sold a bill of goods.

Also, the safety issues with living in the neighborhood are a valid concern. I'm street-smart and have a proven track record of dealing with the worst of the worst. Yet, I still had repeated near misses with muggers and other nasties in relatively safe neighborhoods like downtown, Wrigleyvile and Evanston. A single woman living alone in a part of the South Side which is unsafe even by Chicago standards will have safety incidents sooner or later. Sorry if this sounds unpleasant, but I'd rather be blunt than for you to get hurt.

It's not Englewood so it isn't the worst of the worst, but it does get hairy pretty quickly once you go south of the museum campus. Even the area around the Science and Industry museum isn't that safe. I agree with you, which is a reason why I'm hesitant.

[Illinidiva]

Don't feel too bad about this. You're living in one of the toughest places in the country financially. You're also playing with the deck stacked against you given that the in-crowd types are being given an advantage towards getting the good jobs. Your $45K salary is an accomplishment.

Not really... I worked my butt off to get a bachelors degree, so apparently I can spend my life as a cubicle drone.

[Restless&Lost]

I think all of this is your own hang ups. I don't even understand how or why people have "frenemies". Why do you feel like you have something to prove to people you don't even like? Why talk to people who are passively hostile toward you? I don't get it.

If you're gonna be unhappy, at least be that way on your own terms.

[Illinidiva]

Because you have to talk with people you don't like some of the time and at least pretend to be pleasant (i.e. at parties, casually on the street, etc.). You know the types of situations. And work, new houses/ apts., sig others, and other life events generally come up in these types of contracts.

However, that's just part of the entire situation... I guess it just makes me feel like a big time loser to be that dependent on the 'rents still even though I've been out of college for four years. And I feel that others' reaction will just confirm how I feel.

[wordsmith]

I also don't get the frenemies thing...either somebody's worthwhile and are either a friend or acquaintance, or they (and their reactions) are not worth even giving a second thought to. I used to have a coworker that would always ask me this, if I was upset about what somebody thought: "Do you respect them? No? Then why do you care what they think? F*** 'em." Good advice. But, I digress.

[winneythepooh7]

I think all of this is your own hang ups. I don't even understand how or why people have "frenemies". Why do you feel like you have something to prove to people you don't even like? Why talk to people who are passively hostile toward you? I don't get it.

If you're gonna be unhappy, at least be that way on your own terms.

I agree. I posted about this in the "stress" thread. I have found that people who are Negative Nellies all the time though, breed that though, unless they are willing to change their attitude.

[winneythepooh7]

Don't feel too bad about this. You're living in one of the toughest places in the country financially. You're also playing with the deck stacked against you given that the in-crowd types are being given an advantage towards getting the good jobs. Your $45K salary is an accomplishment.

I agree. The majority of my colleagues who have their MASTER'S DEGREE, living and working in NYC, which IMHO is more expensive then Chicago, are often doing it on way less than $45K a year in many instances. But again, we've had these go arounds before with the OP, and apparently we never know what were talking about. I think she needs to stop worrying about what others probably don't even think about her anyways, and get her priorities straight.

[Phoenix212]

It's apparently just south of the museum campus... but I'm not sure how far south. And I'm a bit wary because it only costs $450K for a two bedroom in a new development.. But most two bedrooms on the Loop cost almost a $1 million. I think that my father might be being sold a bill of goods.

This price difference is plausible, as directly on the Loop is not the same as just south of the museum campus. The adage that real estate is all about location, location, location is true. It's doubly true in Chicago, where people are neighborhood-focused and want to be part of a specific neighborhood.

Thinking out loud here, and intentionally trying to give you more ammunition if you need to explain your decision to your parents or others:

- Your job situation seems to be a priority in your life. What if a better job comes up but is in another city? The condo could make it difficult to relocate to take a better job. It's never easy or cheap to sell a house or condo. Right now, it's difficult or impossible. Nor is it possible to rent out a house or condo for anywhere near its mortgage payment.

- $450K for a condo in an unsafe area? Is this a joke? Even if not, is this price sustainable?

- The housing market is in serious trouble. Developers are particularly in a bad spot, because they built homes while the market was better which they cannot sell now. Is this actually a good time to buy?

- Chicago is in the middle of a crime wave. Also, there's a nationwide recession. Crime tends to go up during recessions. IOW, a neighborhood that's slightly sketchy now could be very dangerous a year down the road. If you own, this negatively affects your home equity.

- The popularity of recently redeveloped neighborhoods like the South Loop could well be a fad. By and large, these neighborhoods are inhabited by relatively recent white-collar transplants who live there because it's fashionable. If it stops being fashionable to live in these areas, these transplants might go back where they came from. The working class population that has traditionally lived in these areas isn't willing or able to pay anywhere near $450K for a home.

It's not Englewood so it isn't the worst of the worst, but it does get hairy pretty quickly once you go south of the museum campus. Even the area around the Science and Industry museum isn't that safe. I agree with you, which is a reason why I'm hesitant.

You mean Hyde Park? This is true - even Hyde Park isn't that safe, which is scary, because it's one of the safest South Side neighborhoods.

Now that you mention it, the fact that it's near the museum campus is actually a bad thing in that the area is going to be deserted once the museum closes.

The majority of my colleagues who have their MASTER'S DEGREE, living and working in NYC, which IMHO is more expensive then Chicago, are often doing it on way less than $45K a year in many instances.

I actually spend about $500/month less in NYC than I did while living in Chicago.

[Illinidiva]

I also don't get the frenemies thing...either somebody's worthwhile and are either a friend or acquaintance, or they (and their reactions) are not worth even giving a second thought to. I used to have a coworker that would always ask me this, if I was upset about what somebody thought: "Do you respect them? No? Then why do you care what they think? F*** 'em." Good advice. But, I digress.

Because I have to... It's poor form to go to a party and ignore someone.

[Illinidiva]

I agree. The majority of my colleagues who have their MASTER'S DEGREE, living and working in NYC, which IMHO is more expensive then Chicago, are often doing it on way less than $45K a year in many instances. But again, we've had these go arounds before with the OP, and apparently we never know what were talking about. I think she needs to stop worrying about what others probably don't even think about her anyways, and get her priorities straight.

I specifically got my degree in something that I hated and that literally sucks the life out of me because I thought that I would have enough $$ to live on. I'm not sure how someone lives in NYC below 50/60 K a year. Rent w/ a roommate must cost the same as I'm paying for a studio in Chicago... but I digress.

[wordsmith]

Because I have to... It's poor form to go to a party and ignore someone.

Again, not talking about ignoring anybody. You can be polite...and in your head, completely and totally dismiss their attitude as bullshit and don't waste another minute on it unless it's to consider them with derision. I do this with at least half the people I meet. You don't have to ignore anybody or be rude to anybody, but it's totally on you if you let them get in your head. Just because you're suffering somebody's conversation doesn't mean you have to put any stock in their attitudes. Just because you're talking to somebody out of politeness doesn't mean you have to give a flying fig what they say or think. Be confident in who you are. It's all you.

[Restless&Lost]

Because I have to... It's poor form to go to a party and ignore someone.

Seriously, you need to grow a pair. As an adult, you are responsible for yourself and every decision that you make. You are responsible for the company that you keep. You are responsible for your own career advancement. These are all things that you can change at any point.

Keyword here is "personal responsibility." Take control of your own life, because it's really sounding like you let everyone else control it for you.

[wordsmith]

It's true. Nobody can "make" you feel inferior. If they do, it's because you're putting way too much stock in them and their thoughts. And we all do this, with people who are important to us...let their opinions hold a lot of weight. But you don't even LIKE these people...why should they have so much of a hold on how you feel, when they're not even people who are important in your life?

[Illinidiva]

Seriously, you need to grow a pair. As an adult, you are responsible for yourself and every decision that you make. You are responsible for the company that you keep. You are responsible for your own career advancement. These are all things that you can change at any point.

Keyword here is "personal responsibility." Take control of your own life, because it's really sounding like you let everyone else control it for you.

Okay so basically, I'm responsible for the fact that I'm sometimes forced to talk to my mom's friend's daughter, the next door neighbor, or the snotty cousin that I'm forced to interact with @ a party or other various random acquaintances who I hate. After all, I'm the one who chose my blood relatives, the people who I went to school with, and the people my mother associates with. :rolleyes:

[Illinidiva]

It's true. Nobody can "make" you feel inferior. If they do, it's because you're putting way too much stock in them and their thoughts. And we all do this, with people who are important to us...let their opinions hold a lot of weight. But you don't even LIKE these people...why should they have so much of a hold on how you feel, when they're not even people who are important in your life?

Because I'm human. I think that everyone feels at least a twinge of upset when someone disses or speaks ill of them. I also think that it validates my worst fears (about being a major loser). While obviously lots is determined by one's own efforts, there is also an element of luck involved in life. There has to be at least some people out there who have quite sucky lives because despite their best efforts, they weren't in the right place @ the right time.

[Restless&Lost]

Because I'm human. I think that everyone feels at least a twinge of upset when someone disses or speaks ill of them. I also think that it validates my worst fears (about being a major loser). While obviously lots is determined by one's own efforts, there is also an element of luck involved in life. There has to be at least some people out there who have quite sucky lives because despite their best efforts, they weren't in the right place @ the right time.

Ugh. You know, if I knew you in real life, I probably wouldn't have much respect for you either.

You go right ahead and just rollover and give up on life. The rest of us will be over here trying to live it.

[Bsig84]

Ugh. You know, if I knew you in real life, I probably wouldn't have much respect for you either.

You go right ahead and just rollover and give up on life. The rest of us will be over here trying to live it.

Ok that was a tad bit harsh. There is no need to attack her like that. I think many people wonder what others will think of them when they are still being dependant on their parents. I dont think it should be a major factor in any decision making, but Im sure it crosses a lot of minds.

I can understand the difficulty in accepting help like that from your parents. You only have two options here, you either let your parents help and live with it or you dont accept the help and come up with another solution on your own. Its really as simple as that. I think deep down you know which option will be best for you. I know that not accepting help from them may cause you to make some major changes like perhaps getting another job but that is just life.

I think its probably easier said than done though. I wish you luck!

[Restless&Lost]

Ok that was a tad bit harsh. There is no need to attack her like that. I think many people wonder what others will think of them when they are still being dependant on their parents. I dont think it should be a major factor in any decision making, but Im sure it crosses a lot of minds.

I'm not claiming otherwise. But there's a difference between what you're saying and a person who lies waiting with baited breath for any confirmation of their own inadequacy. What exactly is there to respect about that? It's basically cringing at specters.

It would've been different if this was a "what should I do?" sort of thing. At least in that case a person is grasping for a solution. But no, I don't respect people who act as if they have no control over anything, and find pretty much any and every excuse not to think and act proactively because "it wasn't my fault"/"it was just my luck"/"I'm forced [to do something that no functioning adult can claimed to be "forced" to do]."

I'm sorry, maybe I was harsh. But I'll admit, my tolerance is low for people without self-respect. But it's not my fault! I wrote that post out of sheer luck! :rolleyes:

[arrow]

I think that you could stand to find some patience regarding your situation. It will get better. Since you care a lot about your professional position and what you do, you won't be making 45K forever - which, by the way, is a fine salary at 26. Easier said then done, sure, but I trust you will work your way up the ladder in no time since you want it so badly (assuming you don't just sit back and slack on the job every day). While you slowly rise in your career, you can work on letting go of the weight of other people's opinions and circumstances, so by the time you are at the top of your game you will have broken free from that anxiety and it won't even matter.

Trust me, when other peoples' opinions and situations don't matter to you anymore, it is incredibly freeing. Suddenly you will be more interested in doing what's best for your spirit and your life rather than proving something to the world. It will make your life so much better. People say the best revenge is living well, but when you are happy in your situation (whatever that is, and it doesn't necessarily mean making six figures and having a swank place) you don't even care about revenge. It takes time to get there and you won't reach that point overnight, but if you start now and at least *pretend* you don't care, then before long you won't be pretending anymore.

Also - I'd advise against letting your parents pay for you if it's just going to make you feel bad about yourself. Trust your instincts. And besides, here in NYC that kind of parental help is so common that I think it may have actually contributed to a fasley inflated real estate market.

[red]

i just left a job (at age 30!) that paid around what you are making. so don't feel bad about making $45k at age 26. and i got a degree that i thought i loved (english lit) but now i hate it and i am making a career change.

you are the only one who needs to approve of your life and choices. i mean, basically right now i am a mom, though i am also taking classes PT. not too impressive on the resume! but i am so happy (and so is my kid) and that's really what matters. not what other people think.

[Nowtide]

I currently live with my in-laws. They have a nice space that is completely separate from their and my Wife and I live for free. In addition to this, they pay for my Wife's brand new car.

I understand what you are saying because I felt the sting of pride too. My wife has a professional degree and a high paying job while I just left my fair paying job to go back to school.

We live well, we get to eat out all the time, save money, pay down debt and I get to go back to school essentially at will. Compare this to about 80% of the people on this message board and I have little to complain about.

My advice is enjoy every second of it. Don't rush into more (unnecessary) responsibility because of pride! Believe me, once you get over your pride and talk to people around you you will start to hear, as my Wife and I do, how lucky you are and how everyone wishes to be in the same position. In fact all of our friends and family tell us regularly to stay here as long as possible.

Cheers,

Nowtide

[Nowtide]

I have no trouble with these so called frenemies. People who seem uncomfortable with the fact that I live for free are generally struggling to make ends meet and I nonchalantly mention that I am looking forward to buying my house with cash after a few years of sacrifice or something like that. This usually shuts them up...either that or I don't waste my time trying to update people I would consider on my "frenemies" list. I have friends that I am comfortable talking to and the rest don't matter enough to tell any of this info too.

Why so worried about what these people think anyway? Focus on making the best choice for you, not to be able to tell people you don't really even like about your life.

Remember, people may appear to be happy at work and well off...but appearance means nothing. Everyone struggles in some way and wishes to make changes. No matter how much people have they still wish to have a little more.

I've found that lying about one's work/ life situation backfires. I tried it when I bumped into a frenemy from high school. It turns out that the person in question dated someone in my company. He told her that my job was really sucky/ dead-end/ glorified spreadsheet updating and she was more than happy to tell other "frenemies."

Also, even if they didn't find out, I would still know, and it would make me feel small and sad. I hate the fact that I have to rely on the 'rents for everything. It seems that there are quite a few people who are 26 and can actually afford condos/ houses.

[winneythepooh7]

Is there anyone besides me who after she changed her screen-name the first time around, wonders if she's a troll, or someone just trying to stir-the-pot otherwise. It's just the same old song and dance. I don't feel sorry at all.

[Bsig84]

Is there anyone besides me who after she changed her screen-name the first time around, wonders if she's a troll, or someone just trying to stir-the-pot otherwise. It's just the same old song and dance. I don't feel sorry at all.

What was her screen name before?

[winneythepooh7]

Check out Illinigal in this thread:

http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27655&highlight=illinigal

[Illinidiva]

Ugh. You know, if I knew you in real life, I probably wouldn't have much respect for you either.

You go right ahead and just rollover and give up on life. The rest of us will be over here trying to live it.

Considering that you really don't have much respect for other people's issues, I don't have that much respect for you either... I thought that the Internets was a place where one could vent one's anger... but whatever.

[Illinidiva]

Ok that was a tad bit harsh. There is no need to attack her like that. I think many people wonder what others will think of them when they are still being dependant on their parents. I dont think it should be a major factor in any decision making, but Im sure it crosses a lot of minds.

I can understand the difficulty in accepting help like that from your parents. You only have two options here, you either let your parents help and live with it or you dont accept the help and come up with another solution on your own. Its really as simple as that. I think deep down you know which option will be best for you. I know that not accepting help from them may cause you to make some major changes like perhaps getting another job but that is just life.

I think its probably easier said than done though. I wish you luck!

Thanks... It's nice to know that someone understands. Although I really want to be on my own more, I also don't want to upset the 'rents, which is why it's really hard for me to talk with them about these types of things.

[Illinidiva]

Is there anyone besides me who after she changed her screen-name the first time around, wonders if she's a troll, or someone just trying to stir-the-pot otherwise. It's just the same old song and dance. I don't feel sorry at all.

Honey... I have the same screenname... I just post here when I want to vent/ have issues. :rolleyes:

[wordsmith]

Considering that you really don't have much respect for other people's issues, I don't have that much respect for you either... I thought that the Internets was a place where one could vent one's anger... but whatever.

Actually, that's what blogs are for (if, you know, you disable comments so nobody who bothers to read can comment and tell you something you don't want to hear). A forum is a place where people respond, and others respond to the responses...it's interactive. A community, if you will. Not a personal venting place. Journals work well, too.

[Illinidiva]

I think that you could stand to find some patience regarding your situation. It will get better. Since you care a lot about your professional position and what you do, you won't be making 45K forever - which, by the way, is a fine salary at 26. Easier said then done, sure, but I trust you will work your way up the ladder in no time since you want it so badly
I've been working at the same job for four years now. It basically involves deleting lines from spreadsheets and talking really slowly to a bunch of incredible morons. It's a niche job in a niche industry. I tried to broach career stuff here, but it was less than helpful. I won't open that can of worms.

Also, my salary is much less than others with my degree (accounting) are cuurently making and I could literally see myself in the same crappy job four years from now, so I don't consider my salary awesome. I'd also like to keep it to the question @ hand (i.e. how does one deal with such a request from the 'rents that they aren't enthused about).

(assuming you don't just sit back and slack on the job every day).

I've gotten good reviews, but in the past few months I've stopped trying when it comes to my job. I've requested more advanced projects, extra work, etc. but haven't gotten anything. I'm sure the fact that I tried to get into some MBA programs a few years ago and got rejected/ told what a loser I was didn't help things.


Trust me, when other peoples' opinions and situations don't matter to you anymore, it is incredibly freeing. Suddenly you will be more interested in doing what's best for your spirit and your life rather than proving something to the world. It will make your life so much better. People say the best revenge is living well, but when you are happy in your situation (whatever that is, and it doesn't necessarily mean making six figures and having a swank place) you don't even care about revenge. It takes time to get there and you won't reach that point overnight, but if you start now and at least *pretend* you don't care, then before long you won't be pretending anymore.

Agreed... I really do think that people who live selflessly. (For instance work with the Peace Corps.) are the happiest people around. I'd love to be able to do that, but I also have a hang up on the things part. I like being able to go to Wrigleyville and have a beer or browse around the boutiques there.

Also - I'd advise against letting your parents pay for you if it's just going to make you feel bad about yourself. Trust your instincts. And besides, here in NYC that kind of parental help is so common that I think it may have actually contributed to a falsey inflated real estate market.

I agree, but it's just telling them that. The 'rents always seem to make fun of what I want to do, so it's hard to go against them.

[Illinidiva]

Actually, that's what blogs are for (if, you know, you disable comments so nobody who bothers to read can comment and tell you something you don't want to hear). A forum is a place where people respond, and others respond to the responses...it's interactive. A community, if you will. Not a personal venting place. Journals work well, too.

People can respond to blogs just like forums. It's nice to be able to commiserate with someone; it makes one feel that they aren't alone. Plus, I'd really like some advice as to how to deal with the 'rents in this situation. Of course, since the career advice I got was awful, I won't hold my breath, but whatever...

[Illinidiva]

What was her screen name before?

The same as before... Some people are just mad because I wasn't too keen on their career advice. (Apparently, I'm just supposed to be able to get a career mentor to appear like a fairy godmother).

[Restless&Lost]

Considering that you really don't have much respect for other people's issues, I don't have that much respect for you either... I thought that the Internets was a place where one could vent one's anger... but whatever.

Lady, you don't even respect yourself. What could your respect possibly be worth to me?

Clearly you'd rather gleefully persist in your ineffectual ways than elevate yourself. So good luck being...you.

[Phoenix212]

Okay so basically, I'm responsible for the fact that I'm sometimes forced to talk to my mom's friend's daughter, the next door neighbor, or the snotty cousin that I'm forced to interact with @ a party or other various random acquaintances who I hate. After all, I'm the one who chose my blood relatives, the people who I went to school with, and the people my mother associates with. :rolleyes:

You may or may not have to interact with these people. (I don't know your situation in detail.) But you don't have to give them any information that you'd rather not give them. You can strategically avoid topics you'd rather not talk about. Even if they bring up the topic directly, you could say, for example, that you're not comfortable discussing it.

It's also possible to stop caring what other people think. Until about age 27 or so, I was frequently used as a verbal punching bag. I only got my self-esteem back when I stopped caring what anyone else thought about me. It's a big mental shift, but it's doable.

In general, being concerned with what others think will hold you back because it prevents you from doing what's best for you. Some examples from my life -

- I'm not from a white-collar background. Yet I was determined to go to university anyway. Most of my friends chose the military or other blue-collar career options. If I needed their approval, I wouldn't have a degree.

- A lot of people didn't approve of the fact that I don't use marijuana. If I cared what they thought, I'd probably have a drug problem. (I have an addictive personality.)

- Some of the people I've known turned out not to be law-abiding. If I cared what they thought about my choices...is the approval of low-quality friends worth getting a felony record over?

- One of my friends actually started reading me the riot act when I told him about my plans to relocate to NYC and look for freelance work. He claimed he probably could get me into an IT job where some relatives worked. But even if this were true (I'm not convinced), it would have been underpaid and a professional dead end. I tried to diplomatically tell him it wasn't a good option for me. He never returned my phone calls after that. If I cared what he thought, I'd be in a lousy job situation. Which, as you know, sucks.

- I never had any faith in the housing market. Prices at any time during this decade seemed ridiculous to me and, more importantly, unsustainable. Yet there was a lot of social pressure to buy. If I had, I'd be financially screwed, having sunk tens of thousands of dollars which I'd be unable to sell and which might even have been foreclosed on.

See a pattern here? Being concerned with what others think drags you down.

[Phoenix212]

I specifically got my degree in something that I hated and that literally sucks the life out of me because I thought that I would have enough $$ to live on.

Could the fact that you don't have a passion for accounting be part of what's holding you back? Usually, people can tell whether or not a professional is enthusiastic about their work. It's possible that potential employers sense that you feel that accounting sucks the life out of you - and respond by going to the next name on their list.

I'm not sure how someone lives in NYC below 50/60 K a year. Rent w/ a roommate must cost the same as I'm paying for a studio in Chicago... but I digress.

This is a common misconception, which I'll briefly clear up.

I generally live cheaply and will jump through hoops to save a few bucks. But I'm not willing to compromise on safety, transportation or health. Within these constraints, I can live pretty comfortably here spending about $2,000 per month. A $33K salary would leave that much left after taxes (but adjust upwards accordingly to account for student loans, other debt, etc.) It would even be possible to get the budget down to $1,500 per month without sacrificing safety or transportation.

Studios in decent but non-fashionable neighborhoods can be as low as $900/month. When you consider that you don't need a car here, that's actually not too bad.

In general - regardless of which city - living with roommates isn't that much cheaper than a studio. Unless you have a LOT of roommates...

[winneythepooh7]

People can respond to blogs just like forums. It's nice to be able to commiserate with someone; it makes one feel that they aren't alone. Plus, I'd really like some advice as to how to deal with the 'rents in this situation. Of course, since the career advice I got was awful, I won't hold my breath, but whatever...

So again, like we asked you before under your other screenname, why are you here? Obviously as you stated you can't relate to anyone here, or their advice.

You do measure up to your "name" though, which is why we won't hold our breath you are gonna change anytime soon (with or without our suggestions):

(from Wikipedia):

Diva:

The term is often used with a negative connotation. This derives from the implication that a star who is a "diva" is arrogant, difficult to work with, high-maintenance, manipulative, fussy, highly strung, privileged and demanding. He or she does not believe the law and accepted rules of courtesy apply to him or her. Professional actors often use this term to describe someone who desires the stage spotlight over others.

The term "prima donna" has similarly entered common usage with exactly the same negative meaning.

[hoodie]

You do measure up to your "name" though, which is why we won't hold our breath you are gonna change anytime soon (with or without our suggestions)

As an Illini grad, I gotta say, that's a darn shame... :p

And as someone who spends LOADS of time researching Chicago apartments, a studio can be between 700-800 dollars in some decent neighborhoods (Wrigleyville, Lakeview, Ravenswood, Lincoln Square, Lincoln Park, Roscoe Village etc...) It's called get out of the Loop/Gold Coast/River North/other really expensive 'hoods or whatever and learn to use the L if you really want to save money.

Of course one might actually need to WANT to improve their life rather than merely "vent" to consider this, or other, advice. Crazy, huh?

[Phoenix212]

It's called get out of the Loop/Gold Coast/River North/other really expensive 'hoods or whatever and learn to use the L if you really want to save money.

IIRC, Illinidiva/gal/whatever works in the suburbs, where the L doesn't even pretend to go.

Regardless, I disagree that it's possible to do without a car in Chicago. The L just isn't safe - I've been threatened in the early evening, during broad daylight, in Lakeview, a relatively safe neighborhood. And nobody in their right mind takes the L late at night.

The L also doesn't serve the outlying parts of the city well at all. In my case, I'm creative and unconventional. The people and places I found interesting were in places like Rogers Park, Logan Square, Hyde Park, Evanston and Oak Park. All of these places are so far from downtown, and on different lines, that circumnavigating them on the L just isn't feasible. And enough cab rides at $20 each and you might as well just bite the bullet and buy a car...

[spokes]

Hi! I know that this is going to seem kinda trivial, but my parents said that they wanted to get me a condo.. They've finished paying their house and apparently having a mortgage helps them out with their taxes and stuff... But the whole thing makes me feel really miserable. I've expressed a desire to go to a MBA program, and I really think that this is my parents way of telling me I'm too much of a loser to get into a program. I also would hate it if my frenemies found out... I'd hate to bump into someone with a six figure job who is able to buy their own house without mommy and daddy's help, and having to hear them rub it in.

Here is my $0.02.....

1. If your parents buying you a place makes you feel miserable - then don't let them do it. the housing dynamic is much different today that it was for yourm parents, just like it will be different for the kids who are growing up today - your parents are trying to help you, they could be saying tough luck.

2. If you want to go to an MBA, then apply - if you don't apply you'll never get in. If you think you are are a loser, then you really are.

3. Who cares what the frenemies think - but if you care then call them all together and get thier thoughts on how you should run your life and make decisions to make them happy.

4. no matter how much you make there are two guarantees - 1. you'll want to make more and 2. you'll bump into somebody that makes more (or has a bigger place, better car, finer china, sheets with a higher threadcount, a biggger TV, more bling etc) - deal with it.

[roulettefanatic]

See, for me, I'm pretty sure I always would feel as if strings were attached. Even if they weren't nefarious, "we want to maintain control over your life and always have a hand in the mix" strings. Just "I continue to be beholden to my parents, I don't have the satisfaction of knowing I took care of myself" strings. My parents are awesome and don't hold shit over my head, but I do confess that I'd feel awkward as an adult if they bought me so much as a vacation ticket, let alone a piece of real estate. So I can see where the OP is coming from noting that it would be depressing to feel that her parents stepped in because she couldn't do it on her own.

i haven't read through all of the posts so I hope I don't repeat something somebody already said but wordsmith's post was interesting because i think this is something that all quarterlifers deal with because this is the time where we have to figure out how to become true adults, especially in the financial sense.....to the original poster, i experience some of this with my parents wanting to help but with smaller things, like paying for dinner or my mother goes shopping and gets things for me that i should probably be getting myself....the thing is, i sometimes feel like i should pay them back for those things since what the hell, i work full time now and since i still live with them, the least i can do is treat them to a dinner once in a while......but a condo is a major investment and i think it's something you need to be comfortable with, first of all.....remember, i think i read somewhere that we're the first generation to not do better than our parents financially, so i don't think there's as much stigma against us if we accept help from them.....thirty years ago, our parent's generation was in a rush to get out of the house, "make it on their own," but this is not necessarily true of us.....the social stigma is gone for the most part, even if we feel a little ashamed ourselves if we aren't making a ton of money or drive a fancy car.....i don't know if this makes you feel any better, but i think it's relevant at least......as far as your "frenemies" i wouldn't worry too much about them since you need to do what's good for you, let them think what they want....you never know what could be going on in their lives, things aren't always what they seem......

[winneythepooh7]

i haven't read through all of the posts so I hope I don't repeat something somebody already said but wordsmith's post was interesting because i think this is something that all quarterlifers deal with because this is the time where we have to figure out how to become true adults, especially in the financial sense.....to the original poster, i experience some of this with my parents wanting to help but with smaller things, like paying for dinner or my mother goes shopping and gets things for me that i should probably be getting myself....the thing is, i sometimes feel like i should pay them back for those things since what the hell, i work full time now and since i still live with them, the least i can do is treat them to a dinner once in a while......but a condo is a major investment and i think it's something you need to be comfortable with, first of all.....remember, i think i read somewhere that we're the first generation to not do better than our parents financially, so i don't think there's as much stigma against us if we accept help from them.....thirty years ago, our parent's generation was in a rush to get out of the house, "make it on their own," but this is not necessarily true of us.....the social stigma is gone for the most part, even if we feel a little ashamed ourselves if we aren't making a ton of money or drive a fancy car.....i don't know if this makes you feel any better, but i think it's relevant at least......as far as your "frenemies" i wouldn't worry too much about them since you need to do what's good for you, let them think what they want....you never know what could be going on in their lives, things aren't always what they seem......

With us, as I mentioned in another thread, we got part of our down-payment from our wedding money, and part of it from an inheritance that my husband's mother gave us. He looks at it, not as "they're buying us a house", but as they are "helping us out a bit" because they want their children living close to them, however, realistically, Long Island house prices are not what they were like 30 years ago when they first bought on Long Island. Obviously, Long Island house prices have since gone through the roof, since this is such a high-demand area being within an hour of NYC and all.

It's also important to mention that both my husband and I were also over 30 when we purchased our first home. I think we are more financially stable, and again, we can afford the mortgage and taxes on our income.........our parents aren't giving us that kind of hand-out.

[vinsanity]

Also, my salary is much less than others with my degree (accounting) are cuurently making and I could literally see myself in the same crappy job four years from now, so I don't consider my salary awesome. I'd also like to keep it to the question @ hand (i.e. how does one deal with such a request from the 'rents that they aren't enthused about).

career-wise, last year, I was exactly where you are at right now: a 26-year-old accounting grad with a $45k spreadsheet-updating job that I couldn't get out of if I tried (literally). Each situation is different, but you'll likely find a way to get a higher salary whilst you explore your options, whether it's through another job, justifying to your boss why you should get a raise, or some kind of hybrid plan where you leverage a job offer to get a higher salary at your current position.

I also know how big of a blow your self-esteem takes when your parents still support you in some way, and the feeling of despair when it seems that they still have a degree of control over your life. But in spite of all of that, I still think that parents who are willing to help you as one of their adult children are a blessing. Or at least more of a blessing than a curse.

Most importantly, at least you have a choice. It seems that you can still live independently if you choose to do so, and your parents are just offering you another choice in trying to help you out. If they're anything like my own parents, it won't break their hearts if you turn down their offer, if that's what you're worried about.

I know well what it's like to have to make a choice between a "logical" decision and one that would make you happier with yourself, and I've learned that living miserably, even with your parents buying you your own condo, is hardly a logical decision.

[Illinidiva]

Lady, you don't even respect yourself. What could your respect possibly be worth to me?

Clearly you'd rather gleefully persist in your ineffectual ways than elevate yourself. So good luck being...you.

Okay... I'm so glad that your life is so awesome and that you have a great love/ sex life and a perfect job which pays you a decent wage. I don't have these things and I'm truthful enough to know that things suck. I'm just not sure how to make them not suck. If that isn't respecting oneself, then I guess that I don't respect myself.

However, I think that the opposite is true. People who drink Kool-aid and refuse to admit that their lives suck are the ones who really don't respect themselves. Letting oneself rot in a shitty dead end job while mommy and daddy support you is the ultimate sign of disrespect.

[Illinidiva]

i haven't read through all of the posts so I hope I don't repeat something somebody already said but wordsmith's post was interesting because i think this is something that all quarterlifers deal with because this is the time where we have to figure out how to become true adults, especially in the financial sense.....to the original poster, i experience some of this with my parents wanting to help but with smaller things, like paying for dinner or my mother goes shopping and gets things for me that i should probably be getting myself....the thing is, i sometimes feel like i should pay them back for those things since what the hell, i work full time now and since i still live with them, the least i can do is treat them to a dinner once in a while......but a condo is a major investment and i think it's something you need to be comfortable with, first of all.....remember, i think i read somewhere that we're the first generation to not do better than our parents financially, so i don't think there's as much stigma against us if we accept help from them.....thirty years ago, our parent's generation was in a rush to get out of the house, "make it on their own," but this is not necessarily true of us.....the social stigma is gone for the most part, even if we feel a little ashamed ourselves if we aren't making a ton of money or drive a fancy car.....i don't know if this makes you feel any better, but i think it's relevant at least......as far as your "frenemies" i wouldn't worry too much about them since you need to do what's good for you, let them think what they want....you never know what could be going on in their lives, things aren't always what they seem......

I'm actually not adverse to the 'rents paying for dinner when I'm @ home. The 'rents also help me out $$ wise a bit because I can barely make ends meet with my pitiful salary.

However, I think that it's one thing for your parents to pay a $150 credit card bill and a complete other for them to purchase a condo/ car for you. Helping out with little things suggests that your life sucks right now; purchasing a condo for you suggests that your life will continue to suck forever.

[Illinidiva]

career-wise, last year, I was exactly where you are at right now: a 26-year-old accounting grad with a $45k spreadsheet-updating job that I couldn't get out of if I tried (literally). Each situation is different, but you'll likely find a way to get a higher salary whilst you explore your options, whether it's through another job, justifying to your boss why you should get a raise, or some kind of hybrid plan where you leverage a job offer to get a higher salary at your current position.

How did you get out of your crap job?? I've tried the job search thing, but I work in a very niche job and a niche industry (rebate and pricing analysis in the pharma industry). Every time I point out to a recruiter that if I wanted to work in the same job in the same industry that I wouldn't be looking for a new job, I never hear from them again. And I highly doubt that my current employer will pay me a living wage because I'm basically a water carrier/ punching bag.

I even tried getting into MBA programs a few years ago, but due to the suckiness of my job, I couldn't get into even a decent second tier program despite an awesome college record.

I also know how big of a blow your self-esteem takes when your parents still support you in some way, and the feeling of despair when it seems that they still have a degree of control over your life. But in spite of all of that, I still think that parents who are willing to help you as one of their adult children are a blessing. Or at least more of a blessing than a curse.

I know that the 'rents mean well, but it hits me as a sign of my own failures. My greatest fear is that I'm going to end up as white trash living in a trailer park. I know it's irrational, but most fears are such.

[Restless&Lost]

Okay... I'm so glad that your life is so awesome and that you have a great love/ sex life and a perfect job which pays you a decent wage. I don't have these things and I'm truthful enough to know that things suck. I'm just not sure how to make them not suck. If that isn't respecting oneself, then I guess that I don't respect myself.

However, I think that the opposite is true. People who drink Kool-aid and refuse to admit that their lives suck are the ones who really don't respect themselves. Letting oneself rot in a shitty dead end job while mommy and daddy support you is the ultimate sign of disrespect.

Umm...I'm not really sure what you're trying to say here. While I'll admit that I like myself quite a bit and my life has been pretty awesome in most ways to date, none of that has anything to do with your situation.

I'm just saying that there are several obvious ways to make positive changes to your life which, for whatever reason, you refuse to accept. Your response to nearly every piece of advice given to you strongly suggests a passive-aggressive personality, which is probably only the tip of the iceberg in terms of things holding you back -- I could go on, but it's your job to examine your life, not mine.

Anyway, perhaps I haven't been fair to you. My perspective is radically different from yours. If becoming "white trash" living in a trailer park is your worst fear, that's a pretty big signifier of either someone with a severe lack of imagination, or one who's never had to struggle for anything in their life. I apologize for not being able to relate to any of that.

I truly hope you find some answer out there that satisfies you. Godspeed.

[vinsanity]

How did you get out of your crap job?? I've tried the job search thing, but I work in a very niche job and a niche industry (rebate and pricing analysis in the pharma industry). Every time I point out to a recruiter that if I wanted to work in the same job in the same industry that I wouldn't be looking for a new job, I never hear from them again. And I highly doubt that my current employer will pay me a living wage because I'm basically a water carrier/ punching bag.

I even tried getting into MBA programs a few years ago, but due to the suckiness of my job, I couldn't get into even a decent second tier program despite an awesome college record.


to be honest, I didn't get out of the job, but I took my "hybrid plan" option by pursuing a high-level position at my own company to which my boss responded by giving me a pay raise and added responsibility. However, it's still a compromise; I'm still a ways from making as much as I had hoped, but I'm slowly getting there. Have you been applying for Financial Analyst positions? That's what my position is, and I'll warn you that I haven't had much luck applying for other FA jobs, but they tend to provide good opportunity for career growth when you finally do land one.


I know that the 'rents mean well, but it hits me as a sign of my own failures. My greatest fear is that I'm going to end up as white trash living in a trailer park. I know it's irrational, but most fears are such.

I know the feeling very well. That's what the quarterlife crisis is all about; that life isn't going to turn out to be what your hopes and dreams were. Not that you should accept it as such, but definitely weigh in your current options and go for what makes you happy. If it makes you feel any better, think about it this way: at least they're not asking you to move back in.

[Illinidiva]

to be honest, I didn't get out of the job, but I took my "hybrid plan" option by pursuing a high-level position at my own company to which my boss responded by giving me a pay raise and added responsibility. However, it's still a compromise; I'm still a ways from making as much as I had hoped, but I'm slowly getting there. Have you been applying for Financial Analyst positions? That's what my position is, and I'll warn you that I haven't had much luck applying for other FA jobs, but they tend to provide good opportunity for career growth when you finally do land one.

I have a Financial Analyst job now, but as I pointed out it's kinda niche-y and the pay is subpar. I've tried to look for other FA jobs in the Chicago area, but there really aren't any. It seems like everyone and their brother is looking for these jobs.


I know the feeling very well. That's what the quarterlife crisis is all about; that life isn't going to turn out to be what your hopes and dreams were. Not that you should accept it as such, but definitely weigh in your current options and go for what makes you happy. If it makes you feel any better, think about it this way: at least they're not asking you to move back in.

The 'rents want me out of the house for sure, so I doubt that would ever happen. In fact, my mom basically pressured me into my first apartment/ condo. It was in what turned out to be an unsafe area with a bad landlord. I basically had to threaten to report them to the IL Attorney General for rent violations in order to get my security deposit back. I didn't take her with when I went looking for my current apartment and the situation is much better. So there's another hesitation there.

[Illinidiva]

So again, like we asked you before under your other screenname, why are you here? Obviously as you stated you can't relate to anyone here, or their advice.

You do measure up to your "name" though, which is why we won't hold our breath you are gonna change anytime soon (with or without our suggestions):

(from Wikipedia):

Diva:

The term is often used with a negative connotation. This derives from the implication that a star who is a "diva" is arrogant, difficult to work with, high-maintenance, manipulative, fussy, highly strung, privileged and demanding. He or she does not believe the law and accepted rules of courtesy apply to him or her. Professional actors often use this term to describe someone who desires the stage spotlight over others.

The term "prima donna" has similarly entered common usage with exactly the same negative meaning.

Same name honey... You can even do a search and look it up if you like. :rolleyes: I just stopped coming here because your advice sucks.

I'm also proud of being a diva. IMO, divas are people who get what they want. I've played nice girl and rolled over for people for most of my life... And being a good girl and playing by the rules has gotten nowhere, so if I want to break a few vases/ windows than I'll do so.

[wordsmith]

But you're obviously not a person who gets what you want.

[Illinidiva]

As an Illini grad, I gotta say, that's a darn shame... :p

And as someone who spends LOADS of time researching Chicago apartments, a studio can be between 700-800 dollars in some decent neighborhoods (Wrigleyville, Lakeview, Ravenswood, Lincoln Square, Lincoln Park, Roscoe Village etc...) It's called get out of the Loop/Gold Coast/River North/other really expensive 'hoods or whatever and learn to use the L if you really want to save money.

Ummm.... I live in Evanston and rent a studio for $775 per month because I work in the suburbs. I also know how to use the EL, because I'm a Chicago native and therefore am not stupid enough to actually drive in the city. Frankly, there's nada to do in the Loop, so I'm not sure who would want to actually live there, except the senior citizen set.

However, even though I'm being cheap, it's kinda hard to make ends meet.. I obviously need a car because I work in the hinterlands so there's gas, parking, and payments there. There's groceries (which have gotten ridiculously expensive). There's clothes (stylish work clothes are expensive as well). There are utilities (which have all gone up significantly). And I always seem to be facing some sort of emergency. (Plus, I don't know about you, but I like having fun once-in-awhile). The 'rents still have to help me out

Of course one might actually need to WANT to improve their life rather than merely "vent" to consider this, or other, advice. Crazy, huh?

Actually, the advice given here sucks so I'm not even interested in soliciting it. I'm looking to commiserate with people going through similar situations.

[wordsmith]

One might ask what keeps bringing you back to a forum where "the advice sucks," and you obviously don't like anybody.

[Illinidiva]

But you're obviously not a person who gets what you want.

Yep... that's because I played docile, sweet little girl who did exactly what TPTB told me for twenty-five years and have gotten nada to show for it. I'm trying the diva out because clearly Plan A hasn't worked.

[Illinidiva]

One might ask what keeps bringing you back to a forum where "the advice sucks," and you obviously don't like anybody.

Because there are some people with similar situations... It's just that four or five people seem to control everything and don't like the fact that I called them out on their s***.

[vinsanity]

I have a Financial Analyst job now, but as I pointed out it's kinda niche-y and the pay is subpar. I've tried to look for other FA jobs in the Chicago area, but there really aren't any. It seems like everyone and their brother is looking for these jobs.

I dunno what esle to say, then, since I still can't seem to make the jump into another job. But I'm fine with it, because I'm getting good raises and more responsibility.

To that end, have you thought of getting your CPA license? You'll probably have to take a pay cut at first if you work as a staff accountant, but if you feel that your job is a dead end, this is probably the next best thing, if you don't want to wait it out for another FA job.

[Phoenix212]

Yep... that's because I played docile, sweet little girl who did exactly what TPTB told me for twenty-five years and have gotten nada to show for it. I'm trying the diva out because clearly Plan A hasn't worked.

You may or may not still be reading this thread. I'll reply anyway in case the answer benefits anyone else...

This is correlation vs. causation, one of the formal logical fallacies. Namely, it is a fallacy to assume that correlation implies causation.

In other words: It's true, some people act like divas and also get what they want. This doesn't mean that they get what they want as a result of acting like divas.

More likely, if someone acts like a diva, they have some card to play which lets them "get away with it." For example, they might have money, high social status, connections or looks. Such factors also increase the odds of getting what you want.

Frankly, you probably don't have enough cards to play to get away with being a diva. So this approach is a very dangerous one for you to take. In fact, it's likely to attract retaliation. For example, you could lose your job. I agree, 45K in Chicagoland actually isn't that great of a salary. But it could be much worse. Many people have to live in extremely violent neighborhoods. Many people have to go without cars in places where this means walking for miles every day. Many people have to go into work even if they're as sick as a dog, because they're so close to the edge that they won't make rent if they lose hours because of not going in. Many people don't even get enough to eat. In fact, just how difficult life is for those with low-paying jobs can be seen right in your own backyard in neighborhoods like Uptown, or even West Evanston for that matter. Yes, your life could be much worse.

BTW, claiming that you didn't change your screen name is going to be perceived by most people as a lie. Lying tends to drive people away. The only reason I've put up with this type of behavior is that your situation is eerily similar to mine a few years ago. We both lived in Chicagoland, were unpopular earlier in life, went into analytical fields because they seemed to be a way to get a decent job anyway and nonetheless got stuck in dead end niche jobs.

I broke away through constructive action. It worked, at least in the sense that my life now is a dramatic improvement over what it was. You're trying to break away through destructive action. It's not likely to work.

Good luck. I genuinely wish you luck in breaking out of your rut despite the behavior you've shown here.

[dengeist]

I never understood the "I don't want advice, I just want to share in misery" line of thinking. Venting is good, but beating your head against a wall isn't. Why take out anger on people on the internet trying to help to the best of their ability?

[arrow]

I think Phoenix212's advice is very insightful.

I can understand wanting a sounding board rather than advice, but in this forum people are going to offer advice whether or not you are looking for it. I don't see any reason to be rude to someone who is trying to be helpful.

[Restless&Lost]

I know this probably mean to say, but you'd think Little Miss Accountant Summa Cum Laude would be a lot better at making her money stretch. There are definitely reasons for why she can't get a better job, but probably not for the ones she thinks :rolleyes:.

[hoodie]

Good lord!!!!!
I promise not everyone in Chicago is this obnoxious. :rolleyes: