Tall Girls and Other Insecurities [Archive]

Sagiquarius

05-26-2008, 12:51 PM

Hi all,

I'm going to say it I'm not so good at approaching women and striking up conversations. At least not yet. I feel I'll come off creepy or just have nothing to say. That part is challenging enough. Now what happens when the girl is taller than I am? It's not hard to be taller than I am. I'm not a midget but I got tired of growing at like 17 so I just stopped. I wish I hadn't because it poses a problem in my mind when I see this super cute girl who's always wearing heels and can almost clearly see over my head. Why do you need to wear heels every day for anyway? I always think she's going to be like "Aw look at the cute little man. I think he wants to talk to me. Should I feed him?"

Like the taller girl who was standing next to me at the beer case in 7 eleven yesterday. I can reach the top shelf but the beers were all the way in the back. She could reach but I couldn't. So I didn't even try I just walked away. :cry:

I digress. Now I see lots of guys my height and even shorter with gorgeous women, taller women. So obviously this isn't a universal truth but how do women really feel about this?

spiritedaway

05-26-2008, 01:01 PM

It's an individual thing. It works for some, not others. All personal.

Honestly, I tend to like guys who are at least my height or taller than I am. I don't think I have ever been interested in any guys shorter than me. Then again, I'm petite (5''2'-ish), so I actually don't know many guys my age who are shorter than me.

How tall are you anyway, if you don't mind my asking?

Sagiquarius

05-26-2008, 01:46 PM

Me I'm 5'6'' ish. Not exactly a hobbit but I'm not dunking on anyone any time soon. It works for me except for when I find myself in those situations. I don't suspect you're approached by too many guys shorter than you are?

arrow

05-26-2008, 02:42 PM

My boyfriend is 5'6." I'm 5'5." I love it, but I've always liked guys more my size. I think it's cute when I wear heels and am taller than him. Don't be too scared about approaching girls - the best thing you can do is act self-assured. Most well-adjusted women like men who are comfortable with themselves. Some women may prefer tall guys in theory, but that doesn't mean they won't ever date someone shorter.

wordsmith

05-26-2008, 03:05 PM

My BF is shorter than I am...I don't know if it was ever a problem on his end, but I doubt it...it's def. not a problem on mine. I certainly am sad to think of a scenario in which he might not have approached me over my height.

I'm about 5'10", and have dated guys shorter than myself more than a few times (taller as well, I don't really have a height preference). I will say that I don't dig it if a guy's insecure and doesn't want me to wear heels, etc., though. Being well-adjusted is key, whether you're a taller girl, or a less tall guy.

Sagiquarius

05-26-2008, 03:27 PM

Being well-adjusted is key, whether you're a taller girl, or a less tall guy.

Good point. No universal law that says the guy has to be taller. It's all in the perception and the approach after all I guess.

wordsmith

05-26-2008, 03:32 PM

I actually thinks he finds it convenient that I can get dishes down from the top shelf and he doesn't have to go get a chair and do it himself.

spiritedaway

05-26-2008, 05:04 PM

You're not that short for a guy, unless you tend to like women who are all much taller than you. Of course, it's all perception. You're taller than me, and anyone who's taller than me is "not that short" to me. Still, like words said, it's not that big of a deal of some people. If you're in fact interested in someone who is taller than you, by all means, ask.

I know one of my former teachers who married someone who is like a foot taller than him. The pictures looked a bit strange (height-wise), but they looked very happy together.

Funny that you asked, I was in fact approached by a guy much shorter and much younger than I am today. He ran over and gave me a huge hug and then...damn him, planted a big kiss on my lips. :eek: Talk about taking initiative...

And he's only probably 2.5 feet tall!!!

(heh heh, he's a 5 years old...)

Quite truthfully, I can't honestly say I know too many people (friends or otherwise) who are shorter than me. I tried to count but I'm drawing a blank. I really don't know a lot of guys or have guy friends who are shorter than me (except when I wear heels). Maybe back in elementary school...

I'm probably in the minority here anyway, because I think most of the folks here on the QLC are quite tall (well, taller than me, at least), so their perspective may be different from mine.

Me I'm 5'6'' ish. Not exactly a hobbit but I'm not dunking on anyone any time soon. It works for me except for when I find myself in those situations. I don't suspect you're approached by too many guys shorter than you are?

oldmanwinter

05-26-2008, 05:49 PM

Like the taller girl who was standing next to me at the beer case in 7 eleven yesterday. I can reach the top shelf but the beers were all the way in the back. She could reach but I couldn't. So I didn't even try I just walked away. :cry:
Sounds like a great opportunity to talk to her. You have a good reason to initiate contact: To ask for help reaching the beer. I'm sure she would be more than happy to oblige. And you also have something to talk about: Reaching for the beer. Tall people have none of that to work with.

Sagiquarius

05-26-2008, 06:43 PM

Ha you got me when you were talking about the 5 year old. I was like damn, midgets are getting bold nowadays! I almost started taking notes. Very cute.

I tend to go for girls around my height and shorter. But once in a while someone striking catches your eye height be damned. It is all perception in the end because while I haven't gone out with anyone taller than I, if I find that there's chemistry there I don't imagine the height will deter me from proceeding. Or maybe it will, very Costanza-esque with my hang ups.

Sagiquarius

05-26-2008, 06:45 PM

Sounds like a great opportunity to talk to her. You have a good reason to initiate contact: To ask for help reaching the beer. I'm sure she would be more than happy to oblige. And you also have something to talk about: Reaching for the beer. Tall people have none of that to work with.

It wasn't that I found her particularly attractive. You're right though that would have been a good opportunity otherwise.

koolkat1980

05-27-2008, 02:42 AM

I think in the end...it has nothing to do with height...rather whether the couple clicks or not. Ideally I like someone sightly taller or much taller than me...then again...my mum married someone about 8cm shorter than her. I hope I don't do the same thing....

I often see lots of women going for short men these days as well.

Sometimes you can't be too picky - my mum says - then she contradicts herself all the time.

wordsmith

05-27-2008, 07:43 AM

There are DEF. people who write others off who they may be otherwise attracted to, based on superficial criteria, though, sadly. In that case, you can't do much but remind yourself that somebody who is actually willing to bypass somebody they really like because they can't get past something like height (etc.) isn't really a very cool person.

hoodie

05-27-2008, 11:34 AM

I'm a reformed jerk. I used to think I was only attracted to guys who were tall, as in 6' and up. Truth was, I wasn't attracted to guys because they were that height, I was just used to dating guys that height and afraid to step out of what I was familiar with. There were a few awkward online dates with some guys who fell around 5'7 - 5'8 where I felt odd for wearing a pair of boots that made me taller than them (I'm 5'4"), but I ended up head over heels for a guy who's 5'8" and honestly I kind of like it now. I think it's a nice fit. It's lovely having a guy put his arm around me and my head not being in his armpit. :p

steph78

05-27-2008, 01:43 PM

I'm about a half-inch taller than my husband, I'm 5'-9", he's just a bit shorter. It's never really been an issue at all. He's not insecure about it, it's just no big deal to us and the topic of height really doesn't come up that often.
I admit I didn't wear heels at our wedding, just wore some white satin ballet slippers, but that was a decision based partially on comfort (and I was SO glad at the end of the day that I had worn comfortable shoes instead of heels!)

wordsmith

05-27-2008, 01:46 PM

...but I ended up head over heels for a guy who's 5'8" and honestly I kind of like it now. I think it's a nice fit. It's lovely having a guy put his arm around me and my head not being in his armpit. :p

Same, and I don't have to reach up to hug him!

and1grad

05-27-2008, 02:34 PM

wordsmith

05-27-2008, 02:39 PM

I think EVERYBODY has some superficial thing that has turned them off a person. Having preferences doesnt make you shallow. Basing all of your opinions of people on how they look is what makes you shallow. Not having a preference for tall or short.

Judging others as whole people and desireable or undesireable based solely on superficial atttributes really is the essential definition of being "shallow," though, in the most literal sense...being concerned with the surface versus things of depth.

Being short (or whatever else) makes somebody short. It doesn't make them unattractive, it doesn't make them not worth your time, and it doesn't make them not the person for you. Other things might. But not one single physical characteristic. And if it does, then, yeah, you're kinda shallow.

Sagiquarius

05-27-2008, 07:35 PM

Judging others as whole people and desireable or undesireable based solely on superficial atttributes really is the essential definition of being "shallow," though, in the most literal sense...being concerned with the surface versus things of depth.

Being short (or whatever else) makes somebody short. It doesn't make them unattractive, it doesn't make them not worth your time, and it doesn't make them not the person for you. Other things might. But not one single physical characteristic. And if it does, then, yeah, you're kinda shallow.

When you put it so eloquently it's hard not to argue. Yet you know how our society is. If you're short yes it makes you short physically but in the eyes of others sometimes it makes you more (or less as it were). For every label and every trait there a whole slew of other corresponding labels that go along with it. I guess that's part of my insecurity. I kinda fear being labeled with that whole package of assumptions.

I know this yet I'm as guilty of this as anyone. I guess this is the very definition of insecurity.

and1grad

05-27-2008, 10:06 PM

Judging others as whole people and desireable or undesireable based solely on superficial atttributes really is the essential definition of being "shallow," though, in the most literal sense...being concerned with the surface versus things of depth.

Being short (or whatever else) makes somebody short. It doesn't make them unattractive, it doesn't make them not worth your time, and it doesn't make them not the person for you. Other things might. But not one single physical characteristic. And if it does, then, yeah, you're kinda shallow.
You're essentially claiming that people are not allowed to have preferences w/o being shallow and that doesnt make sense. Everyone is concerned with surface, to some degree,...whether they choose to admit it or not.

spiritedaway

05-28-2008, 01:01 AM

I wholly agree with and1grad on this point. Just because someone "prefers" certain characteristics (which encompasses physical preference) doesn't make him/her any more or less cool/shallow than the next person. Everyone has a preference, though whether that preference is realistic is an entirely different story.

You're essentially claiming that people are not allowed to have preferences w/o being shallow and that doesnt make sense. Everyone is concerned with surface, to some degree,...whether they choose to admit it or not.

aggiegrad05

05-28-2008, 08:03 AM

Speaking as a tall girl, being with a guy who's my height or shorter personally makes me feel insecure...big, awkward, self-conscious. I've tried it before and I hated feeling like that, especially in a relationship, so I go for the taller guys. Is this kind of irrational? Yes. Shallow? No.

hoodie

05-28-2008, 09:47 AM

I think to some degree, also, there's a difference between a preference and an absolute must-have. I think a preference is pretty normal, but to shut out everyone of a particular height range, age range, hair color or other "preference" without consideration is where it borders on shallow, depending on the situation of course.

go_vegan

05-28-2008, 10:57 AM

Speaking as a tall girl, being with a guy who's my height or shorter personally makes me feel insecure...big, awkward, self-conscious.

I agree. I'm 5'10", and often I feel insecure and awkward when I walk by guys who are significantly shorter than me.

wordsmith

05-28-2008, 10:59 AM

You're essentially claiming that people are not allowed to have preferences w/o being shallow and that doesnt make sense. Everyone is concerned with surface, to some degree,...whether they choose to admit it or not.

You're allowed to have a preference, obviously. Just be honest that some preferences are, by nature, shallow (i.e. they deal only with surface attributes, nothing deeper).

wordsmith

05-28-2008, 11:00 AM

and1grad

05-28-2008, 11:16 AM

You're allowed to have a preference, obviously. Just be honest that some preferences are, by nature, shallow (i.e. they deal only with surface attributes, nothing deeper).
There's nothing honest about that. Not to mention, pretty much EVERYONE has a height/age range they're interested in.

wordsmith

05-28-2008, 11:17 AM

How do you figure?

Bocheezu

05-28-2008, 11:44 AM

I find it funny that people are arguing semantics over whether people are shallow or not. Who cares? If someone finds blondes attractive and not brunettes, that's perfectly fine. Attraction is a natural thing and it's not like people are making a conscious choice to be unattracted to something. They just are.

wordsmith

05-28-2008, 11:57 AM

I'm not arguing. I'm stating that ruling somebody out over physical appearances is shallow. No semantics there. Not saying people don't/can't do it, just saying it's a shallow concern. And it is. There isn't really any argument. Conscious choice or not, it's still shallow.

Bocheezu

05-28-2008, 12:20 PM

Conscious choice or not, it's still shallow.

So, if people are unconsciously shallow, how can that be considered a bad thing? Is "shallow" is not synonymous with "bad" in your mind?

and1grad

05-28-2008, 12:21 PM

I guess we're all shallow according to wordsmith then.

dengeist

05-28-2008, 06:34 PM

I dated a girl that was 6'1 in college. Loved every minute of it and it was never an issue. My girlfriend now is my height (5'10) which means when she puts on heels she's two to three inches taller and I don't think the issue ever came up.

The trick is finding a woman that doesn't have an issue with you being shorter than her.

wordsmith

05-28-2008, 09:36 PM

So, if people are unconsciously shallow, how can that be considered a bad thing? Is "shallow" is not synonymous with "bad" in your mind?

It is what it is.

edit - and, yeah, I admittedly do think most people are fairly shallow. It only makes the ones who aren't that much cooler, though.

and1grad

05-29-2008, 11:34 AM

edit - and, yeah, I admittedly do think most people are fairly shallow. It only makes the ones who aren't that much cooler, though.
By your definition, there aren't any who aren't.

wordsmith

05-29-2008, 11:54 AM

Nah, there are definitely people who are not swayed by superficial things.

and1grad

05-29-2008, 01:04 PM

Maybe in the Garden of Eden. Before apples.

carmenjones

05-29-2008, 01:13 PM

I am dating someone a little shorter than me, and I'm 5'8 and wear nothing but 4 inch stilletos! I do prefer taller men, but this guy is the greatest and I'm happy and that's all that matters. Some girls will be willing to step out of the box. :)

wordsmith

05-29-2008, 01:26 PM

Evidently only if they predate Original Sin, though. :rolleyes: :D

and1grad

05-29-2008, 01:33 PM

Dating someone that doesnt fit your original preference is hardly a novel idea. It also doesnt make her NOT fit your definition of shallow since she actually did say she prefers taller men. Having a preference makes you shallow, right?

hoodie

05-29-2008, 01:42 PM

and1grad

05-29-2008, 01:48 PM

I figure having a preference is normal but using your preference in a way that is absolute and inflexible a'la: "I WILL NOT DATE ANYONE WHO LIVES WITH THEIR PARENTS" or "I WILL NOT DATE A GUY SHORTER THAN ME" is shallow.
Why is that shallow? Your preferences cant be absolute? How does that make sense? I refuse to date crack whores. I refuse to date people who smoke anything. Who DOESNT have something they absolutely will not go for?

wordsmith

05-29-2008, 01:50 PM

Crackwhoredom being such a superficial attribute and all, and having nothing whatsoever to do with character...or do you just not like the way they look?

spiritedaway

05-29-2008, 01:55 PM

I think we're arguing over semantics. Using words' definition, I'm probably shallow (since I have a preference), that's fine.

But, I will argue that by definition, a preference is what it is. A preference. No one has ever said that it is a deal-breaker. Dealbreakers are absolute. Preferences are not. Everyone wants to meet someone that they have chemistry with, even if that person ultimately doesn't meet a set of preferences. It's quite common - people fall in love with people they didn't expect to.

Having said that, if you're 6 feet tall (guy or girl), how realistic/likely are you going to go for a guy/girl that's 4 feet tall? It's certainly not impossible, but I'd argue that most people would "prefer" someone of similar height (i.e. within 1 feet, give or take), just as people would prefer to meet others with common interests. Is that shallow?

I think not.

It's semantics, so let's just agree to disagree. That's my take.

I figure having a preference is normal but using your preference in a way that is absolute and inflexible a'la: "I WILL NOT DATE ANYONE WHO LIVES WITH THEIR PARENTS" or "I WILL NOT DATE A GUY SHORTER THAN ME" is shallow.

wordsmith

05-29-2008, 01:59 PM

... people would prefer to meet others with common interests. Is that shallow?

I think not.

I don't think so, either...because interests, by nature, take the entire preference situation to a place of more depth than physical appearance does. Looks alone? Not so much. Looks = surface. Personality = deeper. The whole "more than meets the eye" thing.

And that's my take. Nobody has to agree with it, never said they did.