ATLgirlie
05-21-2008, 10:35 AM
Hey! I have been struggling with my current situation. I moved-in with my boyfriend of just over 1.5 years about 3 months ago. He's 27, I'm 26. He's in school and works full time, and I am already graduated and have been working full time for about 2 years now.
He's a great guy, and everyone loves him, my friends, my family, and me of course. But, about 6 months ago, I had to break-up with him because he was not being mature and serious about our relationship. He has a lot of single guy friends and they hang out watching sports, smoking pot, and pretty much being lazy ( they don't ever go out accept to the liquor store). And not to mention his roommate is a ghetto Asian drug dealer (pot) that I can't stand! For awhile there he wouldn't return my calls promptly (like within 24 hours) and it seemed like he was getting high and didn't want to talk or just didn't care, ignoring my calls and never even bothering to check his voicemail, thus not being serious about our relationship. I had the last straw when I confronted him about these problems and told him we needed to have a serious chat. He said he couldn't deal with it at the time, so I left and told him he better call me to talk the next day. Well, he didn't and that was enough for me to break-up with him and not talk to him for about 5 days (it was soo hard). After that, he came around and said that he didn't realize how serious our relationship really was. I took his apology and after that he straightened up. Things got better, but it always seemed like something was still missing.
I don't mind his friends, but they are all on this non-goal, let's get stoned or party mentality. And this one guy, this ghetto Asian, we'll call him, Jim, is the only friend I cannot stand, but I act humane to him even though I don't like him. So, my BF lived with Jim for about 3 years. My BF tells me this is because he had no other options for a roommate, but this Jim guy is such a negative influence. So, finally, my BF decided not to be roomies with Jim after the lease ended, otherwise, I would have seriously contemplated ending it for good, but Jim is still a part of the friends group. Now Jim hates me so much, that he ignores me when I even try to say hello, won't make eye contact, and is a total immature ass when it comes to my presense. So, that is that, I am about sick of Jim, especially since he makes me feel so awkward, it just makes me not want to hang around my BF's friends when Jim is there. I dread it. I try to be nice, but end up feeling humiliated because Jim just ignores me and is so immature.
Ok, so I was living in this great loft, but it was hellishly cold, so I had to find a place to move. At the time, BF was trying to find a roomie too and talking about how he could try and afford a place on his own so he won't have to room with Jim. I was unhappy at my place and then the tornado hit Atlanta and ruined a few building in my complex creating a mess, leaving me homeless for 3 weeks, and turned my apts into a construction zoned. So economically, it made sense to move-in with my BF. So, I did. And it's nice, economically, but I am starting to feel like he may not be the one. I feel like I have put myself in a complicated situation and I feel trapped. He's a great, sweet guy, but he's just not right for me. When we talk about these things, he just conforms and says he'll do whatever it takes. But, I just don't know if that is enough. I have a few pet peeves about him, that I can't shake. 1) He talks ghetto slang ever now and then (major turn-off for me), and all the time around his friends (who are white). 2) He's not as experienced as I am sexually, and is very hesitant about initiating or being aggressive to me (which is what I like, a dominate male type). Plus he is not creative about coming up with fantasies or even taking advantage of me when I tease him around the house, he just kisses me on the cheek and smiles. 3) He's sooo into cuddling and soft kissing, which is nice, but in moderation. I get that more than sex from him. 4) He smokes pot almost everyday. He does it because "he's bored" and I just want to shake that habit but its hard when its around so much (plus mr. jim is the supplier). 5) He's not inspiring to me. Sexually and intellectually. But, it's great that he works FT and goes to school, that's tough, but he's been in college since 2000. I started in 2001 and graduated 3 years ago.
I am just frustrated and I don't want to waste each others' time. THe worst thing is every time i bring up these problems, he wants to change and conform, but I just don't now if he's the righ guy for me. He's a sweetheart and so loveable, but I just feel like I need more. I can't play the teacher throughout our relationship, that will get old. I am just worried that he may say he wants to change, but really that up to him, not me. I am not going to try and change him, I just tell him what I like and want. Some guys never change, I know that.
He's a great guy, and everyone loves him, my friends, my family, and me of course. But, about 6 months ago, I had to break-up with him because he was not being mature and serious about our relationship. He has a lot of single guy friends and they hang out watching sports, smoking pot, and pretty much being lazy ( they don't ever go out accept to the liquor store). And not to mention his roommate is a ghetto Asian drug dealer (pot) that I can't stand! For awhile there he wouldn't return my calls promptly (like within 24 hours) and it seemed like he was getting high and didn't want to talk or just didn't care, ignoring my calls and never even bothering to check his voicemail, thus not being serious about our relationship. I had the last straw when I confronted him about these problems and told him we needed to have a serious chat. He said he couldn't deal with it at the time, so I left and told him he better call me to talk the next day. Well, he didn't and that was enough for me to break-up with him and not talk to him for about 5 days (it was soo hard). After that, he came around and said that he didn't realize how serious our relationship really was. I took his apology and after that he straightened up. Things got better, but it always seemed like something was still missing.
I don't mind his friends, but they are all on this non-goal, let's get stoned or party mentality. And this one guy, this ghetto Asian, we'll call him, Jim, is the only friend I cannot stand, but I act humane to him even though I don't like him. So, my BF lived with Jim for about 3 years. My BF tells me this is because he had no other options for a roommate, but this Jim guy is such a negative influence. So, finally, my BF decided not to be roomies with Jim after the lease ended, otherwise, I would have seriously contemplated ending it for good, but Jim is still a part of the friends group. Now Jim hates me so much, that he ignores me when I even try to say hello, won't make eye contact, and is a total immature ass when it comes to my presense. So, that is that, I am about sick of Jim, especially since he makes me feel so awkward, it just makes me not want to hang around my BF's friends when Jim is there. I dread it. I try to be nice, but end up feeling humiliated because Jim just ignores me and is so immature.
Ok, so I was living in this great loft, but it was hellishly cold, so I had to find a place to move. At the time, BF was trying to find a roomie too and talking about how he could try and afford a place on his own so he won't have to room with Jim. I was unhappy at my place and then the tornado hit Atlanta and ruined a few building in my complex creating a mess, leaving me homeless for 3 weeks, and turned my apts into a construction zoned. So economically, it made sense to move-in with my BF. So, I did. And it's nice, economically, but I am starting to feel like he may not be the one. I feel like I have put myself in a complicated situation and I feel trapped. He's a great, sweet guy, but he's just not right for me. When we talk about these things, he just conforms and says he'll do whatever it takes. But, I just don't know if that is enough. I have a few pet peeves about him, that I can't shake. 1) He talks ghetto slang ever now and then (major turn-off for me), and all the time around his friends (who are white). 2) He's not as experienced as I am sexually, and is very hesitant about initiating or being aggressive to me (which is what I like, a dominate male type). Plus he is not creative about coming up with fantasies or even taking advantage of me when I tease him around the house, he just kisses me on the cheek and smiles. 3) He's sooo into cuddling and soft kissing, which is nice, but in moderation. I get that more than sex from him. 4) He smokes pot almost everyday. He does it because "he's bored" and I just want to shake that habit but its hard when its around so much (plus mr. jim is the supplier). 5) He's not inspiring to me. Sexually and intellectually. But, it's great that he works FT and goes to school, that's tough, but he's been in college since 2000. I started in 2001 and graduated 3 years ago.
I am just frustrated and I don't want to waste each others' time. THe worst thing is every time i bring up these problems, he wants to change and conform, but I just don't now if he's the righ guy for me. He's a sweetheart and so loveable, but I just feel like I need more. I can't play the teacher throughout our relationship, that will get old. I am just worried that he may say he wants to change, but really that up to him, not me. I am not going to try and change him, I just tell him what I like and want. Some guys never change, I know that.