Here's my story

[Anonymous]

I will soon be 25 years old. I have a college degree but am working at a job where I make less than $18,000. What the hell is that about. I graduated from school with honors so I'm not stupid, but anytime I apply for jobs the only ones ever interested in me are jobs with low pay. If that's not depressing enough, I'm married but very seriously considering getting a divorce. I've been with him since I was 18, I have no idea who I am because I've never really been on my own. I don't really know if my husband is the problem or if it's just because I'm so confused with everything in my life. Those two problems leave me very confused but unfortunately I have no one to discuss my problems with. I recently moved to a new city and have no friends, everybody I work with is older than me, not that age matters, but I don't find any of them that interesting. To have any fun I have to go back to my old college town so I can be around friends. I am very seriously depressed but I have no one. When I discussed my depression with my husband he just told me to get over it. I wish it was that simple. It does help to know that other people are just as confused as I am. If just one of the above problems (finances, love life, social life) was going good then I would feel so much better, but with every aspect of my life going down the shitter I don't know what to do. Any advice?

[diesel_dude]

My advice is to get out and be active in everything that you enjoy and do everything that you ever wanted to do. I graduated a year ago with my college degree and moved from my home of San Francisco, CA to Detroit, MI. Talk about a culture and life shock!!! Not only did I not know anybody, but all of my friends and family were back in California, and the weather during the winter was depressing and prohibitive. Things got so bad during the winter time that I started drinking rather excessively and I almost quit my job and moved back to California. I decided that something needed to be done and I started by changing my perspective on life. I decided to get out and do everything that made me happy, camping, boating, bicycling, etc. and I even started doing things that I've always wanted to do. As far as your marriage, that's your own preference, but I think that 18 is to young to really start a meaningful relationship (there are exceptions) but generally there is still a lot of growing up to do for both of you and there is a tendency to grow apart. Besides, you haven't truelly exprienced what life has to offer!!

[Anonymous]

<strong>When I discussed my depression with my husband he just told me to get over it</strong><p>
Tell him to fuck off, and leave his sorry ass (at least for a few days). Nobody, NOBODY deserves to be spoken to with such a lack of respect, least of all from their spouse. I suffered from depression myself, and at times one misplaced comment could send me spiralling down. Refuse to be treated like that.<p>
Also, depression is treatable for most people. Its nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes it can be situational, leave the depressing situation - and the depression goes along with it. You have choices. Use them. Simply going with the flow is a choice in itself. Remember to be proactive. Good luck

[Anonymous]

WOW! Your story sounds similar to mine. I am 24,have been married since I was 21,graduated college in may 2ooo,moved to louisville last summer(haven't made much effort to make new friends) and my job only pays 20,000.The last 3 years have been a HUGE transition period for me,but thru it so far I have realized that I must do what is best for me. Not what my parents want (I feel that I have disappointed them since they did pay for my education),not what my husband wants(my new self identity has been slowly emerging since our marriage , but I do have doubts because I LOVE MY FREEDOM )
I have also realized the importance of not comparing myself so much to my friends who have just graduated and are making 35,000++. Now this is really difficult for me, but I have been making some progress. Everyone is in a different situation and for me, my job is fulfilling and could possibly help me in the next stage of my life, therfore I feel that I am comfortable enough for now..and maybe for the next couple of years.

It is such a relief to know that others are facing similar struggles. My crisis began when I was 21 and my husband asked me to marry him. This was such a huge grown up decision and I still felt like a child. After 6 months of panic attacks (from who the hell am I,what am I doing and just where the hell I am going)I learned to adapt to the changes and new responsibilities and move forward. Fast forward to today. I regret nothing. How could I when every decision I have made including my marriage has shaped who I am today and where I am going. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss my past. I miss it often, the partying,social interactions,freedom, but then again who wants to be a 30 year old still partying with college students? I do know a couple people like this and its well...sad.As much as we all like the comfort of some past life stages there is no evolving living there.To survive is to evolve to evolve is to move forward to the next chapter of our life.

Anonymous--I feel your pain and I hope that you find what makes life fulfilling for you in your little niche of the world. If you are miserable,make some changes(as hard as it may be).Hell...I need to make some changes also..some of which are in the process.In the end you make your own happiness, if what you have chosen to do or who you are with is weighting you down, then something somewehere is not in balance.Find balance..I need balance..the world needs balance.

[Anonymous]

I also feel your pain. I am struggling with a new self-identity and outlook on life. I got married when I was 19. What was I thinking? Not that I don't love my husband but I feel as if I have denied myself of my potential by getting married at such an early age. I 23 now and the most confused I have ever been in my life. A HUGE part of me feels so trapped inside and is ready to let loose. I have such a strong desire to be an independent woman and be able to do things on my own. This new prospective I have had has caused a major riff in my marriage. I have such an inability to make a decision about anything. I am constantly in fear of being alone but yet such a huge part of me desires this independence. I am afraid of leaving my marriage b/c I do love my husband and don't want to hurt him. I have also had a history of depression and am concerned that if I am alone I will fall into the dreadful depression again. I just feel as if I have all of these pent up dreams and desires that I can achieve anything I want but I don't know how to go about doing it, and when I think of actually going through with these things it is very frightening. Hope I made some sense here.... Im relieved to learn that I am not the only one going through all of this.

[Anonymous]

I was in a four year relationship with someone up until christmas last year. I loved him dearly but felt exhausted by the sheer effort of keeping our relationship going. He was a loyal and funny guy but we got together when we were eighteen and there was a lot of changes going on in our world after graduation and we were both pretty skint.We both had a lot of searching to do to find out our own directions in life and who we were as individuals. It took six months to make the decision to break up but I am so glad we did. We have remained friends but have had the space to grow as individuals. i strongly believe that if it is meant to be it will be and therefore there is no point forcing something if you are not sure it is what you want.